Let's stop saying "looks don't matter" because they absolutely do to the vast majority of people

refreshingface · 2022-09-13T22:01:17+00:00

A wise man once said...

Looks aren't everything. They are just 70 percent

incognito3107 · 2022-09-13T18:13:31+00:00

I think "Looks don't matter" means that extremely sweet emotions that are the basis of attraction between genders are not generated exclusively by physical appearance. It's a complex combination of traits that deeply affects hormonal system at a particular time.

jsbach123 · 2022-09-13T16:43:22+00:00

Nobody has said looks don't matter.

The only difference is, men are more critical about a woman's appearance whereas women are more forgiving over a man's appearance. That's why men watch porn way more than females.

Conversely, men are less critical about a woman's personality whereas women are less forgiving about a man's personality. She might not care if you're not super hot...but she's not tolerating your shit social skills and weak behavior.

For men, I agree that unless he has a severe deformity, any man can look decent through working out, dressing well and having a great haircut.

I remember me and my male buddies had to attend a friend's wedding. Normally, we look like shit because when hanging out, we don't care how we look. But when we were at the wedding, I thought "wow, those dudes look pretty sharp".

sparklingwinepapi92 · 2022-09-13T21:33:36+00:00

Can confirm your point OP. When I had a bit of extra weight, rounder babyish looking face, boyish looking haircut, dressed like I wore whatever my mother bought me from Target, didn't get much attention from the ladies.

When I got leaner, got a more mature looking haircut, grew out a bit of facial hair, started wearing more flattering clothes, all of a sudden the ladies wanted to give me more time of day.

Icy_Rub1839 · 2022-09-13T17:22:56+00:00

Absolutely correct and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is probably trying to sell you something.

They're not EVERYTHING but they need to find you at least decent looking to have a chance.

booniedog1 · 2022-09-13T20:31:42+00:00

If they didn't matter then I would have a match on Hinge by now. I have a completed profile, decent pictures, and I respond to girls' prompts. This does not mean they'll like me.

camxelite99 · 2022-09-13T18:38:27+00:00

What if I’m skinny would that be a dealbreaker?

VanillaCider2021 · 2022-09-13T21:46:20+00:00

Let's put it this way - Looks get you in the door

A good looking guy gets more room for error vs average guys.

My friend probably has better game than me, but I am much better looking. I can mess up and the girls will think I am "funny, cute, etc". If he messes up they think he's "weird, creepy, etc". Being good looking makes you "Visually trustworthy", so initially it gives you a chance with most girls.

That being said looks matter way more for guys! How often do you see beautiful women with ugly men? A LOT!

But, how often do you see really handsome rich guys with ugly women? RARELY

I live in Miami and my city is full of ugly dudes with hot chicks.

Neo-Rio · 2022-09-14T00:28:32+00:00

The OP has posted a beginner topic, "assumption of physical appearance" post, so will probably get modded. This is a seduction forum, where the aim is to attract a sexual partner IN SPITE OF looks.

Besides, you can't change how your face looks (short of going under the knife), but you can always work out - so do that. You can also dress differently, although I've found that dressing up really dapper actually harms your chances. Additionally you might even consider going someplace else in the world where you are "the type" that people there are after.

Other than that you can't do much about your appearance, so stop worrying about it. Concentrate on seducing despite however you look.

omega05 · 2022-09-13T19:40:58+00:00

Looks is still something you as a man can work on. Clear up that acne, straighten those teeth, get a haircut, lose that weight, dress like you read GQ, pull up your pants, wear fitting clothes, walk tall, smile.

Dianabayyebii · 2022-09-13T18:44:30+00:00

The good thing is, “looks” are subjective. Attraction to these looks is what matters.

Outrageous_Current63 · 2022-09-13T20:13:14+00:00

Money and social status matter much more especially money

dump_fool · 2022-09-13T17:17:47+00:00

This is one of the most sane post in a while here. It should be pinned.

The majority of couples have matched looks

This is what i constantly observe and my ex partners had facial features similar to mine or a semblance of my parents.

Suzi Malin wrote a book "Love At First Sight" on assortative mating.

