Get off of OLD!

azureangel35 · 2021-01-13T16:12:11+00:00

Some things I do instead of OLD: blog, journal, work out, care for my dog, participate in zoom meetups for meditation/self development, read, socialize with HVW virtually. Since July I've lived a 90% male free life and it's been downright amazing. I credit this sub for a lot of my mindset shift.

LeighHolloway44 · 2021-01-13T14:30:36+00:00

I’ve attempted OLD a few times. My son goes with his dad more in the summer, so I have the extra time to date. I’ve been single for almost 4 years. Out of the times I’ve attempted to date someone online, I’ve only met ONE GUY that was remotely HV...he lives 2000 miles away, though. We started visiting each other, and whenever I’d go see him in Seattle, he’d plan dates and activities in advance, cook for me, and not let me lift a finger since I traveled to him. It was very nice. We’re still friends. The rest have ALL been “playing the game”. They know exactly how to do it; I just didn’t understand, and I was a Pickmeisha to boot. Every one of them “led me on”. Now I realize it’s more important to be my best self. I don’t want to OLD anymore....in my age group and the big city I live near, it’s been a bunch of guys with issues who know how turn on the charm for sex. Big city narcissists.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-01-13T16:38:49+00:00

This might be controversial but, Maybe a HVM doesn't see women in dating apps as HVW...

fds98 · 2021-01-13T12:12:12+00:00

[deleted]

supremelyparanoid · 2021-01-13T11:22:12+00:00

I think it’s easy to say this but it’s very much a part of our dating world now. It’s totally ok to use OLD but it’s up to you to apply FDS to the way you view it and use it. I’m tired of seeing posts just saying not to use it. Obviously it shouldn’t be the only way you try and meet men.

futuristicallyangry · 2021-01-13T19:39:50+00:00

I absolutely agree. HVM do not have to resort to a dating app to find someone. Where I come from, all the men on OLD openly admitted that they swipe right to every single profile without even looking at it, because they're desperate for a match. They're lonely, desperate people who are looking for someone to be their fwb or casual fling on their terms, or if they want a serious relationship, they will start love bombing and pressurizing the woman. I have literally gotten texts from men at the start of the pandemic last year, in which their desperation to go on a date and find someone to cuff, was terribly high. Men in OLD fake their bios, career, age, height, relationship status easily. It's way better to meet people in networking events or real life situations or circles because it is easier to vet them and you get more data points about someone who is standing right in front of you than someone who is texting "wyd" on a dating app that's not even designed for long term relationships.

honeybeeroll · 2021-01-13T19:04:14+00:00

I agree whole heartedly with your statement, because for me personally it just pissed me off, because it's like looking for something shiny in a pile of garbage, w/ a 99% chance that when you look more closely at that shiny piece, it's also garbage

However I think for the benefit of FDS, there should be a little nuanced discussion about OLD. Some women on here it seems to work for them, and I think as a whole, OLD use should be discouraged unless you have proven that you have the right mindset to deal with it. By which I mean:

1) you know to swipe right very rarely. I think this is the biggest reason why my friends and I who have used it have never gotten explicit messages, there was little opportunity for it (that's just speculation though and I'm not victim blaming, ultimately it's the man's fault for sending a gross message)

2) you are busy enough that you'll rarely use it. Finding myself bored at work and then swiping left 50 times in a row was discouraging and irritating, and lowered my standards

3) you have A LOT of patience. A girl I know who met her bf on there, that was the first thing she said. Idk if they are still together, but they were together at least 5 months, and she was cautious but enjoying the relationship. Another friend of mine also 5 months into a relationship had a loooot of patience. She started using OLD in April maybe and met her current bf in August. He was the only guy she went on a social distancing date with - it was a walk, I think at her request, but he subsequently has paid for like 90% of everything in their relationship, and he is a vast improvement from previous guys. Personally my concern is he's with her simply cuz she's there, but time will tell, and if he's not the one my friend is at least on the right track.

