Why do we get SO much hate for not wanting to move in with a man??

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-09-05T16:53:33+00:00

Because men know they're the ones getting the deal here. Their rent gets cut in half and they get a house servant, cook and fucktoy.

nycgirlhere · 2020-09-05T17:07:38+00:00

don’t listen to pickmes who become forever girlfriends! stop bringing it up on the internet for the people who are going to bash that idea, you don’t need people’s opinions to run your life girl. people who are confident in their choices won’t come for yours, what’s the skin off their back if you move in or not? they just want to make themselves feel better

SnooDucks4347 · 2020-09-05T17:25:39+00:00

That's just crazy. I live in a part of Europe where you either move in when you get married, when you're engaged, or are planning to be engaged soon. Moving in with someone you know for a short while is just insane in my culture.

4E4ME · 2020-09-05T17:32:13+00:00

[deleted]

LevelTurbulent · 2020-09-05T17:46:50+00:00

I get called an old lady for this having view. LOL

But I don't get it. Why make it harder to end if things go bad by moving on together right away? And things can go very bad, especially when there's kids involved. Maybe I'm jaded but the amount of women I've known who move a man in with their kids right away makes me sick. And yeah, some of those kids have been abused. One woman I know has two kids with two different men, second man abused her kids. Third live in boyfriend is "wonderful" though. He was more interested in her kids than her she gushed! It makes me want to vomit.

rinabean · 2020-09-05T17:54:45+00:00

Oh I really can't imagine moving in with someone after a month. Those people calling you strange probably think you should ideally have sex before the first date, too. I couldn't believe the first time I heard that stuff.

It's utterly foolish for a woman to be that vulnerable with a man she can't know well at all. How can they say you can't get engaged to a man you didn't live with, but you can live with a man you've known for a month?

Anyway try not to be jealous. He clearly sees a woman as a household appliance, interchangeable - not a person, a partner. She doesn't have anything you'd want.

Verysoftbun · 2020-09-05T18:23:04+00:00

I think a lot of people have done it or are doing it and saying you wouldn't makes them self-conscious.

It's the same if you say you don't want to have sex before marriage or until a certain point. It makes people think you're saying they made a bad choice by having sex earlier.

But that's a them problem. You can't change your life just to .make someone happier about theirs.

just-peepin-at-u · 2020-09-05T17:45:49+00:00

I didn’t move in with any man until I was married, and I will encourage my kids to do the same.

I think we get hate for that because it becomes a way for a lot of people to get the benefits of marriage without the commitment, and they don’t want that gravy train to end.

As it is now, my husband and I don’t split rent or groceries etc. We are married, and in this together. Dividing finances up is what roommates do, not what a married couple does (imo). As long as both people are contributing, we don’t nickel and dime.

So yeah, I think a lot of folks want to have that live in gf experience, and not have to go the full mile.

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-09-05T18:18:14+00:00

It makes you look pretentious, old fashioned, someone who has a high opinion of herself, someone snobby and judgmental. And people who do move in with their SO are seen as easy going and modern, true lovers, trusting Ext. It is the new ‘trend’. Young couples now a days are more likely to buy houses, have children, own companies/businesses Ext together before getting married. In fact, marriage seems to be this ‘outdated’ act.

What I’ve always found funny is that couples today will put off marriage, which really is just saying to the law that you are legally responsible for each other, in favour of even more financially binding acts like a mortgage or children. And these same couples almost find it is too much of a commitment to marry and yet will invest hard earned thousands into a home with someone who could just leave tomorrow.

rebel4acause · 2020-09-05T19:43:09+00:00

One month? Get out of here.

I 100% support only moving in when you're engaged. That way you can still live with them for a bit before marriage if you want to so you can really vet this person and make sure you're compatible, but are not trapped into "playing wifey" forever. I think a lot of us have seen how damaging it is to live with someone before any sort of real long-term commitment and future wedding plans.

It may be seen as "traditional" point of view, but I think that if you're living together, you're married. You're essentially married to your boyfriend without the legal commitment, wedding party, or vows in front of your family and friends. You'll be their wife, be around them 24/7 and will start to share a life with them. If you break up, that is a divorce and it is incredibly painful to go through.

You should never, ever merge your life with someone without a ring. I know rent is really expensive these days, but I think it's really important to have your own space and separate life before an engagement or marriage.

Inspection-Critical · 2020-09-05T18:42:58+00:00

( he has been dating her since July). Theyre moving in. Its been a month.

I'm sorry but I legit guffawed reading this. What could possibly go wrong? /s

When i bring it up on the internet

You answered your own question.