Those that say "looks don't matter" are bullshitting or have no observation skills or try to sell you their newest and greatest PUA book/course.

rusty344 · 2022-09-13T18:35:03+00:00

No one says looks don’t matter outside of pick up artists trying to sell you a course my guy

adolfotex · 2022-09-13T17:18:32+00:00

I also want to add that some people have different standards than others, but even to those people looks still matter, it's just a different spectrum. It's easy to sit there and say looks don't matter when it's not your own problem, as that's generally how it happens. You notice how it's never the people that can't get dates that say that looks don't matter? It's always coming from someone that doesn't have trouble with dating.
That's not to say that personality isn't super important. It absolutely is. Looks can get you in the door but personality keeps you there. The problem is, you can have the best personality on the planet but without the looks to get you in the door you're still stuck outside.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-09-13T20:31:23+00:00

Looks plays a small role. For some girls its more than others, but its not a huge factor. If guys insist on this being such a big deal, then knock yourself out with your limiting beliefs. Your not improving your chances with women by insisting looks matter.

Maximize your looks, and put the rest of your focus on how you communicate with women. Its what triggers most attraction and its whats mostly in your control. Don't be a loser and blame your lack of looks for why you can't do well with women.

Ryakuya · 2022-09-13T21:58:21+00:00

If you are a guy looks genuinely don’t matter. Assuming that you have basic grooming. Investing to much into your looks is even seen as feminine.

Being good with words will bring you way more..

2022-09-13T17:13:03+00:00

For guys they genuinely don't

lifeintraining · 2022-09-13T19:59:39+00:00

Hey, you’re the guy who got lit up for posting this in that other quarantined forum.

finsnfeathers · 2022-09-13T19:11:58+00:00

They do but have some of you redditors seen what you look like? You could easily improve yourself 1-3 points by getting a solid haircut and good fitting clothes. And it has nothing to do with you being ugly or overweight or not

Shoutout r/MaleHairAdvice and r/MaleFashionAdvice

DarkSun18 · 2022-09-13T20:14:59+00:00

I've never seen anyone say that looks don't matter period. What I see often and agree with as that looks alone aren't everything and that a great personality an elevate someone's looks and make them more attractive to you.

Domin8u315 · 2022-09-13T21:07:25+00:00

I have to see myself being able to kiss them.

GO_Zark · 2022-09-13T21:37:49+00:00

Being physically attractive in social situations is much like having a handicap in a round of golf. You have to do less work to get to the same end result - less work to wind up in bed with her than your less attractive buddies.

Is it possible to be a short fat ugly smelly weird guy and still pull stunners? Sure, it's possible. Usually men in that category have something else going for them - a handicap that doesn't rely on their looks. Money is a common handicap. Status and lifestyle are less common, but also powerful. Looks are the easiest thing for most men to set straight in a short period of time.

You can't do anything about your height, not really. You can absolutely change your fitness level, your style, your grooming, your smell, your vibe, and your personality. All of these things tell a woman something about who you are as a person. Every time you step out of the house, you are broadcasting the things that matter to you with those attributes (and others). You could overcome low scores in the rest of those areas with a 10/10 rockstar personality with some women, but not with others.

No one with any sort of experience is saying that looks don't matter - they absolutely do. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably trying to sell you their "six weeks to 100 lays" program and will disappear once the PayPal F&F transaction clears.

billoverbeck00 · 2022-09-13T21:44:33+00:00

Girls appreciate the small things until you give them a small penis

2022-09-13T22:23:46+00:00

Looks don't matter should not be taken literally.

What it actually means is "ugliness can be overcome"

hustledontstop · 2022-09-13T22:43:43+00:00

You said that most couples are matched. So if looks matter, they only matter to the degree that they match who you're looking for.

E.g. If you want a hot model blonde then you better be a hot model Chad or have equivalent social skills or lifestyle/money..

Think_History_5682 · 2022-09-13T23:04:35+00:00

The people that say looks don't mater are generally not attractive and female.... But ask them to date a big hairy obese guy with with messed up teeth anf and they'll change their mind ha ha I've seen the exact scenario many times.. Such hypocrites

-Rixi · 2022-09-13T23:13:25+00:00

Beauty is subjective. Doesn't matter. Some girls don't even like it when you get jacked.

