10 years experience with game and dealing with loneliness still

MindsetsForDating · 2024-10-17T21:50:42+00:00

Hey man, I’ve been at that point where the ups and downs of dating can be absolutely frustrating. It really hits you when you start to get the hang of it, and then you begin to wonder, "What is the point?" I think it’s important to take a moment to define what you truly want out of a relationship in the first place. The work you’ve done is great because it has helped you become more comfortable around women. Now, it's time to figure out what will fit your lifestyle. I'd be happy to help if you need it. Don't hesitate to reach out. It's not pointless. You got this man.

WhatsTheAnswerDude · 2024-10-17T21:13:32+00:00

Bro you went WAY too far down the deep on the "dark" stuff and it likely affected the way you see things.

Make sure youre physically active and in therapy if not already.

Yes the loneliness epidemic is real for men and nowadays its really hard to put forth so much for so little in dating.

Nonetheless, your energy/vibe comes off a bit toxic so youre probably reinforcing bad relationships/people in general around your life.

You use the game as a firestarter, NOT everything 100%. Find things you actually like. Understand your vibe and what actually works. Test things out. Configure who you are.

You probably leaned WAY too much on all the canned shit instead of actually developing a vibe or things that work for you.

Its too manufactured.

You went WAY too far down the manipulative rabbit hole and now you're dealing with the consequences of going too far down it, when it was never healthy.

Jasperbeardly11 · 2024-10-17T23:13:24+00:00

Seduction is not the way to end loneloness. This is incredibly obvious to anyone who knows how to have in-depth emotional relationships.

Amaran345 · 2024-10-18T03:02:39+00:00

"i am quite easily annoyed by women" - low opinion of women, they are annoying beings to you.

"out of nowhere i freeze up" - deactivation, your conscience shuts down from the present moment.

"i'm very self guided and individualistic" - classical DA independence/counterdependence

Sounds like you developed a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, op, wish you luck healing this

MrParallelogramUser · 2024-10-17T21:46:09+00:00

Loneliness is the distress we feel from the perceived gap between the relationships we have and the relationships we think we need to have.

In other words, you have not learned to like your own company, to like yourself, to love yourself. You expect women to fill this gap of loneliness which results in neediness, desperation and emotional attachment to women.

But just like everyone else who is romantically unsuccessful you are chasing women as a solution/cure to your loneliness/depression. They are not! As a matter of fact, the more lonely you feel and the more you need them, the more they will run away from you. It’s like a guy who is desperate for work and promises to work for free as long as you give him good and a couple of bucks here and there, but you don’t hire him. Because nobody wants desperate needy people.

You are just chasing the wrong thing my friend. You need to learn to be happy by yourself, happy alone, enjoying your own company and cherishing yourself. Find a source of happiness that’s not women, but a hobby, purpose, career, etc. Even your focus on your career seems like a means to end to get women instead of something you actually enjoy and gives you fulfillment.

And I guarantee you, the minute you start loving yourself and enjoying the person you are and life you’ve built, women will come into your life like never before.

MSHUser · 2024-10-18T03:55:49+00:00

"Years of experience and of shitty relationships due to playing some very manipulative dark triad stuff on women has emotionally scarred me so now ironically I am quite easily annoyed by women and that dark triad stuff no longer works nor do I have the energy or ability to perform it anymore.

I'm tired bros. Not sure what to do. All I can do is work on my inner game, keep working my ass off with my career, make more money and just somehow try to ignore this gaping hole in my heart and soul."

I didn't get laid like crazy like you did, but I understand this position as I was there myself. It's not about the inner game, but it's about your strategy. I see strategies as magnets of the complimentary. What this means is whatever strategy that you take, you'll attract a specific kind of person into your life due to that strategy being complimentary towards the person attracted to it. In your case, you played some manipulative dark triad game and you did attract and had sex with these women. So it does work, but ask yourself this. What type of women were they? They could be women who themselves play these types of games and like the fact that you play it better, or maybe they were insecure enough to respond to these types of games, or maybe they were secure women who just liked the masculine energy you were putting off (which meant they probably didn't see or realize your manipulative side.)

