How often do you Queens get approached?

_nylea · 2020-08-20T00:17:33+00:00

I don't believe that any man who approaches me when I'm minding my own business in public is a quality man.

It's just never turned out to be that way. Pre-COVID, I was approached a few times at work (I work in a male-dominated field unfortunately), and by crazies on the street fairly regularly (I live in Boston, what can I say). I also went to concerts and raves quite a bit so that also was conducive to me meeting random men. In fact, my worst relationship began with a man approaching me at a rave, which almost completely destroyed me 🤡

So yeah, I don't believe anything good comes out of being approached by a random man in public who, 99.9999% of the time, is just doing it because he thinks he has a shot of getting laid. I used to equate this phenomenon with my own attractiveness, but in reality I'm quite average and probably unattractive to many, and most men would fuck a hole in the wall. That's the reality of it.

Hahane · 2020-08-19T23:43:46+00:00

Not often, hiding in my room. Yeah, it's sad lol

GlobalDynamicsEureka · 2020-08-20T01:01:43+00:00

I was cold-approached 5 times in one Walmart trip. These were not high quality men. They wouldn't cold-approach. You meet high quality men organically. Men cold-approach you when you're alone and vulnerable.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-08-19T22:24:19+00:00

I don’t go out that often and when I do it’s mostly places with women.

I do get the occasional colleague, personal trainer or man on the street, but it’s probably once a month max. I am told that I look very arrogant, which is not my intention at all 😂 I get less approached when I wear make up, expensive sunglasses and classy clothes, which is almost everyday. When I’m in my yoga pants with no makeup it happens way more. My theory is that they think I will be low maintenance or something?

Most men I dated later told me they didn’t think I would be interested so it took them getting to know me better and ‘establishing some sort of friendship’ before they dared to test the waters.

2020-08-20T00:37:56+00:00

I have realized that being approached by a man irl or online is not going to change my life.

Obviously approaches don’t mean shit. Like seriously examine every message, super like, dm slide, random smile, door held open, random flirting- all the approaches -even the bad ones like catcalls, leering and unwanted attention or pick up lines- multiply that by every woman ever- how many actually up level into a date, or dating and then progress to a relationship???

Oh that’s right...probably 1% or less if I’m generous.

After years of being approached and nothing I signed up for ever beginning from an approach- I realized that I hate being approached. Period. I hate being hit on. If a man must, he may admire me politely from afar- smiles, waves, hellos and even small talk is perfectly fine. But don’t approach me and shoot your shot.

I’m not a target to blast with projected sexual desire. I’m not prey.

Once approaches were no longer efficacious, I quit participating in shit that didn’t serve me that I hated - I stopped rationalizing that more approaches were necessary.

I feel better now.

passionatevirtuoso · 2020-08-20T02:40:02+00:00

I get approached probably one in four events I go to for my hobby. And when I used to have a wider circle of friends, it was at least once a month.

So imagine, pre Covid, when I would go to a hobby event 9-12 times a month... Then having a friend ask me out and losing said friendship, or an acquaintance asking me or and getting sulky.

It was exhausting having to be afraid that rejecting anyone would result in then raging at me (as it had many times) so now I have very very few friends, I keep an asexual vibe via no makeup and androgynous clothes, and I'm much better off for it. I am so much more comfortable with women, too.

Also I kept telling people I don't date people from my hobby. Now it's 'known' (but they were still getting pissed off that I wouldn't make an exception for their amazing selves...!!!)

oldncranky1982 · 2020-08-20T00:28:06+00:00

Never, but I am ugly. Thank goodness.

throwaway631391220 · 2020-08-20T02:33:55+00:00

Not sure I’ve ever met a quality man but men approach me all the time in public. Most often at the grocery store for some reason. I guess because I dress nice and I dont shop at a discount food club kind of grocery store? I wish they’d stop. It’s always much older and very unattractive fat guys. One man was 83!! Told me I was very beautiful- “just like my daughter” BARF!!

Quality men have respect for Women and don’t bother us when we are running errands

venomoth91 · 2020-08-20T04:04:28+00:00

Very rarely. I think it’s because I’m tall and have resting bitch face. I rarely have guys sliding into my DMs on social media either.

sexualfoodpantry · 2020-08-20T06:20:41+00:00

The problem is OLD is like playing the lottery. You could play 3 times and get lucky and you could also play 3000 times and get PTSD for life.

