Prenups

flamingoinghome · 2019-01-27T12:34:37+00:00

Of course I would sign one, it's just good sense. And, in its own way, a kindness: you want to protect your spouse from everything, including your own worst impulses.

douchebag_throwaway3 · 2019-01-27T16:32:21+00:00

I had my wife sign a pre nup.

I asked her earlier this month what she thought when I asked her and she said, "I thought, this is a man who has been hurt and needs some extra protection, and I would never want to make you feel unsafe"

I was touched.

TheSuperStink · 2019-01-27T14:08:07+00:00

My fiancé and I are getting one, but it’s specific to her musical instruments. She is a classical musician and her instruments are worth more than my house, plus they are her livelihood.

We have similar income and wealth, so not worried about all that.

sublimemongrel · 2019-01-27T12:51:13+00:00

I’m pro prenups although I did not get one. I think why not be safe and well informed if it’s something you’re concerned about? Of course I’ll preface this by saying you have to do it right, which includes not hiding assets when you’re negotiating. Your inheritance wouldnt be marital property though, prenup or not (assuming you keep it separate).

abqkat · 2019-01-27T15:40:53+00:00

I'm (almost 40f) an accountant. I work with wealth managers and estate planners and financial advisors. I know that money is always cited in the top 3 reasons for divorce, but woefully overlooked because it's not a "sexy" topic like kids' names or liveable cities. I think about money, a lot- at work and in my daily life.

There is a laundry list of financial dealbreakers for me, and I wouldn't, say, marry someone with debt. Or someone whose financial goals didn't align with mine. Or who couldn't talk openly and honestly about divorce. And I certainly wouldn't enter into an emotional/ financial/ legal/ logistical contract without financial and other protection, i.e. a prenuptial agreement and a very clear list of reasons I'd end my marriage.

I think me and my husband have a good shot at staying happily married. But to not protect myself is woefully remiss and misguided, and one reason that people often end up financially destroyed by divorce

[deleted] · 2019-01-27T19:56:24+00:00

Didn’t get one. My wife, even if we split and one of us cheated on the other or some horrible shit, know and agree we are decent enough people not to go that route. She’s too strong on her own and stubborn to even consider it. Again, goes back to her awesome parents specifically her dad.

shoup88 · 2019-01-27T12:12:06+00:00

Neither my partner nor I went into our marriage rich, so there was no point getting a prenup.

pebble554 · 2019-01-27T18:11:51+00:00

I’m a single woman, but if I ever married, I would want a prenup for the following reasons:

Knowing my own laziness. I’m entering a professional field where I can work as much or as little as I like, and the prospect of losing half my savings down the line would decrease the motivation to push myself. Also, motivation to save is much higher when you can count on your savings being there for you. The moment a marriage turns less than great, why save and potentially lose half, when you can get that nice thing/trip/etc you really want right now? This can lead to over-spending and accelerate marriage problems as well.
I hate insecurity. I went through a very long period of my life of not knowing where I will be next year, being poor and insecure, having random middle aged SUV owners look down on me as I lugged groceries home on my bicycle, having lowlifes try to take advantage (landlords, kijiji sellers, etc). I absolutely never want to be there again. I want to feel that what’s mine is mine, I will only share with my partner of my own free will. (Although if I love my partner, I would be generous and support him properly when he is going through a rough life patch)
A relationship should be based on love. If one partner feels they can’t leave because they fear losing access to their children, savings and prized possessions, or they couldn’t survive financially on their own, that’s just a recipe for resentment, emotional insecurities and generally unhealthy relationship dynamics. You should be kind and loving because you are really into your partner, not because you’re held hostage in the relationship.
It makes sense in the modern economy. I feel the traditional marriage rules grew out of a society where young couples would start together from nothing and build up their livelihood together. In agrarian societies, the husband would build a house, and the wife would tend to it, and do cooking and childcare, and they would both work the fields together. What’s not to split equally (assuming divorce existed)? In the 20th century Europe before women’s rights movements, the husband would work for a salary, and the wife would work tending the house/children. Women were not generally allowed to hold jobs once married, so in case of a divorce, she’d be left destitute. Today, there are so many different ways to do housekeeping and outside work, so many occupations, ways to earn income, and vastly different income levels. Also many more opportunities for partners to contribute unequally, or save at different rates, and many more ways for a relationship to end. The old concept of marriage just doesn’t fit this new reality.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-01-27T13:20:54+00:00

It’s fine with me if other people want them. If a friend told me they intended to sign one before marriage my opinion would be neutral.

