Does it get better?

Elatea · 2021-06-08T17:11:58+00:00

It doesnt but you should get better at dealing with it.If you have to eat shit best not to chew. stop thinking about it

silbernstreider · 2021-06-08T15:46:50+00:00

The path ahead is harsh, and will get harder as you age.

Your parents will grow old and will die one day. You will inevitably follow that path as well. Everyone does someday kiddo.

But to help you in your current state, your rush of emotion is getting the better of you. Take a deep breath, walk about, and wash yourself with cold water.

Stop thinking so much for a moment and just drop whatever you have for the day and meditate.

Find solace in being alone. The positives of being alone. The greatness of being your own story teller.

Let me tell you a secret. All men have gone through this at one point no matter who they are. More so on Reddit, no one wants to share that they were once weak and feeble.

You have done most things right, and you are still learning. Keep moving forward and accept that your time on earth is meant for you.

Don’t worry about the women aspect. Judging from your post, women are not your problem. Your problem stems from within.

Let go of the the boy within, and be the man you were always meant to be.

Or don’t, it is up to you. I will not say which choice is right for there is no right or wrong answer. There is only you, and the answer you chose not to regret.

Out0fC0nt3xt · 2021-06-08T18:49:33+00:00

Lost my mom to cancer and a girl I loved around the same time, second half of uni. I felt tired and lost for a few years. Pick a path, walk it, and you'll heal eventually. If making money isn't fulfilling to you, then within reason, place less emphasis on it and find goals that are fulfilling to you.

shittyfuckdick · 2021-06-08T18:50:26+00:00

Yep life is shit. Going through the same thing. Been grinding for 8 months. Career is good, lifts are good, taking care of myself, etc.

But im totally alone. Lost all my friends and LTR. So basically the harsh reality is keep grinding, or give up.

UpperRedSide · 2021-06-08T23:02:58+00:00

Yes. The most resounding, conclusive yes I can fucking muster.

It gets immensely, immeasurably better.

Are you familiar with compound interest? Self improvement is the same way. I know where you are right now. I was there. I was hungry, I was vicious, I was ruthless. I had tunnel vision.

19 yr old me. Sales rep. Low hourly pay but good bonus since I was good at my job. Just started lifting. Blew my money on dumb shit. Just made rent. Partied a lot. Extremely small town, not a lot of competition. Turned into the resident town “bad boy” that moms warned their daughters about.

Lost my job, my apartment, my car, and most of my friends in one week. Reality check. Hit rock fucking bottom. Only way to go was up. So took that ambition I had when I was younger, minus the pride and recklessness, and put the pieces back together. I turned into an ugly fuck with no ego and no dignity. Hell, I was homeless. I was all work, no play. I had a nearly psychopathic one track mind.

Moved to new state, new job, new friends, worked myself to the bone. Racked up training hours and medical certificates, and special qualifications. For a while, nothing. New place, new car, hit the gym again, gained twenty lbs. Still nothing. Finished my internship, now worth 50k a year with free remedial training and equipment. Still fucking nothing. Lonely.

Finally got a date. Kinda fucked it up. Out of practice. Tried again. Girl stuck around. Finally something. Got randomly asked into a huge group of friends in my area. Ok nice. Accidental dread and unintentional social proof, next thing you know I’ve got three dates in a week, a handful of potential dates in my DMs, the promise of a promotion at work, and a new deadlift PR.

Honestly, it will weird you out at first. You’ve been working so long and for what seems like an eternity, nothing moves. Then, as if it had been multiplied by powers of ten, small successes attract more small successes. The more you have, the more you get. The people at the bottom, like me a couple years ago, get nothing. The people at the top only get more. You just have to find the dedication to fucking dog yourself even when it seems like nothing has changed. It takes a lot for your surroundings to change after you change yourself, but it will happen.

