Finding yourself - how?

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-23T01:47:13+00:00

For me, it's watching a guy who isn't suppressing hobbies he enjoys because they might not be "cool" or "attractive".

Electra_Cute · 2017-06-23T01:52:51+00:00

How do you find your genuine identity and vibe and become more true to yourself?

An individual's "identity" is how other individuals perceive who you are, what is on "the inside" does not matter to other individuals. This "genuine identity" is a perception of yourself, nothing more. Any ideas about "true self" "authenticity" or "genuine" is a trap in my opinion, I would surmise it is far more effective to tangibly pursue and act the way you want to become as opposed to worrying about what is "inside".

Atlas_B_Shruggin · Fri Jun 23 2:27:04 2017 UTC

take a bunch of acid, then go backpacking in australia

caesarfecit · 2017-06-23T02:56:35+00:00

There's only one way. We form our identities through growth, and that requires challenge and getting out of our comfort zone.

Women respond ultimately to male "character". That's why they loathe manbabies and fakers. They might get fooled by the superficial and the effect it has on their emotions, but that's what they're really looking for. That's why they test, and that's why you know a woman wants you when she can admire you.

But you don't build character by being comfortable. You don't build character by accepting your limitations. You don't build character by ranting online.

You build it by going out into the darkness on the edge of town and finding out what you've got when shit gets tough and you need to dig deep. That's why men and especially boys respond well to exercise. It's the adversity that provokes growth.

I know this may sound like cliches but it's the honest to God truth.

DetectiveNathanAdler · 2017-06-23T03:15:29+00:00

What are you passionate about? Pursue that and enjoy it, but not at the cost of your health or your finances. Pursue your passion(s) wholeheartedly but intelligently. If you love painting, don't expect to make a living from it, but pursue it with all your heart while being responsible. If you're talented and lucky, you might make a living from it; if not, you'll have built a stable life and possess a unique collection of personal (and attractive) creations nonetheless.

Ask yourself what the best version of yourself would look like. Would he be kinder? Would he seize opportunities instead of second guessing himself? Would he put himself out there honestly without resentment? Try to become that person, but don't expect to become him instantly. Life is about experience, appreciation and improvement: you can't withdraw from the world, you need to live your life; you need to feel fulfilled -- NOT 100% happy because you won't be happy 100% of the time -- but you need to feel engaged and worthwhile; and you need to improve, otherwise you'll lose yourself smelling the roses (I.E. indulging yourself mindlessly). Also, life is about responsibility: you need some sort of obligation. People do badly when nobody wants or needs them. You need a social circuit, you need love, you need hobbies, and you need a family (rare exceptions to family and even love exist). Ask yourself: "what would the man I want to be do in 'X' situation?" and do it.

Ask yourself what the worst version of yourself would look like. Would he be an alcoholic? Would he be unemployed? Would he be a misogynist? Would he be a misanthropist? Would he be depressed because he never put himself out there? Understand who that man is, understand that he could manifest himself if you just gave up, and apply yourself to improving your life instead. Ask yourself if the person who you are right now would add, not detract, from someone else's life if you became involved romantically. If you're a pessimist and likely to say, "detract", pursue anyway and work on yourself in the meantime.

You need not dismiss mimicry outright. If you feel the impulse to mimic someone, try to recognise what it is about them that you'd like to possess. If it's something like beauty, then you need to accept that mother nature is cruel; if it's confidence, status, body language, or whatever else, then apply yourself and achieve those things for yourself.

The fact that you need to ask if it's "even possible" to find your true self points to an underlying problem. Of course you can. There is no absolute, unchanging self, but you can find out who you are and what matters to you nevertheless.

When women say that they don't want a "boy" but a "man", what they mean is that they want an attractive, self-sufficient individual instead of someone who doesn't know who they are, and wants a second mother to help them figure it out for them.

To summarise:

-- Pursue your hobbies unashamedly. Don't hide your likes, dislikes, hobbies or opinions. Own who you are.

-- Ask yourself what the best version of yourself would look like. Strive to become him.

-- Ask what the worst version of yourself would look like. Avoid him, but understand that he lies latent within you.

-- Try to become as attractive as possible (no, you don't have to lift). Groom yourself, smell nice, and eradicate bad habits.

-- Be responsible. Get a job. Learn to drive. Have your own accommodation. Be self-sufficient and own yourself -- you don't want someone to save you, or mother you until you discover yourself.

-- Be biased towards action (romantically). Put yourself out there and initiate. It's the way it is. Some men find this incredibly difficult. Some women are happy to initiate for themselves. Nonetheless, the majority of women will wait for a man to invite them out on a date. But don't despair: the majority of women also orchestrate the entire courtship affair: they send signals when they're interested so you can adapt accordingly (some shy girls won't do this, so be perceptive and optimistic when gauging interest, but be polite and respectful if you're turned down -- be assertive and confident [because you've owned yourself and are self-sufficient, right?], but don't overstay your welcome). Have female friends: no, every woman doesn't want to jump your bones, and they don't all interpret your conversation as courtship.

