Q4W: When evaluating a man for candidacy as a sexual partner, do you consider the relative desirability of his previous partners (to the degree that you are able)?

poppy_blu · 2021-01-11T03:44:25+00:00

Ideally you want to be the hottest of the pack but not have a huge variation from previous exes. If they’re all way below or way above your SMV that would be eyebrow raising. Same if they’re all significantly different than you, like they’re all gamer chicks or girly girls and you’re not. Not a deal breaker, but worth pondering the why.

jumpatomic · 2021-01-11T01:53:36+00:00

No. I would be interested in the length of his former relationships and the number of long term relationships he's had and why they failed. Desirability can mean anything from hot to marriageable to thin or fat or blond or rich or poor or dependent or independent.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-01-11T01:58:14+00:00

No, I want to know that his previous relationships were suitably steady and long term, and I don’t want to know anything else about the girls

That said, given my own dating history, I take for granted that the guys I see have very attractive ex’s. I would be SUPER surprised if they didn’t

umnothnxbye · 2021-01-11T02:46:10+00:00

If he has hot exes I would not pursue him since I am not particularly good looking. So, naturally, I'd assume he'd be uninterested.

This is more relationship wise but same goes for financial/career success. If he has relatively smart (college educated) exes, I again would not bother since I'd assume he'd think me stupid or a loser. Then again, if he had women like this, he's more than likely successful too and I'd never bother with a successful man since I'm almost certain he'd see me as incredibly inferior and not worth his time.

simeneta · 2021-01-11T02:37:51+00:00

I have no idea what my husband's ex or any of my exs' exes looked like. Same as the other commenters, I care more about why the relationship ended and his ability to maintain an LTR.

Preselection is a thing but I don't think it's as specific as you are framing. Knowing your man has the ability to attract other woman definitely boosts his desirability. But for most women that just means "does he have a normal amount of relationship/dating experience for his age?". We don't really spend a bunch of time analyzing the specifics of who he is attracting.

AverageSweet2161 · 2021-01-11T04:25:16+00:00

No. When I date someone I don't want their exes to come up. All I need to know is why their last relationship ended and what they learned from it. That's about it. If I never hear about their ex again, I'd be happy.

spacechicken1990 · 2021-01-11T05:00:56+00:00

Yes.

I do compare my looks to theirs definitely, if they were more attractive I get insecure.

My second bf had 5 previous relationships with 2 bring serious. The one before me was absolutely gorgeous & I hated it.

Tomatoccino · 2021-01-11T05:04:47+00:00

I’d want to know how long the relationships lasted, why they broke up, that there weren’t any bunny boilers, or that there weren’t going to be any kids showing up on the doorstep claiming kinship. If women were wildly different looking to me it would feel a bit off, but looking exactly the same as all his exes or his mum would be just as off putting.

Willow-girl · 2021-01-11T06:07:40+00:00

No, I don't GAF about that sort of thing. Oddly many of my partners have had ex-GFs who are/were much prettier than me. I suppose I could be insecure about that but I've always figured he must be with me and not her for a reason ...

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-01-12T12:43:21+00:00

There is no utility in knowing this information. Even so, it sounds more prevalent in those that are unattractive with low self-esteem. If he showed me an attractive ex, why would I care, if I had an attractive ex too. What does that mean? We are both two attractive people and there is no reason to care.

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2021-01-13T03:14:59+00:00

Not really.

If I know who the guy has dated obviously I’ll have some thoughts about how that person is similar or different from me, or some darker thoughts about whether I think she’s as attractive, accomplished, etc... as I am, but honestly I don’t think about my partners’ exes a lot at all. If they’re exes their relationships failed so who cares?

The person I’m with now dated someone very different from me in every way before we were together, and that’s confusing early on because sometimes you wonder how someone who was into a certain type of very different person could also be into you but I don’t think about it much anymore/didn’t ever really beyond passing thoughts,

I once dated a white guy years ago and found out he’d dated only other black women for years back and that made me uncomfortable.

2021-01-13T16:31:20+00:00

No, i think about previous partners as little as possible. Previous partners can generally only be a negative, if it feels like there is a lot of them I will worry he is looking to pump and dump or has an STI.

Sage_Planter · 2021-01-11T02:10:28+00:00

I don't care too much about a man's exes, and I don't care about their "relative desirability." If they're an ex, they ultimately were not that desirable as a partner so there's no need to fuss over it. What matters to me is how many relationships he's had, the length of his relationships, why those relationships ended, what he's learned for relationships moving forward, and whether or not he's actually over that ex.

PrincessFKNPeach · 2021-01-11T02:26:30+00:00

If anything, if the exes are super hot, it's a little intimidating.

My current boyfriend's exes had fat asses, and my ass is flat, and it makes me sad. ):

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-01-11T03:00:02+00:00

The only time I've given much thought to a guy's exes were when I thought they were prettier than me or they were a different "type" than me which made me insecure. But a guy's exes being attractive or unattractive has no bearing on my attraction to the guy in question.

2021-01-11T04:05:40+00:00

I have unironically, and arguably shamefully, checked up on each and every one of my husband's prior partners after I heard about them.

My reason? Literally to see if they have kids that would have been conceived around the time they were supposedly seeing my husband! That's the biggest thing. The others aren't too far from me physically to raise any eyebrows, not really anyway. So now my curiosity is satisfied.

If I was already attracted enough to look into him, obviously the plans were for us to stay together a very long time. Obviously I was attracted by many serious factors that are deeper than "his ex's were attractive/unattractive."

Mimoxs · 2021-01-11T06:50:45+00:00

No, I really would prefer to know as little as possible about them. I don't like thinking about the fact that a guy has been with other girls.

slavicslothe · 2021-01-11T07:18:58+00:00

No. It’s super irrelevant. Any extensive talk about previous relationships early in our relationship is a pretty huge turn off...mostly in that it’s a red flag. They either haven’t moved on or are super fucking immature.

Gerealtor · 2021-01-11T10:42:49+00:00

If I was thinking in terms of longterm potential, I'd probably be focusing mostly on whether he'd been able to commit in the past (depending on his age) and whether he'd been in love/loved a woman before. It would be a major, major plus if he had, especially the love part. I'd find it concerning at a certain age, especially if he had had relationships before, if the guy wouldn't say he'd been in love before.

As for things that are just a little crush/attraction, I think if I saw that his exes were all much less attractive than not just myself, but also him, I might see that as a bit odd. If they were all super hot, I'd probably be really insecure about it. I guess the ideal is that they just looked normal in relation to his own looks.

rft24 · 2021-01-11T13:39:06+00:00

no? what’s the point? what does that do for me?

SaBahRub · 2021-01-11T18:46:20+00:00

I am looking for patterns, not ratings

Emberily123 · 2021-01-12T22:51:21+00:00

No I don’t. I don’t care as long as he doesn’t have an STD and doesn’t pressure me to do something use his exes doing it as a way to get me to do it.

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