Why is men venting or sharing frustrations on dating met with hostility on Reddit?

ExMuzzy · 2022-12-24T00:30:00+00:00

“You need to lower your standards, that’s why you’re not getting women.”

End up in an unhappy relationship.

“Where are you finding these women? Men have no standards.”

You can’t win. I wouldn’t recommend asking for relationship advice on Reddit. Most of the subs dedicated to the topic are female dominated and usually side with the woman. Some will comb through your post history just to place blame on you.

heeroena · 2022-12-24T01:41:16+00:00

Because men make valid points that the gynocentric social order doesn't want to have pointed out since it exposes said social order and the unflattering nature of females

Bland-fantasie · 2022-12-24T05:11:13+00:00

It’s conditioning to make men shut up and accept their ever-artificially-diminishing status.

pm_me_your_buttbulge · 2022-12-24T00:25:29+00:00

"Leave women alone! You're not entitled to sex!"

Funny how when you say "two checks" they feel entitled to my money for the food...

Realistically there are one of two things at play here. Some people who feel very strongly about feminism often assume MRA's are a threat to, quite literally, everything they stand for. Imagine being a hardcore Ford guy. Any criticism from someone who likes Chevy's will be met with... nothing polite, usually, no matter how accurate that criticism is.

This is mostly due to the nature of how arguing works in America. It's a win/lose thing and not a "let's come to an understanding" thing. The goal is rarely to educate - the goal is to "win" (and for every winner there has to be a loser, right? At least in America).

The other group are people who are in their own narrow bubble and can't see out of their own experiences. These are usually the kind of people who may say "I don't do X ever again because of this one bad experience which I know is extremely rare but, ya know, it could happen again". A bad thing happened to them and they are viewing your response in a very specific experience relative to theirs. So, for example:

"You need therapy, honey."

They may not be wrong but odds are they have a specific person in their life and they are projecting that experience they had with them onto you.

It's only socially acceptable that this goes one direction. You can do plenty of Google searches and swap the genders and find out just how anti-male the world is and how many support systems females have, relative to males.

But, like all systems, they have flaws too. For example, my wife wasn't granted food stamps because she was white. She met practically every other criteria... except race. There qualifier for other races was easier to meet. So those people had it, financially, easier than my wife.. and qualified.

Can you imagine how she feels about that? How do you think that alters her perception of food stamps, racial issues, etc?

"we don't need to hear your pity party, you incel!"

The sad thing is... those people probably don't even know what "incel" means. You could still get laid pretty regularly and still not have a great person in your life or get fucked over regularly.

Basically they only want to hear their own pity parties. Misery loves company and all that.

"another whiny man who plays the victim card"

This is a fun one. If you break it down - they are being malicious and hateful in this one sentence. "Another.." -- means they see a lot of men doing this.. which implies the problem is wide-spread. "whiny man" -- implying that the complaint isn't reasonable. "who plays the victim card" -- this is really them projecting their anger about the "woman card" when being called out on it. They are trying to weaponize the phrase that they feel hurts them the most in an effort to hurt you the most.

This type of person is usually hateful, hurt, and not a good person to be around - even for other women. They rarely keep "real" friends. I say that - they rotate friends like clockwork. This is the type of "if you're not with your, you're against me" - of which they tend to sabotage their life pretty regularly. On the extreme ends these are the recorded Karens. This is why you always hear them say, later on, "I was in a dark place in my life".

I say all this. What I really think people here are upset about is the double standard as well as that society refusing to acknowledge the double standard.

For example, the video's we see regularly where a woman hits a man and no one says or does anything. Reverse it and the white knights come out from everywhere. When you point this out... society just looks down and away, mumbles, and then forgets about it. They refuse to acknowledge that this is trivially repeatable and is a problem. Worse, when it's shoved in their face - they get angry about it being pointed out.

Where is the empathy for men?

It's building. It's coming. What will, likely, end up happening is the hardcore feminists that are bigots and hateful now will either a.) conform and turn down their assholery when society changes or b.) will be relegated to KKK nationalism type insanity. Society is catching on. Large change like this is a slow'ish process. We've seen it with first and second wave feminism. We've seen it with civil rights.

