The bar is so low on advice subs

catspajats · 2020-05-11T18:23:04+00:00

When it’s not people recommending communication or reviewing five love languages, it’s thinly veiled misogyny in the form of the woman “clearly overreacting” (see Am I The Asshole - some of the comments on that -husband eating cookies that wife made for a friends bday- post had me fuming... then again I sometimes go to controversial to remind myself what kind of men to avoid).

finalbosskitten · 2020-05-11T19:08:11+00:00

Yeah I do. I think AITA is doing it better because it basically forces people to actually find an asshole in the situation because otherwise Redditors tend to force themselves to be egalitarian and not label things or look for negatives. There's apologists but usually the majority say what's right.

Elsewhere? People seem to live in this bizarre bubble where glaring incompatibilities should be worked through while seemingly supporting the idea of "true love." The reality is that we've just all been wandering the labyrinth that is trying to untangle the sheer fuckedness of the modern relationship without wanting to actually realize the truth of the matter. The boundaries are actually clear but no one gets out of it because they are delusioned to believe that ambiguity is reality.

It all is very frustrating to me. People have lead this revolt against shit like "materialism" - like what's associated with special days - and in the process also want to belittle the meanings of certain days...and they don't seem to realize that the point of going against materialism is to create our own meanings and special moments...and this takes EFFORT.

What happens, though? A bunch of people be lazy and slip further into that nihilistic abyss because it turns out people need that structure to keep on creating meaning in the long-term. This is why we have such epidemics in terms of guys turning into callous assholes or women trying desperately to hang onto their standards while Pickmes dress in their cheerleading bikinis for people to just dive into "not giving a shit" while not realizing they're basically signing up the next generations of children to being neglected.

Human community and life is so strongly based around traditions and rituals and we've reaced a point in society where people are beginning to forget that humanity is what it does. I really am scared about what the future holds.

savagecarebear2 · 2020-05-11T19:34:19+00:00

Yeah, I stopped posting there when I got harassed for telling a girl there was nothing wrong with her for not wanting to hookup and she shouldn’t feel bad about it. Imagine getting called a Clown for telling women they have bodily autonomy... Scrotes are mad the secret is getting out I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️

Hennyyenni · 2020-05-11T19:45:12+00:00

I saw on the r/sex sub where she saw her boyfriend watching gay porn and instead of giving her decent advice and being more empathetic towards OP everyone just screamed at her how horrible she was for not being 100 percent totally accepting of her boyfriend watching gay porn 🙄. Like what the fuck?

Also another post where a 30 year old woman was upset and concerned that her boyfriend only watched barely legal porn and wasn’t having sex with her. The comments: comunikacion!!!!! Also just because he’s only watching teen porn and not having sex with you doesn’t mean he doesn’t wuv you!!! Blah blah blah the only good comment was something like “you should just leave him, he can stay alone forever with his porn and his left hand, and you can find who makes you happy” and of course it’s at the bottom 😂

TradcatAlice · 2020-05-11T19:59:56+00:00

I broke up with my highschool sweetheart because he forgot my birthday.

It boggles my mind how some put up with this for several years!!

We deserve better!!!

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-05-11T18:56:50+00:00

I see how male centric everything that’s shitty is and how it entitles men to awful destructive behavior and that it’s baked in all of this type of advice.

There’s never rational analysis of men’s behavior. No questions about his motivation or beliefs or actions or what his immediate and long term plan was by acting out. It’s just men and how they are so therefore all this advice is basically more work assigned to the women.

honeybeeroll · 2020-05-11T21:09:17+00:00

Uggggh same girl, I had to unfollow the dating one bc it was the worst. You do get a good number of people on the relationships one who have their head on fairly straight, but still plenty of idiots or trolls.

And the "he forgot my bday" ones are always where you see the most idiots imo. With that love language bs! I never heard of that crap until I started hanging out on reddit. Even worse than that are the "some people just aren't good at gifts" responses. I literally replied to one recently like no, it's called being lazy.

