Your feelings are valid.... 🙏🏼

BoomTheBear86 · 2023-04-30T09:02:20+00:00

Just a note; in your post where you’re apparently empathising with men, you mention your/womens struggles on about 5-6 occasions, and mens struggles probably about the same, but often as an addendum “men have the same struggles” etc.

Please be aware in the lives experience of men, very often this pattern is a big part of why we don’t share our issues with women or have issues with them offering advocacy and support - because all too often something presented as a balm for our issues, becomes a discussion of everyone’s issues equally.

Not aligning bad intent on your part at all, but if you’re coming here with an honest heart and a willing ear to men and their problems, it is completely unnecessary for you to punctuate or preclude every sentence where you discuss mens problems (as far as you know them) with some flavour of “and women have this too, and we have X struggle”. As you have seen from the comments, it creates the impression your motivations aren’t as claimed.

I don’t think most women understand how catastrophically rare it is for a man to discuss a problem, and the other person DOES NOT relate that to their own issues, starting telling him how he should approach it or start trying to quantify how much of an issue it “really is”. The thing majorly lacking for men in support terms is availability of people to simply listen to men, and encourage them to talk so they can listen more

No “empathising by relation”, no offering of prescriptive advice, no form of “we all struggle in our own way”. Just listen.

Men usually have the tools to eventually muddle through their own problems in some way, but what they lack is people willing to listen to them to allow them to vent, communicate their burdens without being made to feel like the exchange increased their burden in some way (be it by the other person dumping their trauma on you, or inferring you’re approaching the subject unsatisfactorily, or similar).

Sorry if this comes across a bit crude or direct. But this is a thing that I’ve found I have in common with pretty much every man I’ve met. We don’t share problems or feelings because it turns into the above, and when we want to vent, we want to vent. We don’t want it to turn into some kind of having to acknowledge the concerns of the apparently concerned listener, so it’s far easier to just not bother.

Secret-Pomelo-9148 · 2023-04-30T04:32:49+00:00

Go read her post history. She is gaslighting you. A scorpion is still a scorpion.

RatchedAngle · 2023-04-29T22:10:24+00:00

Please don't be mean to me in the comments.

This subreddit is a place for men to express their feelings. Women can comment, but if you’re coming here then you should have the emotional intelligence to understand that this is a male space and it’s not okay to come in here and demand validation from men.

Men are already pressured to validate and praise women on a daily basis everywhere else in society. They shouldn’t have to worry about that here.

I’m also a woman. I try not to make posts here. I comment rarely and only when I think I can add something of substance (usually “insider information” for men who are confused by the behavior of women, etc.)

I’m not being mean when I say this: it sounds like you came here more for praise and validation than to actually help the men here.

To deserve such a woman, make sure you also have healed from the traumas society has put upon you so that you can be emotionally available to empathize with her struggles too...

I really don’t think this is the place to be telling men how they should behave to “deserve” a woman like you. I think this is a place where men should be able to focus on their own happiness versus what they should do to “deserve” a woman.

Men are already told constantly how they’re supposed to behave in order to please women. Maybe give them a break from that?

Academic-Complaint12 · 2023-04-30T04:16:48+00:00

This post isn't about men's rights or validating our feelings. This is about conservative gender roles and validating YOU.

Piss off, please.

IceCorrect · 2023-04-30T11:11:01+00:00

To deserve such a woman, make sure you also have healed from the traumas society has put upon you so that you can be emotionally available to empathize with her struggles too

So men must fix his and her problems while women would just sit and be, great deal.

it's not easy being a more culturally traditional woman in today's society

How so? Dont be a hoe, treat men as equal. Especialy the most traditional men dont expect much from women and even you said before that quote men cant expect anything from a women. The only real problem with being traditional today is that you still hold all feminist laws that treat husband as 2nd class citizen, so when you think deeply no women today can be traditional and its not beacue of society, by beacuse of laws that you can become modern wife in one moment and your husband have nothing to say.

When you truly love someone of the opposite sex, romantic or otherwise, you realize men and women are more alike than you think

Very true

The modern day woman is not truly loved nor respected

Very not true. I'll like to remind you one thing all women preach "women dont owe men anything" When you said that women are the ones who are not loved and respected then stop saying that you care for men, beacuse your whole post is basicaly a "men up" post so men can be good slave for modern women

hipocampito435 · 2023-04-30T00:47:57+00:00

you're still blaming men for everything, and putting the weight of solving everything on them: "To deserve such a woman, make sure you also have healed from the traumas society has put upon you so that you can be emotionally available to empathize with her struggles too"... nothing new here

No-Knowledge-8867 · 2023-04-30T03:48:35+00:00

People often say that men find it difficult to open up emotionally, but I think in reality, men just find it difficult to find someone who is willing to listen with an understanding mind. It sounds like you have that understanding, and no doubt that's why you have found a good man. It is, unfortunately, too rare these days.

