2 weeks after dumping Onenitis...Mentally struggling

KeffirLime · 2018-11-16T13:25:56+00:00

You're mentally adjusting to life without her, it takes alot longer than 2 weeks, hell that's not even long enough to form a habit.

Just keep doing what you're doing, be patient, and acknowledge it's a process.

BusterVadge · 2018-11-16T14:07:02+00:00

You are doing ALL the right things man.... Time will do the rest, and trusting in the process will help a lot.

7 months ago, I was right where you are now except I was the one who got dumped. It took a while until I felt OK again but now things are absolutely amazing for me.

ohyesimthatguy · 2018-11-16T16:34:52+00:00

2 weeks is no where near enough time to heal. Not exactly the same situation, but I read a quote years ago that said something along the lines of "The grief we experience when a person dies (or is no longer in our life) isnt really because we miss that person, but because our routine has been disrupted". Just think of it as taking time to adjust to your new routine. Find better routine replacements. for example, every Saturday night you two used to get dinner together? Now use every Saturday ti do something better. Better can mean more fun, or it can be something that's better for you. Anything from hanging our with friends and going with a "Saturday's are for the boys" motto or bettering yourself by learning a new skill or improving on an existing one. You used to watch Netflix at night? Well, now you lift instead and its great that youre already doing that.

how long were you together/do you have the same social circle?

My ex and I were together for 7 years and lived together for 5. I knew I had to break up with her and I knew it would be hard. We did everything together, so talk about a routine disrutpion. Took me about 6-8 months to be completely over it and adjust to my new routine.

I've lost 20 pounds since and gained some muscle, and I finally took the time to learn a musical instrument ive always wanted to learn to play. My personal relationships also improved because I had more times to spend with friends now. I've met a ton of great girls and quickly learned there are so many high quality girls out there. once you start meeting all these amazing girls you'll see that you didn't miss out on anything with your ex. For me, ill always care about her and I really do wish her the best, but she wasn't what I wanted.

Let me know if you want to chat

Lego_My_Alter_Eggo · 2018-11-16T15:30:19+00:00

good work so far - no comment on the girl situation, but I wanted to say to not try to do everything at once, I find that whenever I try to "fix my life" and do too much at the same time, I burnout and fall back into old habits. If you feel this, don't feel ashamed to cut out a couple of the things you're doing and maintain the others. It's more maintainable that way.

MattyAnon · 2018-11-16T15:23:08+00:00

it takes time

Peter_B_Long · 2018-11-16T18:03:36+00:00

Dude you're basically doing everything you could possibly do already. I broke up with an LTR of 5 years and I didn't get to tap some new ass until 8 weeks later.

Shit just takes time.

Something that helped me the most though is that I moved to a different state. All I brought with me was what fit in my 2 door car. New room. New bed. New environment. New people to meet. etc.

Everything was so fresh and new that I didn't even have time to think about ex. I was just so focused in building the lifestyle I wanted to live and taking action every day towards it.

Rkingpin · 2018-11-16T15:14:22+00:00

Time is the best medicine.

leolanik14 · 2018-11-16T15:43:14+00:00

Distance yourself from anything, will only heightens the issue, it’s okay to think about it. But then bottle up the feeling and throw that into an ocean. Now move on, pick up a Rational Male. Read. Been there man on the path of life long time ago. Now I just did not give a f.

chazthundergut · 2018-11-16T15:43:36+00:00

This is normal.

Keep doing what you're doing. It does get easier.

Itsuckstobeyou · 2018-11-16T20:41:49+00:00

I absolutely love when i read post like this and everyone is so supportive and helpful. Sometimes the negativity is just too much.

Onidramon · 2018-11-16T16:30:53+00:00

Watch this scene He has to relive watching his dead oneitis die over and over again until he moves on. I’m not even kidding. Replace it with your oneitis getting fucked by other dudes. Watch it until it clicks.

Dymatizeee · 2018-11-16T13:48:52+00:00

Takes time to process it. Keep doing what you're doing.

Out of curiosity what made you kick her out?

VengefullyY0urs · 2018-11-16T17:15:35+00:00

You’re doing everything right. It takes time.

Why did year her. Clearly this wasn’t entirely on your terms if you have oneitis for her.

ArdAtak · 2018-11-16T17:18:16+00:00

You're on the right track. 2 more weeks and you'll feel a difference. 2 more months and you're golden.

SalporinRP · 2018-11-16T17:24:01+00:00

Dude 2 weeks is nothing for getting over an LTR. What helped me the most during a painful breakup was meditating. Not gonna lie during those meditation sessions sometimes I would get emotional but it was a great way to work through things.

I know the advice a lot of people give on here is immediately go out and try to bang other chicks but that didn't personally work for me. About a week after my breakup I fucked a hot tinder girl and honestly just felt worse after. Yes, gaming and fucking other girls is the thing that will cause you to get over your ex but it doesn't need to necessarily happen immediately. After I fucked that tinder girl, I just took 3-4 weeks to just work on myself, mentally, physically, and spiritually. And after that I went out and started hooking up with girls and felt a lot better than before.

I get how you feel man. Just because a girl cheated on you doesn't mean your feelings go away overnight. Good luck with your journey. Keep putting in that hard work in the gym and it'll get better trust me.

xNightly · 2018-11-16T17:39:06+00:00

Been there man, it sucks really but time truly is the cure. I look back at my oneitis and laugh thinking was I really that obsessed? Give it time bro

QPRCHOC · 2018-11-16T18:06:43+00:00

Stop trying to find distractions and just process the emotions and deal with them. Fucking other girls two weeks after dumping your oneitis can't be helping. I'd imagine it's only fucking you up further.

