N count question

Willow-girl · 2016-12-01T03:14:22+00:00

You can truthfully say you're a virgin. I'd leave it at that, unless a prospective partner presses you for more information, in which case I'd always recommend being truthful. But being a virgin at 22 should tell a guy everything he needs to know about your commitment to waiting!

En-Zu · 2016-12-01T10:45:51+00:00

I say zero but honestly I think the n- count stuff is a crude measure at best for how loose/slutty a person is. Basically if all the times you've had sex was in a committed relationship and you weren't rapidly getting used and abused and tossed around by guys on the CC then it doesn't really matter what your n- count is.

I will say though that having a high n-count is really only possible on the CC though. Both LTRs I've been in tend to last a couple years and something like that would only increase your n-count by 1. If you only have sex with one person in an LTR that lasts a few years your n-count is, at most, going to be like <10 from 18-30.

loneliness-inc · 2016-12-01T01:08:32+00:00

The problem is I'm seeing a lot of guys saying it's not fair to give it up to some guys and then make other ones wait.

That's a ploy to guilt you into doing things with them.

Is my N count 2 or zero?

The only reason you'd need to know is so you can either continue to be a pure virgin or continue down the path of a dirty slut.

Don't fall into that trap! You made mistakes before in life, don't repeat them. But don't give up because of them either.

pinkdrawings · 2016-12-01T01:33:30+00:00

I think you might be overthinking this.

I'm wishing I hadn't fooled around with those guys.

It is what it is. You can't sit there beating yourself up for it. It happened. Just follow your goal now. I'm not saying it was okay, but there isn't anything that can be done now.

The problem is I'm seeing a lot of guys saying it's not fair to give it up to some guys and then make other ones wait. That is just a ploy to guilt you. Don't sleep around.

Is my N count 2 or zero? Some people would say 0 some people would say 2. N count doesn't come up that much out of RPW. Guys will get it if you're definitely giving out that vibe that you're just not gonna "give it up" to just anyone. If it comes up in your relationship, and you two talk about it- be honest.

How should I proceed from here?

Don't have sexual contact (hj, bj, sex, etc) with anyone who you're not in a committed relationship with. Acknowledge that this stuff happened, and that you can't take it back. But you're not running around with a 7, 8, 9, or 10 n-count.

So proceed with your plan.

ayvyns · 2016-12-01T15:34:01+00:00

IT'S NOT ABOUT FAIRNESS don't even worry about that. Life isn't fair.

The guys have nothing to do with each other, you can't compare them that way. Like one doesn't "deserve" sexual stuff just because you did it with another.

Listen to women who date men about dating men, don't listen to men who date women about dating men.

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-12-01T01:43:04+00:00

I'm still a virgin but have messed around with two guys (including oral) both of which were in s relationship context, the two situations were about four years apart.

Well, oral sex is sex, no hamstering that away. However, if you are indeed virgo intacta, in my book that puts your N count at zero.

I'm seeing a lot of guys saying it's not fair to give it up to some guys and then make other ones wait.

This applies to a very specific situation: where a woman wantonly rode the CC as a young woman, freely giving sex to casual partners, but when she approaches the wall and wants to lock down a provider LTR/Husband, makes him wait as if she was still an innocent, inexperienced waif.

You can't undo the past, and there's no sense beating yourself up over it. A 22yo virgin is rare and valuable in the Relationship Marketplace.

tylertgbh · 2016-12-01T16:36:44+00:00

You're N count is 2. No hamstering your way out of that. If a girl is a virgin but sucks off 100 men, would it really be fair to claim N count of 0? Nah. If a man's penis was inside your body, that's intimate enough to contribute to the N count.

Now, that being said, a bj is not as severe as full on sex. So, it is a fair question to ask. And you're in pretty good shape compared to a lot of girls. Two bjs at 22 isn't that bad.

Those guys telling you "it's not fair" are making weak arguments to try to con you into giving up sex to them. Don't listen to them. Sure, they feel like it's not fair that you blew another guy but wont do it for them but fuck what they think. You do what you need to do to make youself better. That being said, if youre in a LTR with a guy and wont have intercourse until marriage, you'll need to give him a lot of oral to keep in around (if that's even enough).

bonerdude420 · 2016-12-01T01:53:40+00:00

I may be on my own here, but I see oral as equally or even more intimate than piv

pewpsprinkler · 2016-12-02T17:10:08+00:00

You need to understand that by making yourself sexually unavailable, you eliminate the vast majority of men as potential husbands/boyfriends.

