Can someone explain this behaviour?

norwegiandoggo · 2021-09-19T14:15:45+00:00

You're going backwards in the dating process. She invited you on a date. Let's, as an example, say that asking someone on a date is step 20. Then you ask her how she's doing, which we could call step 1. Instead of going all the way back to step 1, you should have moved to step 21, which would be discussing logistics for the date. Strike while the iron is hot. Don't wait and ask how she's doing. You're way past that stuff now

jordan20x1 · 2021-09-19T20:53:32+00:00

Bro like why this shit gotta be so difficult.

wolflion20 · 2021-09-19T16:14:50+00:00

You failed to take initiative. Girls are boring. You have to plan and navigate everything.

FarWeird6094 · 2021-09-19T22:50:20+00:00

You're thinking about it too much. In fact, you could have let her reach out to you. Since you initiated, all you had to say was "It was nice meeting you last night, lets grab drinks this weekend" and waited for a response. I still recommend following up and taking lead and picking a bar to go to. However, you overreacting over being left on read is more concerning. You should be so busy and focused working on your own life and hobbies that things like this don't phase you.

Imwaymoreflythanyou · 2021-09-19T17:03:40+00:00

Women tend to be into you drunk then sober up and feel the exact opposite, don’t take it to heart. Also she could just be busy tbh.

LakersAreTerrible25 · 2021-09-19T23:22:43+00:00

She grabbed your insta is already a receipe for disaster

JayTP218 · 2021-09-20T01:42:01+00:00

This happened to me a bunch of times. What’s happening she’s testing for validation. Once she got the validation and attention from you, she loses interest. She’ll drop bait or keep leading you on if she feels you’re loosing interest. This type of girls feeds off on ml]ale attention. Don’t worry, happened to me like 4 times from dates on tinder, I was like wtf am I doing wrong? Messed with my mind too. People like to play games. Just keep talking to girls, and asking girls out. I was so confused too. Then boom, I met my gf. When they like you, they like you. And she was honestly hotter than the previous 4 girls who were playing games. My gf was just straight up, I asked her out, she said yes. Focus on yes girls, forget wishy washy maybe girls. Time wasters

ManginaSniper · 2021-09-19T14:37:36+00:00

Forget she exists, and continue doing you. She'll eventually booty call, not giving her free attention is like kryptonite to women. Do it, you'll see.

what-diddy-what-what · 2021-09-20T01:32:22+00:00

Give her another day then message her: "Don't tell me you're playing hard to get already, we haven't even had our first drink! ;) "

If she doesn't respond move on.

blueunochalice · 2021-09-19T18:18:00+00:00

Asking her how she's doing is the most mundane thing to ask to a girl. Literally anything else even some absurd question would do better

cozyidealist181 · 2021-09-19T23:41:28+00:00

Express to her whatever actually excites you at whatever part of your relationship to her you are at. You don't need to figure out what she is thinking. That's not your part of the relationship (and I use that word very generally). The only business you have when it comes to her choices is to accept and respect them, see them in a positive light, and not insist she acts a certain way.

For example, you might wonder about things like "when do I ask for her number?" Simple... *when do you actually have a desire/need to have her number?* Usually at the end of an interaction when you need her number to be in contact with her because you feel you would like to keep in touch, or maybe in the conversation something comes up where you know you'll want to let her know something.

But really I see nothing at all wrong with opening with "how are you doing?" And then after a little exchange you could follow up on the drinks thing. You really didn't do anything wrong. The only way you might make a mess of things here is by judging yourself based on what you did or what you think she was supposed to do.

Just get super clear in your actions with expressing you what excites you to girls without taking any of what any of them do as meaning something bad about you. When it doesn't bother you anymore that a girl doesn't respond (because you know it has nothing to do with you, and you know you have plenty of access to what you're looking for) then things will be working out smoothly with the right girls for you. That's when you'll really be being yourself, communicating clearly, without neediness and insecurity, with natural confidence that'll make whatever you do or say work. It's really not about the details... it's about how you feel and that comes across a certain way whether you say "hey, what's up" or "wanna get those drinks?"

Algo2Pete · 2021-09-20T00:01:54+00:00

Personally,, I'd move on, don't waste another minute on her. Most women are fucking bipolar. Invest the times on yourself instead.

mishaxz · 2021-09-19T18:50:23+00:00

Sorry for the stupid question but what does "left you on read" mean?

TheSunshineMan · 2021-09-19T23:10:12+00:00

100% normal..

Men ghost, women ghost...

If she comes back around, cool, if she's cool.

It doesn't really matter as you're talking to 20 new girls a week.

ProdigalSon231 · 2021-09-20T13:37:28+00:00

The way girls act at parties and after are two different things. I’d say don’t worry about. I’ve had girls make out w me at parties and then act like they don’t want to talk on subsequent dates. Once some of them drink a little bit they become completely different people.

Advice for you: You’re feeling a girl. At the very least ask for her insta. Not the other way around. I’d say try and get concrete plans in as soon as possible, in person. Like for over the weekend going to get coffee or something.

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-09-20T18:57:29+00:00

She's an (I assume) young pretty girl, she has a lot of options. Don't hate the player, hate the game... If she was interested she would be blowing your phone up. It's just fun to see how many numbers she can get. Its shallow but that's what hot girls do.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-19T16:04:19+00:00

She was chasing you and you should have played it like that. Instead, you messaged her asking her what's up. That's weak even if you were the one initating the whole thing. Why can't men just be straight forward and specific and say "I want to take you out on a date this Wednesday or Thursday. Let me know what works for you and I will pick you up at 8pm".