Forgive the long reply. But I’m telling you, just keep at it. Keep at it. Work on your body, your mind, and your money. Obsess over it if you have to. Something’s gonna give. Do NOT give up. You’re gonna be on the other side of your struggle one day, and you’re gonna be happy and confident and cocky as fuck once you realize how far you’ve come.

So stop crying, and as to quote Bill Burr, “deny your feelings, do some man shit right now.”

Shipbldr2000 · 2021-06-08T17:18:38+00:00

The best is yet to come, you have no idea what lies around the next turn!

It sucks now because you are in lag time - The time between making the changes and getting the benefits.

You are now properly positioned. Stay the course and you are gonna be surprised.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-06-09T00:06:36+00:00

So two things:

A. Everything in the first paragraph: You've done some solid work. Keep going.

B. Everything in the first paragraph: There is no Dimepiece "Disney Girl" waiting for you at the end of the rainbow. You need to harden the fuck up.

Please help me.

Stop being a pussy. There's no going back. Don't quit now.

NovaNivea · 2021-06-08T15:22:05+00:00

https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/3509/don_t_talk_to_me_like_a_bitch

MattyAnon · 2021-06-08T15:32:34+00:00

The girl I thought could be my wife was an illusion.... I miss my mom. Please help me.

I'm sorry that your mother won't marry you. It's time to become a man.

Guapscotch · 2021-06-08T19:03:57+00:00

The Red Pill can’t help you, you can only help yourself. The world is cold, cruel, an inhospitable place. Embrace this, internalize it, use your struggle to fuel your strength.

Whisper · 2021-06-08T19:55:29+00:00

It gets better if you make it get better.

theartoffun · 2021-06-08T19:29:17+00:00

That pain you feel. Get comfortable with it, like an old friend, not an enemy. That is the weakness leaving your body. That whiney voice telling you that you need your mommy, you need that ideal wifey to make you complete. That is a child talking, not the man. Get your phone out and a plastic trash bag. Now set your phone timer for 2 minutes and take a plastic bag and put it over your head really tight. You wait and wait... How much do you NEED that idea of your perfect woman now? Are your lungs burning yet? Your body freaking out yet because it wants oxygen? You need to breathe, you need to eat, you need to exercise. You don't need that other shit, you just want it so you can look good to your family and your IG/Facebook fake friends. That bag still on your head? You went through all the motions, did all the hard work and suffering, but you didn't learn shit. If your heart ain't in it, quit posing and go marry some bimbo. Give her half your hard-earned money, squeeze out a few pups and let her resent you until you either divorce or you are old and in a nursing home. Or you can get off the internet, go join a social group for a hobby you always wanted to try, spend some of that cash, and have fun. Don't have fun to look cool, have fun like you did when you were kid. But you can afford the best toys now. And dont collect shit, that not a hobby that's a trap. Go learn a martial art, run a marathon, play fucking frisbee golf, scuba dive, start a youtube channel, learn piano, etc.

boblee77 · 2021-06-08T18:28:02+00:00

You’re doing all the right things, now. The ignorance is gone. Which means the truth is forefront. And that’s sometimes sobering.

Get some rest, eat right. Exercise.

Then face the world squarely and keep moving forward.

User36474746 · 2021-06-08T18:57:35+00:00

It's sad that most men who aren't in the top 5% of looks have to work their asses off just for women.

King-in-the-making · 2021-06-09T01:33:53+00:00

Let’s preempt this paradigm. I want to shift your thinking. This may be long, but I can feel your desperation. Here’s a big step in the right direction that helped me when I was in your position. All I ask is that you have an open mind:

Very matter of factly (based on the information you gave us), is that you are basing one of your pillars of reality around material wealth=happiness. Not that material wealth or status is a bad thing by any means.

To address being alone, sometimes you outgrow people, and sometimes you burn bridges/vice versa. People will often betray you for their best interests, and once in a while, someone very close to you will die. I miss my mother too, I’m very sorry you can’t be with yours right now, whatever the circumstance.

