What are your thoughts on 'It's how I was raised"?

jverveslayer · 2023-11-03T21:05:34+00:00

Most people don't give genuine explanations for parts of their behavior and choices. Many lack the self-awareness to their own motivations in the first place. Others give easier or more socially acceptable explanations.

Some people are just dumb and throw up nonsense excuses for way things that benefit them are fair/right/best/whatever

This happens in many parts of life

EastSideSlasha · 2023-11-03T21:16:56+00:00

Yes people are hypocrites, look at all those highly religious people who cheat on their wives

Ok-Coat7665 · 2023-11-03T21:03:18+00:00

It’s a lazy excuse to buy into something. If you have the self-awareness to realize that you continue to do or expect something because it’s what you experienced in your formative years, you should also have the self-awareness to examine it critically.

jay10033 · 2023-11-03T21:16:10+00:00

They don't want to be held accountable for their actions or how they move in the world, so they put the blame on someone else.

At some point, you're responsible for the decisions you make.

sometimesthisisweird · 2023-11-03T21:02:31+00:00

It is an excuse most of the times. No different than friends who justify their own friend's behavior for being assholes. "Steve is a dick, you'll get used to him".

leosandlattes · 2023-11-03T22:01:20+00:00

If it’s how you were raised, you better stick to it. And if you make modifications, better be prepared to make them fairly. That’s it.

Silver_Ad_7896 · 2023-11-03T22:50:29+00:00

That phrase is always a cop out. Every single time. A serial killer could use that justification. Hitler could have used that justification. It’s illogical and unacceptable. We’re not stagnant unless we choose to be. As a species we are always learning, always adapting. Which means how we were raised is irrelevant to who we choose to be as grown up individuals. That’s what I think about that phrase.

AceOfSpadesGymBro2 · 2023-11-03T23:17:24+00:00

You know, you don't have to do everything (or anything for that matter) that women want you to do. Or did you not know that?

Vegetable-Rub3418 · 2023-11-03T21:54:12+00:00

It's mostly excuse I hear from women when they want you to abide by certain gender norms that benefits themselves.

It's kinda like when you ask women why they don't make the first moves they say "I'm old-school"

Guys do this too when they say stuff like a guy is made to appropriate with many women.

gremvinros · 2023-11-03T21:22:49+00:00

“it’s how I was raised”

I think the essence of it is that they had no say in how life unfolded for them, I agree. An effect has a cause. If you feel like you need to @ me, don't, @ reality.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-11-04T00:49:51+00:00

''It's how I was raised'' is perfectly fine if we're talking about small, innocuous quirks. Once we get into ''acting like an asshole'' territory, it's just someone trying to justify their shitty behavior, behavior that they know pisses people off. If anything, ''that's how I was raised'' makes the whole thing worse, now you know that there are several generations of assholes who spread their dickishness around.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2023-11-04T02:31:01+00:00

Some people use "it's how I was raised" as an excuse to not grow or move forward. Obviously your childhood does have a huge impact on what kind of adult you are, but that doesn't mean we're slaves to our upbringing.

I feel like this is especially true in this day and age. It's not like we're living in a time where you would live in your small community and the only real influence you'd have would be your family. We're lucky enough that we live in a time where we can easily expose ourselves to different ways of thinking. The problem is that a lot of people don't seem to see the benefit in doing that. People get stuck in their ways and see no reason to even consider changing their view point.

Willow-girl · 2023-11-04T13:56:40+00:00

Upon reaching adulthood, you are responsible for your position and decisions.

MikeArrow · 2023-11-03T21:13:00+00:00

How we're raised forms a huge part of our behavior. Our parents basically 'set the course' for how we move into adulthood and that momentum carries forward for years and years after.

Some things are easier to change than others. I don't begrudge anyone for that, even if they might come across as hypocritical.

John_Oakman · 2023-11-03T21:08:19+00:00

Uncompromising outlook is a luxury indulged by those who can afford it. Otherwise how one was raised can be changed through various hardships in life (natural or induced, with military bootcamp being an example of the latter).

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LoFiPanda14 · 2023-11-03T22:31:47+00:00

Term only comes up when called out for something negative. Cop out.

armpitpics · 2023-11-04T02:38:28+00:00

It's an annoying answer to "why do you expect this behavior in a relationship?", but it's also the most honest one. Most of our expectations in a relationship are learned from watching the roles our parents played. We spend most of our time either trying to replicate those roles or trying to correct what we felt was wrong about them. Many people grew up wanting to imitate the traditional aspects of our parents relationship, but fixing the disadvantages those roles come with.

AngeCruelle · 2023-11-04T03:28:12+00:00

"Okay cool I appreciate knowing this background context and insight into your perspectives."

I don't see it as some gotcha opportunity. It is very common for people to retain some of their parents' values and not others. If anything it would be more unusual to be a perfect carbon copy of your parents' values or completely opposite.

macone235 · 2023-11-04T08:11:17+00:00

This is a pretty bad false equivalency. I don't see a lot of traditional men with wives who do all of the housework while they're going 50/50 on dates.

On the flipside, I see a lot of women expecting the man to be traditional while she providing nothing traditional herself.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-11-04T14:51:00+00:00

It’s an explanation, not an excuse. Many people cling onto that to avoid taking responsibility for themselves, growing as a person or being open to new ideas. In my family my dad was the only one who worked and we were fine since he had a good job, but if anything were to happen my mom wouldn’t be able to support herself on her own. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one person and personally I don’t agree with her not trying to get even a part time job after all of us were teens/adults. People can have whatever standards they want for dating, though they should make them clear ahead of time and not get into relationships with people who don’t meet those standards hoping to change them, like with your thirst trap example. Also if the wife is doing all that how is she gonna afford to go 50/50? Who would agree to that? It’s another unrealistic expectation in today’s world.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-11-04T17:12:23+00:00

Well obviously people don't just carbon copy their parents stylesheet in all regards. That's not how the passage of time and generations works. Stuff happens things change. Most of you, your fathers mowed the lawn. Now that's considerably less common, lawn services are ubiquitous in many suburbs. Is a man a hypocrite if he still pressured his stay at home wife to cook a particular heritage related dish mostly from scratch because that's how he was raised and pasta sauce from a jar is an abomination but he isn't getting out there and using a pull start mower? Obviously those things are different and affected by cultural progress and location differently.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-11-04T19:31:07+00:00

Friend once asked me how I wasn't religious. He obviously was very Christian. I said that's how I was raised and was the truth. Had I gone to church everyday the brainwashing might've made me religious.

In your examples you can avoid these people but if you don't have much choice when dating it becomes harder. Everyone compromises in relationships.

mcminimus · 2023-11-04T19:40:15+00:00

In cases where your action is hurting others, then you might need to re examine the way that you were raised. In most cases, if you prefer to pour milk in the bowl first before cereal, no one really cares.

SwimmerInteresting98 · 2023-11-06T21:43:40+00:00

Coming from a woman - disheartening

Coming from a man - unconvincing

Title	What are your thoughts on 'It's how I was raised"?
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	13
Comments	36
Date	November 3, 2023 8:52 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17n4ryw/what_are_your_thoughts_on_its_how_i_was_raised/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-thoughts-on-its-how-i-was-raised.1237268 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237268

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