You should examine those "religious" reasons and be sure. The Bible does not say anything about sex before marriage. I've done the research. The idea that sex before marriage is anti-Christian is a SOCIAL rule imposed by parents who wanted to keep their daughters legs closed as long as possible, which the churches in America promote, even though it had nothing to do with the Christian religion. Think of it as "family values" social conservatism, not religion.

I would advise you to find a male who shows little interest in sex, since it is likely that you will not be compatible with a guy who actually likes sex.

WalkingWikipedia · 2016-12-01T10:57:32+00:00

I'm a guy. Your N count is zero. And if you don't want to do oral with future guys you need to lie and say you've never done it, or the new guy will be hurt. It's not fair, but it's true. Men are prideful.

When I met my wife I told her straight-up that I don't ever want to hear any details about her prior sex life. I'm never going to ask because I don't want to know. All I care about is our sex life.

Waterboo2 · 2016-12-01T06:07:09+00:00

Ive heads a lot of women lie about their n count in order to seem more picky and valuable.. some even split in half. But 2 isn't high in any sense. So I really wouldn't worry about it. Whether you tell a man your n count is 2 or 0, a sane man should react well to either number. Honestly I think if a man thinks you're a slut for fooling around with 2 men by the age of 22, then I would question whether he's immature, insecure, or both.

TheLaughingRhino · 2016-12-03T03:33:32+00:00

A. Is my N count 2 or zero? And B. How should I proceed from here?

My suggestion would be if the conversation comes up, just be as upfront as possible and let the other person decide for themselves whether it's "Two Or Zero"

Maybe the best way to frame it is to say those two experiences made you realize you wanted to save intercourse for marriage and that you are happy Person X ( the person in front of you, whom I'm guessing you will marry) will be the one to share this "gift" with in life.

Be upfront in the manner you'd hope someone would be upfront with you, if the conversation comes up.

You can't change it now, I'd try to see it as a learning experience and if someone judges you harshly for it, then that person is not likely the person for you.

Things to consider that guys will show red alert flags for

Any history of cheating period
Multiple divorces
Multiple kids from multiple fathers
Irresponsible sexual behavior ( 7 nights in a row in a club bathroom with 34 different guys, that kind of thing)
STDs ( I know they are called STI's now, but they are STDs in my book)
Any indication that sex was used as a "weapon" ( i.e. cutting off access to a relationship to get the other person to do one thing or another, sleeping with the ex of a close female friend, nailing two brothers from the same family and getting them to fistfight over you, etc, etc)

None of these seem to apply to you, so maybe your concerns aren't going to be as far reaching for most guys out there.

Consider this, the person who wants to marry you , and whom, you want to marry, will accept you for you. So be you, embrace you, don't be ashamed of what you are or have done. But also live a life going forward where you don't have to worry about the things you've done. I find when people learn to truly accept themselves, others in their lives will follow suit. Those that won't, that's their choice, but likely they are not the right person for you.

Be the best version of you today, and moving forward. And try not to worry about the rest.

Best of luck to you. Happy Holidays.

HobbesTheBrave · 2016-12-01T23:06:27+00:00

How should I proceed from here?

Don't forget your past relationships. Use them as a metric of 'I will, will, will do better than what I've done before.' That's the only thing you can do.

Don't waste your time on your 'number'. It doesn't do you any good to list it. Nor does it matter to him, because if he needs you to tell him your 'number', if he needs you to tell him how good of a wife you'd be for him, if doesn't read that without your help, then I don't think you want to be with him.

I'm committed to staying a virgin til marriage for religious reasons but have discovered that I was doing some serious hamstering thinking oral was fine.

Repent, ask forgiveness, and observe your faith. Use your past mistakes as a guideline of what to avoid. How did you go that path, that path where you did these mistakes? What were the first steps down to that? Look for that in your memories, and avoid it. Every road begins somewhere, and if you find where that road began, you will know what to not do anymore. How did the first steps on that road feel? Find that, and you will know who you ought to avoid.

WalkingWikipedia · 2016-12-02T14:01:07+00:00

I already responded yesterday, but I feel like I should say more.

Men should be aware that knowing about a girl's sexual history gives us a very visceral, negative emotional reaction - we can't help it. Therefore, a man shouldn't want to know about her history. As an example, one time early in our relationship, my wife and I were drunk and she starts telling me all of the public places that she's had sex in, even though I had made it very clear that I didn't want to know about her sexual history. I can't explain in words the horrible feeling that this gave me - it was like getting kicked in the stomach. My emotional brain overrode my logical brain and I felt really hurt and bad about myself because we've never had sex in a public place, and I really feel like at this point in her life, even if I got her to do it, she wouldn't be into it or she'd just be doing it out of guilt that she accidentally told me that she'd done it before.