-- Be gregarious and optimistic. Optimism is a healthy strategy when it isn't delusional. Ask yourself what you enjoy and go for it. Take responsibility for your self-improvement and your mistakes. Put yourself out there romantically, accept rejection and move on because external judgement doesn't define you. A lot of the "how to be a man" shtick is based on having an intrinsic sense of self-worth and an extrinsic focus: your confidence, your values and your ambition is unshakeable, but it's directed towards a challenging hobby, a prestigious job, a beautiful woman, &c., &c.

Good luck.

AllRolledUp · 2017-06-23T03:48:26+00:00

Catalogue and acknowledge your weaknesses, worst traits, fears, limiting factors, strengths, and wants.

Figure out what you care about and what you don't, which values you want to uphold and which don't matter.

Accept yourself as a complete person, including the bad parts. Then start improving yourself by challenging yourself mentally, physically, and intellectually.

Find people you respect, analyze what traits you value and are attracted to in others, and cultivate those in yourself.

If you genuinely like yourself and are mentally, physically, and emotionally stable, you will attract the same kind of people.

Hairbrainer · 2017-06-23T01:52:23+00:00

I mean, in high school I just started to not do things for others and do things for me. Start getting into shit I enjoyed because I wanted to do it. After that I started making real friends who liked me for who I was instead of trying to be someone and feeling like shit.

UhKhat · 2017-06-23T07:36:24+00:00

The main thing is to not be trying to be someone else. Don't be ashamed of the things you are most interested in or passionate about, even if it's not 'cool'. I'm certainly more attracted to genuine, natural people than people who look and act like one of the crowd. I know people around here laugh it off if you say 'be yourself' but it's true that it's more attractive to lots of people to not be fake, even if it makes you a bit of an outsider in normie circles.

SkinnySweaty · 2017-06-23T16:32:43+00:00

How do you find your genuine identity and vibe and become more true to yourself?

It's making your exterior match up with your internal self.

Think about it. Would you feel comfortable dressing like a biker, working construction jobs, covered in tats, with a shaved head? Some guys are, this is who they are and they're comfortable and real in their own skin. The world acknowledges them as such.

Then there are those who try to copy that look because they think it's cool, but it's obvious that they're faking it and they look ridiculous. Same thing with people who refuse to acknowledge their sexually and live in conflict between their inner and outer selves.

This is why we BP folks always say that "fake it till you make it" advice from RP is so bad. 9/10 times you look like a poseur instead of a bad ass. Much better served to be who you really are and match that to your external look/vibe and do your fucking thing with confidence.

ThisIsFukuoka · 2017-06-24T10:41:42+00:00

It's a lifelong journey. (Although significant processes can happen quite early) Check out Carl Jung's Individuation.

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ClarityofDisaster · 2017-06-23T02:13:18+00:00

If you have to "find" yourself, you're more lost than Amelia Earhart and Jimmy Hoffa combined.

Willow-girl · 2017-06-23T12:22:26+00:00

Find a mission for your life: either creating something of lasting value or making the world a better place in some way.

Everything else will flow from that.

BiggerDthanYou · 2017-06-23T12:31:15+00:00

Well first off you've got to consider why authenticity is important.

Let's try something. What are the first things you assume about the following people based on how they look: A, B and C

Now there are obviously some expectations on their personality based on their style.

A seems to be intellectual without being socially stunted; B seems loud, spontaneous and funny while C seems to be chill and liberal.

And that's why being genuine is important. You might try one of those styles in order to get laid, but you've got to consider that style is used to express your personality so that others can get a glimpse inside of you without having to get to know you first. For example if you are a risk averse and shy nerd that dresses like B you will not have as much success as if you would have by dressing like A and if you are a tradcon you won't fit into the crowd of C. You could try mimicking those expectations, but you can't hold this illusion up forever and it won't make you happy if you live a lie.

Women are more attracted to the personality types that these styles represent than the styles themselves.

And that's why the way to find yourself is to go outside and enjoy life. Push past your boundaries and expand your horizon. Try new things and meet new people. Take psychedelics and explore your subconscious mind. Don't be ashamed of your interests and don't be afraid of losing friends that don't appreciate your true self.

In the long run you might find out where you belong and who you truly are.

decadentegalitarian · 2017-06-23T13:33:51+00:00

How do you find your genuine identity and vibe and become more true to yourself?

By figuring out what you like, what you want, and who you want to be. It's just introspection and self-assessment, followed by honest effort to achieve your goals and grow into a person you can respect.

It helps if your goals aren't all externally-focused, too. Are there skills you think you should have? Are there things you'd like to be able to do? A certain way you want to look, because you'd feel good looking that way?

Is there someone in your life who you admire and respect? What do you admire and respect about them? How could you gain those traits for yourself?

My experience has been that people respond to someone who is confident in who they want to be and who is who they want to be. So, work on that.

sunkindonut149 · 2017-06-23T15:17:27+00:00

genuine identity and vibe and become more true to yourself?

The idea of "genuine" and "true to yourself" is bullshit.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-06-23T05:22:22+00:00

well for me it was to become my fabulous feminine self :P

Title	Finding yourself - how?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	81
Date	June 23, 2017 1:45 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6iy5cx/finding_yourself_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/finding-yourself-how.267430 https://theredarchive.com/post/267430

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