I came across this brilliant study that resonated with my experiences of being abused by a narcissist for years on end. It is a gold mine of information and very validating so I recommend you read it. While this isn’t a guide on how to protect yourself from narcissists, it’s basically a know thy enemy post which can be just as helpful. At least I hope it’s helpful. 🤗

Narcissists Are Deluded

Now, this is a given, but let me elaborate. Narcissists essentially begin life with a true identity but for whatever reason, they end up adopting a false identity, and they adopt this false identity so much that you may as well consider their true identity as dead, as non-existent. They killed their true identity and took on a false identity, and because of this, they are basically nobody. They are a non-entity. And if you were ever abused by one, you might even go as far as to say they are not even human.

WHY

This false identity is made to serve his ego and grandiose sense of self. He is very fragile and needs to have full control over things, including how he perceives things and how others perceive things and him.

HOW

A narcissist dissociates and erases or alters their memories a lot. They create gaps in their mind and fill these gaps with lies and inventions, they twist reality, throw in some changes and then they make themselves believe it.

Because of this, they will often contradict themselves. Such as if you call them out with a specific example of something bad they have done (which I do not recommend), they may suddenly agree with you because they realise you have a very specific example. But then afterwards, they may invent a situation where you were the bad guy and the cycle repeats.

They deny reality and are so far into this mindfuck that they genuinely perceive things in a warped way. They might see their own fear of someone such as an authority figure as compassion.

E.g. “I’m (narc) not afraid of him (authority), I feel for him.”

WHEN

Narcissists can be made from a young age. This means there are children out there doing bad things and convincing themselves that they are doing good things. This means that there are children who are rewriting their memories to suit their egos.

It is a scientific fact that narcissists worsen with age. So these children grow to become unbearable, nauseating people that drain those around them.

WHAT THEN

The false identity is unsustainable because it is false. This means that eventually, the discrepancies between lies and reality are revealed. The narcissist may react in several different ways:

  • They dive further into their delusions to the point of maladtive dysfunction.

  • They attack as a means to maintain a sense of control (antisocial behaviours like abuse/psychopathy).

  • They withdraw from the world and isolate (why can’t they all do this? 😩)

  • They merge with someone else to form a new identity (codependency)

CONCLUSION

The hilarious irony is that narcissists actually have a very weak Ego. The Ego, for the “normal” person is something that works from within to regulate one’s self-image and esteem, perception of the world, understanding of boundaries etc. For narcissists, their Ego is basically dormant, comatosed. They need validation from external sources, and this is why they seek their narcissistic supply.

Simply put, narcissists are messed up on a cellular level. They see things differently, wrongly, and they will only get worse. They are weak beings, barely even human, and are sick vampires to everyone around them. They will do anything to be seen as the victim or hero, they will cry and pretend to have experienced suffering but the truth is that they are so far into their own delusions. Due to this, they will rarely have long lasting, sincere friendships and relationships. They will rarely have multiple stable things going on in their life (marriage, work, hobbies). At the most, they can only pretend to manage one thing. They are truly wolves in sheep clothing.

Avoid them like your life depends on it, because it does.