Disclose high number?

CapNGrind · 2017-09-08T00:28:08+00:00

If he asks should I be honest or tell him it doesn't matter?

Absolutely. Why would you lie about something like this to someone you want to have a long-term relationship with? That is not being a high-quality woman.

I'm afraid that who I was in the past will change his opinion of who I am now.

Your actions have consequences, even if those actions were in the past. You have to be a woman about it and not think you can lie your way out of anything uncomfortable.

It's absolutely not worth the risk of him finding out.

carefreevermillion · 2017-09-08T01:26:38+00:00

Honesty, always. He should be honest about his N count too if you ask, it's only fair to reciprocate.

Slaide · 2017-09-08T01:45:46+00:00

If you lie about this, you'll lie about anything else and that says a lot about you as a person.

onein9billion · 2017-09-08T00:01:08+00:00

Never lie. He should love you for you. But don't be surprised if he doesn't. Men do not want to marry a whore, past or present.

loneliness-inc · 2017-09-08T03:55:15+00:00

Should I still disclose this information about myself?

Absolutely!

If it's important, you ought to not leave him in the dark. If it's unimportant, he won't care.

I've done a lot of work on myself and I am nothing like the person that I used to be when I was sleeping around.

Doesn't matter. Your past is still part of who you are now. If you became a better person, your past is still part of you. You'll have to live with it and that means that some men won't want to be with you.

I married a virgin. I broke her hymen. I wouldn't have had it any other way. If I ever do this again, it will be with a woman who was with no more than one man before me.

Almost every man I know is repulsed by women with a high n count. Some are afraid to admit it, but that doesn't change the truth. You may not like it, you may not want to hear it, but it's the truth nonetheless. It's a natural thing that's wired in our biology.

If you withhold this information, you're bound to have problems as a result.

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-09-08T04:24:11+00:00

"High" Versus "Low" can be a bit nebulous.

If a woman has only slept with 2 men in her entire life, and both were married to other women, these were full blown affairs, and she was a homewrecker, what does that say?

In general, as a rule, the more "high value" the guy's SMV/RMV will be, the more he can demand and ask for a greater degree of "standard" that is uncommon and less the social norm. The guys more likely to NOT care are likely in the 85 percent of guys that most women ( and likely most women here) don't want anyway.

If asked, I certainly would not lie about it. Once you start lying in a relationship, you've basically hit the eject button on it.

I also wouldn't tell anyone that it doesn't matter "to them" He has to decide for himself how much it matters to him.

Best I can say is this, if you wanted to know something, and he lied to you, how would you feel? If he told you "it" didn't matter, whatever it was, but it was important to you, how would you feel? Probably not that great.

The base problem I see ( not the N Count, not saying that's possibly an issue for this guy) is the lack of empathy and already deciding it shouldn't matter to him.

At the end of the day, if you want someone to accept you for you, truly accept you for you, then you have to accept yourself to yourself. If asked, no one says you have to answer, but I don't see the point in lying, and I don't see the point in writing off his feelings on the matter. If he leaves you over this, or anything, then he doesn't accept you for you. And that's OK. It's better to know this upfront. There are many things you might not accept him for him for, and that's OK too.

If cannot accept this person as they are, leave. If they can't accept you as you are, they should leave.

Neither of those events need to be emotionally charged about it. I.E. this person is a jerk, they didn't accept me for me. The only way your right to choose is valid is when you give that same courtesy to others, the right to choose to be there with you, or not.

Look, no one is perfect. Everyone has a past. What might be OK for you might not be OK for him and vice versa. That being said, you don't know how he would react if he found out.

The N Count may or may not be a disqualifer. How you react to the possible conflict to discuss it though can be an immediate disqualifer.

To be fair, I think you have to ask yourself why this subject is bothering you right now. Generally speaking, I find that any form of "guilt" usually precedes a critical juncture. ( i.e. I think he's going to ask for a commitment soon or propose soon and I don't want to eat this guilt any more) Not saying this is the case or any thing like this, but stuff like this never just comes from no where, often there is a catalyst of some kind.

