"Men need to call out SA."

lastfreethinker · 2024-09-01T16:20:27+00:00

I talk about SA, the two instances that happened to me with older women 40+ and a 60+ both grabbing in my crotch while I was 18-19. I will tell you this right now, that isn't the sexual assault they want men to talk about.

Burning_Burps · 2024-09-01T16:54:01+00:00

Everyone should call out predatory behavior regardless of gender.

I feel like some women have this idea that all men are secretly rapists in waiting, or that we think sexual assault is all fine and dandy.

eldred2 · 2024-09-01T17:38:49+00:00

It's projection. Women tend to provide cover when other women SA men.

cliffseika70 · 2024-09-01T17:39:21+00:00

I have confronted 2 different friends in my life about behavior towards women that I thought was concerning. The conversations were not easy and in one of the cases, the friendship never recovered.

A few years back I was working at a nonprofit with about 30 women and 2 men (one being me). We had a big fundraising event and the drinks were flowing pretty liberally. One of my drunk coworkers started to touch my face and I told her to please stop. Later in the evening, she then groped and tried to start rubbing my crotch. Knowing that if I reacted too physically then I would be seen as problem ("violent man shoving poor woman for no reason!"), I grabbed her shoulders and slowly pushed her back and said 'no thank you'. After the event was over and I went home, I was worried that she would reverse the story that night and tell everyone that it was actually me who was trying to touch her. I also remembered hearing, since I started working at this place, at least three different coworkers proclaim that they would trust a woman's story over a man's every time. As much as I just wanted to leave it alone, I knew I had to be the first one to report what happened. We didn't have an HR so I told my boss and the two coworkers on my team that I was closest to. Keep in mind, all three were self proclaimed radical feminists. All three mentioned MeToo regularly, and how even men that did not do those things were implicated because they did nothing to stop friends from doing SAs and other creepy behaviors. All three, in separate conversations said variations of "Oh she was just drunk", "haha that sounds just like her, she can be kind of a mess", and "it was probably annoying, but its a bit of a compliment too".

When I confronted the 2 friends that I mentioned at the top, I had other mutual friends that said those same sentiments. They did not help me to discuss the situation in-depth because they did not think it was that big of a deal. I don't regret those conversations because it was the right thing to do. But there is a part of me that started to feel a bit naïve after experiencing the rank hypocrisy of feminists who did absolutely nothing when it was a friend of theirs.

lemons7472 · 2024-09-01T17:30:14+00:00

Yeah I realize that most of the stuff that a lot of women demand of men that’s the “bare minimum”, such as calling out SA or protecting women, I notice that I never see the same courtesy demanded of women to do, such as call out SA for men, as in calling out others behavior of being in inappropriate towards a male, especially at the hands of women. Or maybe also protecting men by calling out female abusers or assaulters that will get off scott free as innocent. In fact, more often than not, a lot of the time other women will say that it doesn’t count, or will try to silence or belittle you if you say anything about your experince of women doing the same.

Like when I did face sexual harassment in hs from both a man and a woman at the same time in a classroom full of mostly women (as in tvete are only 4 of us male students in the entire roster, me, my harasser, and a friend), it was my male friend that talked to me wanting to know if I was ok, he gave a shit when he saw me revolted against the other guy for getting touchy, he would’ve probably called it out firsthand if he actually knew about it in a room. However I never expected nor demand all of the other women in the room to do something for me, just that it was another man that did.

But I think the solution to this is that you keep the expectation mutual, where you have women and men be both expected to help out each other, not just 1 way around and ignore the other.

Trump4Prison-2024 · 2024-09-02T00:53:50+00:00

I was a teacher back in 2016. I walked in on my department head, a woman, in an unclothed, highly inappropriate situation with an underage male student, on campus, during school hours.

As a mandatory reporter, I reported the situation. Figured she would be fired pretty much on the spot. Needless to say, she wasn't, and they told me to not talk to anyone about it until the investigation has concluded. Several weeks passed, and I inquired about the investigation because I was very concerned that she was still allowed to be in the classroom (wasn't even put on leave), and that I had noticed her behavior with that student was seemingly unchanged and still publicly borderline inappropriate, and I had seen them come out of empty, locked rooms together after the initial incident. They told me the investigation had concluded and there was not enough evidence to take drastic action (the district investigator didn't even talk to me to get a statement, and I guess the fact that I know what both of them look like naked wouldn't qualify as evidence in their eyes). So I reached out to my union rep who I told, in confidence, that I was going to go to the local paper if she wasn't removed from the classroom. That was on a Friday at the end of the school day.

When I arrived on Monday morning, I had a contract non renewal letter in my mailbox with the reason stated as "Difficult to work with; Insubordinate; Unwilling to align with school norms". I went above my union reps head, since she sold me out to admin, and went straight to the Union president, and the best he was able to secure me was a severance pay package so long as I didn't go to the paper, and I told them if she stays in the classroom then they can shove the money up their ass. They let her resign "for personal reasons" (meaning she kept her teaching license and didn't have a negative dismissal on her record). So since she was out, I took the money.

