Concerns with being average (Down There)

Ms_Tilly · 2020-03-12T19:26:59+00:00

I don't think the majority of 4"-5" men get rejected for dick size. I think they get rejected for how shit they are at sex (not dick size related) and being a decent boyfriend. If you're not being treated well AND the sex isn't good, then what is even the point?

Men often think they get dumped for reasons like this even when the woman has explicitly told them why they were dumped, and it is usually behavior related. They don't want to hear the truth, so they make up a story that makes the woman look bad.

ThinkTofu · 2020-03-12T19:51:04+00:00

Everyone is entitled to their standards.

Most men want women with specific body characteristics (breast size, hip-waist ratio, height, weight, skin color, hair color, eye color, nose shape/size, and the list goes on).

Some women want men with a 6"+ penis. Some do not care.

Some women want 6'+ tall men. Some do not care.

This is simply something you must accept. You cannot change your body, and these women cannot change how they feel or what they are attracted to.

Just like the sea of garbage men that we women are constantly wading through, you must wade through an ocean of women with standards. Find one who doesn't care, or likes your penis size.

They are out there, it's not hopeless.

buddingQueenie · 2020-03-12T19:41:53+00:00

Complaints about penis size stem from frustration over male partners not putting effort to the pleasure of their partner. So after them not putting effort, women try to enjoy the next best thing they get out of the interaction, which is size for a lot of us.

If he doesn't give an effort AND his penis size is small...then what are we even doing?

It's also a preference thing as well, like you mentioned. Mostly, try to give an effort in and out of the bedroom and you shouldn't worry too much about it.

Radtron3000 · 2020-03-12T19:42:23+00:00

It's more to do with technique, perhaps slowing down a bit would work better as well. Just take it slow and take longer, deeper strokes, not quite out all the way, 5 inch is more than enough to work with. Girth is where it's at. Rapidfire fucking doesn't feel all that great to a lot of women, at least speaking of my experience. Put her sexual needs first if you want to make a real impression.

NecessaryCook · 2020-03-12T19:46:53+00:00

I think you're overthinking this. If you are a high value person in general and have great traits, no one is going to to care about your 5 incher. The average is 6 inches isn't it? The issue comes where you have no personality or are not doing your job as a good partner, then your lack of sexual compatibility is going to be amplified. But this one trait won't make or break an otherwise great person. Not all women are size queens. So just chill. You don't need to go asexual or poly or whatever, what an overreaction. Put your focus on how you treat someone, not things you cannot control. It sounds like you may have anxiety and irrational fears and should be trying to build up your self-confidence. You sound down on yourself and depressed, with all due respect. Get some confidence and self-worth.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-03-12T21:56:45+00:00

My personal experience is that a huge penis is actually painfull. I had the worst sex with a boyfriend that was 20cm. It would hit my cervix and we had to stop.

I believe an average penis is the best. It fits well, it doesn't hurt and you can try all sort of different positions. If you are attentive to your partner's needs, average is best for most women. There are some women that prefer big, smaller, bendy, or whatever they want as a preference, just like guys with boobs ass etc. But I really think the vast majority of women will be happy with your size.

Behaviour is what most of us want. A HVM, someone that respects and loves us, that treat us well on and off the bed.

daglowup · 2020-03-12T22:36:00+00:00

Contrary to popular belief, not every woman is a size queen and there is actually a point of diminishing returns with big dicks. My best advice to you is to focus on your partners pleasure, amp up the foreplay, lots of kissing and letting her know you’re psyched to be there. So much of arousal is mental for women, and I don’t think men really understand that. It’s not all about dicks all the time.

WestAtmosphere · 2020-03-12T19:47:38+00:00

The average is 4-5 inches pretty sure. Not trying to be a pickme ofc in hindsight bigger could potentially be more fun? I guess to play with?