Get help if you’re feeling depressed, absolutely no shame in that. Be brave, go out and find multiple hobbies that pique your interest to make new friends. Fuck the old ones unless you want to rekindle the friendship. STAYING alone is your CHOICE. This all is a very normal part of life. But it’s not WHY you’re miserable.

You’re miserable because your are chasing something still. It’s like spending, no, committing your life looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, only to discover some mud and broken trees. Your belief was that once you cross the finish-line, once you find the pot of gold, you will be happy. Funny how life works isn’t it?

Something I very recently realized after dredging through my own misery, emotionally not materialistically, was that it was my CHOICE to be miserable. It was my CHOICE to think negatively. It was my CHOICE to think I was given a bad hand in life... It was especially my CHOICE to be alone.

Think honestly, do you look in the mirror and think, “Damn that’s a good lookin’ mug!” or do you think, “You piece of shit, what are you even doing with yourself?” Be VERY aware of how you speak to yourself.

Now. Here it is:

The feeling you’re looking for is: Contentment. When your thoughts stay on the past, you resist the future. However if you worry too much about the future you may stay paralyzed, always suffering twice when something does happen that you may or may not have predicted. When you’re present, you are happy, content.

The KEY. Staying present. Not worrying about the past or future (because both are inherently useless.. unless planning for something or digging up a reference point from the past, so you can learn from it at a root level). Plenty of people would compare it to the calm you get after you meditate, or when entrenched by nature.

We (as a society and species) tend to dwell on our pasts and make our whole identities out them. Did I get bullied as a kid? Hell yes. Did I grow up in hellish conditions? Sure. But does that matter in this moment, right now, as I’m typing this. NO. Not for a second. Can I LEARN from those examples. YES, but I don’t let them DEFINE me.

The thing is that when you are present, nothing else matters. You’re able you actively listen and contribute value to that cute girl you met at the coffee shop. You’ll be able to slow down your perception and know what needs to be done, in a work OR a romantic setting.

And finally, most importantly, you’re able to see your past an learn lessons from shit that may be hard to think about, or why “you are the way you are” and really fix it/accept it.

We’re not talking about fake it til you make it mindset anymore now. We are talking about tangible actions to shape you into a stronger person mentally. A whole new paradigm of thinking. When you identify a condition that stifled you in the past and know how it affected and shaped you, you learn a lot about yourself, all while forcing it to have less power over you. Make sense?

Of course this take practice, time, and an incredible amount of patience. It’s a monumental goal in itself. You have to trust yourself.

Combine all of this with: 1: Freedom from outcome. (Covered widely here) And 2: Taking right action. (Also covered on TRP), and you’ll be well on your way. Watch your thinking shift. The worlds a light place if you let it be. Really.

Recommendation: Check out, “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. He could explain being present much better than I ever could.

Usmc5523 · 2021-06-08T16:37:46+00:00

The answer to your question lies in your own words. By some of the things you mention in the first part of your post it already has gotten better. The road ahead is hard, and will have plenty of challenges. But you’ve already overcome plenty of adversity. Everybody sometimes wishes we could remain ignorant, but the further along you come the easier it gets to deal with harsh reality, and realize there is still a lot of good things to be in this world.

knicks2021 · 2021-06-09T00:36:39+00:00

dang bro ive been there too... all I can say is start running and lifting and know that the worst and at the same time best is yet to come.

try and not take things too personal.. know one makes it out alive anyway

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2021-06-09T00:49:01+00:00

you should try some shrooms or lsd dude

I don't think I've seen a post that better resembles a spirit that these drugs cure more than this one

seriously, they'll help you appreciate the present and also appreciate the past for what it was: THE PAST

PLEASE, for the love of god, give it a try

Robin2Fast2Furious · 2021-06-09T00:50:49+00:00

As you age, the quantity of women that are attracted to you and that you attract increase (on the condition, that you do not deteriorate in health, wealth, and social status).

As for your life style, I cannot say but I can attest personally that my late 20s were way better than my early 20s.

