Need help

SteelToeShitKicker · 2016-08-17T17:19:27+00:00

Don't ever expect your wife to give you a complement on looking good. I'm in the best shape of my life, do I get any compliments? No.

She does love to feel my arms when we are fucking though.

anythinginc · 2016-08-17T17:50:47+00:00

We have a saying:

What would you be doing if you were single? Do that.

When I was single, momentarily, I got out old yearbooks and looked people up on FB to shamelessly message to go do shit with, "hey man/girl, it's been a minute, you down for a drink at XYZ Thursday?" I read every periodical and blog and FB event list to find shit to go do. I made myself go solo to half the bars in town and try to talk to people (anxious as fuck at first). I spent weekends with cousins or brothers out of town. I joined a gym and got on a schedule, after awhile I asked somebody if they wanted a spot, they ended up spotting me too, pretty soon I know some regualrs. Joined the climbing center and went climbing every week so I could tell bitches I rock climbed, they love that shit. I joined the fucking Knights of Columbus and was getting ready to join Kiwanis. Looked on meetup dot com for shit but not much in my area. I went to all the guest lectures at my old college. I ended up with literally too much shit to do. It felt nice to put something off and stay in for a night sometimes, instead of feeling like shit shitting in because I didn't have anything to do. That is how you make yourself less available, and once you are less available your time with your wife becomes more valuable. Once your time is more valuable, she'll likely want to use it to fuck you.

I have no outside friends or activities...we don't talk about anything other than about kids.

I think ya'll just have couple-fatigue. Getting out and building an interesting life outside your house/wife and then inviting your wife/kids along occasionally can do wonders. My newgirl is the same way, she would sit in the house all Saturday, that would be fine if we were fucking, but she gets funky and feels unsexy. But if I take her to a farmers market in the morning and then meet someone for brunch and then walk around a shopping center and then check out an exhibit and then go shopping for groceries to cook a meal at home together or some shit we're practically fucking before the food is cooked.

I am almost 40...My wife is introverted and doesn't do much with her circle of friends either

I'mma test you. You're wife has a friend that both of you can stand, and her husband is pretty cool too. You will message the husband to ask if they can come over for dinner. "Hey Steve, Marsha and I would love to have you and the kids over sometime next week for a bottle of wine and some company," or something like that, you don't even need to cook just get some take out from a good place and make some appetizers or chips and dip or something. I swear, that is what normal people do and it doesn't mean shit. They'll say yes or no, whatever, on to the next. The point is to drink a bottle of wine and chat from 7 to 8, eat some food, then drink more wine/beer until they have to go home. Bonus points if you and Steve can go chill apart from the wives and do your own shit and let them do their own thing, if you can be cool with a dude for like 30 minutes then when they leave you're set up for asking Steve to hangout in the near future. If Steve is not an autist too he's gonna be like "sure bro, lets have a beer." After you've "gone for beers" a couple times you are officially friends. That is what grown sociable people do (I had to learn to). Now I don't know your kid situation or their situation or if you live in a shed or something, but you can make it work or meet somewhere for dinner with them and their kids just like every other asshole in the world. If her friends suck then you know somebody from work. Do this a couple times with several couples and fuck you've got some friends to do things with now. You've probably already got a pre-made social group with your kids extracurricular activities if you killed your ego, got our of your head and chatted with the parents next to you.

I typed a lot because this is where I was with my ex before we divorced...and I had to work really hard to overcome my bullshit to just relax and act like I knew normal people acted. It also helped to live with a vivacious group of girls so I got to watch them and see how they worked, how their calendars stayed full. It is super fucking simple: ANY new acquaintance got put on facebook/insta/snapchat, and nearly anybody on facebook/insta/SC is fair game for a message to "hangout/comeover/getdinner/havebrunch...no shame, no guilt, no anxiety, just being social, not living their lives alone.

Countpudyoola · 2016-08-17T18:19:27+00:00

Note how when you stopped giving a shit about "her pleasure" that the pleasure increased?

Apply that to trying to attract her with your gains.

Get sex.

Get gains.

Lose fucks.

Besides... women don't value the same things as attractive as we do. Confidence, self control, and a bit of unpredictability or bad boy je ne sais quoi. In a marriage you can't go 100% or even 80% bad boy usually without upsetting the comfort balance, but you have to have enough to remain INTERESTING. A mild case of mystery or unpredictability could be all that's required if your personality is normally mild or low key.

A guy could check off

Perfectly proportioned and classical attractive handsome facial features
Fit body
Strong body

And still bore her eventually.

Her texting you "get milk" is no indicator of her attraction to you. It's an indication she's requesting milk. Of course, depending on where you're at it may require a

"you're missing a word"

"what?"

"please"

I'm 44 now and have more friends than I can keep up with. Just keep up with enough. You may have to branch out and move away from your comfort zone in meeting new people.

Just walk in somewhere. See what the hell is going on.

I go to a local humidor once a week every Thursday.

If you're new , especially a walk-in who sits down at the bar, several dudes (including the Bartender) will introduce themselves and try to get to know you. Me as well so I know what to call you next week when you inevitably come back for the camaraderie, atmosphere, and cheap beer prices.

