A few years ago I was at my wits end in my marriage - she was checked out, and I was starting to think that we would have to separate. I knew about TRP, and had been here before; but in my Blue Pill mindset I had thought you were the manifestation of male bitterness and didn't have anything of value to say.

Needless to say, upon my return, I saw you say exactly what the problems were in my marriage.

The husband: a pleading, desperate orbiter and provider who has no frame and thinks that he can bargain or reason or convince her into being attracted to him again - and therefore he talks to her to much, especially about his problems and fears.

This was the main thing for me - taking responsibility for my own weaknesses that caused her to become less interested and less attracted in me. I believe this is the core of The Red Pill - men taking charge. Understanding this and acting accordingly can change just about everything.

The wife: Hypergamy creates the situation we call "AWALT" - it plays biological tricks on her mind and body and makes her automatically desire who she perceives as higher value men.

"But wait!" I hear the Blue Pill man say - "Men do this too! We also lust after what we perceive as women with a higher sexual market value! We are no different!"

First off, no. While women tend to lust after the top 20% of attractive men, men are far less discriminating - it's like the top 50-60% of women that we are drawn to or something like that. So as a man, you are far more likely to fall below her perceived "attractive zone" than a woman is likely to fall below yours.

Second, the nature of hypergamy causes two effects in her: 1: for her to notice high value men and become overwhelmingly attracted to them, and 2: to become directly proportionally less attracted to the man she is currently with. Her current man becomes somewhat repulsive in comparison to the new, strong man.

These simple facts bring me to some final conclusions: That I should stop being weak and pathetic and handle my shit, and that she can't help acting like a woman.

It wouldn't be called "AWALT" if there were exceptions.

The problem is that after I handle my shit, that still leaves her. Now women know who they are and sometimes know what they're doing (or at least feel it and then it becomes a lack of self-esteem on their part), and they want to be called on it. Hell, I want to be called on my bullshit too. So I can say something like, "your focus is not on our marriage and on us, and if you don't want to build on our marriage, fine. I will leave." and I mean it. And then she makes a choice to curb her hypergamy and build our relationship...

And as the man, it is your job to do this with her.

..BUT IT NEVER ENDS. Holy shit. This bothers me. A lot.

Lets give a silly example: we watch a TV show and get invested in the characters. I see an attractive woman and think "wow" and that's where it ends. She sees an attractive and strong man, and hypergamy kicks in. She starts to Google him and watches more clips of him online. She sees him as a strong and high value man... she tries to keep seeing me as one, but I can see that she constantly fights the instinct for me to decrease in her eyes the more she thinks about the new man.

This is how hypergamy is different in women. I can be attracted to another woman, and not be less attracted to my wife. I can turn off the TV, forget about some woman I saw, and be just as attracted and content with her as before. She cannot manage the same.

The only answer to this on TRP that I've seen goes something like this: "You can't blame women for just being who they are. So now that you know, you can live in the real world and accept hypergamy and AWALT as the reality and stop being a pussy. Lift and keep frame."

My problem is that this is not what I signed up for. It's like being asked to be ok with cuckoldry. I find it impossible to get past. There seems no answer - it just is what it is - but it is a huge problem for me to always see that in her eyes... that every once in a while I am a bit less than I was because she has been thinking of or comparing me to some other man - whether consciously or not.

Our marriage is great, and certainly better now that I've made loads of TRP changes... as good as it could be living in the real world and not some true love fairytale bullshit - but the reality falls a bit short in this respect. I wish I had been told about this before getting married, because now I have to accept a different situation - one that every once in a while makes a mockery of our wedding vows.