I took myself for an afternoon of maintenance (mani, pedi, new work clothes for spring) and while sitting at lunch I made the following list:

Hair: - Brazilian Blowout and Balayage highlights: every 3 months ($450) - Blue shampoo and conditioner to maintain the highlights ($40 every 3 months or so) - Various other styling products ($$$?) - Actual hairstyling: 2+ hours to wash, dry and flat iron this thick ass ethnic hair (time = invaluable)

Face Routine: - Retin A prescription: about $60/ year -Latisse prescription $110/month - A laundry list of high quality skin care products including Alpha Hydroxy Acid, Hyaluronic Acid, Salicylic Acid, Kojic Acid, all the acids ( God, who knows? Hundreds of dollars/year) . - Makeup including eyelash extensions ( also hundreds each year).

Body: - Quality perfumes ($300/year maybe less since they last a while ) - Dry brush/body scrub/glycolic acid routine for my ingrown prone, strawberry legs ( time= invaluable ) - Shaving my thick ass ethnic body hair : Razors $25 package lasts a month or 2 depending on the season - Acrylic manicure fill biweekly : $80/ month - Pedicure: $40/month - Laser hair removal (various locations. $2000 total since 2015)

Now, a lot of this has nothing to do with men or the male gaze. I do most of it because I like it and because part of my personal FDS level up strategy was to look on the outside the way I feel on the inside (high value). But honestly, if I woke up tomorrow and society said “guess what, you’re not expected to look like a dewy-smooth, pore-less, bump-free, hairless baby dolphin anymore!” I’d be 100% here for it. Because it’s a lot of money and a lot of time and a lot of effort. Even men who take pride in their hygiene and appearance will NEVER feel compelled to do this much. Society ENCOURAGES them to be “rugged” “scruffy” and “dad bodied.”

Here’s where I’m going with this: When dating, think of the time and the resources you spent just to come out of the house on this date vs what he did. I guarantee that in 100% of cases you’ve already paid more than him and invested way more time than he has. As long as there’s patriarchy, 50/50 is a scam. My toner cost more than this fettuccini alfredo, sir - pay for the damn dinner. Not because I’m an entitled princess but because its literally the least you could do.