Refusing to Mate Guard - How My Dad Got My Mom

Ah, Male-Male competition! One of my favorite, but controversial, Red Pill themes.

Before we take a trip down memory lane, let me say that my purpose in this post is to propose a more accurate set of terms for the pussified behavior we rightly reject, because it doesn't fully encompass all of Mate Guarding, it is really just:

MATE APPEASEMENT/SUPPLICATION

Mate Guarding behavior as defined (I contend not so thoroughly) on The Rationale Male blog - "The subconscious default Beta behaviors Heartiste is alluding to here are exactly what I’d classify as Mate Guarding behavior. Appeasement, supplication, sensitivity, etc. are all the classic default behaviors Beta men will resort to in order to solve the “problem” of their mate’s apparent dissatisfaction with him."

He's right that these behaviors are bullshit, cringeworthy even, and you SHOULD NOT DO THEM. Yet this does not really encompass the "guarding" aspect of Mate Guarding. It is, in fact, exactly what Rollo Tomassi calls it - mate supplication, mate appeasement, etc. Real guarding deals with thwarting an outside threat, not kissing her ass in the hope she will remain faithful.

Mate Guarding more broadly defined by evolutionary psychologist David Buss - "Mate guarding refers strategies designed to (a) preserve access to a mate while simultaneously (b) preventing the encroachment of intrasexual rivals, and (c) preventing a mate from defecting from the mateship"

Items 'a' and 'c' get a lot of well deserved attention on here. Let me insert two anecdotes dealing with item 'b', the first one from the early 1980's, and then generalize:

The night my parents met (at an upscale bar), my mother was on a date with another guy and my father kept sending her drinks because he didn't give a fuck. In doing so, he was intentionally insulting and undermining this other guy to steal his girl. Eventually this other man, whoever he was, whimpered his way out the front door (trying unsuccessfully to get my mom to follow). After some more game was applied, there was a spark between my mom and dad. My dad satisfied her hypergamous instinct. This other man's behavior, as she recalls, "was pathetic". My father was a decade older, filled with charm and machismo. My mother, a ballerina in her early 20's from a troubled home, desired a man who would actually guard her in the traditional sense of the word - from the threats of this world, including persistent unwanted attention from other men. In the course of their marriage, I've witnessed him go to bat for her in various avenues, but never supplicate to her. Once he had her in his frame, my dad's alpha mate guarding behavior (and general territoriality) ignited desire and love response in her, repeatedly. He never would have tolerated the insult he sent this other guy's way (in doing so he discarded the golden rule, but what hell, if he hadn't I wouldn't be here). The guy who played it cool when he was being so obviously punked by my dad? Who knows what became of him, certainly he lost my mom. What would some of you have suggested this other man do, if not say/do something himself? Have him tell my mom to tell my dad to stop sending drinks?? I've actually seen this on here, including one insecure guy who said he tells his girlfriend it is her job to deflect all unwanted attention when they are out. In my view, to even ask a woman to stand up like this betrays your SMV. In my first example here, it was this guy who couldn't stand the heat, and he tried to get my mom to leave with him in his broken frame, instead of doing/saying something witty or stern to indicate he was UNPHASED. Hell, he might've made a friend of my father if he showed some spine. But why would my mom leave with a man so easily rattled?? Was she disloyal? No, three dates in and he proved himself unworthy. Hypergamy drives a woman to the stronger man.

Let's fast forward 25 years and find ourselves in a series of fraternity house basements filled with booze and dancing. Here we find an environment with even more primal sexual selection than we saw in example number one. In this setting I was introduced to a common tactic to get laid which was employed by many of the larger athletes, and encouraged of me, too. You simply sit back, identify which girl is dancing in the sluttiest fashion, grinding up on a beta, and you know you can score. How? You simply walk up and start dancing with her simultaneously. Simple and effective even for a meathead with no game. Ten times out of ten, Billy Beta's refusal to even utter a word of protestation results in him bowing out and you getting the girl, who was just looking for masculine touch, and preferably from a more dominant man. Now, in Billy's mind, he thinks to protest with "get the fuck outta here" would invite imminent conflict. I admit it might, rarely, but I view low level conflict as nothing at all, and I contend he should welcome the mild risk since there is risk in both action (words/maybe fists) and inaction (wasted night/no sex), but I digress. In reality it would almost certainly just invite a laugh and our athlete friend moving on. Instead Billy Beta goes home as an average frustrated chump, yet again. Go ahead and hamster that the bitch wasn't worth it, or whatever. Bottom line is that failure to even mildly mate guard was a failure to get laid, and I saw this repeated probably hundreds of times in four years. I cringe to think that maybe this generation of Billy Betas actually feel good about this dynamic because they've internalized TRP's incomplete approach to Mate Guarding. "What an alpha move I made letting that bitch slide, only idiots mate guard! What a ho!" Yet you were targeted Billy, for being a beta who won't mate guard.

Mate Appeasement and Mate Supplication are the beta traits. The beta wants to keep his mate appeased during her ovulatory phase since he knows he is incapable of actually Mate Guarding her effectively. Like the fool in my parent's origin story, the beta expects to lose direct conflict. Therefore, he tries to keep his woman appeased so he won't encounter a situation where he is directly challenged. If he finds himself in one, he wants to run away and hopes she will run with him.

Male hierarchy is fluid and other men will test whether you are really on top or just pretending. If you hold frame, 99% of the time they will back off, and nothing will escalate. For all the advice on here about lifting, has it never occurred to many of you WHY this makes you more attractive? It makes you more effective at Mate Guarding, and generally protecting against outside threats (not always other men). She doesn't need to think it consciously, but that's the root reason. An organism does not need to understand the basis of its attraction.

So, absolutely DO NOT engage in pussified Mate Appeasement/Supplication, for all the reasons identified on this thread. DO engage in justified Mate Guarding when there is a threat to your woman, your honor, or your social status. As with everything else, Mate Guard from an alpha, not a beta frame. And really, it's neither very hard nor very risky. Think of failure to properly mate guard as failure to hold frame.

Go ahead and bring on your counter examples in the comments. I know this as surely as I know the day follows the night. Some chick getting pissed or ditching you because you deflect male poachers? Maybe she's just angry that you aren't an enthusiastic (or at least passive) cuck. She probably had you pegged as beta bucks, even if you thought otherwise. Perhaps you should see it as her failing one of YOUR tests.

In summation: Mate Guarding (properly approached) is good and effective and demonstrates strength Mate Appeasement/Supplication is bad and ineffective and demonstrates weakness

(Certain exceptions notwithstanding, obviously, there are no absolutes in human behavior)