You're better off building a life that requires you to be in mixed company a lot. *When there's not a pandemic going on.

kantarra · 2020-08-19T22:47:47+00:00

Used to be about once a month pre-corona/work from home... but I work in a heavily male dominated industry and do a few male-dominated sports. Also my social life used to be somewhat active. Right now? Hmmm last time someone normal-seeming approached me was in January.

rainbowshummingbird · 2020-08-19T22:29:53+00:00

Not much. I believe it’s, in part, lazy behavior that’s reinforced by the ease online dating and how easy it is to find sex partners online.

wattandmusic · 2020-08-19T23:36:43+00:00

Never

Incredible_Alligator · 2020-08-20T03:59:48+00:00

About once every 12 years.

naturopathicfantasti · 2020-08-20T05:25:06+00:00

This is not a brag, it’s my reality. I work hard to look the way I do, and it’s not for the pleasure of LVM. It doesn’t matter anyway because they would fuck a mc chicken or Thor own ass if they could.

I get cold approached all day, every single day, everywhere I go. The thing is, these men literally see a beautiful woman they’d like to put their dick in, and approach me. It’s not flattering or even personal.

Rich men, homeless men, men pumping gas, tall handsome men, gross ugly men, men working the drive through, 15 year olds, 80 year olds, clients, other women’s husbands. Every single one of them is showing themselves to be low value the second they walk up to me out of nowhere to say some bull shit.

Cold approach turns me off in the absolute worst way. Who the absolute fuck wants to be ran up on in the mall with the ol “I just wanted to tell you you’re so hot, can I call you sometime?” I’ll bet very few fulfilling relationships started that way.

If you got cold approached often, how would it feel? Would it feel like a man felt like you were satisfactory to fuck, and thought he’d at least try? You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take right?! Cause that’s exactly what it is.

I need 3 instances of being around someone platonically before ever considering them in a romantic way. Being attractive is no where enough to make me attracted.

If a man has had time to like something about me other than the fact that he considers me fuckable, we can talk.

Sea_Soil · 2020-08-19T23:11:33+00:00

I get cold approached every time I'm out without my boyfriend but it's always by LVM, the player/PUA types. This used to happen daily when I went out for walks alone. Sometimes up to 3 times on the same walk.

I don't think I've ever been cold approached by a HVM who genuinely saw me as a human being and wanted more than just sex.

That makes sense since the PUA types are approaching solely based on my looks. They are desperate and it's so clear that they're cruising down the street asking every girl they find even remotely attractive for their number. They ask for my number before they even ask for my name LOL.

HVM on the other hand, care about personality and compatibility; they want a HVW. They obviously can't tell if the complete stranger they've been checking out for 10 seconds is high value.

7Cuervos · 2020-08-20T05:15:55+00:00

Approached? 8/10 times.

Approached by anyone I deem worth of my time and energy? 0

PrincessBeefloof · 2020-08-19T23:34:48+00:00

It has only happened to me once.

I was walking through city centre omw to meet my sister and a guy just stopped me out of nowhere and told me I had to get coffee with him.

I was in a relationship at the time so I just kept on walking.

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-20T16:33:40+00:00

I get lots of good-looking guys (often dog walkers) make eye contact and smile at me when I'm out running. But they don't approach me, because they respect the fact that I'm out for a fucking run and not looking to chat.

HVM respect women enough to not bother them when they're obviously busy or running errands. They understand the rules of basic social interactions and also appreciate how vulnerable women feel when complete randos try to force a conversation with them.

ThunderofHipHippos · 2020-08-21T00:09:52+00:00

Approached? Any time I go out in public wearing makeup and a dress.

By high quality men? Dunno, none of them stand a chance.

The vast majority of men compliment me, ask me if I'd go to a meal with them, then politely excuse themselves when I say no thank you. I am definitely the exception to the rule though, as my friends are mainly approached in less gentlemanly ways.

CatSweets · 2020-08-19T22:24:43+00:00

I don't get approached at all. I met my ex-bf on OLD (6 years ago), other men I dated after the break-up were from OLD also. The only time it happened in "real life", a guy from my previous workplace asked me out, but I basically had told him I was interested before, so it doesn't count (and he ended up dumping me soon after).

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-19T22:02:38+00:00

Every time I go for a walk or run or wear it skirt... Even if the gym recently. So annoying.

didumakethetea · 2020-08-20T11:45:23+00:00

Like once every 2 years. I have mega RBF.

Title	How often do you Queens get approached?
Author	peony_25057
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	August 19, 2020 4:39 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/icr66k/how_often_do_you_queens_get_approached/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-often-do-you-queens-get-approached.167670 https://theredarchive.com/post/167670

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