Zook-Cantaloupe-7970 · 2023-04-30T14:06:08+00:00

For the record, this is an exact quote from OP

Yes, we women have proved already that we can do everything men can do - even BETTER!

I'll let it speak for itself as to what OP truly feels on the inside about our issues.

iainmf · 2023-04-29T22:00:30+00:00

I just genuinely wanted to validate the feelings that the people in this subreddit have.

What does mean to 'validate feelings'?

rocket717_ · 2023-04-30T05:53:40+00:00

Everyone in my family has invalidated anything I've told them about being anxious and distracted all the time, by telling me that I'm angry or that I don't know what is good for me. I'm starting to talk to them less and working on ways I can avoid them. (Growing up, these same people would tease and criticize my lack of productivity.)

Probably just going to start meeting them for 2 hour dinners and just keep the conversation casual.

Sometimes even friends I've met for a short period understand me better than the people I'm supposed to seek support from and it has opened my eyes to the haze I lived growing up.

Fuck em'.

notazombie84 · 2023-04-29T21:27:59+00:00

Preach 👏 I’m a woman who agrees!

RockmanXX · 2023-04-29T23:55:09+00:00

I don't need anyone's validation, to be a Man is to go through most of life without validation and you should recognize that way of life. Never offer me something that i'm used to being without because all i can say is, i don't need it!

Upstairs_Reaction_18 · 2023-04-29T22:22:26+00:00

Thanks. Not sure why you’re getting any negative reactions, but Reddit can be a toxic place lol. Hang in there and thanks.

Informal_Divide9741 · 2023-04-29T22:41:33+00:00

Thank you for your time and words. It is always good to know there are women who are aware and supportive.

Foxsayy · 2023-04-30T07:06:23+00:00

I'm not sure the post comes off as a need for validation, at least not entirely. The vibe I get is that it reads almost like OP has either has deep conservative influences or has recently heavily questioned their previous beliefs, making a lot of very borderline comments about the way things are or ought to be. Maybe the post is her way of working through that.

And even if it is a search for validation...isnthat really such a bad thing? If women strongly supported men because it made them feel validated, that would still be a welcome improvement in my book.

I thought in my teenage years that all men were players and no young man would want to get married in this hookup/sex-obsessed culture (which isn't untrue, but it isn't the whole story of course!)

@OP I would encourage you to consider whether your perspective is a bit skewed by media or geography. There's certainly many men looking to hookup, but also a lot of women, and there's nothing wrong with any of that as long as everyone is honest. A lot of men want real relationships, and a lot of people just go about that differently. For some people (like me), finding a long term partner usually involves a lot of more casual relationships along the way, because not everyone you try things with works out.

TedRaskunsky · 2023-04-30T14:59:06+00:00

Judging by the comments I might be done with this sub. A woman comes along and tries to show empathy and understanding and SHE gets berated because of “conservative gender roles” etc.? What is the point in sounding like a male version feminist? Personally I appreciate her understanding, and the timing for me is amazing because this week my wife (and her friends) just told me flat out “fuck your feelings, they’re wrong”. So in order to save my marriage I caved and buried my feelings yet again. So I appreciate OP’s kind gesture. As she said, her motives are pure.

Sir_vendetta · 2023-04-30T04:37:24+00:00

You'll get a few negative comments because some of the men here had terrible experiences with women, don't take it personally, also most men will run as soon as you start talking about feelings.

WorldTravellerr · 2023-04-30T10:56:26+00:00

If you posted this same post but didn’t mention you were a woman, I wonder how different the reaction would be.

Glimmerofinsight · 2023-04-29T21:28:48+00:00

The modern day woman is not truly loved nor respected, so she is not truly happy, and any actions she has done without integrity will catch up to her one day.

So what you are saying is....you are "good Christian woman" who doesn't question the status quo? Are you looking for bonus points for that? Doesn't seem like it warrants any. If you are looking for a husband here, you might find one, though. Ha.

NefariousnessMost660 · 2023-04-29T23:49:54+00:00

Don't let the downvotes dissuade you. This sub goes off the rail sometimes and goes from talking about our struggles to blaming feminism. I was even downvoted for suggesting that social media apps like TikTok was the reason boys were falling behind in education, not biased teachers who were women. Just take a brief look at the teachers subreddit and see how many disrespectful / violent kids there are.

Blaming feminism for all our problems is just as dumb as blaming patriarchy.

MushroomMade · 2023-05-03T09:42:30+00:00

The entitlement you show to think we seek or require validation from you is laughable.

Mundane-Experience50 · 2023-05-04T03:51:48+00:00

This post sounds fake/ If our needs do matter, do not a "but." This is our therapy. We say what we want and that is that. Men matter too respectfully.

Title	Your feelings are valid.... 🙏🏼
Author	528lover
Upvotes	81
Comments	110
Date	April 29, 2023 9:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1336zy3/your_feelings_are_valid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/your-feelings-are-valid.1217269 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217269

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