But it depends on the woman and her female anatomy. I find I’m just not “built” to be taking 8 inches. I’m built for the average. That doesn’t mean I don’t find a large dong attractive. But is it realistic for me? No.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, I would say size is not a dealbreaker for most women as long as you are giving her the pleasure she desires (ex. Oral/ finger play). Foreplay is so important for us. My desire for a man instantly decreases when he acts like pleasuring me is a “chore”. Unfortunately yes there are men like this who don’t give a rats ass. Also, creating the desire is equally as important - many men don’t bother giving words of affirmation during sex. I mean simple things like telling her you want her etc, is so sexy. I need that verbal/emotional bond with you.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-03-13T00:46:20+00:00

Just because some of those comments say we prefer big dicks, which is totally a standard we can have, it does not mean that all women require this. Also, I think you are taking some of the comments differently than they are meant. For example, "even if it doesn't fit, still more fun to play with" does not equal "I can never love and be loyal to a hardworking, funny, and loving man who has a 5" penis." I personally would rather be with the latter than the former (if he is a low value man fuckboi) BECAUSE dick is so abundant that even a nice big one is NOT worth the stress of a low value man, but finding a decent guy is more rare! I wish you the best.

TheOGJammies · 2020-03-13T03:19:06+00:00

Practice your jaw work.

metlhead98 · 2020-04-07T18:14:42+00:00

You didn’t mention this at all— but please avoid watching a ton of porn. I think it gives men an unrealistic idea of what constitutes “normal bodies”.

ivy176 · 2020-03-14T11:14:41+00:00

If you feel like those are your options because you're 5 inches then you are heading to body dysmorphia territory.

Also, men never talk about girth or shape. I'd rather a stocky 4 incher than a 10 inch sharpie.

spacebubbletea · 2020-03-14T17:08:43+00:00

Watch out for u/Navarus he’s messaging random fds girls. He messaged me something like „you don’t date a 6’4 Chad you don’t date anyone you are an incel” lmao

metlhead98 · 2020-03-14T17:57:32+00:00

I've never rejected a guy for his size, on either end of the spectrum, but I have rejected guys for their shitty attitude about their dicks and their general badness in bed

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-03-15T04:57:20+00:00

Honestly I think a lot of the 'small dick energy" "and his dick was tiny" comments are just a flippant way to rag on a dude. It's something we know guys are sensitive about so if the dude is a horrible human we'll throw that insult out. Yea, its' shitty but it's def a reaction to being treated like shit.

Guarantee 100% any woman who's partner makes her orgasm 100% of the time doesn't give a FUCK about the size of his dick and would never say it's small.

I dated a dude for 2 years with a very small penis. He was never able to produce his own testosterone, ever in his life. I've never ever ever told anyone his dick was small. I didn't care. I couldn't care less. He was always affectionate, we had a decent relationship and he was an incredible human.

The worst dude I dated had a GIANT dick. But he was addicted to porn and could BARELY get hard. It was the WORST sex of my life.

As everyone else has said, it's something that society may make you feel bad about, but you shouldn't.

Dudes aren't wrong BTW. Work on your oral & finger game. I think a strap on would be weird but I'd wager most women would like their man to use a vibrator on them. We just want effort. We want someone who wants to learn what gets us off.

And most women can't get off on PIV. That's just how it is. And a big dick doesn't fix that.

Every man should work on their oral&finger game TBH.

metlhead98 · 2020-03-15T09:54:27+00:00

I think you're too pessimistic about your size. I'm going to be honest, size does matter (at least for me), but not that much. First, I find being too big down there is a bigger problem than being too small. It freaking hurts. At least when it's too small, it will never hurt and if you hit the right spots it will feel nice. Second, PIV is just a tiny aspect of sex, and (to me) it's not even the most enjoyable one. Clit stimulation (which is not usually done using your p) is much more effective on many many women. Third, being caring and actually trying to make intercourse enjoyable for your partner is much much more important. I've had sex with men who were both big and small, and how much I enjoyed it was not at all correlated to their size, but rather how giving and caring they were. My ex, who's a HVM, was definitely on the smaller size. Didn't matter at all, I loved, admired and respected him. You can't have it all and that's ok. As long as you don't act all insecure about it, and try to overly compensate by acting manly or whatever, it won't be an issue. The way you react to it could be an issue. All the best

logician01 · 2020-03-19T00:52:53+00:00

Step 1: stop thinking about your dick and start thinking about how to treat a woman right. That is where the magic happens. Not everything is about your dick.

