Why is men cheating so socially accepted among most people?

Sage_Planter · 2021-09-29T04:20:56+00:00

Because they're lazy cowards.

People who cheat are unhappy. They're unhappy with themselves. They're unhappy with their relationships. They're unhappy in their careers. They're unhappy with their bodies. It could be anything. They feel like something in their life is missing. So, instead of doing the hard work to figure out what's missing, determine possible solutions, and change their lives for the better, they pick the easiest way to get an ego boost and a fun distraction. They're looking to get an instant hit of happiness, regardless of the cost or the fact it won't change anything for the better.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-09-29T05:06:25+00:00

Let's "normalize" it they said/s

Here you have it now. Men cover up for other men and blame they're biology for their "urges" and worse, blame their partners.... Society caters only to men.

Nonsluttymen · 2021-09-29T01:06:31+00:00

One word: PATRIARCHY

Manwhores disgust me, especially unethical, hypocritical ones who lose their fucking minds when they get cheated on, but who cheat whenever they please on their female partners. These men feel no guilt and no remorse. They are absolute monsters. The term “player” should almost be synonymous with psychopath.

Please join my subreddit by the same name of my username so we can start changing the narrative.

Jensummerhall · 2021-09-29T03:44:39+00:00

It’s being encouraged. There’s this YouTuber called Kevin Samuels who tells men it’s perfectly acceptable to cheat and that cheating isn’t an excuse for women to leave. It’s so ridiculous.

mintmint33 · 2021-09-29T07:42:16+00:00

It's patriarchy. Women are considered the part which restricts the sex, the selective one. So while men see cheating as "taking advatage of my few oportunities", women are perceived as having multiples sexual options so no need to prove that they can "live the whore life". Men frequently want the whore life (it's gamorized for them in media) because they perceive it as a status only the chosen ones can achieve. They see be loyal as being beta. That's the terrible true. They always want more, and they feel unfair that other men can access to more "sex resources".

It's true that reasons why women cheat tend to be diferent. We frequently do because we don't feel valued for our partner, or we are too alone, things like that. I've been a cheater myself and also I've been cheated on by different parnters. Every time was like that. My partners didn't even notice because they were too focus on themselves. -I regret anyways-.

My opinion is that people knows, even if is in an intuitive way, that men have zero standards so they can cheat without even like the other person involved in the affair. I think some of them also judge the actions of the women as if they were made by the same reasons (a woman with no standards is not "natural", she must be a crazy or a bad woman). They forget to see the part in which our partners made us feel of low value. As I have been in that situation, sometimes when I know a women cheated I think that the man in the relationship probably had done worse.

But even if men are aware of that, they will blame the woman more because of their personal interests.

I know my judgement of the cheater woman vs man t's a sexist point of view anyway, and probably there are plenty of exceptions, but I think we are like two separated cultures when it comes to sex.

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-09-29T03:25:40+00:00

So I've cheated (not proud of it, don't recommend) but it was after he cheated on me multiple times (and I stayed like an idiot, also dont recommend). I was immediately ostracized. I was a whore. He told EVERYONE where I had meekly kept his dirty secrets. His friends that knew he cheated told him "a man can cheat on a woman and still love her but if a woman cheats on a man she doesn't love him". He stole $1000 from me but everyone saw it a justified. He was just getting the money back that he spent on me during the relationship. Men get away with it and women are crucified for it.

notallowed2havepizza · 2021-09-29T03:33:25+00:00

When women get cheated on, they get blamed for not doing enough for the scrote partner like you should cook for him or you should be more kinkme. 🤢

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-09-29T20:23:10+00:00

Infidelity apologism has become a kind of cottage industry these days with all sorts of Ted Talks and editorial media spin devoted to casting cheating as "not ab.use" on whatever grounds (evo-psych, poly, etc). But as a former dv survivors' advocate, I see it as part and parcel with dv, including the existance of a market for apologias because guilt is ugly and perps perpetually seek relief from it.

To the extent that cheating is merely a less athletic, less legally risky form of ba.ttering, cheating apologism is, in many ways, a veiled attempt to market excuses for dv and rape by extension.

For one, virtually all ba.tterers cheat. It's a major tactic in the ab.user repertoire because ba.tterers tend to operate in a "beat-by-need" basis and resort to vio.lence only when other means of reducing victims' agency fail. Cheating generally provides demented men with the same "benefits" as viol.ence against intimate partners. There are a ton of overlaps.

-- Cheating may be an attempt to "dilute" the ab.user's pathological, infantile dependence on a primary partner (by spreading that dependency between several women) and to mask that dependency, relieving chronic shame over his own "unmasculine" vulnerability and dueling fears of abandonment/engulfment developed during past childhood ab.use (if that seems like a bid to sympathize with poor love-allergic ab.users, bear in mind that ab.users who most intensely mask their own dependency are statistically the most lethal).

-- Cheating emotionally paralyzes and confuses the victim similarly to vio.lence, making her easier to control.