ReconciledCapitalist · 2021-06-09T01:04:49+00:00

It gets better. Not unlike the movie this thread gets it’s name from, the protagonist is traumatized after discovering the new true reality. Though later he gains mastery over this new reality, and is better for it.

Waking up fucking sucks. But as you adjust, and get your mind right about what women are and how they work. Things become much easier, especially for someone as clearly motivated and disciplined as yourself. Losing weight is one of the hardest things to do. On top of that you’ve hustled, made money. Honestly you’ve got a lot figured out that many men never seem to accomplish. Just imagine how much better things will be once you understand and can fully utilize male/female dynamics to your advantage.

jfchomie · 2021-06-08T15:20:55+00:00

It's only as better as you make it out to be, no one can help you with that but you. Do things that you enjoy doing

Inevitable_Gain_7456 · 2021-06-08T17:56:57+00:00

Yeah just learn 2 be alone and love yourself flaws in all. No one is coming 2 help you mate but yourself.

Forget about bitches right now because they are a volatile and unnecessary foreign invader upon the stable ground you need to build.

Just_Stark · 2021-06-08T19:15:40+00:00

Dude, you should be THRILLED about what's to come.

The truth of it is that it's a grind. All of these guys you see around you, in their early 20s, wasting their time, still blue pilled, living in a Disney fantasy and expecting to meet their soulmate... All of these guys will probably realize what you realize now in 20 years, after a failed marriage and having to pay child support for their kids, and they will be in a much more dire situation.

You recently graduated from uni, worked and made money, however, it seems to me like your aimlessly wandering, and you thought that money would lead to catching a unicorn and living that Disney fantasy. You were using Red Pill concepts of improving yourself and your SMV, but you were still chasing a Blue Pill goal (the "one", there is no "one").

What you need is purpose. You need to take time to find yourself, and find what you want to do. You need a long term vision, something to guide you. Something you are passionate about. Even if a marriage/family is what you are after, it should not be the goal of your life, it should be something you fit into your life when appropriate (you still have plenty of time based on what you describe).

Find a deeper sense of meaning. Derive happiness from yourself only. You could read about stoicism, start meditating, and truly unplug from these old blue pill ideologies. Keep building your body, keep building your wallet, have a long term vision and work at it. Everything else is secondary.

danaw1992 · 2021-06-08T19:44:02+00:00

You sound like a smart guy that's a go getter. So this is just a phase. Maybe you need to rethink some things, especially about women. Once you fully accept the red pill and watch out for the red flags, you will be fine.

Bulky_Connection1430 · 2021-06-08T20:25:23+00:00

Without family, truly, who are we? I've been there too friend, matter of fact already there, I am so glad I'm still here for my family. I'm not sure about your case, but I'm assuming your mother met her faith, if she did not, always know that it isn't too late to go pay her a visit, apologize for anything that you've done to her and feeling guilty about, it is wise to sometimes follow the path of ones emotions although filled with risks, It is an act of wisdom and self-love to cultivate your own self about the extreme importance of surrounding yourself with those whom you hold dear.

And if for some reason, you can not get back to your mother, it is never too late to give yourself yet another chance to fall in love, and provide a home for yourself and those around you.

Always keep looking ahead and never fall down to any sort of negative emotions you may encounter.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

TheGreatestSpice · 2021-06-08T20:47:23+00:00

If the road of life had no pitfalls, twists, road blocks, and dead ends it wouldn’t be much of an exciting walk.

Lostb231 · 2021-06-08T20:53:02+00:00

Everything I the comments and remember, please please remember that Reddit is here for u. We are here for u. Never ever feel alone. U can get through this

oldskoolflavor · 2021-06-08T20:56:15+00:00

Hey. I feel very much identified with your situation and have made some progress.