Basically any person who goes "nuh uh, let me show you" has pretty regularly turned around and went "holy shit.. I was wrong".

People, like my sister, who have said she hates logic and statistics because they are always wrong. In reality she hates them because her beliefs don't match up with reality and her experiences are super rare - and to an extent her own fault.

"You can't trust statistics, they can be manipulated" - sort of. This is why you look at two critical things: How the data was collected and the definitions of words.

For example, Reddit loves to talk about mass shootings like they happen every day. How the FBI classifies mass shooting is not how your average person classifies a mass shooting. If a mother shoots her two kids and husband, then suicides out - that is, by definition, a mass shooting. If you had one drink and a car rear ends you at a stop sign - that's an "alcohol related incident" according to MADD - even though the person with one beer, showed 0.0 in BAC, and wasn't the person at fault - doesn't matter.

To be educated requires work. And people don't like work. It's easier to shrug it off - as your examples show.

Letterkenny had a particular scene where Tanis said "somewhere there's a mens rights activies missing their door greeter" but Tanis, the character, got butt hurt when she was thrown her way (e.g. "I get it, it must be hard not paying taxes your whole lives"). That particular scene is a great example of feminism. They want a fight. They want their way and fuck anyone else whose opinions differ from there opinion. "They just want to be heard" - no they don't. They want their way. If you don't agree with them then they don't feel "heard". They want to dictate people.

Understanding is optional, obedience is required. That's their way. None of it allows for true empathy. It's just faux empathy (e.g. "I'll pray for you" kind of bullshit).

Futureman999 · 2022-12-24T07:19:17+00:00

"It's probably because of your bad personality or your tendency to blame women."

This one is my least favorite. When you go out there and try your best and get knocked down anyway, and they go out of their way to tear your confidence down even more. "You probably smell or have a bad personality. Ha loser!" They don't put in the last part, but they might as well. Their "advice" to "work on yourself" is never meant to actually help you, like it never occured to you to be more fit, charming, well dressed, etc. etc., but to kick you when you're down.

We all know how cruel teen girls can be to each other, e.g. in the movies "Heathers" and "Mean Girls". It's a skill and a lust for hurting others they develop around puberty. Social media, especially anonymous platforms like reddit, enable them to indulge their sadism without consequences.

Also since the beginnings of the human species, women have evolved their psychology and speech to inspire sympathy and generosity from fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons. They NEED STUFF, they WANT STUFF, and sometimes they're not actively engaged in meaningful work to acquire those things, though men almost always are.

Social media has allowed women, quite unconsciously - there never had to be a plan, to characterize themselves as victims in every situation and reshape society to their needs and whims gradually over years, to the point a man speaking to a woman in public is now a prosecutable hate crime in some countries. Men lose their careers falsely thinking some woman at work was interested in them romantically and trying (and failing) to flirt. In past decades that would simply be embarrassing and awkward for everyone, but not now. Contrast to when a morbidly obese or much older female coworker becomes infatuated with you at work, but there's zero chance you can return her interest. You have to deal with that shit on your own because you're male. She's not losing her job, much less her career, no matter what.

Low_Art4592 · 2022-12-24T04:25:03+00:00

Because women are privileged

LondonDude123 · 2022-12-23T23:11:40+00:00

Where is the empathy for men?

"You're Serious?"

Low_Cranberry_4024 · 2022-12-24T01:19:08+00:00

They then wonder why so many men go down the redpill/blackpool rabit holes.

Men in general seack solutions to their problems and will listen and try the solution provided to them you can't complain about tge solutions men come up with on their own if you aren't willing or able to provide advice that actually works.

g1455ofwater · 2022-12-24T01:16:48+00:00

Venting men will be ridiculed and or criminalized in this world.

