What is a happy medium?

Lyanina · 2017-01-17T07:39:50+00:00

There are red-pillers in good LTRs (as much as one can make a judgment from some things someone says on the internet), some of them on this subreddit. Red-pillers says LTRs (or maybe it was marriage?) are "TRP on hard mode," I think because the theory goes you need to balance alpha skills (to maintain attraction) with beta skills (to maintain the actual relationship, comfort, etc). I really doubt those that are in LTRs view women as "objects," as you say. I'm not even sure they subscribe to "women are children," though they certainly believe "women are different."

Have you looked at r/marriedredpill or the LTR posts in r/theredpill? You won't be able to avoid all the "anger phase" guys there, but the focus is on maintaining a LTR (obviously the first step is getting into one, but I don't think that's your problem) -- maintaining attraction, maintaining respect, etc. Because for what you're looking for, the self-improvement and don't-be-a-doormat parts of TRP should be useful to you. I think many bloops can form stable monogamous relationships just fine, but if you're looking for a little push in the right direction those resources might help.

Thing is, you can pick and choose what you want to use from TRP. I'm a woman and ignore the "X% of women ride the cock carousel, and then find a beta they withhold sex from" and the "women are all after Chad and are bitter he won't give them commitment in exchange for sex" parts, but I find some bits and pieces of the theory, and especially of the RPW strategy, interesting and inspiring.

In the same way, you probably don't want to fall into the anger and bitterness some red-pillers have, but there is value in the idea of "vetting" a potential partner and in keeping an eye out for common problems that come up. If you've been burned before, TRP's way of approaching things (abundance mentality in particular) may help you.

So yes, there is a "happy medium," there is a "balance," and maybe it doesn't come naturally to you, but it's certainly possible, and it's been done.

UA_Hammer · 2017-01-17T06:27:16+00:00

So what's the happy medium between BP nice guy and RP sex guy?

Patriarchal LTR husband material that eventually probably gets cucked at 45

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2017-01-17T07:16:55+00:00

I don't want some 10 women to call on for mindless banging.

not necessary. TRP is simply information to help you reach your own goals. even if it suggests a specific path, you don't have to follow it exactly. But it helps to know the Basics

or do I want to have the sort of mindset all of my red pill friends seem to have where women are objects.

this is the first stage of TRP, the anger phase of removing the pussy from the pedestal. The final level of TRP is based on the simple fact that men and women are different, and that we are intended to be in a complimentary symbiosis rather than competitors. Yin and Yang.

To speed up your process, I highly suggest watching Mark Gungor's Youtube special, "A tale of 2 brains"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=814eR5K7KD8

I'm trying to form a stable, monogamous relationship with an awesome sex life.

TRP knowledge is your best bet at achieving this, since it explains a lot of the common dynamics. For example, you never want to try to solve a woman's problems:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

also, marriage psychologist John Gottman noted that women tend to escalate arguments, which makes men's cortisol levels spike as if they were under physical attack. This leads to them walking on eggshells to keep the wife happy, which kills any respect she has for him.

I'm hesitant to take on TRP lifestyle because very much of it goes against the things I believe as a person.

ask yourself WHY you believe those things. When you actually go through that process of introspection, you will find yourself to be more flexible on some values and more rigid in other values.

So what's the happy medium between BP nice guy and RP sex guy?

there is no medium, as The Red Pill cannot be undone when taken. Welcome to the Real World.

lollygagyo · 2017-01-17T08:00:03+00:00

Maybe try being a better version of yourself.

Why do you think people are cheating on you? Relationship advice kind of has to be tailored, generally speaking. This sounds like a personal problem, because it's not like every blue pill dude gets cheated on. The only guy I've dated that I ever contemplated cheating on was kind of RP in attitudes and behaviour. I felt that he would just try and ''hold frame'' every time I tried to have a conversation about our relationship/that I was being gaslit and that he wouldn't listen to me even when I tried to initiate break-up conversations.

(Also: not blaming you for the cheating. I'm sorry your gfs did that. But if it's happened multiple times...there's a pattern and you're probably somewhat culpable, you know? Or you've just had shit luck).

Candy_Kittens · 2017-01-17T10:42:01+00:00

become a Chad.

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-01-17T09:53:15+00:00

MRP has a process and sidebar reading that is curtailed specifically to men in LTRs or marriages. You will be required to learn a lot about leadership, ownership, self-improvement and practical actions to keep a "stable" relationship.

daveofmars · 2017-01-17T15:29:08+00:00

There is a happy medium. I employed RP concepts to my existing LTR, and it has improved things immensely. We're going on 9 years together, which is more than most relationships. TRP is made up of two parts: seduction advice and homebrew scholarship on sex/gender. You can take one without the other.