I didn’t have or want one when I married, even though I would have been on the losing end. I had a lot of real estate equity, made twice as much money and a 401k. He had a 20 year old truck.

For tax purposes, the rental property is in my name, but he has worked longer and piled money into his retirement accounts, plus his family had more money than mine and he received a small inheritance. His net worth is currently higher than mine.

Zippo-Cat · 2019-01-27T14:17:08+00:00

You don't need a prenup if you don't marry, and you should never marry.

chubby_leenock_hugs · 2019-01-27T18:02:13+00:00

They don't exist where I live because it's baked in the law. There are manus and usus marriages here where in an usus marriage (default) possessions are not shared.

How do you view prenuptial agreements? Would you want or expect one? Many men that I've seen advocate for them are also against "career women". If you decided to leave your wife, what should she do assuming she spent years being a wife/mother/homemaker/cook? If you're female, would you sign one? Why or why not.

I like how this entire post but in particular this last paragraph has some weird gendered idea about how this happened as if males don't sign prenups and what not.

If I lived in a place with prenups and would somehow get married (fuck marriage) I wouldn't just "would sign one" but it would be a pretty hard condition but an easier way to avoid all this bullshit is just to not get married.

I don't believe in this shared property nonsense; I have my stuff and others have theirs.

CatchPhraze · 2019-01-27T18:12:16+00:00

Depends. I'm for signing one to protect inherited wealth and assists before the marriage: but for wealth after that I believe its a partnership and we share sucess.

verticordia · 2019-01-27T20:30:22+00:00

I don't believe in divorce, and I have a lot of inheritance (not millionaire level, but my dad was smart) and assets in my name. The ideal would be a contract that was along the lines of "If the husband initiates a divorce or is physically abusive or cheats, I get to take half his shit".

_anothergumnut_ · 2019-01-27T13:41:12+00:00

I'd never sign a prenup. To me, marriage is something you go all in on. Making plans for if/when you separate just defeats the purpose. If a man wasn't prepared to make himself vulnerable and work fucking hard to make sure we never separate, then I wouldn't marry him.

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MercedesBenzoAMG · 2019-01-27T12:49:21+00:00

I'm working hard to come up in the world and I want to keep what I earn. The only way I'd agree to marriage is with a prenup. However in the UK where I live they are not upheld in court. So I'm left with no choice but to simply not get married.

I should note I have no interest in a housewife and nothing against career women either though. Quite the opposite, I'd want my partner to be pulling her weight just as I am.

EmpoweredGirl · 2019-01-27T17:04:08+00:00

If anything I would upgrade prenups into mandatory marriage contracts that includes things that a prenup doesn't. I don't think people feel as bad knowing what they will lose upfront if the worst comes, a clean break is healthier for both parties. Like for example I wouldn't mind forking over millions (more than any women ever needs to get without working for it), as long as my intellectual property, collections and stock in my business are protected as these things are not just assets, but a part of me.

CrestfallenWolf · 2019-01-27T17:47:58+00:00

ProTip: You don't need a prenuptial if never get married. So to the question, no I'll never sign one.

chubby_leenock_hugs · 2019-01-27T17:59:32+00:00

They don't exist where I live because it's baked in the law. There are manus and usus marriages here where in an usus marriage (default) possessions are not shared.

How do you view prenuptial agreements? Would you want or expect one? Many men that I've seen advocate for them are also against "career women". If you decided to leave your wife, what should she do assuming she spent years being a wife/mother/homemaker/cook? If you're female, would you sign one? Why or why not.

I like how this entire post but in particular this last paragraph has some weird gendered idea about how this happened as if males don't sign prenups and what not.