Ulq-kn · 2022-09-13T23:19:58+00:00

i'm literally stuck in a situation rn about this, i've been talking these days to a girl on ig and i like her personality and we have similar interests but i can't really find her attractive and i'm still trying to convince myself that personality is more important

officernogentleman · 2022-09-14T00:43:27+00:00

You’re right. It’s possible to improve. It’s also possible to stagnate for years without progress without significant help. Above average is a reasonable goal, though. People who are stagnating are already above average.
Never listen to advice from someone on what they want. Men and women both have an idea of what they want but they are also easily impressed by things they don’t describe.

dobbs1997 · 2022-09-14T00:53:02+00:00

They matter as far as your appearance & hygiene, but this whole thing about having to be tall and in shape, nah…also looks are subjective so you may think two people have matched looks but the woman in that equation may think the dude is way better looking than her or vice versa…another thing too is that you’re listening to what women say, & that’s not to say they’re bullshitting or they’re not to be listened to with certain things but when it comes to dating they can say they want one thing but go for the complete opposite. They may say they prefer a dude who’s in above average shape but end up fucking a dude who’s a bit chubby but has a solid mouthpiece and can stimulate her mind..There’s more to it than just the looks.

jgesch · 2022-09-14T01:23:21+00:00

Rejector not rejectee. I agree with what you’re saying.

ShinyVegeta · 2022-09-14T01:27:22+00:00

Im a man and i have had countless time and experiences with girl whom i didn’t find attractive at all at first , there was even once when my cousin liked a girl and kept talking about her and i was baffled, i was like how she is not attractive at all and i ended up fall in love with her later, Looks are a thing that you perceive and your emotions and feeling about them can 100% change with personality

ski1999 · 2022-09-14T01:36:27+00:00

During my high school days i managed to flirt with one of the most beautiful girls of school for 5 months. And i would rate my appearence as 7/10 at those days. I wasnt brave enough to put that relation to the next level and other guys attempts were really bothering me. Decided to leave it there and then she decide to find new guys to hang with. It changes from women to women. No every women searching for handsome.

hipjdog · 2022-09-14T01:37:08+00:00

Looks matter, but it's very different for men and women.

For men, there is a lot you can do to compensate for not being generically handsome. Going to the gym, good clothes, personality, style, etc. can all compensate big time.

For beautiful women, a good portion of their life is defined by their looks. Almost every interaction she's had with a man since she was 13 is influenced by it. She will become socialized very early on as people are always approaching her.

For unattractive women a lack of looks or a weight problem is very limiting. She can have the best personality every but it won't matter if a guy is not attracted. I know a few women in my life who have good careers, are smart and fun, but because they are not conventionally pretty they are always single and don't have children.

TiedHands · 2022-09-14T01:59:38+00:00

It really is a played out trope that even that people that preach it don't believe. If looks didnt matter, you'd see a lot more couples where the woman is very attractive and the man isn't. And im not talking about just normal, average dudes. Im saying you'd see more couples where the woman is an 8 and the guy is a 4. Unless money is involved, you don't see that now.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-09-14T03:00:29+00:00

I mean you can always look better but to much is time is spent on guys looking good instead of guys “being sexually engaging “ with women Shit take a acting class , go on multiple dates Learn how to flirt watch James Bond , Robert Downey in iron man do Shit to learn how to get with more women increase the fuck rate

GabeDrumBeats7Seals · 2022-09-14T03:43:28+00:00

Facts

Pistachioooooooo · 2022-09-14T03:54:27+00:00

In the end, everyone has their own preferences. Just don't be a dick about it.

Aggressive-Prompt655 · 2022-09-14T04:14:57+00:00

This is nothing new. Most post and advice, if not all, mention your looks. They absolutely matter, no debating it.

wothead · 2022-09-14T04:35:26+00:00

Personality takes time to make an impression. If it is someone you do a repeating activity with (e.g., running groups), Personality gets more chance to be effective.

Matching on looks alone is also bound to fail if personalities didn't fit.

goinhigh · 2022-09-14T04:58:29+00:00

You're saying some truth man

Title	Let's stop saying "looks don't matter" because they absolutely do to the vast majority of people
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	303
Comments	87
Date	September 13, 2022 4:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xdc45r/lets_stop_saying_looks_dont_matter_because_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-stop-saying-looks-dont-matter-because-they.1250073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250073

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