Is it just me or...

jeanneeebeanneee · 2020-04-24T17:20:07+00:00

In my experience, many men learn to get through life doing the bare minimum to get what they want, and are so LV/low self-esteem that they have no desire to do better than that. It doesn't even occur to them to want more out of life, or to have the shame to care about how scrubby they come off to others by being that way. If they can phone it in at some shit job and have a roof over their heads, a TV/game console, garbage food and alcohol to eat/drink, and a warm hole to stick their dick in, they're happy. This is more common in younger men, but is by no means limited to them.

CSardothien_1 · 2020-04-24T17:48:13+00:00

So this might not be a popular opinion for most but I completely agree that 95% of males are more boring that a doorknob. The first time I started to date women (I’m bi) I was floored by how long our dates lasted because of just simple great conversation alone. Never a dull moment, great music taste, and just overall some of the best dates I’ve ever been on. I brought this up to one of my old professors because they were dealing with a serious sexual misconduct issue at a department they worked for. Apparently a grad student had 5 separate relationships with undergrads in the same department and somehow kept them from finding out about each other. He was an abuser and rapist. My prof asked me one day why women ‘find men like him so attractive and what the appeal could possibly be.’ And honestly I blurted out that he most likely wasn’t boring and could hold interesting convos and was extremely educated and intelligent.’ I’m not blaming those women AT ALL like they were 100% manipulated and lied to in the worst possible ways. But I swear there is a specific type of attraction that comes with a man who isn’t boring, educated, cultured and can hold an interesting conversation without coming on too strong. Idk how many of you have watched the doc on Hulu about Weinstein and the women who were abused, but several of them have stated that Harvey would lure them in by being sophisticated, smart, charming and intelligent before he started acting like a complete disgusting animal towards them. I just find it terrifying that men who are intelligent and not boring use this as a way to lure women into abusive situations. I mean ted bundy was charming as hell and fooled so many women to their deaths. I honestly believe most women need to have mental and emotional stimulation in a relationship to form connections that are lasting, and most men don’t even have the bare minimum to send more than a ‘hey wyd’ text at 1 am. Men are either boring and stupid or highly smart and charming and know it so they manipulate women into abuse. I fear only a sliver of men today are HV with the top qualities...

letsberealforamoment · 2020-04-24T17:36:22+00:00

Yes yes yes. I posted about this before actually.

I call it a "lack of an inner life" . THey don't have interests other than beer, sports and porn. Someone that boring won't have thoughts, dreams, aspirations to share. Or emotional intelligence. Or intellectual pursuits of ANY kind.

throw248348 · 2020-04-24T18:07:41+00:00

I've dated two shitty guys who would talk about their exes all the time.

They didn't have many hobbies, weren't good conversationalists, just boring.

Most of the time I thought their exes seemed way cooler than they were - beautiful, emotionally intelligent women who had multiple hobbies and really enriched lives.

Eventually these women wisened up and left their no good asses, leaving them pining for them remembering how good they had it and sorry for how bad they treated them.

glazedhamster · 2020-04-24T17:28:23+00:00

I agree. I’m in a male friend group because my gay friend introduced me. I call them sometimes on discord and honestly, they’re so so boring. All they do is play video games ALL DAY. They have no other hobbies, the most boring music taste (metallica and imagine dragons, nothing wrong with them but they listen to NOTHING ELSE), no ambition for the future (either they’re planning on working in a grocery store or just don’t know), failing their last year of high school, addicted to weird fetish porn... They sit with each other in silence for hours and even when I try to get a conversation going their replies are so stale. And then they wonder why they can’t get a girlfriend, um, maybe do something with your lives, grow a personality and talk to girls instead of playing games all day, lol.

lonelybones1 · 2020-04-24T17:26:50+00:00

Yep. They all either smoke weed, listen to hiphop, play video games, binge Netflix, watch porn, stuff their faces with instant noodles and other shit "food", say they like hiking, coffee and cuddling. Most of them probably have never picked up a book outside of school. Boring as fuck. I think I'll throw a party if I ever find a guy who doesn't do any of these things. Someone who isn't generic. A guy who takes care of his health, loves animals, has an interesting music taste, intelligent etc.