If I lived in a place with prenups and would somehow get married (fuck marriage) I wouldn't just "would sign one" but it would be a pretty hard condition but an easier way to avoid all this bullshit is just to not get married.

I don't believe in this shared property nonsense; I have my stuff and others have theirs.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-01-27T19:30:13+00:00

I would absolutely sign a prenup, but since I make significantly more than my partner I suspect TRP would not fault me for this even though it does not suit their “screw the ex-wife and kids” mentality. (I’m a woman)

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-01-27T20:51:33+00:00

I feel like if you are a successful man, you should not be getting married without one. Especially in today's world.

rosacanina_ · 2019-01-27T21:31:04+00:00

Well, in general you have multiple options to solve this problem.

You get rid of alimony and child support. You split 50:50 all of the income that was earned together. After the divorce both people would use the regular social wellfare programs (unemployment benefits and such). Nobody has to pay child support - nobody has to pay alimony. And by nobody I mean neither of the two parties but it's actually paid by society as a whole as is regular social wellfare. This makes sense since the party that was working during the divorce will continue working and paying the taxes needed to support unemployment benefits and the party that was working at home will go on unemployment benefits and has the usual time period to find a new job before the unemployment benefits end and they'd have to go to the last resort social wellfare program. This means a divorced wife/husband isn't treated any different than anybody else who currently doesn't have a job.

You also have to be aware that in some countries not everything is split 50:50. In my country what you had before the marriage is still yours and what you inherit during the marriage is also yours - meaning if you split you get all of that. In such countries prenups are much less necessary. If you're a millionaire with 10 Mio. you'll be able to keep that 10 Mio... you'd have to split what you've earned while being together though but at least the millions you had before are safe so nobody can marry you to get half of the money you CURRENTLY have, they could only marry you to get half of the money you'll make in the FUTURE.

reluctantly_red · 2019-01-28T00:10:46+00:00

OP's inherited money remains her separate property. Her husband won't get half if they divorce. No need for a prenup.

hurupu · 2019-01-28T16:54:29+00:00

> I found the situation morbidly funny.

Yeah that IS actually funny.

> If you decided to leave your wife, what should she do assuming she spent years being a wife/mother/homemaker/cook?

In that case alimony would be fair.

But nowadays it's predominantly skewed in favor of women who already have a well paying job.

Hell there have been cases where the wife sued the husband 2-3 years after the divorce because the husband's NEW business (made after the divorce) made a few million $ and she wanted a piece of the pie.

doctor_trucks · 2019-01-28T21:09:13+00:00

I would get one, because I live in a shitty state where the day you get married, all your property becomes marital property, even if you bought it years before. I own my home, i love my home, not giving that up. And it's not like I need his money. I make plenty.

If we bought a home together, I would expect that to be divided equally (even though I'd probably pay the majority of the expenses for it).

dicklord_airplane · 2019-01-29T13:13:10+00:00

Think of it this way: there's already a prenuptual agreement built into your state's/province's divorce laws. Some states dictate an even 50/50 split of assets regardless of who owns them, and other states require arbitration to divide assets according to who owns what and the nature of the divorce.

I think you should be aware of how divorce works in your state and decide if those default prenups are fair to you. If not, you should absolutely draw up another prenup.

sadomasochrist · 2019-01-27T15:39:35+00:00

If you can't enforce what you need in dissolution yourself, you're not ready to get married or start a family. You're basically agreeing up front that the ultimate arbitrator of your fate will be a court.

And well, that's great if you're a woman, and not if you're not.

killallthenarcs · 2019-01-27T16:17:22+00:00

I think a great number of men who will never have enough assets to make a prenup relevant, and who will probably never marry, waste far too much time thinking about prenups.

blackedoutfast · 2019-01-27T20:03:19+00:00

they're kinda pointless because if a judge decides it's not "fair" they'll just throw it out. that said, i would still want one just to clarify that stuff before getting married. and any woman who refuses to sign one is a big red flag

Title	Prenups
Author	quasirealikecreature
Upvotes	3
Comments	130
Date	January 27, 2019 12:01 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/akbgrk/prenups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/prenups.257597 https://theredarchive.com/post/257597

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