I make it an effort to weed these girls out as I don't want to use dark triad to attract women. Whatever woman that's attracted to the dark triad, I'm sure they're the kind of woman I don't want to deal with. I'd potentially be attracting women who aren't secure enough to have a relationship with, or they too play manipulative games which quite frankly I'm tired of playing games like this.

What I do now is I integrated everything I learned about dating and courtship with completely being myself. I'm active when it comes to meeting women, but I don't use the dark triad stuff to increase my chances of getting together with her. In fact, I observe how they respond to me when I be myself. If they show me they're not interested or act in a way I gotta invest more in her, then I leave that situation and let another man find her.

"I'm tired and I just want some girl to be there for me. And I have become impatient with them and their silly games, their shittests I just can't handle anymore past a certain point and I get so triggered by it that I flip out." Been there too, that's why I only focus on the ones I do find attractive. Even then they gotta make it easy for me. I'll approach them and talk to them, but they gotta be receptive and not play the games. If they do, I'm out. I recently talked to a girl who I thought was into me from the event, and when I text her she made it hard for me esp when she wouldn't answer the questions I was asking her and took days to respond to me. I basically dropped it and moved on from that.

All and all man, I don't think you need to work on your inner game or even improve your game. I think you need to put more focus on enjoying your life such as your hobbies, hanging out with your friends, doing cool shit, etc. Let meeting girls be the side effect of that. That doesn't mean you stop approaching women, obv if you see one you find attractive go ahead and approach her, but just switch your mindset to just enjoying your life and being you. You can tap into your 10 years to know which girls are interested in you, use that to find those who positively respond to you when you're just being yourself without the dark triad shit.

This article might have some insight for you as it heavily relates to your experience: https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/the-real-definition-of-romantic-success/

HomelessMilkman · 2024-10-18T08:32:19+00:00

all that really matters, fundamentally is inner game

I say this all of the time but most don't want to hear it, they want the 'easy' answer. I mean, it's no suprise that you have to put in the work, actually change yourself and 'be better'. The only thing that you have that can tangibly make a difference in the interaction is 'how you feel', everything else you have to forget about. It's 'subconscious competence' or nothing.

That being said, most inner game advice is 'trash' too. There's a lot of 'what', but not 'how'. 'Be outcome independant', yeah but how. 'Be non-needy', yeah but how. 'Be charismatic', yeah but how. I don't know, for me, the answers of those questions are 'learning game'; not describing how you should behave, how do you change? How do you bridge the gap? What's stopping and limiting yourself? People don't answer those questions, at that point they just say 'go out'; you'll embody it in some way by 'accident' through sheer force, or give up.

I've also been doing it for 10 years at this point and fortunately, I had to initiate 'change' to get in the ring in the first place.

You need 'The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle' to disconnect from all of the 'mental drama' and focus on what's actually running you, the sensations behind all of it.
You need 'Letting Go by David Hawkins' to learn how to process and let go of said feelings (trauma).
You need 'Bioenergetics' to let go of the muscular tension you use to hold back and repress these feelings.

Again, a lot of this 'seduction' stuff is just 'empty words' and 'empty ideas'. There is some value in it, it does push you in the right direction or it least it should. However, if you aren't gaining self-esteem from it, if you don't feel 'lighter', less tense, have a greater capacity to deal with all situations (not just women), it's not doing anything; you aren't being or becoming 'that character'.

It's perspective. Ultimately there's no real point in anything besides your journey, you have to experience life through your point of view; so, the only thing that actually matters is taking care of yourself.

any change has been cyclical not progressive

You have to really audit what you're spending your time on. It's not an accident, it's not random, you get out what you put in. Again, are a lot of people on a 'fools errand'? maybe. Especially those who desperately want a relationship but don't want to learn how to engage women, a lot of people need to sit down and think about what they're doing.

That being said, sometimes you have to go through the pain and the diffculty first hand to get the lesson. As long as you take the lesson moving forward, that's all that it's there for.