At this point I wouldn't mind growing old with a few dogs and a few other pets if a HVM doesn't come along. I want to devote my life to helping animals anyways. I'm not losing hope though, I'm only 20. I'm focusing on my education for now. Never using dating apps again. They are horrific, especially bc men see it as a prostitute service and we're all better than that.

lachlensland · 2020-04-24T17:27:54+00:00

there are many boring men, especially on OLD. but at least for me, i seem to meet plenty of men who are passionate, smart, hard working, and interesting. it helps that i go to a relatively good university in a big city. i think it is highly dependent on environment, since my small hometown is definitely lacking compared to my school.

rip-boshke · 2020-04-24T17:36:12+00:00

Seems like a lot of people tbh

GreenTeaPopcorn · 2020-04-24T19:44:19+00:00

I don't know why men are so often like this, but I've noticed a trend in men having only passive hobbies (hobbies that don't produce anything. Like watching series, movies, gaming etc).
Nearly all of the men I've known from my generation only have passive hobbies. And it is boring as heck.
Whilst the women in my life all do something worth while. Like gardening, sewing, knitting, crochet, cooking, painting, fermenting their own vegetables, flower arrangement, home improvement, making home made post cards for special occasions, playing an instrument in an orchestra, etc.
You know, spending your free time in a way where you have something to show for it afterwards.

WestAtmosphere · 2020-04-24T19:50:15+00:00

Yep ... idk why they say women have no hobbies ... when men usually have one or two of the following , weed/alcohol/drugs or all along with either sports (mind you my contact with some of these guys literally its like they don’t know how to have a conversation about anything else), netflix, videogames, porn/camgirls/instastalking .

Now ... I actually don’t mind video games or sports, I would have no problem supporting my partner at these sorts of events and they can be fun if you get into them. Also I like playing games but playing them in moderation so that you can still do other things.

But there’s little to no diversity, some men can’t hold a basic conversation or don’t know how to emote.

Meanwhile most women I know have multiple hobbies that don’t revolve around addiction to substances, or sex.

Personally I’m always looking to grow. If it wasn’t for corona I’d be playing soccer. I like trying out new workouts from home, cooking or finding delicious low cal recipes, I like playing some video games/even watching games in the background, take at least an hour walk everyday to listen to music, podcasts etc, reading, LEARNING - even if it’s not school based learning I like to find out about random things. I’m looking to further expand my hobbies I’d like to try a new sport once quarantine lift, perhaps knitting or stitching, maybe even basic painting.

Ofc I have days where I don’t want to do anything but sit and be a blob-that shouldn’t be everyday though.

But I’m really proud of myself since quarantine I’m down a few lbs and about to break into the 120s for the first time in yeaaaaaars. 😎

Imatworkmotherfucker · 2020-04-24T19:18:07+00:00

When I had my first date with my now husband, we just talked for 5 straight hours over beers and mac n cheese. At the end of the night he asked if he could kiss me goodbye. The good men are out there, just harder to find.

2020-04-24T17:33:41+00:00

All they do is game, club, drinks and sleep. I'm bored of these men.

ontherailstoday · 2020-04-24T19:22:14+00:00

Garfunkel and Oates got it right. NSFW due to swearing.

https://youtu.be/Yh-0dFvTyI8

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-04-24T19:24:57+00:00

It's not just you.

Most of them, yes, but as some other people on here have said already, there are some locations where you can find interesting ones.

Lovelywings2 · 2020-04-24T18:52:13+00:00

The vast majority of single men out there are inappropriate matches for me. It's my responsibility to weed most men out until I find the one who is as intellectually and emotionally intelligent as me. A lot of men online lack emotional intelligence and it shows in their "hey cutie", "how are you?" "I'm from texas, u?" basic ass messages.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-04-24T19:37:20+00:00

