How important is personality and demeanor compared to aesthetics when it comes to approaching a girl at a bar or club?

DryOutcome3407 · 2023-01-11T02:03:35+00:00

Almost useless, aesthetic triumph everything because the way your personality and demeanor are perceived ARE heavily impacted by your looks.

On top contrary of what peoples may say, looks are a absolute while personality and demeanor are subjective.

HazyMemory7 · 2023-01-11T01:58:20+00:00

Let's put it this way. If you have great extracurriculars, leadership positions and research publications but your GPA and test scores are complete and utter shit, to where you don't even meet the minimums, will a school consider admitting you?

Similarly, demeanor and personality are important, but by virtue of the fact that they don't even factor into the equation if your appearance isnt up to par, they are a lot less important.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-01-11T03:52:26+00:00

You have to meet a minimum threshold aesthetically and then it’s all charisma from there.

gobble6gobble9 · 2023-01-11T02:00:28+00:00

It’s below looks and height, as you learned.

JewliusCaeser · 2023-01-11T09:20:34+00:00

More important in bar than club because talking in clubs is hard.

wtknight · 2023-01-11T02:12:41+00:00

A lot. I've had plenty of women interested in me until I actually started talking to them. A guy who looks decent but doesn't have the type of personality that a woman is interested in is going to be nexted quickly.

But sure, if she doesn't like how you look, she's probably not going to give you a chance to display your personality. But women will often give guys with okay appearances a chance if they seem to have a funny, interesting personality.

HolyPipidastra · 2023-01-11T08:55:42+00:00

It’s, well, not.

How important is personality to you when you select which girl to approach?

I guess the Hispanic girl just found him more handsome. As simple as that. A woman will not tolerate a guy she isn’t attracted to grinding on her. Attraction is weird sometimes

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-01-11T05:46:45+00:00

Bro, ur going to a club. Thats the environment u decided to base ur opinions on?

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2023-01-11T02:28:21+00:00

I am kind of confused about the situation. Can you rephrase the situation with the Hispanic girl?

P.s. Hispanic and black women value confidence in a man far far more than white women do. That said, all races value it. It's just, the machismo culture for whites isn't as important and looks might be slightly more important

ZippNex · 2023-01-11T13:52:31+00:00

It's a club, people are there to fuck around, get drunk and forget about it the next day. No one's looking for long term partners at places like that lol, you yourself only talk about the girls you found pretty... so yeah they're looking for people they find attractive too, again... it's a club.

northernlights190 · 2023-01-11T02:14:18+00:00

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to a club, but I’ll say this: if a guy I didn’t know came up and asked to dance I usually declined, but if I was already dancing and a guy was on the dance floor having fun and our paths started to cross, that would usually lead to more physical contact and us hanging out if he showed interest in me. It’s just easier when you’re dancing and connect that way.

West-Ad-9697 · 2023-01-11T06:07:32+00:00

In the club it's 100% energy.

For a analytical dude it's hard to understand this - most people don't think about 89% of what they do. It's not a major life choice, it's not risky, stop thinking about it, and just do whatever feels best. That's why swooping a girl of her feet or biting her hair works gets you a better reaction than going up to them in a polite fashion and introducing yourself with your full name and giving them a compliment. It's a party man, people are there to have fun and make stories

toasterchild · 2023-01-11T03:18:52+00:00

I think assuming that club girls actions were based on attraction might be faulty. It's possible she avoids guys who ask to dance because they often want more than to just dance. It might be that she just liked the way that guy danced and that's it. It might be that she goes to the club often and knows other regulars. He may have come in the group she came with. Maybe they have a thing already?

Scarce12 · 2023-01-11T04:40:52+00:00

Some women go to nightclubs alone and act like they're single and looking and lead guys on, then their man comes and they'll start making out with him and being all dirty and shit on the dance floor.

They get off on it.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-01-11T02:45:01+00:00

Demeanor past "do not shit your pants" level is almost irrelevant.

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kirbypuff_ · 2023-01-11T11:13:41+00:00

Charisma is like 50% of it

obviousredflag · 2023-01-11T12:31:56+00:00

Part of me just wants to go out and act like a chad who owns the place to show extreme confidence, to see how that works for me.

Just slowly start doing what you want at low intensity an adjust by how they react, if you want to play it safe. You will not come to a point where you are going to ask "is it okay if i grind my crotch against your butt for a while?" to get consent.

Want to be confident, extraverted, fearless to approach women and talk to them? Take some mdma.

lle-ell · 2023-01-11T13:01:59+00:00

I think way more of this than you expect comes down to the woman's type. I know that many of my female friends are similar in this, if you're not their type you're invisible. If you're not her type, she might not notice you even if you are objectively good looking. Personality and demeanour can be an instant turn off, but it's rarely an instant turn on.

I'll just use myself as an example. My type is metalhead /hipster or even hippie looking guys. Tall, skinny, long hair, beard, not too "polished". I was friends with a guy who is objectively really attractive for a year before even noticing that he was attractive, because he was a different type from what I normally date. He was of average height, muscular, well dressed and groomed, and so good looking that both female and male friends commented on it when we started dating.

The best advice I could give is to approach women whose style matches yours. You could also make a strategic move to change your style to attract the women you want to date. Also, unless you're very conventionally attractive, don't bother with clubs.

EugeneCezanne · 2023-01-11T15:58:59+00:00

A) It varies. At the very least, some women will find it very important and some not at all--but having a winning personality will never hurt you.

B) Regarding your examples, there are things you don't know: like whether or not these women knew these men prior to the nights in question.

One time I was sitting at a bar on a weeknight, when two male acquaintances joined me. They spent a long time talking about how hot, but unapproachable, the bartender was--they'd both tried with her and got politely nowhere. So when she came back around I told her I was leaving and asked for my tab. It was early, so she thought I was just messing with her, then was clearly disappointed. We exchanged a bunch of very flirty banter on this point, while the guys sat there looking stunned.

What they saw looked like instant, totally unfair, rapport. What they didn't know was that she and I had been low-key building a friendship and flirtation for like 6 months, and had finally hooked up casually a few weeks prior. What seemed like a spontaneous interaction to the men was actually the product of an established closeness they couldn't possibly have known.

Dstar538888 · 2023-01-12T00:46:52+00:00

If she already made up her mind that she's not into you, then acting like a "Chad" is not going to solve anything and will probably get you arrested at worst...you have to find out if the woman even likes you back first before you start doing all of that....

Title	How important is personality and demeanor compared to aesthetics when it comes to approaching a girl at a bar or club?
Author	DudefromLAyeah
Upvotes	3
Comments	78
Date	January 10, 2023 11:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/108p613/how_important_is_personality_and_demeanor/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-important-is-personality-and-demeanor-compared.1146175 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146175

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