So a man shouldn't ask about sexual history, and a woman shouldn't offer up that information. If a man does ask you, my best advice would be to lie. If he asks reduce the number by like 75%, not because you should feel bad about your number, but to spare the man's pride. I don't care how confident a man is, if the woman's number is higher than his, that knowledge will sting, and some men will never be able to get over it.

All of this applies to specific sexual acts too. If he asks if you've ever done [blank], just say no. Give him the thrill of thinking that you guys will be trying it for the first time together, instead of putting the idea in his head "if she's done that with someone else before, how come she balked when I asked her to try it?" or similar negative, probably irrational, thoughts.

glitterchild · 2016-12-03T03:23:50+00:00

Wow thanks for all the replies! Definitely didn't expect so much feedback :) thanks guys. Most of you have been super helpful. I'm seeing a lot of disagreement over 2 vs 0 but most of you seem to agree that it isn't a huge deal either way. I think moving forward I'm going to go by a don't ask don't tell policy regarding sexual history as far as it's up to me but if I get asked I'll answer honestly. Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate the straightforwardness and mostly respectful advice on this site.

r3mememember · 2016-12-09T17:46:53+00:00

I have mixed opinions about waiting for marriage. However, the bottom line is that your husband should be the best sex you've ever had. If he's not, then you're going to have a hard time being in that head-over-heels state for him. It's ingrained in our DNA. Sometimes the problem isn't N count, but in that a high N count means he probably won't be your best, and you'll never feel the way you could have about him. The relationship dynamic is different, trust me.

In the main sub they call it 'alpha widowed', and it's real, horrible, permanent damage to a woman's psyche and emotional potential.

lackadaisicalily · 2016-12-01T01:03:10+00:00

In a religious context, even if your man or you weren't virgins you would still wait until marriage to have sex.

From here on out, you will have to make sure you tell your future SO from the beginning about your past.

RedPillWonder · 2016-12-01T01:15:42+00:00

Here's an article on it:

http://loydwalker.com/adding-up-your-n-count-how-one-should-count-their-number-of-sexual-partners/

Many guys won't consider it quite as "important" or on the same level as intercourse when making decisions about a woman, but many/most probably would count it as part of her N count.

My guess is they would want to know, though. If you say two, any guys you date are going to automatically think it was intercourse. If you say both times were oral, it may make a significant difference to them, as you're still a virgin when it comes to PIV sex/intercourse.

If asked directly by a guy you date, I'd say two if you count oral, but zero otherwise because I'm a virgin in everything else.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-02T05:32:32+00:00

Ok I've read the days replies. My opinion is whos penis you put where how many times is nobody's business if you choose not to answer their rude questions like "So, is your hymen intact and if not how many cocks have you entertained?" I mean seriously.... who asks such stupid questions? The men who do are to peculiar to consider good husband material. There is no telling what trivial things they will end up obsessing over down the road.

Your N count is 0 until you decide it is otherwise.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-01T16:48:19+00:00

Practice makes perfect. A wise man appreciates that kind of skill.

[deleted] · 2016-12-03T13:55:17+00:00

Your n-count is 0.

The moral path is to not hide your past. If the man you're seeing doesn't like it, he is not right for you.

"The problem is I'm seeing a lot of guys saying it's not fair to give it up to some guys and then make other ones wait."

The mating market is not based on fairness, it based on whether the individual thinks they are being given fair value. You make an offer, he makes an offer, you negotiate on those offers and if you are both satisfied a relationship occurs. If one or both of you are not satisfied you renegotiate or go your own ways to find someone who does satisfy you/give you a price/offer/terms you are happy with.

You are virgin and 22 years old. There will be other offers.

alstoybarn · 2016-12-01T08:25:56+00:00

Your n count is zero. Guys just wanna know how many times you've been fucked.

deadsandsushi · 2016-12-02T17:06:05+00:00

Outside of a few men on Red Pill who want to be promiscuous and then marry a virgin, no one cares about your N-count. They care about your mannerisms. I've never been asked mine (though I have volunteered it) by any man I dated.

I'm in a 2 year LTR and we both know each other's counts. His is double mine, but mine is not below 5. No one cares. We're both adults.

Title	N count question
Author	glitterchild
Upvotes	12
Comments	100
Date	December 1, 2016 12:55 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5fti8j/n_count_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/n-count-question.86690 https://theredarchive.com/post/86690

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