I'd say at least half come back the next week. Some guys are just coming through town and will be "temporary" regulars.

This is just one place in one small city. We are not a special snowflake city or gathering place.

Sometimes it's a gym,a dojo, a bar, a church, a meditation center,a bike shop, hell there's even a place here where people play tabletop games, card games, rpgs and they have beginners nights ... just walk in somewhere.

It's AMAZING how much of a homebody and "I don't hang out with women" type of a lady my wife was. Then I joined a gym, a dojo, then started hanging out with more and more friends I got from these activities as well as reconnecting with old friends...and she got neck deep into yoga and now has her circle of friends.

You lead by example. And by doing so you create a vacuum where you used to be (even if it was just sitting there) she'll have to fill somehow.

Boesman12 · 2016-08-18T07:24:27+00:00

Your wife checked out of your relationship a long time ago. Before MRP mine was the same. We hardly ever had a fight, it was even worse than roommates, it was more like living with a person that doesn't even acknowledges you. I also got the text for chores to be done and thats it.

Your wive knows you will be there tomorrow, and the day after. She doesn't worry about you leaving.

No start at the very beginning. Read the professors book about 12 levels of dread and start on level 1.

You need to get out of the house and find some friends and hobbies. Don't worry about sex now. Never discuss it at all except for initiating every day. Gaming her but without bringing up sex.

If you get to fuck her, you fuck her like a locomotive, get up and go do something else. If you don;t get to fuck her you show no butt hurt and go do something else.

I had a longer journey than most guys here because before I could withdraw my attention to punish bad behavior I had to get her to value my presence first. It seems you are in the same boat.

To make her value your presence you need to be high value, to get your shit done around the house, to be some beta that provides comfort, but to slowly impose boundaries as to acceptable behaviour. I also had to get a bit overt in dread for the first while. I deliberately put myself in positions where she could see me interact with other women. I gamed and flirted with everyone. Once I got my first unsolicited blowjob the evening after her high school reunion I knew I can start to be less overt and be more overt. Then I went back to my MAP, readjusted it and started at level one dread right from the beginning.

Persaeus · 2016-08-19T05:19:58+00:00

The central intellectual tenet of TRP is to see the world as it really is as supposed to what you want or were told.

Understand this OP, your intellectual elitism is extremely unattractive to virtually everyone including your intellectual equals and superiors. Let me explain.

Unless you are a grand chess master, have a Nobel prize, are a federal judge, or a professor at a well known university as a few examples you have no objective proof of your intellectual chops. Your in sales in Montana so I am guessing none of this applies. Add to this their are manny forms of intelligence which are equally useful in different facets of life.

So take something that cannot be directly measured and add to it human nature to suspect/fear anything that said human cannot directly perceive and you will understand why intellectualism is viewed negatively in most circles.

Let's look at a few examples. First sports, everyone can objectively see who is the best. No one questions the NBA being 90% black because it is obvious there the best. However , take any intellectual pursuit and suddenly there have to be dark reasons that some group of people are over represented. Consider the smartest group of people in human history (as measured by Nobel prizes and many other measures) are the most persecuted: Jews.

Be attractive and don't be attractive. For you OP, this means developing a social life with the plebs and you dropping the intellectual elitism. Your smart so figure out how to do this....

Welcome to the desert of the real.

TheFamilyAlpha · 2016-08-17T16:29:51+00:00

as of yet non of my gains have seemed to impressed her at all

She's the benchmark to your success? Your 'gainz' aren't as impressive as you think and it's important to note that a shredded sniveling child is still a child.

"Look mommy, I've got muscles" - You

Just not sure what to do.

Tell her that this isn't a fucking marriage and that shit is going to change and you are both going to live your lives and the small amount of time you have together or you are going to leave and do your own thing.

Divorce isn't death. you have very few breaths left in your life, how many more will you waste for a woman?

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-08-17T16:31:36+00:00

Have you read Book of Pook?
Join a group that forces you to make some friends. Martial arts, Dad's organization at your kids' school, or something with scheduled events.

You've read all the sidebar so you should know the basics. I'm willing to bet you could tell us why things aren't where you want if you dug in a little deeper.

redmountainpill · 2016-08-17T17:31:59+00:00

It sounds like you're boring. You lift, work, and hang out at home. Do you plan fun activities and then invite your wife along? Do you even know how to do fun activities? For now, I'd work on cultivating male friendships and then worry about your wife and kids. This is straight up NMMNG stuff.

You're probably introverted, don't make friends easily, and rely on your wife for validation. That's not uncommon. Like others have said, join a group that forces you to interact with people. For me, it's easy to do some sport that I enjoy and then I seek out other guys who enjoy it too. It takes about a year to cultivate a circle of male friends who will keep you busy outside the home. You said school is starting soon-- don't worry about getting involved with your kids. You're plenty involved. They'll be fine. You need some bros.