100 times Yes. The few HVM’s I’ve encountered make me miss them, the differences they had from the LVMs were: 1. Would have knowledge on current events, not just opinions 2. Would take an interest in things I do and learn with me, instead of just playing video games in the same room and ignoring me 3. Would take me to eat at new places instead of eating at the same boring places all the time 4. Knew a different language and encouraged me in learning a new one as well, instead of looking down on me for it 5. Bonded over a love for Prince and Huey Lewis and the News, instead of a guy playing his favorite Simple Plan songs from middle school 6. Genuinely wanted to hang out instead of hitting me up for sex 7. Could talk to me about medical issues and had a working knowledge of stds and birth control instead of some guy not knowing what placebo pills are 8. Would help me with my big projects he had no clue how to research vs. a guy who would assume I’m dumb because he can’t understand how to work the problem either 9. Knew my food order and got food as a surprise instead vs. arguing with a guy who says women never know what food they want- (I got it, you just always want steak or sushi) 10. Read books vs. not just Harry Potter and some old YA fiction 11. Would go into the pharmacy to pick up my bc so I wouldn’t have to vs. making me stand in line to get it (no problem) 12. Would go shopping with me and try on things I picked for him vs. someone who won’t and is ready to go after 10 min of entering a mall 13. Never said a word for the week I let my leg hair grow out vs. a dude who would want me to wax my face 14. Never assumed anything when I was upset and would hold me and apologize vs. a guy who blamed me for getting ‘mad’ at him when I was upset about something

BongSlurper · 2020-04-24T19:41:31+00:00

One can only handle so many “wyd”’s before they move on haha

Lattika · 2020-04-24T19:57:16+00:00

Many of them aren't. Word of advice: keep away from stoners, unless you are one, or you are going to be dealing with a lot of guys who boast at length about their job, hobbies, and achievements, but never actually do anything other than sit on their ass, eat junk food, and play videogames.

Buuut, sometimes, just sometimes, they don't want to scare a girl off so they try to be as plain vanilla as possible. Revealing something significant about yourself in the first convo/date without seeming like an overinvested creep is an artform. And guys haven't quite mastered it tbqh.

subtlecuttlefish · 2020-04-24T17:49:58+00:00

Not my experience at all. I work in a male dominated field and train with a lot of guys through one of the sports I do, the majority of them have a lot going on. Maybe you're looking in the wrong place sis?

datdashdoe · 2020-04-24T16:52:53+00:00

Yes ma'am. 100%. I have learnt to stop expecting so much from them - it seems like most aren't interested in bettering themselves and think they're hot shit by simply existing.

ndftba · 2020-04-24T18:57:56+00:00

Omg yes. I've known a guy who was soo obsessed with Marvel/DC movies who read a lot about the characters and was obsessed with reading the comics as well. The guy was like 35 years old and still obsessed with super hero movies and action figures. I tried to follow his league just to find some topics to talk about since he's "not really into reading". God, 6 months gone to waste talking to this guy.

kittilicious · 2020-04-24T18:59:09+00:00

Yes, it really sucks. At this point I pretty much ignore men who don’t have any interests outside of playing video games. I play video games and enjoy them too, but it astounds me that some of them spend 12 hours a day playing video games without getting bored. Like.. really? There’s more to life than just video games.

I’ve had my fair share of experience of nerdy/geeky guys and they all think they’re less boring and more interesting than everyone else. LVM will spend thousands on expensive card games and video games, and invest hours and hours into these things and think it’s normal.

IrateBraceFace · 2020-04-24T19:54:20+00:00

So many men who think liking Vidja and Marvel movies is enough to form a personality...

moon-bun1212 · 2020-04-24T19:57:11+00:00

You are not alone... I'm 23 and men my age have all these goals and dreams, but take no effort to achieve it, have mommy/daddy issues, complains about living with their parents and not having the basics (job, car, home/apartment), watch porn 3-7 days a week, has shitty diet and smoke everyday... Honestly dating should be the last thing on their minds if they don't have the basics/common sense to care for themselves!

neopets_billionaire · 2020-04-24T16:53:59+00:00

[removed]

danceinrain33 · 2020-04-24T19:37:22+00:00

I have been doing a lot of self reflection and analyzing lately.

And I can honestly say no to this list of questions.

Absolutely none of these words can be used to describe the men that I speak with.

Try mixing it up! Be open to speak with people you don’t normally speak with. The only way to do this is to be open and honest with yourself and them.

I have met new people lately who constantly surprise me and make me smile. Different from the men of my past. Because I was open to meeting now and different people from my norm. Be open. Willing to learn.

Title	Is it just me or...
Author	neopets_billionaire
Upvotes	283
Comments	40
Date	April 24, 2020 4:36 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g7blr6/is_it_just_me_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-just-me-or.677655 https://theredarchive.com/post/677655

Comments