I REALLY mean that. Not just trying to be a big dick here. Pun.

TigreImpossibile · 2020-03-13T19:19:52+00:00

I can only speak for myself, but I don't care so much about my partner having a huge wang. I've had mindblowing sex with an average sized guy and also with bigger dudes... Great sex is always some part chemistry, and some part technique and attentiveness, not so much size.

You can't control chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. But you can learn to be a better lover and you can be attentive and sensual. The worst is some guy who thinks he knows some magic technique that his ex liked and won't listen to what you're telling him you do and don't like. Don't be that guy. Yes, read up on things women like, but be malleable and pay attention to the woman in bed with you like and how she's responding.

And always, always reciprocate and make sure she's climaxed if you did. Sometimes women can't come, but you should at least get an A for effort in trying, lol.

Also, there's no need for polyamory unless she's 100% into it. Don't suggest it to a woman who hasn't brought it up herself. I would be turned off completely by a man that was willing to share me. That's not the type of relationship I want or the kind of man I want to be with.

ny-lady · 2020-03-16T03:57:06+00:00

Really is can depend on the women, I like more 'average' as average fits me. Some women like bigger as it fits them.

I just know a very large man down there is not for me, he doesn't fit me. Sex is uncomfortable as hes too big.

Xieko · 2020-03-24T02:01:58+00:00

Sorry to be a little late commenting. I read every comment to see if anyone addressed my main concern, but since I didn't see it anywhere as directly as you may need to hear, I will be honest with you, but this honesty comes from a place wanting the best for you and any woman in your future.

First, I agree what most of us are saying about size not mattering so long as you take the time to be a good lover to them. Ask them what they like, be empathetic, read their body language, get good with your hands and mouth. Most women can't orgasm from g-spot stimulation alone, so acting like your dick is the sole method for sex is selfish and immature. If you want to keep a woman sexually satisfied, treat her concerns and desires as valid.

Second, I high recommend reading Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" and Ian Kerner's "She Comes First." The first book goes into the physical and mental aspects of sexuality for women and is revolutionary. The second book gives other knowledgable information about women's anatomy, using your largest sex organ (your brain) and delves into techniques to send your woman into ecstasy. Yes, the second book is written by a man but he knows what he's talking about.

Third, and this is the biggest point I really want you to absorb, insecurity is a huge turn off. You need to get yourself in check before trying to use a woman as an emotional crutch for your physical insecurities. It is not a girlfriend's job to build your ego about your penis. I promise all that your needy compliment fishing will accomplish is turning her off, making her lose respect for you, and possibly resentment. How can you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself? Much in the same way that you cannot pour from an empty pitcher, you cannot love healthily from any baggage/insecurities. Please consider meditating, journaling, positive self affirmations, counseling, and any other necessary methods needed to feel whole and complete by yourself. Be kind to and love yourself. Always strive to better yourself, and that includes accepting and appreciating what you are unable to change about yourself, such as dick size. Insecurity and desperation are uglier than a small dick ever could be. Good luck.

GlowInTheDarkSpaces · 2020-04-08T17:50:05+00:00

I’m glad you saw the light. One of the best lovers I’ve had was small but he overcompensated, it was like winning the lottery.

The_Mole_Dizzle · 2020-03-24T11:20:24+00:00

It is something you just have to deal with.

Or

Penis enlargement exists, based on scientific evidence stretching the connective tissue with an extender will increase size, it's up to you whether you pursue that.

Title	Concerns with being average (Down There)
Author	metlhead98
Upvotes	30
Comments	85
Date	March 12, 2020 7:15 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/fhls5u/concerns_with_being_average_down_there/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/concerns-with-being-average-down-there.1068809 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068809

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