Dating now.

Oli_love90 · 2023-01-14T00:18:44+00:00

Just to play devils advocate, do you feel like in some of those scenarios it could have been something that you did that ended the budding relationship instead of last trauma.

As a woman very sparingly dating in her 30s, I will say you’ve touched on some truths. I know that last time I tried dating I had to just like bow out because I knew that I was totally unavailable. Now that I feel more self aware, I find that dating doesn’t seem worth it.

draiki13 · 2023-01-14T00:27:46+00:00

I have come across a very specific type of woman several times. Late 20s or early 30s, highly educated and started dating after a very longterm relationship. All of them rejected me citing that they’re not over their toxic ex.

I hated it.

AquaChip · 2023-01-13T23:56:53+00:00

Yes, people are typically jaded after being fucked over. But it is up to them to heal and for some reason no one wants to heal they just want to fling their shit around and mess up other people’s lives.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-01-14T06:45:26+00:00

That "I'm so scared and my past" stuff is just bullshit.

Translation: you don't excite me the way so and so did.

There's a ton of BS in the dating scene mid 20s to early 30s.

Men do all sorts of dumb shit but a big thing women do is use past relationships as a smokescreen and shield in all sorts of ways

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-01-14T00:11:42+00:00

They say it takes half the length of a broken relationship to fully heal from it. I took 4 years off from dating/sex after my last breakup (9 years, never married). I had other reasons than healing for that, but I didn't carry my baggage into my new relationship the way I might have if I had tried to start dating right away. YMMV.

tvear · 2023-01-14T02:25:16+00:00

All of the women said to stay off the dating apps.

They don't want you to see that they're still active on there and they're telling you you're not attractive enough to find success there.

There seems to be more purpose and maturity.

They're done having fun and have a checklist of qualifications you need to meet to be the proper provider they're looking for.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2023-01-14T08:38:14+00:00

I don't know why I hate this word so much when it is used in this context: "Healed." As if emotions cause physical damage that requires physical repair and downtime in order for the wound to heal.

When I get any sort of emotional blow I need time to clear my head. Because emotional turmoil is a disruption of the thinking process. The mind needs to come to terms, absorb, learn, and incorporate the emotional experience. And until it can do so it is a very distracting element which is why people are said to be emotionally stunted. Like a sort of concussion, a fog of the mind and an ineptitude towards clear and rational thinking.

I think I hate calling it "healing" because this word is so overused and it is a bad analogy to begin with. Emotions are more complicated than scraped knees, and not as serious as a bullet wound.

Sabrepill · 2023-01-14T00:23:43+00:00

I’m in my early forties and I’ve found the best matches for me have been women in their early to mid twenties. I’ve put forth a solid effort into dating women my age and even older than me and it never works out. The younger women turn into deeper relationships while the older women turn out to be short term flings.

The younger women have been more cheerful, less bitter about past relationships, and some are willing to start a family with me which is something many older women already did or no longer want to do

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-01-14T04:12:10+00:00

Firstly, Im not taking anything you say seriously since you say "you dated them a few times" you hardly know these women enough to analyze them too much. When I felt myself analyzing men and my experiences with them when I dated, I always waited until at least 2 months of consistent dates (unless I was friends with them first but that was pretty rare) I honestly dont even remember the men I went on 1 or 2 dates with well at all.

But yes, one needs to heal themselves from a past relationship to not carry into the next.

THHBHStT · 2023-01-14T00:18:37+00:00

Thread will prob get deleted but happy for ya bro. You seem to have it figured out and doing well in dating

A Lot of people aren’t nearly as def aware as you are

alphasupremacy5555 · 2023-01-14T00:27:06+00:00

This is par for the course for so many women including women in their thirties. We're the only wanted to be with the toxic bad boy alphas and went from one after the other and then got to the point where their heart broken.

That's what I've observed along with the fact that a lot of people have serious delusions about dating and they come out of it emotionally scarred.

The women who said to stay off for dating apps were absolutely right and that goes especially for men for obvious reasons.

I suspect the women you dated found it fun and refreshing to date you because most men especially men in America don't really have any success dating until they're considerably older.

Another thing I've observed is that so many people both men and women have the absolute worst taste in romantic partners so obviously it never ends well for them.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-01-14T02:29:17+00:00

I went on 5 dates last year here's what I learned.

