WhAt ShOuLd I dO?

VulcanSpaceSquirrel · 2020-03-20T15:59:13+00:00

I feel for women in positions like this.

My great grandmother told me, only marry a man after five years of dating them. People change a lot. Situations change a lot.

I’m 32 now and single. My last serious relationship, now over a year and a half ago, lasted 4 years. If I had been exposed to FDS sooner it probably would have only lasted a few months.

Live and grow. I hope the woman in this post finds her way.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-03-20T16:05:47+00:00

This is why I don’t date guys that drink. My dad went from normal happy fun dad to getting the cops called on the house in the blink of an eye when he drank, I can’t fuck with it. Drinking doesn’t change someone it just reveals what’s under their “civilized” control day to day. Girl run.

Eta- omg I went and read some of the comments, the reply to the top level comment is heartbreaking. As soon as I read “her name was April” I knew where it was going and started crying. Don’t fuck around with this shit.

kdramapeach · 2020-03-20T15:53:18+00:00

Run Forrest Run

Pipulka · 2020-03-20T16:27:25+00:00

So let me just get this straight. She’s 25, he’s 32. Been married for 7 years. Why the hell did a 28 year old marry a 21 year old? I’m 24 and I look at any guy aged 22 and under as a child. I wouldn’t date anyone 23-24 anyway, I’m primarily interested in dating guys a few years older than me, but 22 and under is a huge no no. They look and act like slightly older teens. Why are men attracted to this? I know there’s the whole “girls mature faster than boys” shit but I swear that’s mostly just invented by creeps who want to get with women who are way younger than them.

greensciencegeek · 2020-03-20T15:56:38+00:00

My husband said if I hit him he'll leave, and fair enough. I think she can do the same.

AyemHerself · 2020-03-20T16:59:52+00:00

we have a 2 year old son

Well obviously the answer is not to expose your son to that monster any more!

grimreapersdtr · 2020-03-20T21:13:54+00:00

"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft-- should be required reading for girls everywhere.

And this scenario is so textbook: big age gap, man becomes abusive when woman is "trapped" with him due to caring for a small child, the love-bomb cycle, substance abuse. Good god. She needs to leave.

easteuropeangirl · 2020-03-20T16:04:17+00:00

I say upfront what violence is not acceptable for me so if a man will rise a hand at me he will remain with his hand alone. One hit and relationship is over. Never was beaten.

Myhusbandsgoddess · 2020-03-20T17:11:56+00:00

And just this morning I was thinking that the confinement due to Covid-19, while a good thing, meant more isolation for domestic abuse victims and way less occasions to get help. I would not be surprised if it was not a coincidence that he chose to physically harm her for the first time during that time of crisis where no one will think to help her. I mean, what good Samaritan would even be able to notice her black eye and try to intervene if she never gets out these days?

2020-03-20T19:41:03+00:00

"I have a 2 year old son in a home with a violent abuser, what should I do?"

2020-03-20T18:35:46+00:00

I got chills reading that and think the universe protected me from a man like this. I hope she leaves him, this will only get progressively worse.

Pipulka · 2020-03-21T01:00:29+00:00

Oh Christ, according to her edit she's going to apologise to him...

I know it was stupid of me to start the argument at the supper table (I hadn't even intended it to be an argument, really, but I recognise that I was nagging at him and nagged at him further over our son) and it was really stupid of me to nag at him to acknowledge our son knowing the mood he was in. I'm sensitive about that (which he does know) as my mam and dad ignored me as a kid a lot. They're great parents overall but that really hurt me and he knows that and I just reacted. I plan to apologise to him about it regardless of anything else.

He's also gone out with the same friend again today and she was thinking about asking to stay with a neighbour. I really hope she does and that her and her kid make it out ok.

siberiansummer · 2020-03-20T19:54:59+00:00

Are there menz in the comments telling her she shouldn’t be yelling at her husband?

2020-03-21T02:27:12+00:00

Call the police, press charges, and file for divorce.

featherflowers · 2020-03-21T17:55:22+00:00

I read this post and someone commented about this sub, I've been reading as much of the handbook and I can in the last day. I am so so so glad I came across this sub. My ex punched two holes in the wall before I realized I deserved better. I had always heard that someone who punches walls wants you to know how much they want to punch your face. I hope this woman takes all the good advice and leaves before he does it again.

It's been a year since I left (to the day yesterday which is when I found this sub). I have been struggling with a mind set shift all of this time, that I do deserve better, I'm not being picky for refusing to settle. And now that I'm here I realize I'm not alone, other women have been through worse and still managed to find someone. Reading through the handbook I now have a vocabulary and steps to work through to achieve what I want in my dating life and life in general. I feel so much more empowered and optimistic for the future. I thought I lost everything and had to give up on my goals and dreams because I lost the man I had thought I would do those things with. Now I know I never could've done those things with him, not in any way that would make me happy. Now I'm free to make myself happy and go after the life I deserve.

Davina33 · 2020-03-20T20:34:37+00:00

Having a violent alcoholic stepfather that beat us all up constantly, this really hit home. She needs to get out, especially as they have a child. I know it isn't easy, I watched how scared my mother was but the fact is this man could kill her or kill them both some day.

azngirl7689 · 2020-03-22T14:02:57+00:00

Age gap? Yes Early marriage? Yes

Wow I can’t believe things went wrong

femricecel2003 · 2020-03-20T20:13:18+00:00

She was 21 and he was 28 when they got married what the fuck?

ana-moss-city · 2020-03-21T22:29:26+00:00

No one is ever that drunk.

gigi_chi · 2020-03-20T16:55:28+00:00

Lol this title!

Title	WhAt ShOuLd I dO?
Author	Pipulka
Upvotes	93
Comments	96
Date	March 20, 2020 3:49 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/flx8ic/what_should_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-should-i-do.679874 https://theredarchive.com/post/679874

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