Some suggest telling the SO what you want, somehow not understanding that this completely defeats the purpose, and also men still don't listen when you do that. A while back a woman literally showed her bf "I like this necklace" and what does he do? Buys her a necklace with a gemstone that has ties to her traumatic childhood (which he knows about) and then orders a pizza for her bday meal WHILE SHE IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT. I think he played video games all day on her bday too. So yeah. Not bad at gifts, just lazy and knows he doesn't have to do shit for his gf bc she will impose no consequences.

rinabean · 2020-05-11T21:27:17+00:00

I've been banned from some of them lmao. They are awful. Not good for our blood pressure I'm sure. The rule is if you're a woman you need to stop being so hysterical and suck his dick. If you're a man, remind her that she's a woman and she needs to stop being so hysterical and suck your dick. That's the "communication" they're on about. 'Cause it cannot seriously be "tell him this" when every post says "I have told him this 3 dozen times but I don't know maybe I need to put it on a presentation whilst I suck his dick... do you think that will work... don't tell me to leave him I loooove him :(" You are so right about the love language bullshit too.

This sub is so powerful. I'm so glad it exists. The mods are amazing

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-05-11T19:23:51+00:00

That is why I like hanging out here

2020-05-11T20:08:41+00:00

Yup. I had to leave those subs. I didn't want to internalize the low standards.

SpamNEggsDeuce · 2020-05-11T21:34:45+00:00

Girl preach. I had this exact same thought yesterday.

nutshit · 2020-05-11T19:27:27+00:00

I don’t like them. Like they physically hurt to read and hurts me even more they don’t want to leave. Just let people learn I guess

Pulled_An_LBJ · 2020-05-11T20:38:02+00:00

Yah, it's like what, is his love language poorly executed ESP? He's just thinking of cleaning? Actually, scratch that, he's probably not. Oh, but maybe his love language is being a warm ball of flesh that occasionally speaks, that must be it and will be added to the next edition of the 5 love languages. Can I also say how sick I am of hearing people talk about that book as advice.

Loonelle · 2020-05-12T03:23:13+00:00

There was a post where a woman got pregnant despite being on BC and her BF asked for a paternity test. She was getting an abortion regardless. She broke up with him and got her abortion. Many people called her an asshole for breaking things off when her bf accused her of cheating. Reddit is too male identified. Not to mention, the poor girl was raised in an abusive religious home and it took her years to have sex with him. It is insane the amount of male pandering on Reddit.

TsunderePeopleRules · 2020-05-11T22:52:33+00:00

I don't think that the error here is when they say "communicate". It's just... you can't communicate if the other person doesn't listen

You can't fix something when the other person doesn't show interest in fixing things either

I also agree with what you say about the bar being low. Not only on what women should tolerate, also with everyone expecting that they should we the one fixing every problem in the relationship

If every time they fight the man says 'ok, will fix this because you are important to me' (or any of them) if they don't act selfish, if they care for your needs and desires. If they show respect.
If they make an effort to change, or at least try.

ImPiqued1111111 · 2020-05-12T02:42:11+00:00

There's a lot of "I'm upset he did nothing for me on Mother's Day but he did stuff for MIL and he said Mother's Day is only about doing things for your own mother and i ExPlAiNeD tO hIm that I'm a mother now too and he should do something for me too but he disagreed."

Good lord.

zzzelot · 2020-05-12T03:00:33+00:00

Omg yes. Commented on this one advice post where the girl basically described getting date raped by her boss (they partied, they had sex, but she has no memory of the night). OP and other commenters were very pissed when I pointed out how dangerous that situation sounded.

Although this can be disheartening, it's a good reminder that not everyone is ready to look at the harsh reality. And that is okay, because I can go back to playing with my digimon.

libramo0n · 2020-05-12T04:49:36+00:00

“Oh his love language is just masterbation, watching excessive porn and expecting you to pick up his socks!!!! Meanwhile, your love language of “quality time” is asking WAY TOO MUCH LADY JEEZE.”

_sad_girl_ · 2020-05-12T05:02:24+00:00

I saw one infuriating post where a woman’s boyfriend who she lived with for 4 years was hardly showing her any attention. She said he would come home from work, play with the cat, go into another room and “play video games” for 30 mins, then finally go acknowledge her and ask her how her day was for 2 minutes then go straight back into the other room. She said he would spend 3:30-8 pm playing video games with his friends in another room and only spend 1 hour with her watching a movie, AND he’d be on his phone the whole time! She does most of the groceries, cooking, and cleaning and said she has to pull him from his video for him to do anything. The comments? “He’s entitled to his space, but try planning date nights where you have each other’s undivided attention for 1 hour a week” and “you’re probably feeling this way because of the lockdown and you’re not getting social interaction with anyone else” and “he’s doing his thing and that’s valid”. She also kept saying she felt bad for wanting attention from her bf and that she might be being unreasonable.

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