Basically, if I had to tell my son how to interact with women, it would be this:

1: Girls just want to have fun, so be fun.
2: Learn how to be more sociable in general.
3: Women's greatest turnoff is your insecurity.
4: Put some effort into your health, fitness, and attire.

That's basically it.

Sunhappy_DC · 2017-01-17T15:34:41+00:00

Me between Michael Fassbender and Cam Newton

To the post, I think ti's just a masculine man. In reality, who cares what pill he is.

DucksCanDance · 2017-01-17T16:50:22+00:00

There's no middle ground, either you're in a power position and they treat you like their god, or they fucking run all over you

Wolfsouls · 2017-01-17T18:30:00+00:00

Develop a masculine appearance and demeanor without losing yourself in misogynistic propaganda. Be true to your moral compass, while still putting effort into being attractive. Understand what attracts women, without hating them for it.

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disposable_pants · 2017-01-17T10:03:21+00:00

I'm trying to form a stable, monogamous relationship with an awesome sex life.

Having an idea of what would make you happy is a great first step. A few clarifying questions:

How do you define "an awesome sex life"? Presumably you'd be OK with one exclusive long-term partner, but I'm sure you have more in mind than that.
How long do you expect this relationship to last? 1 year? 10 years? 'Til death do you part? Your answer here is going to have a huge impact on what your overall expectations should be.
In your previous relationships, were you happy with the physical attractiveness of your partners?
In your previous relationships, do you think your partners were relatively "normal" people (in terms of overall behaviors and expectations about relationships)?

Thinking through these questions might help you get a more concrete picture of what you want.

PorkNails · 2017-01-17T10:29:55+00:00

Just want to point out something. TRP, despite the public opinion, is not about fucking the most women you can. Its about providing a direction in which to build yourself into something, body and mind, in which you will be more comfortable with. Its a set of tools that you can use as you wish. In the end, that is exactly what the whole journey is for, knowing what you want and having the balls to go for it, no second guessing. If what you want is to fuck lots of women, you can do it. If what you want is to marry and have a family you can also do it (though legal marriage is not advised).

BP Vs RP just puts in black and white. Our brains like black and white, makes things easier. You say yourself that you don't like being BP. Then don't, go to the RP and take whatever knowledge you can, learn, do, after you have the experience you can not only understand the purpose but also see how it fits (or not) the life you want.

For starters, the plating and the general fucking around its the best way to learn how to deal with women, understand that there isn't one snowflake for you and build the abundance mindset, which is the absolute opposite of the BP desperate mindset. Yet, its not a requirement for anything.

alreadyredschool · 2017-01-17T12:01:29+00:00

Read no more Mr nice guy and the book of pook.

Shed your ego, who you are is ever changing, can easily betray you, it's such a fickle concept.

determinedtolearn7 · 2017-01-17T12:59:05+00:00

The medium is as follows:

Be yourself always, improve yourself always. Once you attract someone or she attracts you, be kind as you would with any other human. Once some sort of MUTUAL exclusivity is established, THIS is the point where you ask what you want to know before involving yourself fully. If you accept her intimately, or she accepts you intimately, be honest about expectations going forward.

You can't control people, it sucks that 3 past girlfriends cheated on you, and 3 more might, that is realty. What you can do is be honest about your experiences and hope people will be honest with you. You may find a woman who has also been cheated on and will appreciate your honesty and loyalty.

Now as far as sex life, TRP often says that it will diminished once married. They say this as fact. I am in my early 20's so can't speak on this (I only speak from person experiences) but I do believe if you follow what I said first ( be yourself and improve yourself always), that this shouldn't be a problem. Your woman will know that you are attractive to other woman so she will do what she can to keep you. You will do the same for her if you both work together to improve each other.

Class_Punk · 2017-01-17T14:40:08+00:00

Create it.

ppdthrowawai · 2017-01-17T17:42:31+00:00

However, I'm not that kind of guy. I don't want some 10 women to call on for mindless banging. Nor do I want to have the sort of mindset all of my red pill friends seem to have where women are objects.

Hey man. Personally I find it pretty easy to balance a RP mindset with my specific goals. It's been an extremely rewarding journey of LTRs, casual sex, and some in between. My love life has been like a really good movie that I've been in complete control of for the past few years.

I slutted around a little bit while maintaining a great reputation. I'm now dating a very sweet, very feminine girl who LOVES the masculine energy I give off. She celebrates who AND what I am (a dirty, filthy man who does what he wants). There's a right way to do it AND a right way to go about it while keeping your head in the right place and your long term goals in focus. Hit me up some time if you're interested in chatting.

SetConsumes · 2017-01-17T18:10:57+00:00

Please, you will really like reading David Deidas The Way of the Superior Man.

Its rp, but loving, and not hateful.

I actually wish it was more hateful. But that's just me being crazy.

