The date bait and switch

miasmicivyphsyc · 2021-02-28T13:55:59+00:00

Worst case scenario Sis, you were his back up date. And now that he’s free he’s thinking that he might get some cheap meal, cheap company, or cheap sex out of you. If a man treats you like a secondhand thought, it’s because he does not care. And at the very least you should care about yourself enough that you don’t settle for guys who treat you like something to be brushed aside. You are a queen sis, you deserve better then a half assed sushi date. It’s more than just the money, before any libs accuse me of being a Golddigger, it’s about effort as well.

supremelyparanoid · 2021-02-28T14:45:49+00:00

> If I asked someone out to dinner and drinks I would feel embarrassed ...

Men are constantly embarrassing themselves without realising it . They have low self awareness and emotional IQ

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-02-28T13:24:25+00:00

It's likely because his interest has waned so he purposely wasn't free for "dinner" but surprise surprise, can squeeze you in for coffee. Gotta try on the off chance you'll fuck anyway! 🙃

circescircus · 2021-02-28T14:04:53+00:00

🚨 🚨 🚨

One time, a guy on an app asked me out on a dinner date, in the summer, 6pm, a place with outdoor seating with a mountain view. He slid into my Google voice # with "Hey do you want to watch a movie? I put up Indiana Jones posters in my movie room. I'm going to make spaghetti and meatballs". He sent me photos of his movie room, like that was gonna entice me to come over somehow. His movie room had blue-green teal walls, like the color of the walls in old mental asylums. And he had walls full of posters... like Star Wars and Indiana Jones posters... and I think bean bag chairs. The guy was 32-35 or so, I forgot. I swear to god I'm not making this shit up/not exaggerating.

I immediately blocked him without a response, he then proceeded to stalk me online (he had only my first name), and somehow managed to find my FB-- a FB where I don't have any public posts, or photos of myself, I used an abstract picture as my profile photo. He sent me FB messages asking why did I block him, what did he do wrong, that he's sorry if he offended me... wrote like 2 paragraphs. I got really freaked out. My FB was already private, but apparently not private enough? I didn't realize that I was still searchable, that my location was public, that any random person could send me a message. I put my social media on complete lock down after that. Also deleted the app and never went back on it after that.

mijnomon · 2021-02-28T13:25:57+00:00

I would be angry at someone switching places/plans before we meet, I never meet anyone who change their mind (especially if they aren’t working in A&E/Medical/24-7 duty). It’s not fair to you and there is no integrity with that person who “invited” you for a date. Drop him sis. Unless he has a perfectly good reason to why he changed the plan, don’t bother with him. I absolutely hate it when guys expect me to be readily available whenever they wanna meet up. It only shows they’re absolutely inconsiderate of your time and they just want a arm candy for the evening. Not worth a second of your time.

edit: words

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-02-28T15:32:15+00:00

He probably doesn’t even want to have coffee. That’s just a nicety, he’d rather have a woman show up to his door, hook up, then leave.

ScrotRs · 2021-02-28T13:21:59+00:00

Me a few years ago was so naive, I would have been like what’s wrong with coffee/walk dates, I LOVE coffee 🥰! Barf. 🤮

Now I see this as an insult. These are the same men who swipe on women endlessly for arousal. They want variety and to hit it quick instead of investing in any one woman they really like.

I would never speak with a man who asks me out for coffee again. Block, delete.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-02-28T18:18:52+00:00

Looks like a red pill/PUA tactic. Sounds like a broke ass dusty trying to protect the gold that he doesn't have. We have to render coffee and walking dates as widely socially unacceptable.

supremelyparanoid · 2021-02-28T14:24:31+00:00

He is insulting you.
He is deliberately insulting you.

Point blank ask him.. "Oh. You invited me to dinner and drinks? What happened?

Put him on the spot. Take him for his word. He WILL give you a bullshit reason - just be like.

"I see you don't take dating seriously. Not interested."

The block and delete. He had a shot and he failed. Nope. Next!

Men always giving you "shit tests" to see how you will react when they downgrade a situation. This is classic "Red Pill" advice. They advocate to ask a girl out to dinner - then downgrade the outing to coffee to "see how she reacts". That way you can tell if you are a gold digger!

2021-02-28T18:04:05+00:00

I think men do this because they are trying to "test the waters" to see how much nonsense you are willing to put up with. They want to see how far they can push you, how low your standards might be.

I would be grateful that he showed me who he really is before I wasted my time. I would never go on a last minute date, especially not for coffee because it is insulting. It shows a lack of respect for my time and how the man feels about me.

If you decline the coffee and suggest he take you on the dinner date that he originally planned, but he still refuses, then that is a sign that he is either broke, cheap, or not that interested. Men will rise to the occasion if they really want a woman.

ddamaya · 2021-02-28T18:50:53+00:00

It’s the 1. changing plans from dinner to coffee 2. Last minute-half assed invite for me. I wouldn’t even waste my time. Just don’t even respond

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-02-28T17:38:13+00:00

Abuser with a personality disorder. Probably not the violent type but the slowly-drain-all-your-blood-and-oxygen type.

The way to tell is if, at first, they start chasing you somewhat enthusiastically and, though you literally haven't lifted a finger other than agreeing to meet, they suddenly and inexplicably begin to act as if you're relentlessly chasing them. They get hinky, hesitant and start pulling back a bit, downgrading.

It's such a mindfuck because you're like "Did my four word text reply agreeing to meet emanate psycho stalker vibes???"

Unless you're doing graduate level research on dating behavior in men with narcissism, daddy issues, attachment disorder and porn/hooker problems, avoid.

Cultural_Training249 · 2021-02-28T17:41:33+00:00

I'll start with the last paragraph and the question that you ask. You should not be asking any man out for dinner and drinks. So your question doesn't matter. Just stop talking to him and block his number. As for the guy. I don't do bait and switch. The last time some man tried that with me, I walked out on the date and never talked to them again.

supremelyparanoid · 2021-02-28T13:42:34+00:00

Sigh. COVID is not non-existent anywhere, ladies. Some places may be better than others with case numbers but no one is out of the woods yet.

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-02-28T15:03:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	The date bait and switch
Author	supremelyparanoid
Upvotes	258
Comments	59
Date	February 28, 2021 1:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lufr48/the_date_bait_and_switch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-date-bait-and-switch.1192124 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192124

Comments