Just like you, I turned my life around and made tons of progress. Tripled my salary, got educated, wiser, etc. But at this point not too long ago, I felt quite alone. It has gotten much much better lately but I would definitely recommend you start analyzing yourself. Think of who you are and how much you've accomplished. Life is naturally not easy. There's always a price to pay for everything. Identify the cracks in your life and fill them.

IfSmokingWasASport · 2021-06-08T23:24:52+00:00

Go on vacation, somewhere tropical. Spend time on the beach, surf, swim, and do exercise.

Go out at night to the bar/club and fucking the finest bitch there.

Rinse and repeat. You’ll feel brand new.

If that’s not ur vibe, go camping in your local state/national park for 1 1/2 - 2 weeks. Canoe or hike ur way thru the trip. You will feel brand new, guaranteed.

sauceyzaddy · 2021-06-09T00:06:23+00:00

It takes a real man to grab his own balls to be ready to handle anything life throws him, while still being self assured that he will do his best.

Best wishes

curvedbymykind · 2021-06-09T00:29:38+00:00

How old is you

kncrew · 2021-06-09T02:34:36+00:00

You can try getting something like a cat or dog if your current path allows the responsibility. Being able to car for something keeps me going and fixes that provider mentality.

STAY AWAY FROM WORKING DOGS. I get it, they’re cool, they’ve got the look, the status.... but they will absolutely kick your ass and eat your time. Especially if you’re younger. Those are passion projects when you’re older and don’t have to balance work and a high energy dog that needs absurd exercise and stimulation requirements.

But maybe start with a pet

Fno_1016 · 2021-06-09T02:49:30+00:00

meditate brother.

Herdsengineers · 2021-06-09T02:56:01+00:00

Re: First paragraph - I get being tired. I work my ass off. I make a good living, make good money, have a great life. It takes work to maintain it. It's one of those things that is hard to build up and very quick and easy to have slip away if you don't work hard to maintain and keep growing. I find myself continually exhausted sometimes because a successful life becomes a demanding life. It's satisfying, but it is exhausting. Main thing is to find some way to recharge yourself along the way, though. Self care is essential. Involves continuing to focus on physical fitness and wellness, but also some mental energy recharge sometimes. I myself prefer hunting, shooting, outdoor recreations, and reading. Except for a few programs, I find TV and other mainsteam media consumption just exhausts me more if I take in too much of it.

Re: the girl - I've got a story of a girl that got away too. You know what? Looking back 20 years since, I'm really glad she got away. I eventually got contacted by her on Facebook, caught up. Saw just how bad she screwed up her life, saw just hard the wall was on her when she hit it. I'm glad I wasn't around for her to implosion to get any of her shit flying around on me.

It hurts now. One day that will shift. Me personally, I've got a wife now that is about as perfect as a TRP guy could ask for. But I went through a fuck ton of women before I found her. She's not a unicorn, but she is the tradcon type woman that used to be the type that was valued more in the past, and she's a great match for me. I consider myself lucky at the moment (who knows, maybe it will stay that way in the future too).

Don't focus on the girl of your dreams. Focus on being the guy of every girl's dreams. You'll attract them in droves, and eventually you'll find one worth keeping. Be the prize, don't chase the prize. There is no "disney princess one your meant to be with". There are no fated relationships. That's feminist western fantasy programming intended to get guys to chase and prioritize girls over their own well being. It's utter bullshit, start working on expunging that mindset from your thinking.

Re: the comment about your mom - I skimmed but didn't see further explanation. Not sure why your mom isn't in your life but if she's still around and you have cut contact or something, I'm sorry. If you have contact but it's different now because you're a grown ass man and don't need her, that's different. I will say, whether it's for bad family of origin issues, or just not much time for her, there are ways to stay engaged with family and not let them drag you down. I have a better relationship with my family now as an independent man than I ever did growing up. Parental relationships should evolve into one of equals as you grow up, individuate yourself, and establish your independence. When that happens, it can become one of the closest, best relations you can have.