Every time you get feedback (wanted or unwanted), you need to consider the source. Not all opinions are created equal. If you're dropping wisdom on the general masses who are wasting their lives gossiping on Facebook, you'll probably hear low-value opinions.

You'll probably hear smarter and more thoughtful opinions in watering holes for leveling up. People have to actively seek those places out, because they consciously want to self-improve.

Just because someone hands you an opinion doesn't mean you have to take it seriously. Could be you were just talking to a fool. And the general public has very foolish opinions about relationships, thanks to hookup culture.

Bassbunny19 · 2020-09-05T22:08:06+00:00

People are so defensive about it because they move in too early and don't want to feel stupid and/or accept other people prefer to wait

Ugly_Swan · 2020-09-06T03:01:41+00:00

I, too, will only move in with a guy once we are married. Otherwise...why...??? am I giving up my personal space for you?

The thing that bugs me, though, is that every time I brought this up in real life, other females would tell me it's a dumb idea etc. Like they are so judgy towards my strategy but like ok...you're the one stuck cohabitating away your youthful years with no ring in sight so lay off.

papanezismysaviour · 2020-09-05T22:10:06+00:00

Legally, living together for a few years makes you similar to being married so it's a big commitment either way. People treat it as it is a try-out before buying thing which it's not. If the man you're dating doesn't want to get married with you before that step because he believes you need to prove your worth to him, it means he isn't as committed anyway. But we've been fed by the media to believe less responsibility = more freedom, and nope, just lukewarm relationships.

ThrowingItIntoTheSea · 2020-09-05T21:00:23+00:00

I’ve never understood the argument of, “oh you need to live with them first to see if you’re compatible!”

If you’ve been dating exclusively long enough to be in a position of making a future plan to combine your lives, chances are you’ve spent multiple nights/days at each other’s home. You mean to tell me you don’t have eyes to see if they are a slob living in filth? You’ve never witnessed what they do with dirty clothes or towels after they come out of a shower? You’ve never seen what happens with dirty dishes and a messy kitchen after you both eat a meal?

Surely basic observation skills will let you figure it out. And if it magically changes after the fact? Then you’ve been wasting your time with a LVM no different to any other lvm qualities that would have eventually shown in time. So you deal with it if it happens like anything else, unfortunately.

But be sure that if you just shack up, you are GREATLY participating in your own imbalance of power- little incentive to be more than a forever girlfriend, plus the falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy after you’ve stuck it out a couple of years. It will be far harder to leave.

The only way I could see it possibly work, is if you have some sort of agreement to have an engagement during X amount of time, AND he moves into your place and pays half the rent WITHOUT his name on the lease- so if it doesn’t work, you can boot his ass out and not be bothered about moving expenses or the hassle of finding a new place.

AFineDogMom · 2020-09-06T03:39:15+00:00

Because our new age world only thinks modern women should be bangmaids. Gross.

Aroundthewayjay · 2020-09-08T22:21:36+00:00

I am in the process of breaking up from a cohabitation relationship for the first time and the last time in my life. I will NEVER live with a man again. Whats the point? I can afford my own place, decorate it with my shit, and I dont have to give exhausting mental energy to a dude during my down time after work. Its fucking great. Living with men is a trap. Trust me on this.

No thank you.

PoulpePatric · 2020-09-05T21:04:13+00:00

It is crazy to me to move in with a man after a month, but eventually when you've been dating for a long time it is reasonable to love together. Preferably after engagement and before marriage. Just so you can really see what he is like in a comfortable to him environment, so he is less on his guard, and know if you could live with him once married. It is easier to break off a relationship/engagement than the marriage.

FireflySky86 · 2020-09-05T23:22:06+00:00

I want to say I'd be ok with not being engaged first, but I'm still in the process of breaking out of being a pickmeisha. BUT even still, 1 month is way too early. There's no way you can know what a person is going to be like past the "honeymoon" stage.

I suspect people who jump into that are looking at it from what they think is logical, as far as sharing resources. But to me it just looks like a way to get trapped.

thedollparts · 2020-09-05T21:02:03+00:00

Get a creepy male roommate with no boundaries and I'm sure you'll be fine in 2-3 days.

Title	Why do we get SO much hate for not wanting to move in with a man??
Author	SnooDucks4347
Upvotes	189
Comments	37
Date	September 5, 2020 4:37 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/in47f2/why_do_we_get_so_much_hate_for_not_wanting_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-we-get-so-much-hate-for-not-wanting-to-move.212738 https://theredarchive.com/post/212738

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