When you realised that in hetero relashionships mistreatment and disrespecting the woman was the 'norm'?

rainbowshummingbird · 2022-01-29T00:51:10+00:00

One of the ways I’ve noticed, in regard to men’s abusive/illegal/disrespectful behavior toward women, is how the press consistently refers to Epstein’s victims as women when many are, in fact, girls.

sikulet · 2022-01-29T00:29:34+00:00

This pandemic is the longest time I’ve been single and it’s also very eye opening how my life is way easier, and many of my girl friends in relationships suffered.

Many complained of their boyfriends or husbands being stagnant as fuck and doesn’t carry the weight at home in terms of chores, bills, bad temper, and ED during sex. Without contributing anything they expected unconditional love like babies to a mother. And these are couples who met in college or grad school and graduated from top universities also.

So I don’t know what to say. It’s really easy to find a partner. But it’s very exceptional to find a good one.

seraphinelysion · 2022-01-29T04:13:47+00:00

Who invented simp culture? Like, who decided treating women like human beings was wrong/bad/stupid/something to make fun of by calling it "simping"? Men did.

Men make fun of other men for being kind or doing anything that could be misconstrued as actually liking or caring about a woman (heaven forbid!). Cause it sure isn't the woman who is complaining when a man is treating her well.

And then these same men like to bitch about how they aren't allowed to be emotional or show vulnerability, and complain about how "oppressed" they are. But it's all just men who keep other men down with shame.

eye_donut_no · 2022-01-29T03:55:39+00:00

This realization hit me like a truck when I was re-watching the first ep of Martin a few years ago. The premise: Martin is basically shitty to Gina in front of his friends, and shit talks her to them behind her back. But when they are alone, he completely submits to her and expects to be mothered by her and smothered in affection.

When she rightfully confronts his ass, Martin defends the behavior as a necessary evil he must perform to keep his cred with his boys.

That’s when it hit me how much we’re brainwashed and gaslit by pop culture, primed to be compliant abuse victims. We’re told we should not only expect to be disrespected and abused by men, we should laugh along with our abusers and their flying monkeys. We’re a tool for men to validate their masculinity to themselves and their fellow scumbag friends.

I first watched this show as a young kid, and unknowingly internalized this messaging (from this show and countless other things in media). However, there is a silver lining: This realization enabled me to finally give myself some grace for playing into this exact dynamic with multiple NVM. Like of course I did, I was programmed to. We all are.

Sallou9 · 2022-01-29T04:58:27+00:00

My friend (Ill call her Tina) told me this was how she realized:

Im a gay woman, and was chatting with a large group of other women, all straight, except another gay women who I knew only casually (ill call her Lez, cause lol)

Relationships and sex came up and one girl said "Omg Janet, tell them about your bf steve. Shes so lucky everyone". I turned to Janet in genuine interest, who said "yeah im so lucky. I cum more or less every other time, consistently".

I blinked not understanding; I didnt know if it was a joke or not, until the others started gushing "yup its good when you find someone like that where the sex is so good etc!"

The idea that one cumming ONCE "more or less" every other time was considered notably good sex genuinely shocked me.

I looked around uncomfortably, and locked eyes with Lez who had the same expression. Both of us made this face that meant "jesus christ, poor straight women".

My friend Tina pulled me and Lez aside about it after, and said she noticed us exchange looks. She had an idea why and we all had a conversation about it. She said it really opened her eyes seeing how completely different her lesbian friends sex lives (and relationships themselves) looked..

When I said "honestly, if by our 3rd or 4th time, Im not cumming easily/consistently TWICE everytime, I just assume we are sexually incompatible", Lez replied "I was literally thinking that. Twice everytime has to be the standard at least or we aint it".

Tina couldnt wrap her head around the idea that this was normal. She even suggested at one point that maybe lesbians are built different and orgasm easier. We had to say sorry honey no, our bodies are no different to yours, the difference is you are having sex with men.

Its so sad, and I say that without so much as an ounce of condescension.

(And for the record, dont worry, I send all my straight friends to FDS!)

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2022-01-29T11:56:43+00:00

Middle school. I was taken aback at how as a girl I kept being nagged about all the things I would have to put up with in order to have a man. When I asked why anyone would want that it was laughed off. "It's not something women want, it's just something women do". I'm not even straight.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-01-29T01:48:06+00:00

It’s always been this way. Men have never valued women. Never throughout human history have men valued their relationships with women. Men shitting on women has always been a bonding ritual for groups of men. The strong enjoy picking on the weak. This is what men are actually like. We are just more aware of it. We romanticize them and turn them into heroes, providers, and our noble protectors because we want to believe they could be something better then what they really are.

the-worst- · 2022-01-29T17:07:47+00:00

I realized it when I realized all my previous relationships were actually extremely dehumanizing and were abusive in different ways.

Then I started getting very upset at the "male protagonist" in romcoms. They are almost always bumbling idiots who are trash and need the "perfect woman" to get their shit together and be a decent human. Then I also started getting mad at the "manic pixie dream girl" trope which is basically just the romanticized of adhd and similar conditions.

Basically, once I realized how widespread the mistreatment and neglect women are given, I started also seeing all the ablist shit people do too. And just how terrifyingly common it is for people to believe in eugenics without realizing that is what it is. Especially when I found out I'm autistic. People treat it like it's the worst thing that could ever happen...

I was roughly 23 yo when I started noticing all this. I almost wish I could go back to blissful ignorance... almost.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-01-29T00:31:49+00:00

But now that I have a normal boyfriend (whom I believe is pretty HV)

Sorry OP but if this boyfriend you have is the same guy you questioned us about using faceless ASMR women (basically ASMR porn) to jerk off to, he’s not HV in the slightest.

bumblebee-bug · 2022-01-29T11:54:01+00:00

I hate that bar is so low that even basic act of human decency by men makes them believe that they deserve sex 🤡🤡🤡🤡

Title	When you realised that in hetero relashionships mistreatment and disrespecting the woman was the 'norm'?
Author	Mcccy
Upvotes	707
Comments	42
Date	January 28, 2022 11:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sf4j5y/when_you_realised_that_in_hetero_relashionships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-you-realised-that-in-hetero-relashionships.1099176 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099176

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