ZeevR · 2021-09-19T16:37:28+00:00

It's called being busy. If she likes you she'll get back to you. Sometimes I'm so busy I take a week to get back to my best friends.

bandsupjay · 2021-09-19T14:04:15+00:00

Who knows. She did say for getting drinks “sometime”, so maybe shes tryna keep you as an option till its time. But im not her usable tampon, neither are u so id get rid of that bitch in a heartbeat. Just play it smooth, leave her on read back and see if she chases a little when she hits you back. Or you can tease her about it, really up to you bro. Don’t let her come back open arms though after leaving you on read, thats disrespectful. Isn’t shit to play games with a girl if you have options though. She could also be busy but if it’s for awhile you know whats up

Ecstatic-Flounder-48 · 2021-09-19T18:46:05+00:00

Could've been a power trip. She talked to you, maybe you gave the impression that you weren't into her, so she bit and tried to get you interested.

Now you messaged first so she's all like "oh wow, he's into me after all. (here comes the ego boost),"

and then she ghosts, because conquest achieved.

Before you guys say I might be wrong, realize so many women are on tinder, etc just to boost their egos whenever they feel ugly by looking at who they matched with...

Ok_Pension_2064 · 2021-09-19T14:40:30+00:00

You should’ve let her message you and also stop caring

MephistosFallen · 2021-09-19T20:47:48+00:00

Refresh her memory, she may not remember as much from the night before as you do.

Altruistic-Ad-1117 · 2021-09-20T02:48:42+00:00

Even though you messaged her asking how she was doing which is a good starter, you could have messaged her saying “ So, about this date. When would you like to catch up for drinks ?” Something along those lines

LWLD · 2021-09-19T19:06:59+00:00

Same shit happened to me

IamtheDanr · 2021-09-19T19:18:07+00:00

She's likely busy

2021-09-19T21:34:06+00:00

Instagram? I guess she sees you as a fan

Nofapdeity · 2021-09-19T22:40:08+00:00

I cannot stand online activity anymore when it comes to dating. I’m going to start only texting for logistics I swear.

cormacru999 · 2021-09-19T23:23:25+00:00

One, I'd need to know how long its been since you sent that message & she hasn't replied because there can be dozens of reasons she hasn't replied that don't involve her deciding to never speak to you again. Second, even if she had fun, she's not obligated to follow through & if she doesn't, you just move on. She may have had a few drinks, enjoyed the evening but rethought things, she may be shy when not drinking, she may have heard something negative about you, I mean there's no system to women, you can't look at this experience & say oh yeah, here's what definitely happened.

Humans are complicated & messy. You win some, you lose some but the best thing you can do is let it go if she never replies. Don't keep trying, don't harass her if you see her at another party. But also, Instagram is not really what I would be using for a date.

prominentoverthinker · 2021-09-19T23:59:20+00:00

Now say something like “I have some free time on Friday night and I want to get drinks and get to know you”.

MetaphysicPhilosophy · 2021-09-20T00:16:54+00:00

Don’t take it personally. There is no objective explanation. She must have just been confused in what she wanted. I say it is just best to move on. Don’t waste your energy on women that can’t make up their mind.

Stujitsu2 · 2021-09-20T02:05:07+00:00

If I were you I would wait 3-5 days and shoot another shot by inviting her to do something specific. Sometimes a woman loosing interest has nothing to do with you. She may be involved with someone.

In any case use the phone to make plans, not be her pen pal

JoeTheExotic · 2021-09-20T02:29:18+00:00

Wait a few days before you ask something like this 😂. I’ve been left on ‘read’ for a day or two before I got a response. Relax

Lov3sin · 2021-09-20T03:32:17+00:00

Like Luna said say something sarcastic then fallow up with asking how does her schedule look like to know what day to tell her to meet up

serdarsam · 2021-09-20T06:57:38+00:00

You should've just waited for her to get back. Especially you shouldn't have written to her the next day. You showed her your cards that you are needy and she didn't like them.

Kartikey15 · 2021-09-20T07:24:49+00:00

She's confused i guess. She is not sure that she is interested in you or not. Maybe she recently broke up with someone and was trying to move on. But later she changed her mind. I say to hell with she's interested or not, just go and ask her what happened, just for the sake of knowing that it was something you did or something from her side!

UniqueUserName2017 · 2021-09-20T07:37:37+00:00

Well, with girls you should always expect a no, ALWAYS. Girls have lots and lots of options, and girls can go through many moods in one day (sorry) Sometimes you may send a good message in a wrong time (for them) that blows your chance, its not your fault. She could be being pulled back by an ex, had better options (for her) or any other random thing that may have changed her mind.

Abundace is key

Ashamed-Height1106 · 2021-09-20T10:56:45+00:00

She was drunk yeah?

bridgetthebanker · 2021-09-20T14:18:57+00:00

Don’t even give it a second thought. Move on. If women want to spend time with you they will make an effort. Next!!!

what_to_do_next · 2021-09-20T17:49:56+00:00

She was drunk.

Title	Can someone explain this behaviour?
Author	HappyGreenPanda
Upvotes	91
Comments	70
Date	September 19, 2021 1:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pr8d08/can_someone_explain_this_behaviour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-someone-explain-this-behaviour.1275863 https://theredarchive.com/post/1275863

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