Here's a plan that would be easy to do:

You already have a good body. More lifting probably isn't going to increase your SMV. Your wife has shown that the incremental gains won't be worth the effort. Again, you need bros.
Sign up for a sprint or olympic triathlon. You don't have to worry about winning or placing in the top 10. You're doing it to make friends.
Join a master's swim class, cycling club, and running club.
Game the chicks there (triathlon chicks are hot) and talk to every single guy in the club. You'll be surprised how easy it will be to make friends. They all want training partners.

dandar4600 · 2016-08-17T19:08:33+00:00

I have no outside friends or activities, Idk how you people pull this off?

Kind of the same boat. Last year I started riding a road bike (bicycle) on my rest days. Good way to develop some friendships but in December my son was born so that put a damper on that. I have an old group of friends but their national past-time is drinking alcohol and watching Euro soccer and neither are appealing at all to me so those friendships are slowly dying. At least sex with my wife isn't terrible. In fact it never was so I can't complain there.

I'd say join some activities if you have the time. Men develop friendships by doing shit together, so sign up to some team shit, then join them for drinks after and go from there.

spexer · 2016-08-18T02:06:21+00:00

see here is the trick -

You are determining your success based on how she reacts.

What I have seen happen here is that when MEN get their shit together, get confident, fit, and take on the world as only a captain can do.... then they are surprised that they find happiness and peace in themselves.... in their journey.

The wife? she is a byproduct - she can be a part of the journey or not... he is going to live awesome regardless.

And when a man honestly thinks this way, his woman can smell it... and gets damp in her instinctual drive to want what doesnt want her.

This is what you are missing. Outcome independence because you are awesome. Either you do not realize this yet, or you are not awesome yet.

BaronVonNrx · 2016-08-18T02:07:37+00:00

He was calling me a faggot and asking me how much jizz I drink. I am supposed to take that seriously?

BaronVonNrx · 2016-08-18T03:07:35+00:00

I've never once argued how wonderful I am. I know who I am, I know what most of my faults are; I don't know how to overcome all of those faults but I am trying.

BaronVonNrx · 2016-08-18T15:22:23+00:00

Y'all are a sensitive lot, I don't get all the butt hurt. I am an elitist, I believe in human biodiversity, I am a mysogonist, I don't think women have agency, I think global warming is mostly a scam. I think women shouldn't have suffrage or generally the avg person at all.

I said "plebs," who cares? I don't identity with the avg beer drinking, football obsessed person. I can but I have to put on an act. People like me exist, not everyone is the same. People are genetically different, am I allowed to say that or will that cause more fucking butt hurt? You people are fucking sensitive as fuck. I wasn't making excuses I am trying to lay things out as to how they are. I have a difficult time associating with "normies," "plebs" whatever the fuck you want to label it. I chose to move to a BFE mountain town, I own that, it's part of my reality. I get along great with other INTPs, people like me, there simply aren't that many of them. I read Evola for fun so yes I am an insufferable cunt I get that.

I realize I have to overcome this challenge and have said as much over and over.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-08-18T15:41:40+00:00

I have no outside friends or activities, Idk how you people pull this off?

Welcome to Level 3 Dread: Get Busy!

Dread Level 3: Begin to build a life apart from your wife. Join a club. Take up a cause, discipline, or calling. Get busy. You are going places, with or without her. Read the Way of the Superior Male by David Dieda and the Art of Seduction by Robert Green. This is a great post on Building an interesting life: How to hobby..

Here is is another great post listing dozens of manly activities to fill up your calendar.

BaronVonNrx · 2016-08-18T17:39:00+00:00

People were clearly butt hurt about me using the term "plebs."

As for the divorce comment, my point is that my wife knows that I don't believe in divorce, I am suggesting that I need to just make her know that divorce is not something I am against(in theory). Dread levels won't work if she knows I would never leave?

My wife has seen me take drastic position changes before so I think I can pull it off. I am not suggesting I tel her that divorce is something I am considering for us as a couple now only that divorce is in theory acceptable. As for Fraiser, yes I can identify with him.

screechhater · 2016-08-17T23:44:42+00:00

Relax You are letting a little insecurities get to you.

I want you to know this is part of the journey and your eyes will start to see more. Don't sway, stay on course.

Measure the gains in six months and tell us the impact.

Friends away from the house, and make sure you are shaking hands and being ultra friendly with other parents of your kids and keep an ear open to listen, don't get caught up in the drama, but do listen, also have something relevant to add.

You need to be doing all this work to feel better about you. Forget her work towards being present. Do not vacillate on her acknowledgement, or lack there of

Honestly, keep feeling good about yourself, but realize you will need to keep working. Yes, I am sure your gains are valid, but remember the rule of thumb is one month for every year of marriage for change.

BaronVonNrx · 2016-08-17T21:23:24+00:00

I didn't say it was too redpill to threaten divorce or lie to my wife. I said I am too redpill to actually push for a divorce as its statistically very bad for my kids who I value more. I have to convince my wife that divorce is a possible future but it's not something I want at least till my kids are old enough to handle it.

If I was so miserable that I wanted to shoot myself it would be a different story.

Title	Need help
Author	BaronVonNrx
Upvotes	3
Comments	144
Date	August 17, 2016 4:18 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4y6ifj/need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/need-help.199643 https://theredarchive.com/post/199643

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