How common is this? You should not be needing marriage counseling right after marriage. Society focuses more on the act of being wed/partnered than they do on the quality of the relationship being established. That's why FDS recommends to vet, vet, vet to keep therapy/divorce costs low later on.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-28T17:29:07+00:00

What I can't believe even more is that I'm seeing people who've only been dating for 8 months, 6 months even 3 months, and they're already in relationship therapy. What is this shit? YOU TWO AREN'T COMPATIBLE! LET IT GO!

justforfds · 2021-02-28T20:32:46+00:00

FDS helped me save my friend from manipulation from a NVM who financially and emotionally abused her for years, many times refusing to leave the house she rented when she dumped him.

When she finally forced him out, he harassed and stalked her. He then cried depression and guilt tripped her to attend couples counselling, I asked her not to go and sent her links about why you don't attend with an abuser or when the problem is exclusively theirs. She has ditched that ball and chain now.

med10crity · 2021-03-01T02:16:01+00:00

I wonder if this has something to do with the way that marriage is seen as like, the end goal after which you don't need to try anymore. There's a lot of focus on "getting the girl", as opposed to "constructing and maintaining a healthy & happy relationship with the girl", for which marriage is seen as a milestone but not the final step. If he stops putting effort into the relationship after marriage, couple's therapy ain't gonna do much to alter this mindset.

cantsextihavebills · 2021-02-28T17:31:55+00:00

I think this may be a joke about American culture. Filling out dating profiles and first date questions are like job applications more than getting to know one another organically. Then you have pre-marital counseling and then therapy after, etc.

You're right to vet and observe, though. Most men won't go to therapy anyway... Unless you count an affair as such...

Wildestrose1988 · 2021-02-28T19:09:03+00:00

Honestly I think therapy should be brought into relationships before problems emerge not after. I feel like if you're doing therapy after your relationship has falling apart it's too late. Of course I've never actually been to couples counseling but that's partially because the the social taboo. Most guys are not going to agree to that. Then there's the money issue

goldiebaby · 2021-03-01T18:39:30+00:00

Unpopular opinion: I don't agree with or find value in couples therapy at all. If you are doing CT early on, you are simply incompatible. End it and move on. If you are in CT later in your marriage, it's usually because your spouse has fucked up too much and it's too late. Years of bad behavior/infidelity/abuse can't be undone. Once again, best to split and move on. I don't why people draw out the inevitable painfully.

That said, I do think individual therapy can be useful.

dkwantsdk · 2021-03-02T08:28:47+00:00

The thing about couples therapy is the bulk of the work is not done in the couples part, it's done in the individual counseling. Everyone should be working on their trauma all the time, but a couple shouldn't be needing an expect guide to help them through the forest from the beginning. Individual therapy is preventative medicine, not couples therapy.

_Watercress · 2021-02-28T18:07:07+00:00

One of my male friends recently got divorced. He dated the lady for 6 months before proposing marriage. They were in couples therapy before the proposal. Less than 6months into their relationship!

They got married.

Then promptly got divorced.

Everyone saw that coming. I don't understand why I was the only person questioning if marriage was the right choice here.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-03-01T00:41:49+00:00

TBH a lot of people suck at communication so working on that seems wise. IF both parties fully engage. It should start before the wedding too. Anything else is b.s.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-03-04T16:26:06+00:00

I think it's important to do therapy before marriage/ relationships. after all, the most important relationship one can have is with themselevs.

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