Question about dread game

wtknight · 2018-09-07T20:29:43+00:00

A man being as desirable as he was when he and his partner first met is something that a man should be doing anyway. I personally don’t consider this “dread,” even if Red Pillers call it that and even if women are bothered by the fact that a man is doing it consciously rather than out of habit. It is when a man goes beyond this to purposely get a reaction from his partner (lifting when he never lifted before, purposely flirting with other women in front of his partner, etc.) that I do have a problem with dread and when I actually consider it dread.

TheGreasyPole · 2018-09-07T20:01:15+00:00

I had a go once at describing how it unfolds, and how it is supposed to work.

Ultimately, it's more a last ditch strategy for saving a crashing plane than it is a long term strategy for flying straight and level.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3l0ryg/a_shortish_summary_of_rp_dread_game_in/

Ultimately the start point of dread game is... the current situation is close to divorce, due to a lack of sexual interest from your wife. Thats what it's designed to solve, or at least the form talked about in BBPs "12 levels" post, or the form in the summary above. The actions, and re-actions of the partner, make sense in that context.

I can't answer all 12 of your questions, although my link may answer many of the questions above for you. And, obviously, I can only answer as a male and about how it is supposed to work, and not as a female experiencing it.

Is there a particular question you want to focus on ?

larrythetomato · 2018-09-07T23:44:03+00:00

Most problems that people have with dread is that people skip the first steps and start reading from the end. Most of the final steps are for men who are in drastic inescapable situations.

There is an important part here:

To clarify, these are sequential. You don't go past level 5 if you are happy in the relationship. You don't "cheat" until you have tried everything else and the marriage is already over.

This is for married men who:

Not only do not have sex in years.
They have no intimacy (kissing, hugging, touching.
They have no more positive interactions
They have no more neutral interactions. Even general logistical comments like "I am taking the kid to his game on Saturday", "huh if you even can" (e.g. sarcastic comments).
So basically every interaction is a fight or laying the groundwork for one.

BP wisdom says your marriage is over, do marriage counseling (which never works) or get divorced.

RP says you will probably get divorced, however this might work, and if you do it right, either you will complete rewrite the relationship dynamics, or she will divorce you. But if the second occurs you won't care.

Willow-girl · 2018-09-08T12:42:46+00:00

Dread game is a formula for dismantling whatever is left of the pair bond with your wife. Once it has been thoroughly demolished, you can cheat or leave without a second thought. It's "Divorce School," if you will.

LifterofThings · 2018-09-07T20:02:22+00:00

Some of the steps are retarded, I'll agree... but it's based on a pretty fundamental RP principle which is to talk less and do more. You can't "communicate better" your way into the porn-quality sex life that you want with your wife if she's decided you're not worth fucking.

Most of this is to (subtly) remind her that you have options, to keep her working for your attention and approval -- demonstrate continuously that you're higher value than she is, such that her hypergamy is satisfied. For like... 99% of women, there's no reason to rub any of this in her face overtly; not being a fat, simpering slob, and letting her see other women look at you and IOI you is enough.

My bf dread games me without him even being aware of it. I've SEEN pictures of him with ex-gfs who're more attractive than I am. I'd be lying if I said that at that juncture where I'm like "I don't want to fuck rn", a little voice going, "well someone else would" doesn't enter my head.

It's not a nice feeling, but ultimately, I appreciate its utility in keeping my relationship together.

MMDT · 2018-09-07T23:58:00+00:00

Patrice O'Neal had an eloquent line for the later levels. You say to your girl, "Just because we're not fucking, doesn't mean I'm not gonna be fucking".

In effect its basically a hail mary. If it works, cool. If it doesn't work, well you weren't getting sex anyway so what difference does it make.

However I think it's always important to have at least some level of dread game going at all time. A little bit of insecurity (on both sides) is healthy for a relationship. No side should ever feel 100% secure, in a position of "no matter what I do, you're not gonna leave me". That's how people get fat, lazy, and stop trying.

dolforrot · 2018-09-08T00:02:39+00:00

If a woman has to compete for your partner's attention/affection it can make a relationship more satisfying for a woman. This sounds a little insane but seems to work.

If he's got other women interested in him it makes the woman feel he is more attractive. If you're the only woman who wants him then it can make him neem undesirable.
Women treat relationships a bit like a competetive game. If you have to up your game (dress better, be sexier) to get his attention it makes your relationship feel more meaningful. When you "win" his attention away from some skank at the office its validating and confidence building.
Women's sexual desire is reactive. If you're "winning" your partner and doing it by dressing and being sexier you'll feel more sexually aroused. This makes for good sex which is great for both of you and the health of the relationship.

Without some kind of competition for their partner women can feel they're stuck with an undesirable left over for a partner which kills their sexual desire and the relationship

jkonrad · 2018-09-08T01:19:19+00:00

It’s an emergency measure, not meant for healthy relationships, although minor cases of ‘dread’ occur naturally. Normal people call it by it’s more colloquial names, though.

ShotgunTRP · 2018-09-08T02:00:41+00:00

Is it still dread game if it's unintentional/natural?

