Becoming an "Alpha" Male

Recently I've been reflecting on how changing your mindset from being a "beta" male to an "alpha" male can cause a significant impact on your game, likely more than anything else. In light of this, I decided to write up a list of what I've done/changed to become more alpha, and invite others to add/contribute anything I may have missed or forgotten:

 

First, a definition of what it is to be alpha and why it is important:

 

An alpha male is the dominant male in a particular group of people. Why is this important? Because from an evolutionary perspective, woman seek mates who display the qualities of an alpha male, as this man will likely increase the survival odds of their offspring, by being able to protect the child, feed the child, and teach the child to in turn protect and feed themselves. More so, as they are in charge of or highly placed in their social group, everybody else respects them, and will try to help and protect the alpha male and his family. While not as important now as it was in the days when human's lived in small isolated tribes, it is an intrinsic part of our psychology, with woman still being hard wired to look for these men. In short, Survival of the fittest, and the alpha male IS the fittest.

 

How to be an Alpha Male:

 

To actually become the alpha male is both incredibly simple and difficult at the same time. Your end goal, is, as mentioned above, to become the dominant male in your social group. In its simplest form, you must always [i]appear[/i] to be in charge. When you walk into a room with strangers, people need to instantly recognize that you are a high value man, who is in charge wherever he goes. However simply walking into said room and declaring that you are in charge will not net you the desired effect. People will scoff at you, think you pompous, maybe resent you for it, but they will most definitely NOT instantly accept your command. So how do you set yourself apart from others, draw respect from those around you and become the leader of this group of people? Most of this stuff you have already heard, read about countless times. Any technique you may have learnt about concerning pick up has the idea of being alpha at it’s core. Any routines you have learnt, lines you have memorised, are all designed to showcase your ‘alphaness’ (Is there a word for that?). Displaying higher value, storytelling, humour, body language, eye contact and the list goes on. All these things are taught simply to make you look alpha, whether you are or not.

 

Mystery lists six characteristics which he believes make up an alpha male:

1) Smile

2) Be well groomed

3) Possess a good sense of humour

4) Connect with people

5) Be the social centre of the room

6) Confidence

 

A lot of these overlap, some are more important than others, and in my opinion he has left out a few things, but it’s a good place to start. I’ve decided to group them into 3 broader equally important categories: Body Language, Behaviour and Confidence.

 

Body Language:

 

This involves Mystery’s first characteristic, as well as other alpha signals displayed by you body language. As I’m sure you’ve heard, 80%, or some other similar number, of communication is non-verbal. Entire books have been written on the subject of improving your body language, and putting it all down here would take forever. So I’m going to summarise what you need to do, and include a short description of how to do it instead.

 

Smile: It conveys to people that you’re having fun, and are enjoyable to be around. The best smile is not an instant, quick smile, but rather one which develops slowly, seeping into every crevice of your face. This makes it seem more personal and a free commodity. So smile slowly, and with your entire face, especially the eyes.

 

Eye Contact*: Always make eye contact. Glancing down or away shows that you believe them to be higher value then you, or are not confident enough in yourself to look them in the eye. When someone is speaking to you, or you are speaking to somebody, keep eye contact with them constantly. When you are speaking to a group of people, slowly move your gaze across the group, making brief eye contact with everybody, a few seconds each. Rinse, repeat. Always focus on one eye, do not flit between different eyes. To make it seem more intense, try to see your reflection in the person’s pupil, to them it will feel like you are seeing their very soul.

 

Posture and Walk*: Very simple. Backs straight, shoulders back, always look ahead, never at your feet. This is maybe the most important thing here. When you go from slouching and staring at the ground to walking upright and making eye contact with those around you, the entire world will open up. For walking, try to emulate a gunslinger walk, good article here.

 

Movement: Move slowly and confidently. When you hear somebody call your name behind you, don’t jerk your head around, trying to get to them as quickly as possible, turn around slowly. It makes you look more in charge of the situation, more in control. Somebody who moves slowly and smoothly is a lot more at ease then somebody who moves in quick jerky movements

 

Arms: Don’t cross your arms. This indicates being closed off. When you talk, use arm gestures, don’t leave them hanging limp by your sides. Having said that, don’t overdo it either.

 

Behavior:

 

This is what you’ve likely been studying and reading whenever you look at PUA guides. This includes displaying higher value, having a good sense of humour, not letting people step all over you. I’ll include a few links to other good articles concerning this topic, but most importantly, remember to be nice, and never act like a jerk.

Articles to read:

• Law of Least Effort

• Framing

• Hoop Theory

I couldn’t find a good article on this, but basically, when somebody asks you to do something, they are presenting you a hoop, a compliance test. Instead of just jumping through the hoop, offer them up one of your own instead, and when they jump through it, then reward them by jumping through their hoop.

 

Example:

Her: Can you please change the channel to something better (She has presented you a hoop)

You: Can you please pass me the remote? (In turn present your own hoop)

Passes you remote (She has jumped through your hoop)

Change channel (You can now jump through her hoop)

 

Confidence:

 

By far the biggest one. In fact, then entire body language section is simply there to make you look confident. While you may be shy now, becoming confident is surprisingly easy to do. Have you heard the phrase, “Fake it till you make it”? Well this is a case where faking it IS making it. Whenever you are out in public repeat to yourself, ‘I am the shit’ ‘I am an alpha male’ ‘I am in charge of my surroundings’ ‘She will like me because I am amazing’. When you’ve done this enough times, you will end up internalising it. There is a large danger of inflating your own ego and becoming an arrogant asshole here, so try to avoid that. The next step is to become outcome independent and change ‘She will like me’ to ‘I’ll be fine regardless of whether or not she likes me’. This method of growing confidence may be flawed, and I invite others to suggest different methods, but the short of it is, you must get to the point where you truly believe and have internalized the fact that you are a high value man, who is independent from the thoughts and actions of those around him.

 

Please add anything I may have forgotten, left out or gotten wrong in the comments and I will add/correct it

 

EDIT: Formatting, Typos