I think you could add more criteria to that list but unless you meet the above, do not use OLD, it just won't be good for your mental health.

Best thing you can do is stop actively looking for a man, accept you may never find a good one, be content with being single, and live your life. Life will either bring you to one, or it won't, and that's okay!

luckyshvara · 2021-01-13T18:28:53+00:00

May we stop shaming women who use OLD? WE KNOW it's not the best way to meet people, but sometimes we don't have any other choice.

I don't believe that OLD is scary place which attracts only LVM, as well as I dont believe there is magical place which attracts only HVM. If you apply FDS guidelines, you are mostly safe regardless.

jayda92 · 2021-01-13T14:49:14+00:00

BS. I found my man there who is the HV'st of HV (check my post history).

If you're in a position where you do not meet suitable men: you have no option but to turn to OLD these days. I understand the hassle, frustration and the wasting of time that comes with dating. But that's from dating. Not specifically online dating.

slythergin23 · 2021-01-13T12:31:54+00:00

i'm on OLD because we're in a full lockdown and will be for another few months, as it seems. no shops are open, i haven't been able to work since october and there's also a curfew. there's literally no other way to meet anyone right now. even if there was, i wouldn't be comfortable getting close to anyone outside my bubble under these circumstances.

so i talk to people online. vetting can still be done. especially when you need to keep it strictly texts and phone calls for quite a while.

climbergal928 · 2021-01-13T17:46:29+00:00

I actually enjoy my OLD experiences. But I also think I'm in a healthy mindset to handle on line dating.

When you have boundaries and standards it's pretty easy to vet fairly quickly. My conversations aren't conversations, they are all techniques to read between the lines. I know you say a guy can curate a good profile and social media to look HV but honestly guys are pretty transparent, I haven't come across any that put that much effort into lying.

I also never engage in conversations about "what I like in a man" it's like giving them a blueprint in how to behave to win me over.

I am still active in my hobbies, I have a career and a graduate degree. I hang out with my family a few times a week and friends at least 2x a week and I still have time to date. I like to be present and in the moment and have fun on the date. If they turn out to be a jerk. Oh well, I'm not going to waste getting bitter about it. Just move on.

Not having sex right away really helps in not being bitter. I also don't want to sound cold hearted but reserving feelings for a while helps too. Are the conversations fun, great. Was the date fun, great. I invest no more feelings than that into dating unless there's is a conversation about exclusivity and I've observed enough behavior to feel I want to go that direction.

I understand about finding men through hobbies but I fully enjoy rock climbing but A) I don't shit where I eat and B) I'm not down with the dirtbag lifestyle in a potential partner.

I like OLD apps because when I'm on the app and swiping I'm consenting to interactions. I hate being hit on IRL because I don't feel like I'm consenting to it. I feel like it's forced upon me.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-01-13T17:39:47+00:00

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I was reluctant to give this advice because I was afraid to get bashed. I'm 100% sure the is no freakin HVM on OLD. Ever.

throwaway111qqq · 2021-01-13T20:48:35+00:00

What are some alternative ways to date? I cant think of any? I am an older women so school is kinda outta the picture.

Fearlessfell · 2021-01-13T17:50:47+00:00

I think if this works for you great. I personally haven’t online dated since March (except once and it sucked) so I feel you but I know for other women, it’s not the same.

To each their own. If some of us HVW are on dating apps, there’s likely some HVM there, albeit a very low percentage. There’s also such a thing as finding the right match for you.

I think what you’re really trying to say is, it’s going to be a waste of some time. I do agree with that. Women on OLD right now need to expend energy and time into vetting properly, that will waste some time on some LVMs. But for some, getting to that HVM will be worth it and you do have to put yourself out there somehow

Title	Get off of OLD!
Author	fds98
Upvotes	143
Comments	58
Date	January 13, 2021 10:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kwe58z/get_off_of_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/get-off-of-old.737697 https://theredarchive.com/post/737697

Comments