Definitely 100% obviously

Women are naturals at dread

Silent treatment, faking pregnancy/pregnancy scares, getting dolled up for girls nights out when only wearing tracksuit pants and shirts for their man

Dread is essentially created by women without them knowing

Cristoff13 · 2018-09-08T11:42:53+00:00

Red Pill theory seems to imply women don't really like sex for itself, like men tend to, but that they only really enjoy sex when its part of trying to secure commitment from a man they are attracted to. When commitment has been secured (i.e. marriage to a safe reliable man) sex just loses its appeal. The idea of dread game is that the man always appears just on the edge of losing interest, so the woman has to keep striving to secure commitment.

Nobody really knows if female sexuality actually works like this - and of course there would still be huge variance among individual women. But even if this were valid, making "dread game" work would be very difficult in practice. Too subtle and there's no "dread", too overt and it verges on abuse. Perhaps both people have to not take it too seriously and just treat it mostly as a game.

concacanca · 2018-09-07T20:30:17+00:00

So it's worth mentioning that BPP did highlight that only the 'passive dread' up to level 5 is what should be run in a healthy relationship and I tend to agree.

Beyond that, I really disagree that flirting with other women is ineffective. It's a dick move but preselection is very powerful. My wife openly admits that it's a turn on to see other women flirting with me

The cheating....well that's just dumb IMO. At that point the relationship is over anyway and you should just gracefully divorce the deadbedrooming shrew of a woman.

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rassiamelo · 2018-09-09T04:48:31+00:00

I am intrigued by redpill as well. And I even agree with enough aspects of it so as to be able to contribute to their forums constructively. That said, there is one element of their theory that is off: They are basically only interested in promoting an alpha mentality, when in reality, beta males are more desirable by females. This is true across species. Females prefer provider males. The leftover males in virtually any species seek out multiple partners to compensate for the fact that they can't hold down a female. This is why these guys are seeking sex from people who aren't interested: they don't all have genuine connections to rely on. Alphas by definition do not have many good options. That is why you hear the men on there talking about any reliable woman they find as "rare". Because for them, they are rare. They aren't going to leave. Women have the power. We are the natural selectors of the species.

[deleted] · 2018-09-10T03:09:42+00:00

This is more of a married red pill thing. You could probably take it as a given that there are problems in the relationship, they might not be having sex much if at all already. The wife might not be the nicest or considerate towards her husband and thing lok like they might get pretty dire.

4.) If the wife is as described and the person following this wants someone different I don't think they're going to be able to change get into it. It would be much easier to realize that they have fundamentally different wants and expectations out of life and are probably a terrible fit.

I think a lot of guys make themselves too available to their partner which means they get taken for granted. Having someone at your beck and call might be useful but it isnt attractive. It seems like a certain kind of person comes to expect their partner do what they ask when they ask be there for them always. This isnt good for attraction, it's a turn-off. Removing the availability here is meant to show that you do have some worth to your life beyond being a slave to your wife and family.

6 & 7) personally seem ridiculous and I'm not sure why this would work.

If you learn how to seduce again you can learn how to seduce your wife again.

10.) Wouldn't "leave" make more sense than "demand it at ultimatum?"

It probably would, but it isnt always that easy is it? Marriage is compicated, kids might be involved. He might still love his wife.

In many cases, the husband has forgotten that he is supposed to be attractive, these steps are meant to address that. People can and do turn it around.

Edit: if my husband did any of this, I'd probably suggest counseling as our communication had broken down at some point and I'd want to solve that problem.

Plenty of people have tried counseling and had it not work for them. You cant talk your wife into being attraced to you.

petrichordium · 2018-09-07T20:40:17+00:00

The main issue i have with the dread game post is that it’s all stick and no carrot. Like yes turning into a whiny softboy who expects choreplay and flowers to melt her panties off instantly is naive and counterproductive, but the middle focus on seduction seems like OP is waving away that specificity for PUA manuals. Nothing about connecting to her internal thoughts and needs.

However, the consistent issue you seem to have here is that sexual attraction is either natural and spontaneous or else it’s hopeless. You seem to accept the premise that things are terminal past a certain point, and your issue seems to be less the advice is stupid and more that it’s pointless. I can get that, and i approach most relationships like that, but i can totally understand how a MARRIED man would want to keep trying. I consider myself quite blue, and yet despite the silly branding and a lot of gross links in that post, the general trend of escalating self improvement leading toward a soft ultimatum is the only way i have ever personally turned around a flagging sexual connection. Communication is a necessary and underrated first step, but it doesn’t get you past dead bedroom valley. You have to do things. And eventually you need to very viscerally remind people that if they care about you as a human being they need to express it sexually, full stop.

But i get your attitude, bc i would never bother going past the first steps for most people. Like if my partner looked like Sasha Luss, fucked like Sasha Grey, and had the mind of Dear Coquette you might get me desperate enough to consider silly stuff up there, but anyone else? Buh bye, gonna go get someone who actually wants on my dick. But I’m a shallow degenerate who doesn’t believe in marriage. Is that really how you want your husband to think as a traditional woman? How would you want him to act if you lost desire? I’m genuinely curious. And please don’t say to just suck it up and deal with low sex, bc that’s not an option.

Title	Question about dread game
Author	quasirealikecreature
Upvotes	2
Comments	120
Date	September 7, 2018 7:50 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9dxvja/question_about_dread_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-about-dread-game.260895 https://theredarchive.com/post/260895

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