I was talking to a friend and I realized how unlikely I am to find someone who fits my requirements.

I have many preferences for who I'd want to date, but below are 4 basic deal breakers. I do some sloppy math and then determine that about 1% of men fit the requirement I want.

  • Religious requirement.

I am an atheist, and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't identify as an atheist. I know some people think that agnostic is similar, but my experience with agnostics is either that they don't care about the question or they are afraid of admitting they're atheists - at least religious people (while I don't agree with them) are firm about their beliefs. I have friends of all religions, but I don't want the most intimate relationship I have to disagree on something so big with me.

  • Political requirement.

I want someone who is on the left. I'm further to the left than most. I could not understand someone who didn't believe in things like abortion rights, or, someone who thought weed should be illegal. Or, someone who was anti gay rights. Or frankly, I couldn't understand someone who to some extent, didn't care about poor people - I believe the minimum wage should be higher and I support workers rights... I couldn't relate to someone who didn't agree with me on these things, we would be too different. We don't have to agree on everything, but I find these things rather basic as far as exploring political opinions. I have friends of all political views, but I don't want the most intimate relationship I have to disagree on something so big with me.

  • Childfree

I do not want kids and it's not something I can compromise on. I would never even accept a date from a man with children; it is my biggest deal breaker, I wouldn't even date someone who was open to having kids in case they were just being coy about actually wanting them. While it's not a deal breaker, I would prefer a man who was willing to get a vasectomy because it would demonstrate that he was committed to the lifestyle that I also want as far as children go, and sterilization is easier for men.

  • Fitness.

I have a great body. And I am a visual creature. All of the guys I've dated have been jacked and went to the gym several times a week, except for the guy who swam competitively and was already lean/muscular as a result. Maybe some people think it's shallow, but I want someone I'm actually attracted to. At the very least, be a healthy weight, but my preference is someone with an active lifestyle like me.

These are my absolute deal breakers. I wouldn't even consider someone who deviated from them.

So then, I decided to break it down today over my morning coffee.

I am Canadian and I googled stats that were based on my country when I could.

What do the stats say?

  • Atheist.

"About three-in-ten Canadians say they are either atheist (8%), agnostic (5%) or “nothing in particular” (16%)."

To be honest, I only really want other atheists. I don't want to compromise on that. 8% if we're being strict, and 29% we're being generous.

  • Left Leaning.

For Canadian politics, I am NDP but I have voted liberal occasionally. NDP is left of liberal. For American context, in 2016 I would have voted for Bernie Sanders. I'd prefer someone NDP but I can see someone voting liberal. A joke here is that NDPs are just liberals in a hurry. I think it's fair to say that about half the country is left leaning. So we'll be generous here and say the number is exactly 50% (sometimes the conservative party does win, so I think it's fair to say that 50% of people lean right some of the time).

  • Childfree.

Most polls done on voluntarily childlessness are targeted at women. Depending on the polls, men around the world who don't want kids range from 5-20%. About 60% of men over 18 do have kids, so they are an automatic no, but I also don't want to be in a relationship where he wants kids and I don't. So we'll say 5% if we're strict, and 20% if we're generous.

  • Fitness

There's no measurements online for guys with six packs or thick arms. There are stats on BMI, and it's atrocious.

"Public Health of Canada has reported that in 2017, 64% of Canadians over the age of 18 are overweight or obese"

Only 35% of men are not overweight or obese in Canada. This is like the softest requirement - I'm just asking for someone who isn't fat! I haven't even gotten to the part where I want someone muscular, and I already have to exclude two thirds of all of them in the country.

Sloppy Math for strict scenario

So, let's do some sloppy math. Realistically, some of these requirements are corelated with each other, or even inversely corelated. But I'm not a statistician and I don't have access to the info that would make this more accurate. So we're just going to basic math and see what percentage of these things overlap with each other without regard for how they may corelate with each other.

Using strict numbers:

  • 8% of men are atheists. Half of men are left leaning. 50% of 8% is 4%. Only 4% of men are both atheist and left leaning.
  • 4% of men are (atheist+left leaning). 5% of men don't want kids. 5% of 4% is 0.2%. Only 0.2% of men are (atheist+left leaning) and don't want kids.
  • 0.2% of men are atheist+left leaning+childfree. Only 36% of men in Canada are not fat. 36% of 0.2% is 0.072%.

So, using the strictest/simplest of sloppy math, 0.072% of men fit 4 requirements.

Being generous about the numbers.

Assume I actually consider non-religious men instead of strictly atheists. That broadens my numbers from 8% atheists to 29% non-religious. Quite a difference. And say, assume that 20% of men do not want kids, as opposed 5%. Again, quite a difference. Let's repeat the same sloppy math but with numbers that broaden my dating pool.

  • 29% of men are non-religious. 50% of men are left leaning. 50% of 29% is 14.5%.
  • 14.5% of men are non-religious and left leaning. 20% of men prefer not to have kids. 20% of 14.5% is 2.9%.
  • 2.9% of men are non-religious and left leaning and prefer not to have kids. Only 36% of men in Canada are not fat. 36% of 2.9% is 1.044%

Even in the best case scenario where I give a generous interpretation to what I will accept as to fitting my standards, only 1% of men fit the descriptions I want.

What I really want is a man who identifies as an atheist, is positive about not want kids, is muscular, and agrees with me on key political issues and sides on the left. But I can't filter for men who are muscular with these statistics - granted, I also can't account for some overlap - for example, men who are not religious, are less likely to want kids. That increases the odds that more men who fit my description exist.

But these are only 4 fucking requirements!!

There are still LOADS MORE THAT I CAN'T GOOGLE BASIC STATS of.

  • Is he a gentleman?

  • Is he basically kind?

  • Is he funny, does he make me laugh?

  • Does he care about making me happy?

  • Is my life better with him in it?

  • Is he cool with me having 2+ dogs at all times? Absolute deal breaker if no.

  • Do we share the same views on marriage?

  • Is he an adult who can take care of himself?

  • Is he attractive? Is he smart?

  • Does he make a certain amount of money? (preferably, more than I do)

  • Is he educated? Not a requirement, but definitely a strong preference.

  • Is he tall? Again, not a requirement - I'm short and I've been happy dating short guys, but I won't pretend for a second that taller men aren't more desirable to me even if I don't have a strict minimum requirement.

And then, after all of these considerations, how likely is it that he will be attracted to me, and that I will fit the requirements that he's looking for in a woman?

Realistically I'd have to meet thousands to even find someone who fit the 4 basic requirements.

And here's a personal requirement for myself:

I don't like dating apps, so I won't ever even be able to instantaneously apply these filters across thousands of men looking for a relationship.

So...

I think I'm just done with men... I don't think putting the time into making myself attractive, or to appear available. Like, once I really took a look at my standards and internalized that I can't compromise on them, and then googled how likely I am to find someone who meets those requirements, dating just seems impossssssssible.

I think I'm truly going to throw in the towel and declare that I'll be single forever. I think from this point forward I just have to live with the reality that time spent on men or dating is just time that's wasted - it's not likely to work in my favour, so why bother putting in the effort?