Men get 1 thing wrong about the nice / douchey debacle

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-06-04T19:07:17+00:00

I'm sorry but I disagree. That's a massive red flag.

Being nice to only me means "I'm nice to you as long as I like you and can get something from you". As soon as you're in an argument or you fall out then your partner will turn.

"Just be good to me" by the SOS band wasn't intended to be instructional life advice

wtknight · 2021-06-04T19:02:07+00:00

Usually someone who is douchey to others will start being douchey to a partner when that person gets tired of or exasperated with their partner, so it’s usually a red flag.

umnothnxbye · 2021-06-04T19:00:15+00:00

Unless the woman is herself a douche, she's very unlikely to put up with a man that's douchey and treats others like trash, even if he's nice to her.

TypeAsshole · 2021-06-04T18:59:52+00:00

If my man was only nice to me, I'd take that as a serious red flag lol

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-06-04T20:43:03+00:00

Everything is fine if you're hot enough. Women obviously don't care about niceness whether its genuine or comes with strings attached. If you're an ugly dude, the genuine nice guys and fake nice guys end up in the same boat. Women like to think that they're able to tell the difference and reward genuine niceness with friendship and a small chance for a relationship, but most people's experience will point to this as being untrue.

hesipullupjimbo445 · 2021-06-04T20:57:37+00:00

Women don’t want ugly/average men it’s that simple. I’ve never seen an above average guy complain that he was “too nice” to get a date. On the other hand I don’t think ugly assholes are having much success either.

Kaisha001 · 2021-06-04T18:52:53+00:00

Being nice and being douchey aren't mutually exclusive concepts. You can be nice to your SO and your future family while being douchey to everyone else.

Generally speaking... no.

rosephase · 2021-06-04T19:09:01+00:00

Call me crazy but I want partners to not be douchey to other people. If someone is a jerk to others I don’t like or respect them very much.

QuenchlessGato · 2021-06-04T19:56:23+00:00

You can be nice to your SO and your future family while being douchey to everyone else.

I honestly can't think of anyone who is truly like that. Even when they are douchey to everyone else, their relations with SO are always a mix of being douchey and being nice. They will call their gf so pretty and nice and kiss her hands, but 5 minutes later they will scream at her and call her a fucking bitch for forgetting something or whatever.

vyzkoh · 2021-06-04T19:23:23+00:00

If you are nice and attractive you are good person.

If you are nice and not attractive you are "nice guy".

If you are douchy and attractive you are "confident".

If you are doucht and not attractive you are bad person that gets rejected.

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ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-06-04T19:21:29+00:00

mfw your analogy says to pick the side of a mass murderer who authorized the genocide of an entire family & sentenced his own son to death

Hugh_Surname · 2021-06-04T19:25:35+00:00

Agreed. Being douchey to others, while not a nice thing to do, is an expression of social status. Only psychosocially dominant ppl can get away w it, so it does attract a good chunk of women, esp for short-term mating purposes

Ihateregistering6 · 2021-06-04T19:34:05+00:00

You can be nice to your SO and your future family while being douchey to everyone else. In practical terms, that means you always prioritize your SO and your future family over the needs of strangers.

In that case, though, you're not really nice, you're just being nice to one person in particular because you want something from them.

Why do you think a lot of women say that how a guy treats waitstaff is a big deal, especially on a first date?

mechanical_elves · 2021-06-04T19:47:00+00:00

being douchey to everyone else. In practical terms, that means you always prioritize your SO and your future family over the needs of strangers.

Exactly. I don't have an SO but that's why I'm a douche to everyone. It just means I prioritize myself. 😂

ToughAnswers · 2021-06-04T19:49:00+00:00

Nice is potentially (potentially!) preferable to the other party, but certainly not necessary

TotalTravesty · 2021-06-04T19:58:18+00:00

For some reason (I’m blaming you all) YouTube suggested a highly viewed highly rated “how to be a bad boy” video to me the other day. I checked it out and was a little surprised to see that all the advice dude gave about being a bad boy amounted to...be a confident self-assured adult.

He didn’t suggest being a bully to others, he didn’t suggest engaging in senseless violence. Just have an identity. That’s it.

The thing men get wrong about the nice/douchey dichotomy is that they don’t seem to understand the real definition of douchey, bad boy or any other term they mistake as “not a meek, insecure doormat.”

