Hi Ladies,

I wanted to start a discussion on some HVM traits you've noticed in the wild. Whether via relatives, colleagues, friends, etc.

I'll start: A man who speaks highly of others, especially when the other person is not around. This is the kind of man who has a positive outlook on life. He believes in himself and others' capabilities. He isn't threatened by others' success, because he understands people are unique and have their own contributions to make. He owns up to his own limitations and uses them as an opportunity to grow. In other words self-aware. For example, I've had a handful of male colleagues, with who I've developed friendships. They speak well of their families, their friends, their own work. They're generally positive and have a "can-do" attitude. They pull their weight in all of their relationships. You can hear stories of them helping out their neighbors, visiting parents, or spending time on enriching hobbies.

He isn't prone to gossip or bad mouth *anyone*. If he does have some disappointment to express, it's in the form of how things could have been done better. Not in a judgemental or condescending way, as if he alone knows what's right for everyone.

In contrast, lvm/nvm love to criticize, judge, blame, guilt, and shame *anyone* they can. Even people they've never even met like celebrities or politicians. He finds fault in everyone. He considers himself a "skeptic", "pessimistic", "an asshole", or worse, "a devil's advocate". His lens on the world is that it is a dark, sad, lonely place and everyone is out for themselves. And so he goes through life on the offensive. Quick to find and point out the fault in others, in order to raise his own esteem.