What are your thoughts on dread game?

witzzzer · 2014-08-04T18:54:27+00:00

From my understanding, dread game is a man withholding commitment and showing that he has options elsewhere. So if as TRP postulates, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment, dread game would be analogous to a woman toying with a few beta orbiters and withholding sex on occasion to keep her man on his toes. I actually wouldn't be surprised at all if this is effective! However, I personally find it incredibly distasteful, just as I find male dread game. Why does TRP condemn women for withholding sex, while celebrating and damn near worshiping men who behave analogously?

lilbsavedtherapgame · 2014-08-04T17:39:28+00:00

I think it's a mostly immature method of control for jacked up relationships.

We_Are_Legion · 2014-08-04T20:03:41+00:00

What I don't understand though is why it is conflated with abuse, I've often described Dread game on this sub to BPers and literally challenged BPers to point me to the abusive component. (have a go yourself) Nobody ever really answers. I've never recieved anything more than "b-but its abusve" or "Fine! this isn't abuse. btu the stuff i heard about on TBP was def. abuse". Mention how, goddamn it. Otherwise your words mean nothing to us.

The link is a thread BPers held up as an example of dread. It proves pretty conclusively you kids don't even know what dread game is. You think its childish "Don't break up with me or i'll break up with you"(how does that even fucking work? No, I'm not making a strawman, that's how BPers describe Dread to me when I ask)

and link me to your fucking abuse methods when you find it. I get curious with your catchphrases.

SlippyToadsWildRide · 2014-08-05T14:34:32+00:00

The way I see it, there are 2 types of dread game: passive and active. Both can be employed by any gender, but for this post, I'll assume it's the man employing it.

Passive dread is a natural occurrence and result of generally being attractive and desired by people. You don't directly do anything and it's very subtle / plausibly deniable. A lot of times, people don't even know they're doing it. An example is when you're a guy who is out with your GF and you get hit on by other women who are "around the same" or "greater" in attractiveness than your GF. Even if you reject their advances (which you should) your GF understands that you're a hot commodity and if she wants to keep you around, she's going to have put in effort and not treat you like shit.

Another thing you have to do is to give off in your demeanor (note: NOT directly say, since that just comes off as insecure) that if you and your GF broke up, you would be ok and it wouldn't totally destroy you, because you know you can find someone else relatively easy. This is also known as having an ABUNDANCE mentality, which is opposite of a scarcity mentality - a mentality that way too many men have when it comes to women and dating. This passive dread is the type of dread "game" you want to employ. It's achieved by just being an all around attractive guy.

Active dread is what I feel most blue pillers assume when they hear "dread game". It's more sociopathic, manipulative, and it often backfires on the person employing it, since it can easily come off as insecurity. It's when you deliberately hit on other women in front of your girlfriend in order to "show" her that you can get other women. It can also be directly telling her something like "I don't need you, I can fuck whoever I want so if you want to stay with me, get your shit together." Yes, it CAN work, but it's kind of a shitty way to do it. The message can be just as easily communicated passively, as noted above. Saying something like that directly just sounds weak and desperate.

Hopefully that makes sense. Again, this is just the way I see it. Also, women are fully capable of employing both types of dread game, and often do so.

workerbeebuzz · 2014-08-16T12:08:24+00:00

Dread gaming is petty, babyish garbage. I play a straight bat and wouldn't give the time of day to a bloke who tried to play silly buggers with me.

Skratt · 2014-08-04T17:11:17+00:00

Hmm...honestly depends on how you do it, why you're doing it, and the woman you're trying it on.

If she's a very sensitive girl, and you're constantly flirting with other chicks, it can eat her alive on the inside. Sure, she'll cling to you and do whatever but still, ouch.

If she appears nagging or ungrateful to you, I guess it will work and make her realize what she has or whatever. So that's effective. But relationships to me should be about love, and if you gotta dread game her, it might just seem a little bit off. ;>

an_absolute_rose · 2014-08-04T17:18:22+00:00

I see it as necessary. Women tend to become "comfortable" after a while. When she feels comfortable she sees you as coming from a place of scarcity. Without the abundance mindset she will lose attraction. No woman wants a man than nobody else wants. Having a boyfriend is often social proof and if he isn't a positive to her social proof she'll find a branch to swing away.

I think a regular reminder that "I can get sex elsewhere" is healthy for the relationship. I don't advocate cheating, but this would be the time to have handsy women friends.

