Pickmes are dangerous because, just like men, they know, but they don’t care.

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thinktwiceorelse · 2021-04-12T20:29:13+00:00

I knew a woman who confirmed that she doesn't care if they take an advantage of her, she just likes how it feels when they pay attention to her. She didn't care if they give her fake compliments, then laugh behind her back, as long as she's given a compliment, that's all she cares about. That discussion was an eye-opening experience, because I thought everyone hates fake compliments and fake people.

sleepykittn · 2021-04-12T20:27:23+00:00

Mens actions are based on mens approval for status, pickmes actions are based on male approval because they wont believe hvm exist and choose scrotes no matter how many times theyre left.

When men and women stop behaving for male approval, they sparkle, they win, theyre free.

It should be obvious, but when we actually just live how we want, were happy. Theres no scam, its not a trap, its the opposite. You can only gain from authenticity, whoever is left behind werent good for you.

AnniaT · 2021-04-12T20:29:28+00:00

I was a major pick me several years ago. It took me lots of internal work (and still does), not to revert to old patterns and keep on reprograming myself. But what makes me feel the worst is that me being a pick me at the time facilitated and condoned men being shitty, making them possible to continue being awful to other women.

Greendreem · 2021-04-12T19:56:40+00:00

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Greendreem · 2021-04-12T19:39:31+00:00

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Greendreem · 2021-04-12T21:44:03+00:00

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Velveteen_Woman · 2021-04-13T05:40:36+00:00

This was my mother.

She had no problem using me to get a man's attention when I was a kid. She taught me the only thing that mattered was my looks and a man's approval. It led me to being molested by her boyfriends then her blaming me for trying to "steal" her boyfriends.

I ran away at a young age. Had a string of abusive relationships. The last man almost killed me. Besides my mother, I had a number of "friends" in my life who fed into my need for male acceptance because they did too. I had (female) teachers who didn't believe me and wouldn't help me when I reported being assaulted at school and told me that "(I) probably liked the attention."

This is why I'm always a little hesitant and twitchy about "sisterhood" and "lifting each other up" speak. That just hasn't been my experience with other women. I think the sentiment of fighting for all women--even the pickmes--that FDS preaches is lovely in theory but so hard (for me) in practice because I've been betrayed and let down by so many in my life. I feel so jaded and disgusted at this point.

I'm trying though! I get a lot from this sub and really appreciate all the HVW willing to share their experiences and advice. I'm inspired by the intelligent viewpoints on so many issues.

Greendreem · 2021-04-12T17:43:00+00:00

I had to make this post after watching the first three episodes of The Vow on HBO Max. It’s about Nxivm, the sex cult led by Keith Raniere with his perfect pickme confidant, Allison Mack. That woman is the textbook definition of pickme, next in line to heir the throne of Gishlaine Maxwell. It’s alleged that she came up with the idea of branding the women who joined the cult. She would even go as far as declaring her love for Raniere, calling him her “master”. Truly horrific.

cinequefoils · 2021-04-13T03:54:23+00:00

I had a super extra pickme friend who was treated with distain by the women of our larger friend group and she confided in me at one point that she had no close female friends and hadn’t for years and it made her really unhappy. I thought that she was misunderstood and being judged for her perceived behavior from 8 years before when she met all these people.

Well, turns out she really is the pickle supreme. the pickme Queen. I saw it ramping up over several months, after I had spend the summer supporting her during a deep depression to the point where I would go to her house after work every Monday and knock on her bedroom door (shared house) to make sure she was alive and I would clean her room if she was living in a nest. I needed support back but never asked...then when I thought she was doing better I thought she would be able to handle our relationship being equal again and...nope! But she had time to go on dates of course. Some days she wouldn’t even answer the door despite being home but would tell me about dates she’d gone on or she would decline hanging out because of anxiety but then I’d see her doing stuff with male friends who all have crushes on her and validate her constantly.

We went on this huge camping trip with our larger friend group and I thought it was the perfect opportunity for us to re-connect and get back to our friendship now that she was mentally stable again...and again nope! She spent every day running after a different guy and the last day she left me alone to hook up with her third guy of the weekend, in the middle of the desert, at 5am, next to a dying fire. I cried the entire walk back to my tent, realizing that our friendship meant nothing when it came to her need to be validated by men.

I spoke to her two times during covid, both in March 2020 just to ask her quick questions. I haven’t spoken to her otherwise. She’s never reached out. I saw her during a bike ride on Halloween, she didn’t even say hi.

I can’t even give pickmes pity because they treat their friends so horribly. I shortened this and left out A LOT but when I tell you the things I did for this girl and how often I defended her against other people who would say the most disgusting things about her...she doesn’t even know if I’m alive. She doesn’t even know that I moved 3000 miles away from my old city in December. Someone I thought was my best friend for life is a stranger a year later because I realized she will always pick men over me. I am better off without a friend like that, I know that now. I can not be friends with women who are still battling internalized misogyny that hard at our age. HV women and those striving towards it only!

Edit: I just realized I wrote a novel 😅 whew I just needed to get this story out to women who would understand I guess

millennialpink2000 · 2021-04-12T19:38:39+00:00

Yes to this message. I feel so much better after ditching my pick-me friends of 10+ years because it's just not worth it. They will ALWAYS choose a guy over you, give you horrible advice and try to keep your life as shitty as theirs.

Don't wait as long as I did to dump them, you'll be waaaay better for it

level_up_always · 2021-04-13T00:09:28+00:00

pickmes and liberal feminists are worse than the men that uphold the patriarchy because they know what it feels like yet still continue on. they also follow the crabs in the bucket mentality and encourage other women to keep the bar low. and just because many of us here are former pickmes doesn't mean they still aren't the problem they need to wake up but many don't because they like the benefits that come with being a handmaiden. even if they're brainwashed into it just because it's not someone's fault doesn't make it their responsibility.

low key sick of the seeing the pickmes be defended because they dIdNt kNoW. ok sure and i would never give anyone crap for being a former pickme me but pickmes in their current form are evil whether they know it or not (i think most don't realize the full extent at least) and i stand by that. again - they stay because they like the benefits. people follow the positive drive principle. giving them an out and this mentality that they are like children and just dOnT kNoW better is misogynistic in and of itself. yes we are influenced but we have autonomy and make our own decisions and need to take responsibility at a certain point.

thehappiestelephant · 2021-04-12T19:36:40+00:00

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Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-04-13T05:46:40+00:00

I agree. I have stories and stories and stories. In a few situations, my life and the safety of others around me were put in danger by PickMes. I now give no quarter and take no prisoners.

BasieSkanks · 2021-04-13T11:08:22+00:00

I think there is a difference between pickmes who just do not know any better and have fallen victim to years of conditioning and pickmes who do know better but just don't care (e.g sex workers). The latter group are the ones who continue to perpetuate harmful aspects of the patriarchy in the name of empowerment, with scant regard for the negative repercussions for women as a class. The former can be redeemed if they are willing to do the work to unlearn all the conditioning and lies they have been told about men.

Title	Pickmes are dangerous because, just like men, they know, but they don’t care.
Author	Greendreem
Upvotes	428
Comments	37
Date	April 12, 2021 5:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mpig73/pickmes_are_dangerous_because_just_like_men_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/pickmes-are-dangerous-because-just-like-men-they.1188763 https://theredarchive.com/post/1188763

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