My gripes with dating men

Ironsculpture · 2021-09-19T15:57:21+00:00

I know this is FDS, but If the concept of dating men causes you mental anguish and stress then consider the option of not dating at all. There's no time limit or "wall", there's no need for you to hurry either. You can change your mind eventually. Freezing eggs is a thing too.

Males are simply not worth losing your peace of mind. They never were.

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-09-19T19:24:16+00:00

If someone comes to you with the biology argument, tell them how by that logic, it is fine if you masturbate to hot male models, have a nude male calender hung up in your home, follow them on insta and sending them DMs about how badly you need to fuck them. And hit on (sexually harass) them on the street by throwing wild comments at them and literally staring your eyeballs out at the sight of a hot dude while your boyfriend/husband is present.

Biology, huh?

This is what makes women and men different. We seem to be socialized into being respectful, caring and nice people who think of the feeling of others. We don't want to hurt others. We also see male depravity and are directly negativeley affected by it, so we don't want to be like that. I don't want to be the "BiOloGy"-excused woman I described in the first paragraph. People like that are literal trash. I will focus on only my partner when in a relationship. So I expect the same from my partner. If he won't do that, he doesn't have to be in a relationship with me.

MissouriBlue · 2021-09-19T17:07:27+00:00

I’ve always admired Katharine Hepburn, she has a very practical view on love, marriage, and life in general.

I’m pretty sure she’s the one who said, “If you want to give up the admiration of thousands of men for the distain of one, go ahead, get married.”

thowawaywookie · 2021-09-19T17:59:57+00:00

I've loved and I can't see myself doing it again. Too much work and not enough benefits.

I'm more interested in helping girls and women in life.

WestAtmosphere · 2021-09-19T19:11:58+00:00

I get where you are coming from with this. It's almost like what is the point of trying to find love if that love will always be secretly be desiring other women. Unfortunately the best it's going to get is finding a man who doesn't watch porn and truly adores & respects you as a person. Not only this but sees other women as PEOPLE. I think a big indicator as well is how he feels about the legal age. Like ... a decent sane 30 y/o man who respects women would see an under 25 y/o and be disgusted at the thought of pursuing something with them due to the obvious maturity/life difference as well as they look too young.

You can tell the ones who consume too much porn because they won't find 5+ age year gaps weird. They'll simply go with the motto that the person is of legal age and therefore it shouldn't matter. He should also openly call out this weird behaviour in other men.

vbych76 · 2021-09-19T16:03:52+00:00

Let me put that quote here

" Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage I am expected to make my life choices Always keeping in mind that Marriage is the most important Now marriage can be a source of Joy and love and mutual support But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage And we don't teach boys the same?"

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

__kamikaze__ · 2021-09-19T16:41:53+00:00

Yeah… unfortunately I agree with this.

In my pickmes days I lusted after different guys for years, and when I was interested in them NO ONE ELSE would catch my eye (even though I wasn’t even with them). I could not imagine a man doing the same.

More so, they tell on themselves. If they tell you “it’s in their biology”, that’s a warning they won’t just commit to you.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-09-19T16:19:01+00:00

I’ve always believed all men cheat (from being cheated on) then I meet someone seemingly decent who is or acts as if they are totally in love with me, proclaim they are in love with me, it’s mutual, love hormones are making me feel great, so I drop my guard and believe in them, in us, have hope, then they cheat on me. Rinse and repeat.

dembar126 · 2021-09-19T20:43:27+00:00

Being called "insecure" for this is so funny to me. Like it's the opposite of insecure? The reason I don't accept disloyalty is not because I'm insecure, it's because I genuinely think I'm amazing and anyone would be lucky af to have me. I mean you have ME and I'm not enough for you? It doesn't compute.

Insecurity is accepting this type of behavior just to have a man lmao.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-09-19T17:34:23+00:00

The juice ain’t worth the squeeze.

Men have always disappointed me. Even the seemingly HV ones have chronically wandering eyes and are actually LV af.

gigi_chi · 2021-09-19T15:51:49+00:00

I’m pretty sure If it weren’t for so many women desiring children and desiring the nuclear home , we would rarely date men. So many are just useless and burdens .