You are playing into the feministic system promoting their man-hating terminology like "nice guys" and "entitled, delusional incels". Your unwarranted attacks on men aren't better than their unwarranted attacks on men.

nineteenletterslong_ · 2022-12-23T23:50:13+00:00

it's the notion of male entitlement. any kind of self-preoccupation is akin to oppressing women and entitlement to their bb bbb bbbbooodddiiieees, who incidentally have it much worse so you shouldn't complain. don't forget to express your emotions though, honey. feminism is there for you.

B1G_Fan · 2022-12-24T19:14:11+00:00

Because women refuse to take criticism of the modern dating environment

Granted, yes, women aren't always wrong when they criticize men.

Are there dudes out there who live in their parents basement, refuse to hit the gym, refuse to get a good job, AND cluelessly wonder why he can't find a submissive housewife to marry? Absolutely!

But, the degree to which guys with well-used gym memberships, good jobs, and self-sufficiency are expected to marry fat single mothers with tattoos is frankly insulting.

And part of the reason why it's insulting is the degree to which it's a lie that women are truly attracted to men who are trending toward becoming the nerdy square Ward Clever.

When Lori Alexander published her "Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins with no Tattoos" post, there was a lot of shrieking even among self-described "conservative feminists".

https://thetransformedwife.com/men-prefer-debt-free-virgins-without-tattoos/

When some anonymous coward published "Women Prefer Physically Fit with Good Jobs and No Criminal Record" in The Federalist, any person with a shred of intellectual honesty would say "if that's true, why aren't 17-25 year old women handing out their number to tradesmen and STEM students?"

https://thefederalist.com/2018/07/26/women-prefer-physically-fit-men-good-jobs-no-criminal-record/

Qantourisc · 2022-12-24T09:00:38+00:00

Empathy gap.

Handle-me-timber · 2022-12-24T16:11:45+00:00

A lot of women on the app are quite anti-men. Why else do you think they ban so many men’s subreddits? Mass reporting by women that can’t handle men’s issues or the truth.

Dnevnik24 · 2022-12-24T16:34:03+00:00

Because both sexes just put the blame on the other sex and especially in reddit it's very easy to slip into an echo-chamber where the opposite sex is always painted as the devil. And because it's always easy to point at one specific group, instead of looking inside one's own shortcomings. The sexes are devided - and it's hard to find reason and a rational discussion.

FFDP-Fangirl · 2022-12-24T10:38:56+00:00

I also can't provide any explanation for this disgraceful disrespect towards men. I blame it on the wokes severe lack of empathy, respect and reason. But no matter how widespread this disrespect is, while I am alive, I will never tolerate it and it bothers me to death.

Your emotions, issues and wellbeing matter and you all deserve a close one to regard them.

I am embarrassed that women tend to demand whatever specific traits in men, but lack empathy and are extremely unwilling to improve themselves and their emotional intelligence to be fit to be with a good man.

Wish you lovely Christmas.

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2022-12-24T11:17:50+00:00

You could be hearing from a 17 year old chick with pink hair and teenage angst that just got dumped. Ignore.

Perfection-seeker-13 · 2022-12-24T11:43:13+00:00

That is how it has always been. It is just that you see it a lot more now that online dating has revealed a lot of problems that have been a public/open secret for decades, and that has been completely disregarded.

Also, here is a fun little experiment by someone who used to be obese. I got more matches when I was 140kg of fat, than now that I am sitting at 90kg of muscle. Reason? Well, before I got my shit in order, I was using pictures of me in expensive places, a picture of me in a doctor's gown/mantle (med student), a selfie with a minorly famous actor and singer, etc.

I was a lot worse person back then, both in looks and personality. But funnily enough, now that I look respectable and matured emotionally, removed that shit from my profile, and put my actual intrests like reading, writing and going to nature. I am a 0. Guess I am an incel now that I finally don't have a double chin like one. XD

Nihi1986 · 2022-12-24T15:44:56+00:00

Because giving actual answers wouldn't exactly paint women under the best light. Though the same could be said about men in the opposite scenario but that's totally expected.

Spartan486 · 2022-12-24T21:05:28+00:00

Cause women think they are innocent in everything and men are the problem when it’s usually the exact opposite. That’s why I don’t honestly care about a woman’s problems cause they don’t care about men’s.