For your own emotional health, you have to come to terms with your past and accept you for you. No one else has to ( and most people in life never will) but that's OK, as long as you do, for you, then you've done right for you as a person moving forward. Good luck.

MadCaptMartin · 2017-09-08T22:06:55+00:00

N count has always mattered and you are your mistakes.

Deal with it Thots.

MiG35ToW · 2017-09-08T02:49:44+00:00

If you live an honest life, you don't have to lie. Hope that answered your question.

bhfanatik · 2017-09-08T03:47:56+00:00

You are NOT redpilled if you don't disclose the number.

Shaela90 · 2017-09-07T21:34:42+00:00

Smart and introspective women with high n-counts usually have a curiousness, skill and openness about them that might make it obvious to their partners that well ...they know a thing or two. It's pointless to lie about it, imo. If he doesn't ask, don't tell. If he does, my advice would be to be honest about it. Own it, if there are some things you regret, tell him about them, so he can see you've learned from past mistakes, but don't be ashamed of who you are.

This is actually one of my vetting strategies, I usually have this convo early on (not necessarily disclosing the number if they don't ask, but telling them the truth, that I am quite experienced - since it is pretty visible and I actually take pride in my ability to satisfy a man; not one of them has complained about the number, they were all happy to reap the benefits lol). If he can take it, fine. If he can't, that's also fine, we wouldn't be a good match anyway, cause I can't change my past and he's free to go find someone else who'll be better for him.

honorocagan · 2017-09-07T21:29:06+00:00

What's considered a high/ low n count these days?

Serious question.

melonmagellan · 2017-09-07T22:19:16+00:00

Is it 90 or 9? This is critical information. Some people here make these posts about having had sex with 11 men...

BubbleGas · 2017-09-08T17:36:37+00:00

One thing I've learned is that secrets ALWAYS come out, and that's when they do the most damage. You should tell him. There are countless stories on reddit and elsewhere where the dude finds out about the past and freaks out.

Why? Because the past isn't "just the past." Sex changes women. I don't care how much you try to convince yourself that that "it's just the past" because biologically your ability to pair bond has been damaged.

Oxytocin is a hormone that allows women to bond to their male mates, and also allows for mother-infant bonding. This hormone is released during sexual intercourse and also orgasm. Pair bonding occurs because your body begins to associate your male partner as the main stimuli for the release of oxytocin.

With multiple partners, your body doesn't associate the release of oxytocin with a specific male, therefore you will never pair bond to your full ability in the future. Statistics and science proves this.

It is not fair on your partner to not tell him about your past. Sorry, but you are damaged goods. Fortunately for you, there are much more damaged women relative to you. If he chooses to accept you then that's on him.

SouthernAthena · 2017-09-08T09:27:43+00:00

I have a higher n-count than I would like. I have been in a committed relationship for almost 5 years, and my boyfriend knows everything (probably too much). My number is still lower than his. He doesn't hold it against me but originally was upset at my some of my actions because I wasn't acting like I respected myself (which, at the time, I didn't.)

However he also knows that I regret my hook-ups and that they came from former low self-esteem and being lied to constantly about how a woman should conduct herself. I didn't enjoy any of the experiences and would discourage anyone from making those choices. I think my attitude speaks to my character (not wistfully looking back on the party days), though of course I still have to prove my trustworthiness to him with my actions, which I have done for years. It's good to be honest (and absolutely necessary for a LTR), but if you honestly enjoyed sleeping around, that doesn't bode well for your current partner

AlphaWeaboo · 2017-09-09T18:27:54+00:00

Im going to sum up the comments of this thread.

1- Angry men trashing the op (completely pathetic.)

2- Former/current CC riders telling op that everything is dandy fine and that she is entitled to not tell and lie by omision/actively to her SO about n count because for some godamn reason man are not allowed to have standards (seriously go to fucking 2xchromosomes). For real, put down to sleep your hamster before engaging in this kind of discussions

3- And finnaly a small percentage, who tell the op how thing have to be, ie the rpw mods and a couple of dudes.

beauty2991grace · 2017-09-07T21:50:11+00:00

Tell him if he asks. I did a lot of things in my past that I'm not proud of, and I've grown so much. My current boyfriend knows that.

