How soon should you schedule a first date?

comeonmanpod · 2022-07-22T21:29:34+00:00

Too many men are trying to build rapport over text or over dating apps. That's ridiculous. You get to know her in person. Banter back and forth no more than 10-15 messages, then find a segue to set a definite date.

Also, have a plan in mind. Don't ask her what she wants to do. Just ask her when she's free to meet for drinks.

When she tells you her availability, tell her "Great, meet me at O'Malley's. 7pm Thursday."

All she has to do is say yes then.

Don't take my word for it. Try it out, and thank me later.

Cephalan · 2022-07-22T21:32:19+00:00

You're way overthinking it. Living with this level of neuroticism is much more damaging to your chances than scheduling a date a day earlier than optimum.

Excellent-Attempt-63 · 2022-07-22T21:08:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ashpr0ulx · 2022-07-22T20:48:03+00:00

i usually like 3-4 days of talking. right off the bat is too soon, waiting several weeks is way too long. i’ve had a stunning amount of men behave on either extreme end. a couple days is the sweet spot.

wtknight · 2022-07-23T00:45:38+00:00

I try to schedule it as soon as I feel that I know enough about her that conversation in person with her would not be awkward or difficult. I'm shy in person with people who I don't know very well and in the past I've used online interactions or texts as a crutch to overcome that shyness.

Most normal people are probably going to want to schedule first dates much sooner than that, though.

pinktuliplover · 2022-07-22T22:38:42+00:00

I think you should ask about day 2-3. Get a feel for the person, maybe discuss dealbreakers, then ask.

If a guy hasn’t asked me on a date after 4-5 days, I’ve lost interest.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-07-23T04:36:47+00:00

I've never done OLD but talking for 3-5 days before suggesting a meetup is crazy to me. If I find them physically attractive and have confirmed that they're a real person that's all I need, I don't understand what's being accomplished by several days of texting that can't be better accomplished with an in-person conversation.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-07-22T22:58:19+00:00

You plan a date asap to eliminate the time wasters. If she’s attracted to you she’ll say yes. If she’s not or lukewarm she’ll make excuses over and over (unless they’re valid).

If she’s wasting your time keep her on the back burner and go talk to other bitches.

It’s a numbers game

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midwesternMD · 2022-07-22T21:29:30+00:00

I exchange basic pleasantries, but I make it clear that I want to go out on a date within the first 2-3 days of chatting unless the chatting has been veeeeery slow. If the chatting has been slow, I begin to lose interest too.

Anyway, I schedule the first date early, but I’ve scheduled first dates as far as 1wk later or so. And I’ve also gone on first dates on the same day as a match. It just depends on how the conversation is flowing, whether it’s a weeknight or a weekend, and whether we’ve got other plans already.

RealNiceLady · 2022-07-22T21:41:47+00:00

I think you are overthinking this.

ProspectiveEngineer · 2022-07-22T21:54:55+00:00

Your time spent texting before meeting up irl depends on how attractive you are. My friend gets hundreds of matches on Tinder and he asks for a number to meet up in the first few messages. They usually come over to his place after that.

jjlew922 · 2022-07-22T22:00:11+00:00

This is interesting, but the only question you should be asking yourself is “what feels right for me?”. And then do that. If building rapport over text and calls feels right, do that and the right people for you will reciprocate. Personally, any more than 2-3 meaningful exchanges (probably 10-15 back and forth texts) should show if there is compatibility and any longer than that signals incompatibility for me. Most likely someone not truly interested or playing the field, that’s how I see it anyways.

Barneysparky · 2022-07-22T22:35:51+00:00

When you are meeting someone online the best way to keep yourself safe is to schedule a meeting asap.

Not a date. Say would you like to meet up for a coffee, not let's go on a dinner date.

If the coffee goes really well that's the time to ask her on a date, if it's gone really well as the person wanting to take on the masculine role in the relationship I'd offer to pay for her coffee, but only if a date is set up.

I'd say this should take less than 10 texts if you have any social media presence (as this allows you to vet, like talking for a long time used to).

avoiding_a_stalker · 2022-07-22T22:55:21+00:00

I ask for the IRL date when it feels right. Depends on how hard arranging said date will be and current circumstances. If they're nearby and we both have relatively open schedules, I'd rather not text a ton but if they live further away or we're busy, it can wait a bit longer.
Again, depends. I typically go between 3 days and 3 weeks out, depending on how busy we are.
Not really, if there's a good reason for it. My current partner and I didn't have out first date until 2 weeks in and our second date was 4 weeks after that. However, if it's been weeks and there's no good reason for it (they're not working in a different city or something like that), it can start to get old
If there are no real red flags, never. I've gone out on a date with someone I've been talking to for a couple minutes. As long as they aren't off-putting, if I've matched with them, I'm willing to go on a date

MsGoogleEyes · 2022-07-22T22:55:34+00:00

right away. its obv. even i know this

throwaway164_3 · 2022-07-22T23:32:38+00:00

The most success I’ve had is between ~ 5 to 10 messages at most before you ask her out for a date.

wintergreen233 · 2022-07-23T00:05:59+00:00

I try to ask for an IRL date within the first 5-10 messages exchanged, and ask for a date that week. I really don’t care for chatting on the apps and I enjoy meeting people, so to me I’d rather move it to IRL ASAP so we can see how we vibe.

Anything over a few days would be too long to me to ask, but I always ask first so it’s never gotten to that point. And there’s no too early for me, if a guy opened asking for a date on the very first message I’d be happy.

thedeadpill · 2022-07-23T03:47:54+00:00

I try and set up dates within 24 hours of meeting someone. They're either into me or they aren't. If they're into me and spooked, they're not for me anyway; I don't mix well with the overly cautious.

I think to each their own, though. If two people wanted to wait weeks or months to actually have a first date, it'd be nothing to me, and maybe that's a kind of match in and of itself.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-07-23T03:57:19+00:00

You want to set up a date within one week max. I generally ask within two days of matching. Sit there texting someone for weeks and you WILL end up building an unrealistic image of the other person in your head.

Waiting longer than that is a colossal waste of time. You need to meet up in person to see whether or not you have chemistry.

Ohms2North · 2022-07-23T04:26:20+00:00

It’s best done before the second date

shiroe314 · 2022-07-23T15:08:06+00:00

After 2-3 back and forths. So about 5 total messages. Enough to tell actual interest. But get on a call if you have to.

New_Relative_8709 · 2022-07-23T15:21:09+00:00

The fixation people in this sub have for OLD is pathological

urbangoth · 2022-07-24T08:42:02+00:00

I've literally set up dates within a couple hours of talking to someone back and forth. I've also had to reschedule dates and wait like a week to go. I prefer fast-tracking things to irl (usually coffee) because people can be very different irl from online. Of course, when I was most able to meet on short notice, I was a student and not working at the time, so I had a large chunk of free time. I also met my partner during toward the wind down of the pandemic so that was another massive chunk of "free" time because I couldn't find a job as things were in the process of reopening still. But I'll take irl interactions over online any day. The sooner the better.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-07-25T18:22:41+00:00

I would say make enough conversation to know the person coming to the date with you. Once you’re comfortable then go for it. You can throw in some, “oh we should try this” comments when you find a fun activity for example

Title	How soon should you schedule a first date?
Author	w_a_worthy_coconut
Upvotes	11
Comments	33
Date	July 22, 2022 8:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w5kr7z/how_soon_should_you_schedule_a_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-soon-should-you-schedule-a-first-date.1209295 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209295

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