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-06-04T21:35:43+00:00

No woman finds incongruent behaviour attractive it spooks them, and it rarely gets you far in life. The same way if they see you working a room only talking to the hot women.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-06-05T02:42:00+00:00

Being douchey or dark triad traits are not in and of themselves attractive to women. It is just that women are the picky mating, sexual selectors. They are trying to evaluate men for strength and competence, but it can be very hard. People hide shit and play pretend. And when so many men are weak, douchey behavior can spoof their strength detector heuristics.

The other thing is that kindness is generally, for women, not a sexual attraction trigger. And when it is, it has diminishing returns. Kind and strong, if she detects the strength, beats douchey and strong all day. But don't think kindness makes women wet on its own. It's more of just expected HUMAN behavior. You should be kind because that makes you a decent human. But don't think you can 'earn' a GF with kindness. It does happen, but it is very rare. The problem is that there are a bunch of teenage films that make this look a lot less rare than it really is.

Female kindness is probably more attractive to men than male kindness is to women, but even then it is not usually decisive.

TheDevilPutD · 2021-06-05T07:44:25+00:00

The nice guy thing is very different than simply having good manners. It is a way of behaving in order to get something. Nice guys believe that others want them to be nice and polite and self sacrificing and that they need to act like this in order to get love and acceptance. So they create a fake persona of niceness, self sacrifice, etc., in order to hide their "ugly" real self. At least they have convinced themselves their real self is ugly and unacceptable. Which is why you hear guys say "I've tried being myself my whole life and it hasn't worked out".

The reality is they have never really been themselves. They have always been the fake veneer of niceness they presented to the world. So think about that.

mydikishomofobik · 2021-06-05T09:27:09+00:00

Those are the types of men who turn around and abuse their gfs, wives, and kids. The guy who got bullied in school doesn't have to be around his bullies after he leaves school, unless he works with them.

The bullies can join the police department to continue being bullies after they leave HS and no one cares about them anymore. Or they can go online and be bullies. But you don't have to talk to police or interact with them at all unless you're being arrested and social media cocksuckers only exist on the internet.

The bully's wife/gf/kids, on the other hand, are always around him. So who do you think he's going to end up taking out his assholery on most often? Look at the rates of domestic abuse among police officers, for example.

sigma1932 · 2021-06-05T11:13:14+00:00

You can be nice to your SO and your future family while being douchey to everyone else.

Translation: Be an asshole that's coincidentally magically nice to one arbitrary pretty-pretty princess because she exists. Dark-triad Disney-fication of relationships 101.

Explain to me why I should consider any given woman to be the one I'm "nice" to instead of including them in the group of "everyone else" that I'm "douchey" to?

but there are way too many dudes out there who will bend over backwards to please their boss, friends and random strangers and then be too tired to take out the trash and look nice for their SO when they come home.

Exactly why men relationship-minded men don't want to date career women... both because she's always "too tired" from going out of her way for everyone else so he's always alone and fending for himself anyway (not to mention there's no time to "be nice" to her even if he wanted to), but worse yet because he also has to potentially work 80+ hours/week so she can "date up".

And if he can't do that, then he "can't handle a strong and independent woman"... blah blah blah. Fuck off with all your bullshit solipsistic noise.

And FTR, Tywin still depended heavily on his family's "old money" (i.e. he was a trust-fund kid)... and he still got betrayed... by both the "love of his life," and his family.

milkyymochii · 2021-06-04T19:45:07+00:00

What males get wrong about the nice / douchey debate is that many of the self proclaimed “nice guys” are not actually nice nor genuine. They think being ugly somehow automatically means they are nicer/funnier/better personality than attractive men; when this is just a false notion used to come to terms with their insecurities.

“why would girls choose the entitled and misogynistic jocks instead of the quiet nerds, whose attitudes towards women are exactly on par with the jocks but who are less attractive”

Title	Men get 1 thing wrong about the nice / douchey debacle
Author	TheFinalDefender
Upvotes	0
Comments	44
Date	June 4, 2021 6:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nsced6/men_get_1_thing_wrong_about_the_nice_douchey/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-get-1-thing-wrong-about-the-nice-douchey.772470 https://theredarchive.com/post/772470

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