Masculinity is your gift to the world.

I'm pretty sure you can find a pdf of it, but pm me if you need help getting a copy.

quicklogaccount · 2017-01-18T11:21:54+00:00

However, I'm not that kind of guy.

And this is where you probably went wrong.

The biggest fulfillment men and women can find in sexuality comes from enacting their primal drives, which would be polygamy and hypergamy.
Relationships give the impression of being better because, for a limited time span, they "fill the hollow". They do it by "accepting" your excess of energy to invest. Eventually it goes one of two ways. Reciprocation ends and you insist, which leads to frustration and a lot of shit, or you notice you need to invest your energy elsewhere, in which case the LTR loses its capacity to fill the hollow, and you inevitably come to the conclusion you'd rather be enacting your primal drive.
LTRs need STRONG external motivators to keep going for men and women that trust their capacity to have alternative partners. Sexuality and friendship are internal motivators. I'm talking about children, increased welfare, batshit insane social pressure to be committed.

Now, some men and women have these external motivators running aloud. You are not one of them.

I'm trying to form a stable, monogamous relationship with an awesome sex life.

You're looking for "hassle free" sex life, maybe some "emotional stability" as well. The worst mistake men make is thinking the first one exists in a committed relationship. The second is meant to be provided BY you, and not provided for you. I don't believe in the nonexistence of a woman that might offer it. But I never met such a woman nor heard of her.

Nor do I want to have the sort of mindset all of my red pill friends seem to have where women are objects.

You see, RP doesn't make objects out of women. RP gives you a model for the phenomenon of attraction and interest within a relationship. Just that. People in RP suggest you to account for it if you seek romantic engagements with the opposite sex, but preaching is discouraged. Even that preaching. The most consensual definition of RP this far is "toolbox".
The existence of such models does not eliminate the uniqueness of each individual. Such models exist in abundance and are used in many fields, psychology, economics, war.
Some members of TRP will encourage you to look at women and think only of this model of attraction. This is stupid because even if all they seek in women is ruled by such model, the assumption every men wants the same is a pretty weak one. What you want from women is biological, but to a great extent it is also socially built, a consequence of your stage in life and goals, and a choice.

So what's the happy medium between BP nice guy and RP sex guy?

I hope by now you see there is no happy medium.
At some point in our history the blatant lies we were told about relationships made benefit of at the expense of women, charging men little, charging women a lot. Now ALL the lies make benefit of women at the expense of men.
I'm really sorry, but believing some of those lies and not in others won't possibly make you any happier than not believing in any of them.
Picture yourself sending a hundred bucks to Santa a month and another hundred to the Easter bunny, and in every envelope telling them you were really a good boy and brushed your teeth right after eating candies, and therefore you deserve better gifts than socks and a Hershey's bar every year. At some point you don't get the Hershey's bar (with your flawed relationships) and it clicks for you that you were being scammed by some dude, there is no Easter bunny. I can't tell you that sending money and writing letters to the Santa will make you happier because Santa never failed sending you socks, and all you ought to do is behave better to have him giving you better gifts.

What I can tell you is, go and enact your polygamy. At some point you might meet an amazing woman that requires you exclusivity and you think she might be good enough to make up for the inherent anguish that monogamy will bring you. Then you give it to her and enter RP hard mode to keep her hypergamy in check the best way you can.

SilentLurker666 · 2017-01-18T17:38:12+00:00

There's always good and bad advice in every group and community. I find it a common theme here that the opposite side tried to criticize "bad" things being said to discredit their opponents entirely.

Perhaps it's best for your own brain to internalize and reason your way to filter out bad advise from the good?

Ofcourse that'll actually require reasoning and logic, which I do find lacking in today's society.

Me2_0 · 2017-01-18T18:33:23+00:00

Cheating is usually a maturity level thing, are you going after mature level headed women?

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-01-20T05:28:11+00:00

I'd say my bf is like that but I couldn't tell ya it's highly dependent on finding a woman who could be in your energy and your "frame" without you playing silly tricks, a genuine deference that occurs when a woman is with a man she respects. Women don't cheat or fuck off on a man she respects. The key quality to the relationship is respect, her respect for you specifically, and you being the person who is worthy of such. Being supplicating is a turn off. You can be "nice" but you should be faithful, genuine, devoted, reliable, generous, kind and loving. But you must also be exciting, fun, enhance her life ,(good sex), and of course she must be worthy of this and be in tune with ya.

Edit: oh and have a backbone. Don't let her take advantage of your kindness. Your kindness can go elsewhere if that's her game.

Title	What is a happy medium?
Author	PwaWright
Upvotes	6
Comments	83
Date	January 17, 2017 6:22 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5oghrs/what_is_a_happy_medium/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-a-happy-medium.270586 https://theredarchive.com/post/270586

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