[deleted] · 2014-08-04T20:32:55+00:00

I've known guys who've tried to dread me. I know it means "I'm flirting with this girl to get your attention. Please notice." It tends to have the opposite effect: "oh he's talking to a girl over there and hoping I'll notice, he must really like me."

AshleyYakeley · 2014-08-06T07:52:32+00:00

Well, what are its effects? Does it make people stressed out and full of, you know, dread? Or does it elicit sexual enthusiasm?

Perspective133 · 2014-08-04T18:16:34+00:00

Ever hear the phrase, "Treat your man right or another woman will"?

Dread game is simply the idea of applying that phrase to real life.

Dreamtrain · 2014-08-04T23:29:19+00:00

It works and I wish it didn't.

redpill80 · 2014-08-05T06:40:07+00:00

The thing about dread game is that it works INCREDIBLY well. You may doubt dread game until you see it in action, and then your opinion on it will change. You'll be astonished at its effect on her mindset/actions.

Dread game isn't necessarily an explicit threat of walking away. It seems to me that would only work in a LTR where you already have some value and your threat isn't seen as desperate. Dread game has worked for me in a different context-- as covert means of demonstrating that I have options and that I'm assessing her desirability as a partner (or hook up).

A girl who rejected you last year and had lost all attraction to you, will be seeking to please you and will be incredibly nervous of saying the wrong thing, as her attraction skyrockets. This sudden desire to supplicate comes from a fear of loss-- you are now something valuable and she doesn't want to lose you (especially if there's already a sunken cost). The funny thing is her decision that you are "valuable" doesn't even have to come from explicit descriptions of your lifestyle. She might see your instagram (with you out having a good time, with other girls, etc.), see your facebook statuses, or just have a sudden realization that she's hot for you again for some "unknown" reason. When she thinks she will lose you, she will act in a way to please you in order to keep you.

As she should. You don't owe her shit, it's up to you to decide whether to include her in your life again. This only works when she actually thinks you might walk away. I can't speak for other men, but I know that in my blue pill days I never considered dropping girl friends from my life...whereas girl friends had 0 problem dropping me the second I became a burden. The decision to qualify my friends has been incredibly empowering and makes me value my true friendships even more.

la_sabotage · 2014-08-05T07:18:22+00:00

And yet another RP circlejerk. This sub is starting to look more and more like all the other TRP colony subs.

stats135 · 2014-08-04T17:50:38+00:00

The constant discussion of this topic makes it seem more intentional than it is. When a man is not getting sex with his women, he'll need to get it from someone else. Dread game is simply teaching this to your women if she doesn't already know it and making sure that you do indeed have a someone else in the event that she withholds sex. The way I see it, dread game is more of a byproduct of having standards (in the amount of sex or other criteria) and more than one woman willing to satisfy it.

autoNFA · 2014-08-04T18:07:55+00:00

Everyone does it. It's nothing but setting boundaries and vigorously defending them.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-08-04T18:17:13+00:00

I'd need more details before forming a more complete opinion.

To me, it's just an indirect way of letting others know you have options and that you are "high value". A subtle, perhaps even subconscious reminder that you can't be taken advantage of because you always have the option to leave and know it.

A lot of people will argue one way or the other to make rpers look good or bad, but I personally think it can range from basic "humble bragging" and "bragplaining" to full blown cheating.

I think generally, women are better at this, maybe due to social convention or higher average EQ. For instance, they sound more natural when they're bragplaining about the attention they get.

cxj · 2014-08-04T23:01:36+00:00

Dread game is something ive been doing in relationships since before I had a name for it or even knew about trp/pua at all. Ive even done it badly, as in blatantly talked to other girls who were clearly not interested in me, and still had it work. Its one of trp best points that ive seen work in my life over and over. It doesnt even have to be about not getting sex, it can be a response to her just being fussy, unreasonable and unpleasant. Or disrespecting you in front of people. More often than not, proper dread has resulted in quickly and dramatically improved behavior, and even almost instant sex in my life and relationships.

This is one of those things where blue pillers can argue all damn day with any stats or studies, and its not going to counter my own personal experience in the matter.

[deleted] · 2014-08-04T19:46:15+00:00

It's highly effective and in some cases very necessary. Usually if you have to use dread game on a woman she isn't worth being in a relationship with.

Title	What are your thoughts on dread game?
Author	n0c0ntr0l
Upvotes	5
Comments	120
Date	August 4, 2014 5:03 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2clpn7/what_are_your_thoughts_on_dread_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-thoughts-on-dread-game.285180 https://theredarchive.com/post/285180

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