Resources for managing anger / temper

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-07-13T16:44:25+00:00

I don't sweat the small stuff. And really, it's all small stuff.

Just a changed viewpoint, that's all. It just comes down to frame.

redwall92 · 2018-07-13T17:09:22+00:00

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things." - Epictus

Keep reading the stoics.

wekacuck · 2018-07-13T17:57:53+00:00

A good complement to stoicism is Buddhism and in particular mindfulness meditation. One way of looking at it is that mindfulness is a skill-building exercise where you learn to be aware of thoughts and emotions and to practice sorting and processing them. Through repetition, identifying and processing thoughts and emotions becomes closer to an automatic reflex.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-07-13T17:00:09+00:00

Basically, I treat everyone as though they are emotionally traumatized people living with brain damage. If you can look at the dysfunction of a human and assign it to a source that is out of their control, it helps to build empathy and compassion.

Example:In a meeting a coworker says some really backhanded shit in front of your boss. If you knew they were beat by their dad and you look and sound just like him and because he fell down some stairs and didn't quite heal correctly in the head he is left with no filter on what you should and should not say, you'd cut that dumb ass some slack, right?

Reality is that scenario is actually pretty spot on. Humans are both the most sophisticated and advanced known thing in all of creation and simultaneously the most flawed and messed up being to live. Everyone is damaged. Everyone is blind. Everyone is broken. When this happens to me, I am simply reminded that I am the only adult in the room. DARE works in these situations as well if you feel the need to respond.

Bonus Tip: If you have a hard time with your anger around kids, treat them like miniature drunk friends and you are the designated driver.

gettingmymojoback · 2018-07-13T16:52:33+00:00

Go back over Meditations again. Then Epictetus. For shits and giggles you can add reading up on Diogenes and Cynicism to the mix. His school of Cynicism laid the foundations for Zeno and what would become later become Stoicism.

Then maybe some Alan Watts and a bit of Buddhism (lots of overlap with Stoicism).

Actually internalize that you are only in control of your thoughts and actions. Nothing else. Period.

If those facts can’t help you come to the realization that 99.9% of the things that anger you are bullshit, then I can’t help you.

Hopefully someone else has a better answer, but reading, rereading and putting those concepts into action has helped me tremendously.

A good litmus test is to ask yourself if you will still be angry about whatever you are angry about in a year from now? If you won’t be angry about it in a year, it’s not worth being angry about today either. You can CHOOSE not to be angry about it.

justpickanyusername · 2018-07-13T17:02:39+00:00

The Mayor is partially the Mayor because he isn’t affected by trivial shit

This tells me you already know the answer. Maybe you are posting here hoping we have some magical way to make it not be so hard? In the end, having a DNGAF attitude will help. Stop caring so damn much. It's okay to get passionate. Don't become a robot. But, drama with coworkers should be amusing because you are above it. Short fuse in traffic? Laugh at the absurdity of some of the drivers out there. Hell, get a dashcam and post to /r/idiotsincars if it makes you feel better.

You have identified a problem. Good. I believe you have the tools to address the problem. Great. Now you are left to put in the work, sweat, and effort of swinging your tools to build your best self.

gameoflibidos · 2018-07-13T19:48:06+00:00

No offense.. cause i've been lifting long enough to know the temptation and how hard it is if you dont... but your lifts are pretty high, are you stacking gear? Cause that'll do it for sure.

Generally for myself,.. i've found the more I improve myself and the more content I become with my life as a result, the less I tend to have angry outbursts, even while driving (although that still happens).

It's been almost a year since I've been in any type of yelling fight with the wife. If she tries (and she does) I just sit there like a immoveable boulder until she calms down and change the subject and she's back to normal.

lasttuesdaystacos · 2018-07-14T03:01:25+00:00

I had this same issue. Still working it out but I think I got some major insights. A lot of it is well presented in nmmng. Where my anger was coming from was a lot of me basing my life on expectations that were not internal. I'm mad in traffic because I'm sitting in it for someone else etc... once I realized that I made tremendous gains correlating my anger to other people's expectations that consciously I pursued while subconciously detesting.