Alone_Tension4314 · 2022-12-24T23:36:29+00:00

Not to mention the same people who virgin shame others, are often the ones complaining about incels.

Your_Agenda_Sucks · 2022-12-24T06:00:22+00:00

Reddit is for the phone-gazing gen-z douchebags. They will still be staring at their iphones when the next extinction-event-sized asteroid touches down.

I don't know about you, but I'm here to piss them off. They aren't worth the effort it would take to convince them that they're simply wrong. And they aren't mature enough to admit it even if you did.

IdcImSpeakingFacts · 2022-12-24T15:02:17+00:00

There is no empathy for men. The majority of redditors are mouth breathers to begin with. They will get mad because they don't understand your post and shame you for it in the comments section. Also, there's little empathy for men. People made fun of Jordan Peterson for crying when speaking about "incels".

Notworthy-> Redditors believe slut is a worse thing to say than incel. This is where we are in 2022.

Sabrepill · 2022-12-24T16:44:25+00:00

Most of Reddit is a hive mind of people infected with the woke mind virus. It has a far left perspective and most of those people are incapable of thinking differently. Other subreddits may also have a slant that’s completely skewed, like this one, because Reddit promotes group think and echo chambers. Opinions that go against the grain are voted out and mods ban you. Reddit is not a good place for an open minded thinker, outside the box thinker, or contrarian

jdk_3d · 2022-12-24T11:48:26+00:00

Because the majority of reddit is a woke echochamber.

NeoNotNeo · 2022-12-24T14:11:40+00:00

Because as soon as media was dominated by gender studies grads, most content is design to groom you into servitude

Elterchet · 2022-12-24T14:19:27+00:00

If they started to console him/them, they will agree that a certain problem exist. Problem with womens, and that would lead to let's fix that problem. Ofc they do not wants to get their upper hand down.

thebruvver · 2022-12-24T15:30:35+00:00

FACTS. I SEE THIS EVERYWHERE

bagman42069 · 2022-12-24T15:40:58+00:00

People will realize it soon but reddit is INCREDIBLY liberal and is a very loud eco chamber.

Soda_BoBomb · 2022-12-24T16:52:33+00:00

Because women only want high value men, and a man who isn't pursued by women isn't high value.

Other men want to be seen as high value, so they demean the man who posted.

vanguard1099 · 2023-06-21T12:55:45+00:00

Its women that need to lower their dating standards and unrealistic requirements . They will shoot a man down in 10sec. if he has one little infraction on a date , even if he takes good care of himself and has a job. Divorced women are the worst to do this. Any comparison to their ex too, and they will write that guy off and not give him a chance. Hes the outcast.

donnasunderland123 · 2022-12-24T07:16:27+00:00

Nobody cares if we whine. Haven’t u ever heard Tate? Nobody cares. Move forward. Grind

Sweddybob69 · 2022-12-24T11:42:59+00:00

It's because of the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, the pay gap and other stuff bloody men do grrr. I'm so angry now I'm going to dye my hair blue and try and discover new types of misogyny

Possible-Peanut7822 · 2022-12-24T02:51:58+00:00

Imagine asking for real life advice on Reddit lmao

Equal-End7695 · 2022-12-24T05:02:35+00:00

It's the internet. You either get banned or bitched at for everything. Someone always knows more than you. Wear your flame retardent suit when surfing the net. ;)

randomguy7277 · 2022-12-24T23:17:11+00:00

Cause men are pigs! /s

agoodpotatoe · 2022-12-31T22:23:57+00:00

Because a lot of the venting is from the incels you mentioned. You can tell by how entitled and immature they sound in their post. You’re right though that more empathy should be given to men with legitimate frustrations.

Title	Why is men venting or sharing frustrations on dating met with hostility on Reddit?
Author	NeonFizzyXD13
Upvotes	337
Comments	76
Date	December 23, 2022 11:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ztvamr/why_is_men_venting_or_sharing_frustrations_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-is-men-venting-or-sharing-frustrations-on.1213413 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213413

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