Don't follow the advice posted on here like gospel. By all means, be your own man as you are rightly doing, but from your short description it seems you are doing everything you can to take your mind off her. Time will heal your wounds brah.

MR3790 · 2018-11-16T19:00:27+00:00

Also be aware that she will text you maybe once a week at first to "check" on you and then less and less often but she always wants you to think of her. Best thing to do is delete and block her number and keep your mind busy for a month. Whatever you do don't go back find better.

319Skew · 2018-11-16T19:27:04+00:00

Time. Imagine it as detox. I'm divorced over 2 years and still have bouts of oneitus(11 years).

You just get better over time at keeping perspective. Eventually if you are working on your life, you'll realize that you are back in control of your mind and where it goes.

gentlteowel · 2018-11-16T21:53:07+00:00

If I’m ever struggling with oneitis I like to read this short text someone posted some time ago

“There is an infinite amount of women in this world, more than you will ever be able to meet in a single lifetime. Most of them are great girls and would be perfect as long time partner if that is your aim. That one girl is not special; that was only you mind-fucking you. You are in love with the illusion of her and not her per Se. You are addicted to that image of her you created while mentally masturbating in your romantic fantasies. Those times you imagined her with you on a beach in a romantic setting is what caused your mind all this addiction, that is not her, she is probably not like that. She is not perfect or even close to perfection. You will meet someone better or at least equal to her, just keep going. It sucks a lot. I know it! But fuck, this is one of those hard, amazing lessons of life. Nothing last forever, cherish the time you have, don’t waste it replaying memories or imagining scenarios that probably would never happen. She is 100% not thinking of you right now. Take a look at yourself, smile, give yourself a pat on the pack. You survived this and now you have grown a bit.”

actually-guy · 2018-11-16T20:09:36+00:00

Oneitis is about you putting her on a pedestal and thinking that she, is better than YOU. That's completely upside-down. YOU are the prize and she was lucky you shared your attention and resources with her for a short time.

Not only is she not grateful for that, by her breaking up with you, she ALSO thinks that she is better than you! The power dynamic is all wrong, here. You are either not "the prize", or you don't realize that you are.

Oneitis is primarily a self esteem problem. It's not that she was that great or unique, it's that you don't think much of yourself. Invest some time in that. You should be working towards being strong, smart, capable, well-travelled and financially independent. Then, any woman should be honored if you choose to share your attention and resources with her. I hope that helps.

premeboi · 2018-11-16T21:52:51+00:00

i fell you bro, doing everything to progress your life and everything that used to make you happy but you’re still mentally struggling

NextForever · 2018-11-16T23:24:09+00:00

After dumping my Oneitis back in March; the only shit that got me out of my head were big wave surfing, getting hammered, and high stakes poker.

Yesterday was actually her birthday and I'm depressed as FUCK remembering how much of POS I was. O well, nothing I can do now and same goes for you; just gotta let go.

Da_RectumWrecker · 2018-11-17T00:24:43+00:00

Happened to me too back in August bro. It didnt feel good at all. We still talk on the phone some times. She even bought me a gift on Amazon the other day for no reason. But she is not with me and I'm not with her.

On the other hand I've been with tons of girls since her and I'm having a blast with my friends. It doesn't remove the sting, it just makes it bearable. Oneitis sucks!!! I do wish I could have her back, but I dont let it stop me from living an amazing life. You can and should still enjoy everything else.

CarthaginianSalt · 2018-11-17T03:32:19+00:00

Im not sure if I can give good advice because of my lack of experience however one thing I've learnt from meditation is just to sit with your emotions and thoughts and accept them. In other words don't wish for her to be out of your head and to want the feelings to change because this will just create conflict which will make it harder to get rid of the feelings. Instead just acknowledge the feelings are natural and focus on something else like the breath or whatever it is your doing in the moment. Im sorry if this is shit advice because its easy to say "just sit with it" when I'm not experiencing these intense feelings however it is well meant.

Alternatively you can try an ACT tactic which is to imagine a tv/movie character in your head saying the thoughts. I like Morty saying "aw jeez rick he's having those thoughts saying "he's a useless human" what do i do?" and then rick just demoralises Morty like "Wow Morty you *burp you really shit the bed this time. This is some serious emotional damage you let happen."

addwater · 2018-11-18T14:05:26+00:00

You'll feel like you have no soul or purpose for a little while.

It'll pass, and you'll be stronger and wiser because of it.

Trust.

ValorElite · 2018-11-19T06:43:50+00:00

It sounds like you are DOING everything correctly. My only suggestion is to listen to within. It is okay to feel bad about this - use that pain/anger to drive you for the next few months.

Make sure you are spiritually and mentally being healed too. If you think about her every waking second, that shows you are still doing everything because of her, in a way.

Slow down and truly reflect on what happened. Come to terms and heal, brother

Title	2 weeks after dumping Onenitis...Mentally struggling
Author	Eldudearino89
Upvotes	80
Comments	77
Date	November 16, 2018 1:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9xlz47/2_weeks_after_dumping_onenitismentally_struggling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/2-weeks-after-dumping-onenitismentally-struggling.54072 https://theredarchive.com/post/54072

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