I've dropped a lot of fake persona at work where I acted how I thought I should be perceived as acting. And I started to tell my wife what I was going to do and do it without the need for deering and when she got bitchy it's been easy to not care. Something like this.

Rian_Stone · 2018-07-13T17:04:39+00:00

Anger is a over sense of injustice, or a flight or fight response.

Too many fucks are given, and your need of the world to make sense is tuned too high.

steel has it pretty much right.

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-07-13T18:38:13+00:00

For me, the realization I only have 1 crack at this thing called life, and it could end at any moment. I'd rather spend as much of it having fun and being happy as humanly possible. Like u/SteelSharpensSteel said, it's all small stuff...and the small stuff can be as humorous as you make it.

I still get mad, but it's not prolonged and it never affects my overall mood/worldview anymore.

[deleted] · 2018-07-16T17:15:57+00:00

traffic is a great place to practice. i put a rubber band on my wrist and snapped myself every time i cussed at someone. kicked the habit pretty quick. feel like it spilled into other areas as well. it's hard to shut the fuck up when you're mad. but it pays

SgtSilverBack · 2018-07-13T16:59:44+00:00

All my growth in anger management has been purely from introspection and learning self awareness. Books like The subtle art of not giving a fuck and When I say no I feel guilty helped open my perspective to be able to see my issues. Specifically the parts about Judgment. This helped me realize that I normally got angry when I knew I could have done more or OMS and failed.

After that realization I was able to begin just chilling the fuck out, do my best and not have to worry about defending my image through anger.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-13T18:42:14+00:00

A Red Pill man is happy faggot.

More work to do ===>

BobbyPeru · 2018-07-13T18:59:05+00:00

Study up on thought work. There are several different process that teach you how to change your destructive pattern of thinking. The key is to diligently practice whatever method you choose.

Thoughts create feelings. Change your thoughts, feelings change naturally

weakandsensitive · 2018-07-13T19:10:56+00:00

What are you going to do about it? Get into someone's car and drive it for them?

Bitch about shit in your control.

And if you really don't want to deal with traffic, leave at a time when there is non (3AM comes to mind), and work your schedule around what you're prioritizing.

screechhater · 2018-07-14T12:07:35+00:00

Get into the gym @ 7 days a week. And, hammer away

It’s the only true source of a “relief valve”

yesbuthereswhy · 2018-07-14T16:53:18+00:00

One of the biggest ways I fixed road rage and calling everybody a cunt was listening to iHeartRadio comedy stations. My hour to and from work is now full of laughing and crying from good jokes. Aside from the gym it’s my favorite part of the day.

Floaty_McBoatface · 2018-07-14T07:20:41+00:00

Try to see yourself as a three-year-old kid in an adult's body having a tantrum and imagine what that looks like to the people around you: complete self-destruction of your frame. Hard to pull off in the heat of the moment, but effective if you do.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-13T16:47:32+00:00

Lifting weights and Focusing on the long game.

Traffic? Who gives a flying fuck. Use that time to listen to books or seminars on your phone.

It’s not what happens, what happens happens to everyone, it’s what you do about it, faggot.

red-sfpplus · 2018-07-13T16:51:48+00:00

One of two things.

Either your lifts are bullshit and you need to lift to better deal with anger and aggression.

Or you are just an asshole and need therapy.

Road rage? What are you a 20 year old faggot?

Title	Resources for managing anger / temper
Author	CaptJohnLukeDiscard
Upvotes	6
Comments	31
Date	July 13, 2018 4:34 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8ylhac/resources_for_managing_anger_temper/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/resources-for-managing-anger-temper.204219 https://theredarchive.com/post/204219

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