Whatever the issue is, if it's complex don't be afraid to seek out a counselor (male, tradcon type, don't take this on with any woman counselor) for advice on how to do it and keep healthy boundaries for yourself. It's a hard thing to figure out, don't be down on yourself for not figuring it out on your own.

If it's simple available time, or distance, those are solved pretty easily. Make time, buy a plane ticket, go see them.

Overall, all men go through up's and down's like you are. Even the most wildly successful find that success isn't always completely satisfying in the soul. People were made to be in relationship, and satisfying relationships of some nature are a necessity for most of us (it is for me). And contentment comes from accomplishing something...more...bigger than yourself and something that leaves legacy. Knowing that if you lost everything, if you were dead and gone tomorrow, whatever the case - there would be still be something you did that would last that nobody can ever change or take away - that's legacy and accomplishment.

To answer your subject line question - it doesn't always get better but it can get better ( a lot better actually) when you focus on making it better. So what are you going to focus on to make it better? Go figure that out.

SerialATA_Killer · 2021-06-09T04:13:54+00:00

TRP is a lifestyle, not a destination. It's not an if you do these things then you will finally be happy kind of thing. If anything, it preaches to live your life how you want to, with some literature on getting laid and not being a bitch. So, live your life how you fucking want. If you want to be fat and live on welfare, so be it. But don't make yourself miserable because strangers on the internet told you that living a specific way will solve all your problems.

quickdrawmccaw · 2021-06-09T04:20:09+00:00

Fucking felt this.

Robin2Fast2Furious · 2021-06-09T00:51:33+00:00

As you age, the quantity of women that are attracted to you and that you attract increase (on the condition, that you do not deteriorate in health, wealth, and social status).

As for your life style, I cannot say but I can attest personally that my late 20s were way better than my early 20s.

ibwriting · 2021-06-08T15:09:41+00:00

The fuck you want man?

LandSharkRoyale · 2021-06-08T17:25:26+00:00

I just watched a video about how someone conquered their negative thoughts, it was truly inspiring

omega3seggs · 2021-06-08T18:46:01+00:00

Yeah

7121958041201 · 2021-06-08T19:16:36+00:00

Random people on reddit won't be able to help you that much. I would start going to therapy (and if you already are, I would find a new therapist). It sounds like you can afford it.

But I would guess a lack of human connection and purpose is what's killing you more than anything. I don't know anyone happy that focuses on money over relationships and doing something you actually care about. And the good news is that it sounds like you are financially stable, so you should have extra time to focus on those things now!

Black_m0ngoose · 2021-06-08T21:13:47+00:00

Get into jiu-jitsu.

If you don't feel like there is any meaning to your life, start looking for something to give it meaning.

Intrepid_Artist · 2021-06-08T22:12:55+00:00

It's your inside voice telling you something is wrong.

It could be one of those:

-stress of spending time with wrong people (job) - low water, d, c vitamin, iron, b vitamin etc - chronically tired brains from technology, screens, city life. Spent more time exploring real nature - low hormone(s) - no doing, discovering things which really make you feel a good.

What does make your heart pump?

3dasak · 2021-06-08T22:50:25+00:00

Pick your poison and deal with it.

bilabrin · 2021-06-09T08:50:55+00:00

Make friends through shared passions.

Also, meditate and read more self help. Long-term internal happiness cannot be generated by external circumstances.

theraymondred · 2021-06-09T10:26:42+00:00

You miss the matrix. And that’s ok. Just realize. You cannot go back. And this hurts.

Read The Odyssey by Homer. Look how he struggled for years on end. It will give you perspective. You gotta persevere. Wake up everyday anew. There is just no other way than keep moving forward.

eugenechien · 2021-06-09T16:49:40+00:00

just dont be a bitch lmaooo

Megabyte7637 · 2021-06-09T02:31:19+00:00

Title	Does it get better?
Author	blurting-honesty
Upvotes	235
Comments	76
Date	June 8, 2021 3:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/nv632f/does_it_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/does-it-get-better.783852 https://theredarchive.com/post/783852

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