So I have been a follower of this sub for a while and have learnt many valuable lessons. Thanks for that!

I have always enjoyed being alone, never really looked for loved. I have a tendency to idolise potential mates, so I don’t risk trying. I have come a long way, but I know I have a way to go still.

I’ve just moved to a new state, no friends or family. The town I am in is quite small, therefore no real chance to get out and meet people as quickly as I would like.

Since moving I have felt lonely and thought I wanted a relationship. Every time I really thought about it though, it scared the heck out of me and I realised it wasn’t what I wanted. I was just lonely at the time.

There is a “player” at work and I just want to throw holy water at him. People around can see him looking at me like I am prey and say I should go and have some “fun”. But I ain’t about that life. I’m not giving him the satisfaction to be another notch on his belt.

The last week or so I have been contemplating maybe doing it, even though I know it is going to be a terrible decision. I started to get frustrated with myself because I couldn’t work out what was causing me to think like this. I don’t feel as lonely, I’m in a really good place financially and mentally. So I sat down and I wrote a list of all the reasons this guy would be a terrible decision. I sat with it and made myself really think about why I was thinking about going down this path. I came to the conclusion it is human contact I want. Just a hug from a friend. Just a touch when you’re around people. I have never realised how much I took for granted being around my touchy friends.

I am now going to try work on strategies to help me get through this. I am just writing this to hold myself accountable so I don’t fall off my throne and entertain some crusty ass dude.