Women like attention Women are emotionally damaged and unstable Women don't know what they want and have unrealistic expectations. Women are very very picky.

I'm s good catch so if a woman doesn't like me I allready know she's a bad catch.

mugdul · 2023-01-14T08:54:50+00:00

Wow, sounds like you're really struggling with your dating life. You should just give up and be alone forever. Nobody wants to be with someone who's been divorced. And you're not that attractive anyway. And why are you even looking for a relationship? You're too old for that. Just accept your fate and be alone.

MammothPapaya0 · 2023-01-14T01:43:23+00:00

I'm in agreement with you, especially this part

But at the same time, I found in all cases, many of them are emotionally stunted or unavailable because some boyfriend of theirs hurt them deeply. They find it easy to open up with me, but then become spooked when they feel things getting serious.

To me, it seems like many people get deeply hurt by someone, but don’t do the painful work to become healed, and so continue to perpetuate the cycle.

I know quite a few women who have done the whole cock carousel, and multiple long term partners thing who are now in their late 30's to early 50's. They all seem to have the same emotion issues and baggage that now prevents them.from bonding with any partners. Or causes to drive those partners away. They are nearly all in therapy though. That bring said, if you don't have a serious mental health condition and have been in therapy for many years, perhaps you should consider making some serious life changes, adjust your standards etc.

In New Years eve one of my wife's friends was birthing about a few things her BF did, and listening to her I kept thinking "Are you fuckin serious! The guys a sent for putting up with you, your baggage, and all your trauma, and you're seriously batching that he arrived 15 minutes late".

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meteorness123 · 2023-01-14T00:05:57+00:00

Don't know as I'm not in my late thirties but I have some questions.

Do you feel like similarly traumatized people naturally find each other ? This seems almost like an energetic thing.
Do you feel like most people in general are emotionally stunte, regardless of age or relationship status ?
How many single women without kids are there in your age bracket or have you dated ?

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-01-14T00:25:07+00:00

have observed

I was similarly divorced, when I re-entered The SMP. Coincidently whilst I was undergoing counselling, found TRP. It really helped my perspective. Which in turn solidified my dating approach. So whilst I encountered numerous women, I was better equipped to vet them, and find my partner.

I think self reflection, self awareness, and ultimately the discipline to address your personal issues; is really beneficial. In giving yourself the best chance of finding, and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Godspeed and good luck!

GuyIsAdoptus · 2023-01-14T03:15:05+00:00

baggage is a huge no no, why would I want to put the pieces back together because of something to do with the guy who had his way with you? no thanks

Scarce12 · 2023-01-14T03:27:25+00:00

Interesting that a woman older than 28 would telling a man to stay off dating apps, why is that?

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2023-01-14T03:55:09+00:00

Nice blogpost

James_Cruse · 2023-01-14T05:18:10+00:00

The solution to your issues here is the following (contained in another comment I made in a recent PPD post):

date younger women with less or little experience who haven’t been damaged/destroyed/deeply scarred by their past relationships.

The Younger and Less experienced they are = The less likely they are to be damaged, simply by the fact they have had less opportunity to be damaged.

AreOut · 2023-01-14T08:53:27+00:00

my experience majority of the time is that any sort of serious talk turns their tingles off

just behaving like a disinterested moron who "talks funny" will give you the best chance, so you feel like a moron but you get sex, I guess that's a tradeoff

West-Ad-9697 · 2023-01-14T09:55:49+00:00

I think a relationship means you stop making it about yourself and make it about you as part of the couple.

If you continue to think as a single person - you will automatically find incompatibilities between what you are as a person in a relationship and your world views and self understanding as a single individual.

You are just very easy for women - usually hot women - to feel single within a relationship because you are low maitenance. Trust me, I am the same way.

But, and I am betting this is true because my relationships are the same way: they can not actually bond emotionally with easy going dudes. This when it goes introspective - makes them just rationalize their problems with trauma theory or worse because she is a scorpio or something. And it sucks, but that's just how liberalism raised us to be the best boyfriends we can be - men that demand nothing, and that create relationships that are easy to get into, but just as easy to get out of.

Title	Dating now.
Author	AbbreviationsHead716
Upvotes	27
Comments	53
Date	January 13, 2023 11:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10b9l4z/dating_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-now.1148437 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148437

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