-- Ba.ttering weirdly shares psychological features with participating in mob vio.lence, such as being able to enter a state of "deindividuated (infantile) rage" within a crowd, lose one's identity as part of a group and therefore have one's responsibility for ill deeds diminished. Ba.tterers tend to collect evidence of general social approval for their ab.use of partners as if they were acting as part of a team effort, so engaging a third party to triangulate in the betrayal and ab.use of a partner adds to this sense of collectivity, "social approval" and self exculpation.

--People who enable/knowingly participate in cheating are acting as proxy ab.users and tend to share certain dark triad personality traits with direct ab.users to some degree according to studies of "mate poaching." Even if there so far hasn't been a lot of focus on the "group aggression/deindividuation" aspect of proxy cheating, one study alluded to it by discussing how affair participants engage in rationalizations similarly to ab.users, which is part of the trap of it. Since overt aggression is less acceptable in women, one thing that makes women particularly vulnerable to becoming helplessly hooked on a cheating affair partner is the tendency to believe "true love" and the notion that they're "rescuing" the cheater (group campaign, veiling aggression through colective participation) from a common enemy absolve them of their underlying aggressive motives in punishing and betraying other women. Affair partners risk eventually suffering worse ab.use than primary partners and may have more difficulty escaping and recovering because of the investment in concealing their own aggression. Only if they pine away following an affair can they continue the self deception. Betrayed women who escape tend to psychologically fare better in the long term than cheating/ab.use proxies.

-- Cheaters have a higher tendency than average to eventually become vio.lent towards partners when cheating doesn't "work" to decrease their dependency. When betrayal doesn't destroy the power they paranoically imagine their intimate partners wield over them (another vestige of childhood ab.use-- infantile dependence on mommy), they seek to destroy the partner herself in more direct ways. This may be the reason why cheating is never "just cheating" and almost invariably escalates to overt sadistic treatment of partners. Like ba.tterers, only when the primary partner is reduced to emotional rubble (or is literally dead) can the cheater victoriously "move on." This is also likely why cheaters, like ba.tterers, tend to circle back around when their victims show signs of recovery and continue to rage about or pine over past partners.

-- Cheaters, like ba.tterers, serial ki.llers and other habitual criminals and their enablers, tend to engage in something called "neutralization" or reduction of self punishment. Neutralization not only exculpates the perpetrator for past misdeeds but also paves the way for future ones. It also helps a perp to pass as "normal" the better to keep preying on others but also possibly because they're actually sensitive to social approval and require it to continue perpetrating. Neutralization involves 1) denying the victim (rewriting the identity of the victim to paint them as having deserved it and the ab.use as retaliation/playing victim to their victim); 2) denying injury (the behavior was not harmful or victim only faked harm); 3) Loyalty to supposedly higher value system, authority or group ("true love," or "men must keep women in their place for the greater good," etc.); 4) Condemning the condemners (casting anyone who negatively judges their behavior as corrupt, hypocritical, stupid, wrong, etc.); 5) Portraying their actions as outside their control (iT's mY bIOlOgY, "true love") or accidental.

Another thought on neutralization-- in their study of it, researchers Sykes and Matza speculated on whether the concept of sociopathy is even necessary to explain extreme repeat acts of vio.lence or criminal behavior since neutralization is so effective in reducing self punishment and can eventually become so ingrained and automatic that perps eventually no longer have to consciously summon the pattern of thinking. That goes against the theory of congenital or "genetic" low empathy since neutralization is a leaned behavior with social origins and therefore conceivably social solutions.

The scary part is that a truly experienced perpetrator may not initially give themselves away with their "red flag" rationalizations. For instance, Ted Bundy worked with a university commission on vio.lence against women just as he began his ki.lling spree and literally fooled clinical experts in vio.lent perpetration. But as he was hunted and increasingly publicly maligned, Bundy's veneer began to crumble and he no longer fooled people as easily. The officer who unknowingly pulled Bundy over after Bundy's second prison break reported immediately detecting something evil about Bundy, possibly being among the first to detect this. Bundy's system of rationalization wasn't bulletproof and eventually fell apart in the face of social disapproval. He may have hijacked the sense of people liking him prior to being caught as tacit approval for his crimes all along. In any case, he wasn't entirely uneffected by the removal of that acceptance.

All told, activism and divesting perpetrators of their systems of rationalization matter. Countering apologists matters. All the bs rationales given to cheaters are really no different. Another study found that individuals' "infidelity tolerance" tends to go hand in hand with "rape myth acceptance." On some level, everyone recognizes, whether consciously or not, associations between cheating and violence even aside from direct ab.usive endangerment like exposing partners to potentially dead.ly STDs or the categorical financial violence of embezzling joint marital assets for affairs.

Edits: posted too soon.

Ironsculpture · 2021-09-29T05:13:21+00:00

Because they control everything and that includes public opinion. They have greater influence over culture because they have more power. Hence why no one gives a shit about their victims or their crimes.

This is also why they are so resistant to the idea of women gaining power, our interests greatly conflict.

starpuppery · 2021-09-29T02:30:51+00:00

because women tolerate it

Title	Why is men cheating so socially accepted among most people?
Author	TieDieEye
Upvotes	383
Comments	37
Date	September 29, 2021 12:57 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pxk9s5/why_is_men_cheating_so_socially_accepted_among/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-is-men-cheating-so-socially-accepted-among.1073663 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073663

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