Are You Single Until You're Married?

Deliaallmylife · 2023-07-25T19:44:32+00:00

If you are with someone and find yourself desiring other men, then you should break up because you don't like him enough. You marry the man that gets you to stop looking.

But what you are suggesting here is a big risk.

Scenario 1 & 2: You are in a committed relationship so presumably you like this man enough to see a future with him. Another man asks you out. You don't know anything but the basics about this other man. He doesn't know anything but the basics about you. You are risking your primary 'serious' relationship for the potential that this new guy is better. If you branch swing you better nail the landing.

If you are unhappy because your boyfriend hasn't proposed that is something to work on within your relationship. If he is hesitant to propose, going out with another man will surely result in him NOT proposing.

In short, look at the man you are in a relationship with and vet him but don't vet him in comparison to what you think you can get. Disloyalty will not be repaid with loyalty. Not from the man who you are dating around on and not from the man who is trying to steal you.

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-25T19:43:07+00:00

I believe the best route is what we know of as the traditional one: go on some dates to get to know one another, commit to exclusivity after a short time frame (generally 1 - 3 months), and remain exclusive until a proposal or a break up. You should be having discussions along the way about where the relationship is going and be on the same page about the future (eventually - I'd say no later than 6 - 9 months) so you shouldn't feel you are sacrificing too much by committing because your relationship is progressing over time and you are trusting him.

There comes a point where if you want to get married and don't see a proposal coming, you need to break it off and that point will vary based on many factors (age being a big one - an 18 or 19 year old usually dates their BF WAY longer than a 30 year old).

If you struggle to be committed before engagement, I think you will struggle when married. Having a ring doesn't magically make everything better and commitment easy. This is why it's important you prove you can do it to the man while dating.

halloweeninstepford · 2023-07-25T19:43:43+00:00

The way I could possibly answer "yes" to your headline question is if we're talking about taxes. Legally, sure, I'm single in the eyes of the government.

RPW has enough issues with 19 year olds thinking they're about to hit the wall, I certainly don't think a philosophy of "be open to other men while in a serious relationship because he hasn't proposed" is within this realm.

ivysaurah · 2023-07-25T19:26:04+00:00

If you want someone else, you can jump ship and date the other person by breaking up with your current partner. Though to be so fickle with your loyalty shows for many that you aren’t marriage material imo. The grass is always greener and all that. If you’re in a loving, committed, respectful relationship that is giving you what you need and you share the same values, it’s unlikely you’ll find that easily elsewhere so I think loyalty should be a strong foundation if you want to someday marry this partner.

buni223 · 2023-07-25T21:19:07+00:00

I just…can’t believe this is real 😐

BecomingABetterMan1 · 2023-07-25T19:34:17+00:00

This is the most prominent display of branch swinging I think I've ever seen.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-07-25T19:28:36+00:00

Sounds like a great way to stay single.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2023-07-25T21:15:36+00:00

In the west, if a woman is in a serious, monogamous LTR and she's considering other men, then:

A) She isn't attracted to and doesn't respect her man.

Or

B) She has mixed feelings about her LTR for whatever reason--commonly it's because of different life goals or habits/issues she no longer wants to tolerate. This is often the beginning of a breakup.

Or

C) She's dating him for mostly transactional reasons (he's rich, status ). I think this is actually the least common reason, you'll see a lot more A and B.

I'm finding it really hard to imagine a woman who's attracted to a man, respects him, shares his vision for life and is also entertaining other men.

CountTheBees · 2023-07-25T22:31:28+00:00

At least some of the pushback you're getting is because of a mismatch in expectations. Most of the people here expect that vetting for loyalty and other serious qualities is done during dating, whereas you expect that that vetting is done during the engagement period.

From what I've seen it takes a genuine intention for a Western man to pop the question - whereas the way you're thinking about it, men hand out proposals somewhat lightly, without doing all their vetting? This is not the case, men take the proposal very seriously. By the time a man proposes he is already set on marriage and the engagement period is not a test but more like a formality, more for securing funds for the wedding and planning for the wedding & marriage and living arrangements, etc. It's like the administration/planning period. Meeting the parents happens before the proposal. Often (not necessarily for religious couples) cohabitation comes before the proposal. Learning each other's income/financial habits comes before the proposal. etc etc.

I can't imagine a man in this day and age that would propose without being completely confident. So you need to shift your expectations for all the vetting that happens during the engagement period to the pre-engagement period, in order to understand Western culture in its current state. Only then you can try to change the system for your benefit.

saddensgirl · 2023-07-25T20:10:06+00:00

In both those scenarios, the relationship can't be too serious if you're ready to jump ship for a man you actually know, for a random stranger off the street who you think can offer you more resources. If you don't enjoy dating then I think your best bet is to find a traditional and/or religious man who believes in arranged marriages and have your family set you up with a spouse.

In the meantime, don't date anyone else casually and work on skills that will be beneficial when you become a wife.

Fae_Leaf · 2023-07-25T22:06:19+00:00

In my opinion, regardless of marriage, being with the right person will keep you fulfilled so that you don't consider other options. If you're looking for or even entertaining other options, you probably aren't totally satisfied with what your current man offers.