If you've actually worked on yourself as much as you say you have, he will be able to tell. If you come off as respectable, he will see you that way. Your past will not matter much as long as you stay rooted in the present and focus on your self-improvement and your relationship.

mrpthrowa · 2017-09-08T14:33:12+00:00

A lot of males here saying it is important to declare n-count and such.

What I care about is how the girl conducts herself.

I've never seen a girl with a high n-count who carried herself femininely well. She will be jaded. She will have the 1000 cock scare. She will do a variety of things that just tell you she had a past.

There is no faking a girl with a low n-count. The excitement she feels over seeing you, the how she misses you, even little things like the way she rests on your shoulder, the way she involuntarily lets out girly "hmm" sounds when hugged.

I've never asked for n-count and I never will.

Derpybro · 2017-09-08T06:13:25+00:00

Honestly, the people suggesting you should lie or that it's tacky for him to even ask really shouldn't be here. I've only lurked and since I'm a dude there's only so much I can comment on or be helpful with but having a relationship founded on a lie is disgusting. No matter if you like it or not, your past is your past. Your partner has a right to know and this goes both ways. If he had a history of drug or alcohol abuse, would you tolerate him lying about it? Your past is as much you as you are now, improving yourself is improving yourself in relation to your past. If I found out a woman had lied about how many partners she had in the past or I got lambasted for even asking, I'd drop her the first chance I got and that's my right. It's no different than if I had a history of gambling and recently "got it together", my partner 100% has the right to be aware of it because these behaviors don't just "happen", especially when they're a pattern. You can say you've changed all you want and that you've improved yourself, which you very well might have, but recidivism is a thing.

platewrecked · 2017-09-07T23:55:49+00:00

Married guy here who married a unicorn. My count is beyond counting and hers is one, ie me. I dated women in the past with high n counts that I was crazy about but it always bothered me. I'm being honest, a high count on your lady is troublesome.

It really all depends, if your count is 3 he'll still wonder about things (did she do things with those guys that she doesn't with me?). If you had threesomes with 2 guys (or 4somes....) it will take an interesting man to deal with that long term.

I assume that your sexual escapades aren't public record. It's not something I'd recommend sharing unless you'll get caught in the lie. That's kind of rough though.

KeeperWolf · 2017-09-08T13:45:07+00:00

You tell me.

Youre Damaged goods. Burned out ability to pair pond. High risk of disease. High risk of relationship failure. High risk of cheating.

Yeah. You probably don't want to overtly advertise that you've ruined yourself biologically.

But lying or hiding it makes it worse. And there will always be behavioural indicators that will clue in a guy.

Honesty is usually the best policy.

And being honest: I'd say you've basically ruined your chances of being a qualitative woman. Best to come to grips with that.

hyperfemme · 2017-09-08T06:21:04+00:00

This is one of those questions with a high probability of making him mental. If he hasn't asked, say nothing. I'm not sure what knowing does for guys anyway aside from giving them horrible things to think, it's not like either of you can go back in time and change it. I got married a bajillion years ago at 21 and have a low count, I still didn't say anything because it's none of his business. He's asked, I usually say something flippant like 5000 because regardless of the number I think they multiply it by 5000 anyway rofl.

AlphaWeaboo · 2017-09-08T22:10:27+00:00

And right here we see an infastation of hamsters at 3600 rpm. Im a little more cynical after seeing certain comments, so much hypocrisy... you would think rpw would give you back faith in women not loose it, oh well c'est la vie.

FEZwithWhiteGirls · 2017-09-09T07:23:00+00:00

Coming from a guy, if these comments here are representative of 'RPW', then you women have an odd concept of being 'red pilled', at least in comparison to men, from which 'red pill' originates from. LOL at the MGTOW invaders here.