That dismissal followed me (I had been at that school for nearly my entire career, so they were my only relevant references), so I was unable to get another teaching job. I had to switch professions entirely just to make a living, and I was broke as fuck, basically forced into poverty and almost became homeless multiple times. It took me about 5 years to get almost back to the level that I was making as a middle aged man with my only real work experience in a career I couldn't get a job in anymore.

So that's my experience with being a man calling that shit out. And I also want to to offer a big "fuck you" to anybody trying to make it seem like men are the problem for not calling it out.

redditisahategroup1 · 2024-09-01T15:58:27+00:00

Right on point about trans issues, but otherwise, speaking in such a way promotes a disastrously harmful idea that "SA" refers to male-on-female violence. But men DO need to call out SA: society DOES need to condemn paedophiles that get child support for raping entrusted male children, needs to target rapists that get to be honoured speakers of Women's March, etc. That does not and has never happened in history. Women need to, too

jessi387 · 2024-09-01T16:29:59+00:00

We are not their servants.

Btw, aren’t they always the ones suggesting that women have no obligation to help men based on their problems ?

IntrepidDifference84 · 2024-09-01T19:18:17+00:00

Women think staring is SA while men SA victims are to remain silent as women aren’t ready nor willing to hear men get SA’d close to as much but we don’t report or make light of due to societal judgment.

JustHereForGiner79 · 2024-09-01T15:54:41+00:00

Exactly. We already do. To the point that perpetrators hide from us in terror. Women need to stand up for themselves. Personally. Physically. Exercise their own agency.

Revolver-Knight · 2024-09-01T17:20:15+00:00

It’s funny you mention trans issues

Cause it’s the same with migrant men or immigrants

Care about the woman and children?

Oh wait you’re a fighting age male coming to a country looking for opportunities? Bonus points if you’ve got a lil melanin in your system

Congratulations you must be a barbaric rapist coming to rape and pillage

Like seriously it’s all about saving the migrant woman and children, but the men fuck em let em die

I’m not one of those open borders or kick em all out but the reaction to migrant woman vs migrant men is crazy.

P3NDRA60N · 2024-09-01T19:20:31+00:00

Infant male circumcision is by definition SA. Conditions men from infancy that our bodies are not our own.

SvitlanaLeo · 2024-09-01T18:31:07+00:00

I wouldn't say there isn't a rape culture in prisons. At least because there is a lot of sexual abuse in prisons, and very few prosecutions related to prison sexual abuse. Which suggests that many prisoners and police are quite lenient about sexual abuse itself.

AleksandrNevsky · 2024-09-01T21:42:54+00:00

I call it out plenty, the femmies just don't like that I call out women predators for it too and how they as a political group enable it.

TaskComfortable6953 · 2024-09-02T00:34:17+00:00

Meanwhile….. boys are getting sued by their convicted female abuser for child support and winning

This world is a joke

MargieFancypants · 2024-09-02T08:46:25+00:00

The first SA I suffered was a woman who dosed my beer with GHB and jumped me after the mini-coma. It took me ten years to figure out what happened to me. And no, I did not yet identify as trans, by decades.

Not sure, especially now from a woman's perspective, how that wasn't entirely on her.

Disastrous_Average91 · 2024-09-02T06:20:26+00:00

The thing that is more important to be talking about is that men should call out SA when it happens to them by women. Not to put all responsibility on men because it’s hard to call it out when you’re told you should want it but we need to start women who feel entitled to touch men without consent

AigisxLabrys · 2024-09-02T01:35:46+00:00

Exactly. Why must we spend even a single second condemning something that 99.9999999% of humans already condemn?

hottake_toothache · 2024-09-02T12:27:31+00:00

It will NEVER be enough.

WhyDidntITextBack · 2024-09-03T08:16:04+00:00

Not to derail the conversation, but it’s seems like an issue here is the fact that men are pretty much expected to go put ourselves in harms way for others. I’ve often heard and read things like “look at all those men just standing there while” or “real men would’ve-“ you get my point. However I NEVER hear that said to women. They’re not expected to go out and put themselves in harms way for others. Only men.

SvitlanaLeo · 2024-09-01T18:14:23+00:00

Actually, prisons are full of sexual violence, which prisoners and police often take quite calmly, given how few prosecutions there are for sexual violence in prisons.

ferrocarrilusa · 2024-09-02T03:37:03+00:00

even though someone can brag about doing it and become president? and plenty of police departments have a backlog of rape kits, and often imply that it's the victim's fault?

Title	"Men need to call out SA."
Author	NonbinaryYolo
Upvotes	168
Comments	67
Date	September 1, 2024 2:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1f6g0vr/men_need_to_call_out_sa/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/men-need-to-call-out-sa.1529080 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529080

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