Longjumping_Act9758 · 2024-10-18T00:18:53+00:00

There's a pandemic of lonely men that's been completely overshadowed by the "Me too" movement

The actions of a few shady, manipulative men has had extremely negative effects on the rest of us. A womans accusation has the power to damage a powerful guy regardless of the evidence, while she walks scott-free.

I get women from time to time but the dating seen is completely different. I remember walking down the street in Toronto a few days ago. There were these girls not too far from me all dressed up with make-up. One was talking about how she's disgusted by a guy trying to date her while the other said something along the lines of "you know we aren't supposed to talk this blatantly about the other gender".

Women in this society hate alot of men. If you go out as a single male you'll experience it first hand.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-10-18T06:19:29+00:00

Sounds like this isn't just a problem with women. Just going from your post, it seems like you might not have friends to spend time with, either.

Don't spend so much time on your career that you forget to have a life. I made that mistake the hard way and spent my 30s grinding as hard as I could and neglected the relationships in my life. I'm in my 40s now and trying to rebuild them.

I'm not sure what you mean by "dark triad", but I'm guessing it means, "be a manipulative asshole to women". I used to be that guy in my 20s, too. I've been back in the game for a few years, and I've taken what I've learned back then and used it to great success without all the toxic women hating bullshit that I used to have in my head. Women are really drawn to guys that know how to seduce without being an ass, lol.

rohit969 · 2024-10-17T22:57:09+00:00

You might still lack game even if you have 10 years of experience.

Ask yourself this - " within those 10 years how did i approach these women ? were my conversation starters bad ? were my conversations bad ? did i show enough sexual intent ? how did i lead all those girls in the past 10 years ? Was i on autopilot ? "

reevaluate this and then you will know where and how to begin with and how bad actually your game is.

boydsmith111 · 2024-10-17T23:03:58+00:00

I would like to suggest a non-game related resource which would likely fill the hole in your heart

Wholeness Work(pick the new book which was released this year) by Connirae Andreas. It is free on kindle unlimited

The book is full of practical exercises do them all - they are simple. The What's missing process from there book will likely help you here

Test this and let me know how it works

Iamamindfullsoul · 2024-10-17T22:17:05+00:00

Looks do matter to a great level. Also does confidence. All the girls I pulled I didn’t even try. I it noted them and they wanted me. Show no interest. Initial contact is necessary. After that showing interest is their job not yours. If you are overly confident and cocky that makes them hot for you. I pulled hot women when I was cocky as fuck. I look very handsome as told by multiple women. But I see other model type guys I see myself as a solid 7 or 8 look wise and body wise. I have pulled girls when I was unfit but was acting cockier. Looks and fitness level and body fat level matters a lot.

CancelTraining7677 · 2024-10-17T22:35:48+00:00

Essentially this is the thing. Women are not there for you. They are not trying to chase you. Everything happens on their watch not ours. The dark triad (like direct violence) historically does not work. Why would we do all of this, have all these forums, if we had the upper hand? I'm not ready to blame this on academic feminism, for the most part girls are just behaving as natural as ever. We appeal to their nature, they are the immovable object that has a nature and that doesn't change, we are the ones who do things to attract them. And them us too, but for the most part the ones we want are standing still and completely unaware of us, initially. So what's the deal? The problem is me... Ok what is the problem? I lack patience, I want it all too fast I can't deal with the wait I can't deal with any of it I want a girl to fill the gap i have. What's that gap? I don't feel fulfilled, things aren't working as I want them to. Ok so I need to fix a few things, I need to sort that out

To add a further layer to this problem. I actually just want to have sex for its own sake sometimes and it's a lot of effort seeking ONS every time I want to do that

Biscuitsbrxh · 2024-10-17T21:26:54+00:00

Work on yourself?

nordik1 · 2024-10-17T22:19:00+00:00

And for what? So I can end up with some naggy lady who tags along everywhere I go and won’t stop complaining? What’s the end game?

This is actually a huge point to think about in this modern dating scene and i don’t see it talked about enough. There’s usually a bunch of dudes saying they just want a girl to love blah blah

When you’ve experienced a relationship for years and years, this point right here becomes a serious consideration. Add in the fact that this dating scene is more of a mess than it’s ever been and it quickly becomes a question of “what is the end game here?”

