On Sunday I read the book Attached. Was a short enough book going over attachment styles, namely anxious, avoidant, both those and secure and making the argument that we should all try to emulate secure styles.

I took away the complete opposite message tbh. Namely that it's best to emulate the avoidant style in the dating market of today.

Anxious types are drawn to avoidant types since they associate activation of their anxious cycle as attraction. Avoidants just bang other avoidants and no needs are neglected, no one cares when the other one leaves.

The secure types are seen as great because they "communicate" well and tend to accommodate their partners needs. So they can successfully date either type.

The book gives an example (I shit you not) of a secure person doing this by accepting multiple acts of cheating and trying to work through things before guys wife ditched him. Yeah fuck that tbh.

Also the book tends to acknowledge the anxious type's feelings more than the avoidant type's, not explicitly but you can tell. Starts every bit aimed at the anxious ones "recognise that your feelings are valid" or something while downplaying the avoidant types need for space.

Mate, if one person needs intimacy and closeness and another needs space and freedom, then unilaterally going either way is selfish or neither's selfish. The book kinda all but outright says that it's best for the avoidant type to just give in to the anxious ones needs.

The book also doesn't even touch on anxious-anxious relationships, probably because they don't exist because it probably repels the other, or the one who's less invested becomes avoidant. Goes on and on about how no avoidant-avoidant relationships exist but nothing about anxious-anxious ones.

And lastly the most important point imo is that anxious types, feel incredibly bored when prospected by secure types. They don't get no spark, tingles, butterflies, vibes, love at first sight, whatever you want to call it. The book says to give these people a chance as they'll satisfy your underlying need for closeness and intimacy but the anxious types won't, cause they understand love to be an emotional rollercoaster.

Honestly isn't this just TRP verified by scientists. Act avoidant and anxious types will be drawn to and obsessed with you. Your attention will become fuel for their soul. Sure secure types might see what you're doing and dip (or be happy to get some fun out of it) avoidants will likely do the same, have fun with each other until it doesn't fit one of your goals.

I know people are going to say; it might be true but you shouldn't do it cause it'll hurt the anxious types. But unless the anxious type is in therapy (for years) and actively not dating during this time, they will fall into this cycle. Might as well be with whomever uses this knowledge.

This is probably why the manosphere in general says to avoid LTRs with girls with high body counts. Odds are an anxious type has had a real rollercoaster relationship in her past, and if you provide security (an LTR/a ring etc) she'll be unable to feel those high peak and low trough emotions and fuck the first guy to remind her of them. Even if she's a recovered anxious type, she can be re-triggered.

I'm also of the opinion that these types aren't mostly set like the book claims they're just relative to whatever circumstances one finds themselves in, but besides the point of the post.

Anyway, CMV.