Lie. Lie your fucking ass off. Turn that 40-60 count into a 4, if asked. Don't use social media. And move somewhere away from all those dicks you touched. Women with high n counts should do all the above for your own sake. That's what real red pilling is about. Hacking into The Matrix.

Oh, and retire the cock hopping, eh?

pinkdrawings · 2017-09-10T19:39:50+00:00

If he asks - tell him.

Just be careful not to do things to make him overly suspicious. Obviously - men exist in the world. You're going to have conversations with them, but if you do things like post thirst traps, flirt with guys (even jokingly), or get touchy with them it'll make him second guess you.

nawinter77 · 2017-09-08T05:43:34+00:00

How many men you've slept with in the past is your business & yours alone.

It doesn't matter & men (generally,) don't like the idea of any more than one guy in your past, (a lot of guys get just as freaked out by virgins as they do "too" experienced women) as long as you are making a commitment to one man, your sexual history has little effect on the present, barring STD's and dissatisfaction.

I've slept with more people than I can count. I was abused as a child & for a long time, I had a difficult time relating to others without things becoming sexual. I mention this because the idea that a high count leads to disatisfaction is laughable to me. Out of the cough hundreds of people I've slept with, the men / women who were truly phenomenal lovers, I can count on one hand.

Didn't make me stop having sex, after sleeping with them, or make me love them any more. Or make me love anyone not on that list any less.

My husband and I have to really work at our sex life. It doesn't come easily. I'm not dissatisfied, though, the fact that it is challenging is fascinating & exciting to me.

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-09-07T21:40:40+00:00

Don't ask, don't tell and LIE LIE LIE. If he will never find out don't trickle truth him. Stick to a story and leave nothing open ended. Do not talk about your sexual past as much as you can avoid it. Do not believe he woukd EVER be OK with the 'truth'. He does not need to know.

Field_Of_View · 2017-09-08T22:01:13+00:00

If he asks should I be honest or tell him it doesn't matter?

LOL. That latter statement is scarier than any number ever could be.

doubting_thomasin · 2017-09-08T16:40:30+00:00

Tell him.

High number count tells how slutty/whorey you are.

SocietalEngineering · 2017-09-08T15:09:23+00:00

High n-count only matters if it's higher than mine.

mrssmithhh · 2017-09-09T17:28:20+00:00

Yeah, I'd tell him. Maybe you really are a different woman now, but you gotta be honest about yourself. If you're afraid of it, and keeping it close to your chest out of fear, then that's probably a big sign that it's something you really need to disclose.

Questionnaire7 · 2017-09-11T00:57:19+00:00

If he has been with you for a very long time then consider telling him if he asks. If its not been that long then do not tell him. Be ready for him to come unglued and the whole relationship to come crashing down if he finds out. He might be mature about it he might not. But in general most guys will see your past repeating itself and picture how they would feel dumping time, effort, and emotional investment into a girl that ends up cheating on him.

VodkaTankerSpill · 2017-10-08T16:36:24+00:00

If it doesn't matter than why the hesitation in telling?

unixygirl · 2017-09-08T00:50:43+00:00

of course not.

ginchadope · 2025-01-31T09:22:50+00:00

You should always be honest

Kellermann · 2017-09-07T22:36:41+00:00

Tell him something along the lines of "I had to search for a long time for a man like you"

YogAnne · 2017-09-09T08:11:18+00:00

OP, I am a few years older than you and have slept with around 40. I am in a committed LTR and have no problems pairbonding. Also, my sex life is greater than ever. My SO and I have a similar n-counts and none of us care about the other's past.

The whole idea that women should guard their virtue while men spin plates is ridiculous! No one should dictate what you do with your body but you.

I have zero regrets about my past. In fact, I love that I have lived a fun and exciting life, and I have never experienced any negative consequences because of my number.

Title	Disclose high number?
Author	uniqueplant
Upvotes	23
Comments	144
Date	September 7, 2017 8:43 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6ypzha/disclose_high_number/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/disclose-high-number.73388 https://theredarchive.com/post/73388

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