Casually dating for lays is fine, but if you do get to a point of wanting to settle down, it’s hard to make sense of it being worth it. You’re basically willingly accepting a bad deal and there are very few quality options to even take on in the first place.

KoleSekor · 2024-10-18T02:11:42+00:00

Probably the most difficult part of women is being able to "Walk the Line" where you "actually like her" but can still make her chase you. If you don't like the women enough where your underlying energy and vibes speak that you "actually like her", you're going to fail.

InstructionAbject763 · 2024-10-18T04:29:25+00:00

If your view of a relationship is a nagging wife and divorce

You don't want a relationship

You want the fake idealized Disney version you have in your head

Yes. You're inviting a woman into your life. Yes. You have to show her why she should stay and join

She's 100% happy alone

As we say. You aren't competing with other men. You're competing with the peace her solitude brings her

When you see it as rolling g out the red carpet. Versus showing her, hey, I can take care of you, if you take care of me

You already assume there's a list of things a girlfriend can do for you, hence why you want one

You have to show her you can give her those same benefits

Cuz, a lot of things, like sex. Aren't as important for women. Money as well. We are also a little less lonely because we usually rely on friends, family, and community

Thus, as a man, you have to show us you can be all of that in one person, like you expect us to be. And assume we should automatically just be that for you without insurance you'll do the same

(We have drastically less time than you, and are the ones risking our lives and jobs, and social standing by having a child with you)

Meaning she has a lot to lose if she chooses wrong. Death. Single motherhood. Which comes with shame and stigma

Or, she gets with you, and yall get divorced. If she has kids it's harder for her to start over again

So, again, you javelin to show her that not only won't those bad things happen, but you can make her life better if she joins your life

But. If you assume all a marriage is is a nagging wife. Don't get married.

icallmaudibs · 2024-10-18T04:53:48+00:00

Yo man I know that feelin and I feel you too because it's lonely at the top my playa ain't no one on this level 🎩🤜

ovnf · 2024-10-18T07:35:30+00:00

What manipulative dark triad were the most successful based on your experience?

miyass_miyass · 2024-10-18T07:42:29+00:00

I often criticise people in here who suggest seeing a therapist as some sort of panacea for dating issues.

But this is not one of those case. You are one of the people that would actually benefit from seeing a therapist.

MorganScott616 · 2024-10-18T12:29:15+00:00

Whats your relationship with Jesus like? He filled this void in my soul. Since strengthening my relationship with him I never feel alone

CharmingRejector · 2024-10-18T13:22:57+00:00

Sounds like you need Brent Smith, the lifestyle coach and not the musician. You need to find the joy in female companionship, and for that you have to let go of all the PU bs and instead focus on yourself, your inner game, your story, and not least your boundaries. For instance, if you want to meet up with a girl, make it clear that you're only ready for a purely sexual relationship right now. She'd be abusing you if she demanded a "friendship" or anything degrading like that. Use it also for romantic relationship, simply be clear that you're not into women who only do one-night-stands. If she likes you, she's gotta be romantic, and want to go steady. If not, you're not interested, and you're better off not seeing her at all. Ironically, women respect guys who are up-front and easy to understand like that way more than guys who use all these manipulative, dark triad or not, in order to get her to do something she might actually not be comfortable doing. Moreover, by actively setting boundaries like that, you effortlessly become the prize. You become the guy with a high (moral) standard. I think looking into that approach would help you a lot. Well, with only one caveat. Brent's old stuff is notoriously hard to find these days. Best of luck!

_aubergine_lover · 2024-10-17T21:15:29+00:00

Wrong. All that matters is LOOKS. Yours and mine are clearing lacking. I have been in the game for six years and not a single lay or even a hand hold.

I am about to blow this subreddit to kingdom come!

Title	10 years experience with game and dealing with loneliness still
Author	CancelTraining7677
Upvotes	47
Comments	88
Date	October 17, 2024 8:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1g61556/10_years_experience_with_game_and_dealing_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/10-years-experience-with-game-and-dealing-with.1533558 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533558

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