Golden_Lavender · 2021-09-19T17:59:12+00:00

My gripe is that so many men pick and choose when to put in 100% in a relationship whereas women (for the most part) whether they are in abusive relationships or average ones always put in their best foot forwards even when they have no business to. Maybe women have a bad tendency to put men before themselves but at the same time when I look at the underlying reasoning for their actions, I can't hate them not really (discounting enablers and cheaters) Like all these women really want is to be loved they way they love and yet they're punished for those feeling by emotionally neglectful and unavailable men.

We've all seen men who marry or enter into sexual relationships with women they don't even like but they'll still ask for all of that women's time and attention while they themselves are half heartedly in those relationships. The classic example of the husband/boyfriend who rushes to be at the side of the girl best friend while abandoning the side of their partners. Or the men who are perpetually obsessed with the "one who got away" and self sabotage every relationship afterwards. (that's why I hated reading people we meet on vacation)

A men's delusion is reality. He should have access to whatever women he wants and she should bend over backwards to please him. She has to be therapist, chef, maid, accountant, prostitutes, sugar momma, "one of the guys", punching bag, bodyguard and the list goes on.

Whereas women live in reality and have it called delusion. She wants to be cared for, supported, valued. For once have someone that is on her side and guards her back. Trust, loyalty, compassion, companionship, romance, thoughtfulness, to have someone that wants to be with her not someone that needs to leach off of her. But this is too much and apparently unattainable so women have to settle and it's just not fair that wanting someone to have eyes for you has to be achieved through reading fiction and not real life.

asianinindia · 2021-09-19T17:37:22+00:00

As long as they do it it's fine but mention that another guy looks nice or comment about how smart he is and suddenly you're the villain and you're destroying his confidence and the trust in the relationship. Lol.

HamburgerFries8 · 2021-09-19T20:33:08+00:00

And this is why I don't want to date ANY man even if HVM.

I don't want to impose spirituality but one of Jesus's statements is of utmost importance for me: he who looks at another woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart.

I had an art teacher in college who claimed that he was unabashedly ok with looking at other women. He was a weirdo and talked dirty in front of the class sometimes. He said that his wife labeled his behavior typical...his tone indicated that his wife accepted the behavior but I don't know for sure. I don't know how any woman can actually fully accept such behavior.

AAlegend8 · 2021-09-19T17:25:33+00:00

The dilemma is that now that we know the truth, we can’t pretend that we don’t see it! That’s why I’ve turned my focus to friends who make me laugh, my career, and my children (pets for those who aren’t having children).

finalbosskitten · 2021-09-19T18:16:11+00:00

Tbh I think it's fascinating because we all know if women behaved like men in terms of sexualizing and obsessing over gorgeous male pornstars, models, etc...men would despise it and be far more controlling over it than women ever were. And, the dead-eyed masses would magically protect the insecurity of these men far more than they ever did to women. It's just blindly protecting the status quo of the patriarchy.

We'd see abuse and murder rates of women spike up much more because that's just how insanely jealous many men are--already, many men bug out when women have preferences that they don't fit (i.e., height) and women don't even have to spend 1000s of hours consuming these hotties and training their minds to obsess over them like men do. The mere idea that a woman likes a hot guy is dystopian to many NVMs; contrast to the objectification of women being far more present, common, acted upon, and systematic. All it takes is some woman somewhere saying "I like men over 6 feet" to convince a NVM that it's the same.

I doubt most short men would like it if their wife followed 100s of tall male models. In fact, they'd feel cucked.. They're well aware that a person shouldn't spend massive amounts of their energy, hormones, and emotions on consuming people...they just don't want the women they feel entitled to do it. Hello, "guy that asks for an open relationship that feels destroyed when his girlfriend finds a hot guy" energy, an energy made oh-so-spicy by the fact that many of these guys don't understand they'd take issue with it until it actually happens.

"It's just less serious for men" actually makes little sense owing to how it's actually the opposite. Porn and hot people actually influence men MORE (intelligence, aggression, what they value/find attractive, etc.)--all thoroughly researched. If a guy's hobby is porn, yes, that says a lot about where is mind is. It's just as women we're supposed to pretend that this is normal because, well, to say otherwise is to question our lizard-brained overlords.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-09-19T21:45:20+00:00

he will always be thinking about other women and basically mindfuck anything that walks while I'm just his physical release.