I like to get to know someone either because we organically became friends or are actually going on dates, then if we mutually want to take things further, we would become exclusive. I believe that the exclusive phase is pretty much a trial for marriage, and you should not be seeing other people or looking for other options. And if you are, marriage is unlikely to suddenly stop you from being interested in those other options.

Scenario 1: I would turn him down if I have a good feeling about where my current relationship is going. I don't get into a relationship with someone if I don't hope for it to be a permanent one that turns into marriage.

Scenario 2: I would turn him down even if not married yet. If I didn't want to turn him down, that would tell me a lot about how I actually feel about my current relationship.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2023-07-25T20:41:38+00:00

I would agree with “you’re single till you’re married” in the sense that if you are marriage minded, you should be vetting the person you’re seeing up until the actual marriage. I disagree with it as a license to date others if we are exclusive. If we have discussed exclusivity and agreed to it, I would not date or entertain other suitors, even without intimacy, as that would be disrespectful and I would feel it is dishonest. However, I would be more willing to leave a boyfriend over compatibility and behavior issues that I would not consider divorcing a husband over. Disclaimer that I am religious and traditional, so I am speaking of relationships without physical intimacy, and my goals and strategy might be different from yours.

ladida1321 · 2023-07-25T22:54:47+00:00

I’m curious if you believe there even is “cheating” prior to marriage?

I just saw a post on best of reddit where a woman literally didn’t think it counted that she cheated on her then boyfriend with someone. Once they got married it “wiped the slate clean” so she felt no remorse once he found out 4 years later after they were married and didn’t consider it cheating at all until he explained it to her.

Scabondari · 2023-07-26T02:11:45+00:00

I don't think many men are lining up to marry someone with this attitude. You make it sound transactional like a business deal.

You gave the example of being in a relationship and acting single at the bar. 95% of those men want to hit it, quit it and laugh about it with their friends so if you have a loving partner and want to throw it away for that then I don't know why you're thinking about marriage but I can guarantee that any man worth marrying will not be thinking about marriage with you

hadyayasmin · 2023-07-26T16:51:56+00:00

i disagree with the “single until married” phrase completely. “dark feminine” (whatever that means) accounts on TikTok and Instagram were spitting this advice out to many young girls and its just sad. loving and committing to a man you see a future with is much more valuable and important

mycelicum · 2023-07-26T06:11:05+00:00

The world is not black and white dear.

You can and should use what you are getting at to justify not giving yourself too much. You are allowed to not give him sex, you are allowed to refuse to give “wifey” treatment, you are ALLOWED to set boundaries without feeling pressured to act like a wife.

A man will marry someone if he realises

He can afford it
He trusts you
He can get EVEN MORE out of you as a wife as opposed to a gf

Communicate and see what is holding him back and reflect. If he can’t afford it now, are you willing to wait and support him until he can support both of you?

If he cant trust you, perhaps reevaluate your kinda toxic mindset. Not being married is not equivalent to “ethical non monogamy” or whatever these non-redpilled women are trying to brainwash us with. If you made a commitment, be faithful, or breakup. Don’t give the rest of us a bad name and don’t call yourself redpilled lmao

If he gets wife treatment for free, and there is virtually not much benefit to being married, then what’s in it for him? Both parties have to make it clear on what you get out of it. Its an agreement afterall. i.e if I offer myself to an employer as a volunteer or unpaid intern and I am 10/10 perfect in my duties and expectations… why in their right mind would they suddenly compensate me when I am seemingly happy to work for free anyways?

Additionally, give it time. At least 2 years to get to know each other. Only celebrities (extremely rich) and crazy people (extremely poor losers) get married in less than 2 years no in between LOL evaluate yourself, which category do you/your potential partner fits into. Are you worthy of being wifed up in less than 2 years? What are you, a HVW/Kardashian or a Vegas hooker who gets married at the 24/7 chapel after knowing a client for 4 hours?

Quirky-Schedule-6788 · 2023-07-25T20:53:53+00:00

Marriage is just a paper, a contract. If you feel strongly enough about someone to even consider marrying, you shouldn't want to betray them by being with someone else without them knowing.

Pinktoes10 · 2023-07-25T19:27:37+00:00

Years ago I would have said “you’re loyal” if you’re in a relationship but now, I am all for the single until married motto. This doesn’t mean you sleep with any of the eligible men that approach you, however you shouldn’t block chances of meeting others if you’re in a relationship with a man who hasn’t proposed. Men know if they see a future with you after one month or less of getting to know you.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-25T19:05:36+00:00

Title: Are You Single Until You're Married?

Full text: Should RPW go by this philosophy? I'm not really the boyfriend/girlfriend type. I believe that if you choose to be with someone exclusively, you get married, but I understand that's not really how it goes in modern society. So what do you think?

Scenario 1: You've recently started a serious relationship. While you're out, you're approached by another eligible man that you would normally be interested in. Do you completely turn down this man since you're in a relationship? Does it change if he's someone you'll see often?

Scenario 2: You've been in a serious relationship for one year. While you're out, you're approached by another eligible man that you would normally be interested in. Do you feel differently because your boyfriend hasn't proposed yet?

I know loyalty is a big value in RP, so should women close themselves off to other men altogether?

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Title	Are You Single Until You're Married?
Author	Delilahr
Upvotes	21
Comments	75
Date	July 25, 2023 7:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/159hp2w/are_you_single_until_youre_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/are-you-single-until-youre-married.1226476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226476

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