Damn. I used to believe that as long as he came home to me, I was ok, but now this just turns my stomach. I don't want to be his masturbation vessel, I want to be his partner.

Anytime I'm upset about my theoretical boyfriend vigorously beating it off to someone who looks nothing like me it apparently means I'm insecure. How does that even remotely make sense???

I got downvoted for saying that subscribing to someone's OnlyFans is cheating!! I don't understand how anyone could think that it isn't!?!

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-09-19T17:55:26+00:00

Agreed. It doesn't benefit me to fall in love with a man.

proudpine · 2021-09-19T16:05:33+00:00

I could’ve written this. Right there with you.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-09-19T20:51:06+00:00

Let a woman use a vibrator while watching "Monster Cock" porn and suddenly they'd freak out. We aren't as gross as them so it's less common, and I have no desire to, but it would be hilarious.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-19T17:27:38+00:00

”bUt We’Re ViSuAl By NaTuRe. We CaN’t HeLp It!” 🤡🤡🤡

tatodumpling · 2021-09-19T17:17:35+00:00

I have been secretly crying to myself because my bf makes me feel crazy and prude, like I'm the only one who feels this way. For a while I believed I was. Thank you for sharing.

brylm92 · 2021-09-19T18:19:36+00:00

Spot on. I've consigned myself to the reality that having a relationship in which my commitment and respect for the other person will be reciprocated is a fantastical dream, and no longer have any interest in one.

Men have been told their disrespect is BiOlOgiCaL and anyone who opposes that is InSeCurE since forever, and have no interest in questioning any bs reasoning that works entirely in their favour. Everyone's heard their horrible "it's fine to look at the menu, as long as you eat a home" analogy - but in reality it's more like they've put themselves on a diet and then decided to hang out constantly at fast food joints, check takeout menus throughout the day, fill their social media with photos of big macs to dribble ravenously at - of COURSE the diet is not gonna be successful if you're actively fuelling an obsession for something you can't have, and are not mentally committed to abstaining from. As the LoGIcAL sex you'd think they'd understand that, but of course thy don't care, because they think cheating is their natural god-given right. I literally don't understand why they are in relationships at all if they're immediately going to became disinterested in the woman (who they were no doubt fantasizing about before) and probably resent for resembling only one adult human female, not 20,000 different perfect sex dolls at once. Like op I've only entered relationships when I feel strongly about them as a person, and don't have eyes for anyone else. I don't even THINK about having other intimate partners and would feel guilty is I did.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-09-19T18:22:34+00:00

I agree with you 100%. I believe it is less to do with biology and more do with culture. But yes, what is the point in emotionally investing in someone who will eventually see you as the ball and chain that is keeping him from pursuing other conquests?

jugularlemonade · 2021-09-19T18:11:41+00:00

Can any men give back what women can give?

iloveyoubabi · 2021-09-19T20:56:33+00:00

I honestly could've written this myself. I agree 1000%. It's still really sad, though.

slanid · 2021-09-19T17:16:52+00:00

And when you find a guy who doesn’t cheat or think about sex 24/7, they have some weird sexual hang ups and never want sex, even with you. Speaking from experience.

xD_itgoes · 2021-09-19T15:52:20+00:00

It's considered "expected" and normalized for men to be lazier, be dead beats, cheat, not put effort into their looks, be angry, be messy, not listen, etc etc comparatively to women.

What. Is. The. Point.

lol

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-09-19T21:59:18+00:00

My exes never cheated on me, but I used to be too trusting and naive, so yeah, they probably cheated, and I never noticed.

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ENFP_Canadian · 2021-09-19T20:35:45+00:00

You are 100000% on point. Thank yew 👏

ussr_ftw · 2021-09-19T22:05:51+00:00

If you don't feel you're in the right headspace to date, that's ok. Give yourself peace.

relationship_reddit · 2021-09-20T11:34:03+00:00

This is exactly how I feel.

Title	My gripes with dating men
Author	TieDieEye
Upvotes	362
Comments	67
Date	September 19, 2021 3:43 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/prac1d/my_gripes_with_dating_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-gripes-with-dating-men.1075563 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075563

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