[deleted by user]

RogerRockmore · 2022-03-11T02:30:42+00:00

Hey man I looked through your profile a bit, and you seem like a normal, cool guy. I'm 33 and still struggle with confidence at times, but it's gotten much better with constant work on whatever hobbies and goals are important to me. Some people, whether nature or nurture, didn't grow up believing in themselves and that's ok. Build up integrity with yourself by never quitting on whatever it is that's important to you (you can walk away by choice but that's different than quitting when times are tough). People will respect that, and you'll respect yourself. That respect will build confidence and it'll turn into a cycle.

Cowboy-as-a-cat · 2022-03-11T02:06:39+00:00

GYM GYM GYM.

If you’re not going what are you really doing? The gym makes me want to fuck myself (sadly I can’t). I get no bitches rn but at least I love myself, every day you go to the gym you get just a little bit more amazing which eventually compounds into being GODLIKE.

Also on a serious note, I feel like the gym helps with suicidal thoughts because you don’t want to waste those gains.

GKoala · 2022-03-11T02:15:03+00:00

Set and hit goals my guy. It's the only way. Gym is touted because it is the most easily available goal that is easily set and hit.

Ever wanted to achieve anything simply to say you did it? Go and do it. Then find something else and go do that too. Confidence in anything comes from repeated success. You're confident you can brush your teeth, you're confident you can put your clothes on. You're confident in those because you have done it many times with success.

What do you not feel confident about specifically?

theseoulplayer · 2022-03-11T09:06:33+00:00

I realize that a lot of people in this sub like simple one-line answers that don't do anything, but I'm going to try an actual step by step explanation for you of how to improve your confidence.

Confidence, and a lack thereof, usually comes down to congruence. Basically, if you're trying to act or talk one way but it's different than what you actually think and feel, it creates a rift in your head. You have a version of yourself that you feel is 'real' and another one that you feel is for others.

This usually stems from not liking certain aspects of yourself or thinking that others won't like those parts of you. If it's the first, then there are steps you can take to directly change those things about yourself so that you feel more comfortable about them. If it's the second, the 'easy' answer is fuck the haters, but I realize it's not always that simple. You might need to figure out why you care what the specific person / people think, particularly about whatever aspect of yourself you aren't showing.

Once you figure what is creating the rift in your head, decide what you want to do about it. Either change those aspects of yourself or embrace them... but you must OWN that decision. In that moment, you make a conscious decision of who you are. Most people simply take an amalgamation of their culture and experiences and let that be 'them', as if existence is a spectator sport, but by deciding which parts of yourself to keep and expunge, you are intentionally and actively creating yourself.

After deliberately creating the person you want to be, stick with it and own it. That is now a person you can be proud of in any situation, a person who you're proud to be, and most importantly, a person who can be confident in who he is. He can be confident because he has taken stock of his life and made the direct decision to be this person. Is there anything more confident than a person who genuinely owns every aspect of himself? I argue no.

So yeah, go to the gym if that's something you need to do to fix yourself. Learn a language? Sure. Bang a bunch? I guess if it helps. But whatever it is you do, make sure that it's intentional and 100% your choice.

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2022-03-11T05:43:55+00:00

I've been recognizing the following things:

1) I'm always working to make my life better, and I mentor/help others to do the same

2) I'm fun, relaxed, easy to be around

3) Women who get romantic with me get really attached... because I'm affectionate, caring, and put effort into pleasuring them

helpMeOut9999 · 2022-03-11T04:54:44+00:00

Martial arts. Jiu-jitsu.

mightymite88 · 2022-03-11T05:39:53+00:00

fake it till you make it. invest in yourself. invest in your style, your fitness, your apartment, your finances, your friends. make approaches with some swagger, even if you have to fake it. eventually you'll reap the rewards that will give you real confidence

GravelRoad730 · 2022-03-11T08:53:56+00:00

Social interacting is just that.....ACTING!.. when I am about to get into any type of interaction with people that I don't know I always say to myself ..... "Show time" or "Break a leg" something like that to get me into character...like I was waking on stage. Hope this helps.

TheCuriousBread · 2022-03-11T11:11:10+00:00

Pure lack of fucks given. It's just mathematics. 3 seconds of bravery will lead to a payoff that lasts a lifetime. Assuming you're 20, that's a payoff ratio of 630million to 1. Why the FUCK are you getting nervous with odds like that? You've got millions of seconds left, you can give 3 seconds of no fucks.

the_anarchist08 · 2022-03-11T11:22:22+00:00

Remember Luke, the force is always with you!

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-03-11T04:02:04+00:00

Maybe start by treating your underlying depression and self esteem issues first.

Keezymac34 · 2022-03-11T04:34:56+00:00

Mindfulness and not feeding into negative thoughts just because they pop up. Also not looking toward anyone to tell you that your the shit its beliving it yoursef wether anyone else thinks so.

NoDatabase1552 · 2022-03-11T06:12:50+00:00

You face what you're uncertain about without backing out and realize nothing bad happens. This takes time. Next level is you control the variables to make things go your way.

That's the general formula, but it seems like you're insecure about specific things.

Colinlr · 2022-03-11T09:34:51+00:00

The best advise for gaining confidence is accepting who you are, as a human. There just are some things that you (and I) suck in, and it is best to just accepting that.

homelessfish22 · 2022-03-11T10:11:05+00:00

This is becoming less and less of game sub and more about self help and inner workings. Which is probably better for the young men out there. When I was younger I’m as exactly the same. Good at acting confident and playing a arcade to get laid. You can’t wear that mask forever it will shatter eventually.

As much of the comments here are saying, exercise, eat healthy, groom yourself, manage finances and commit time to doing things you actually care about.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-03-11T14:17:36+00:00

Simple: you invest in yourself. You hit the gym, you develop genuine hobbies, you aim to study and work at things you love, you put some effort in your passions and personal projects. Have in mind: do it for yourself, for your health and mental health. Don’t put yourself in awkward situations just “because everyone’s telling it’s cool or because there are ladies there”… Do you wanna go vegan but you fear your “friends” will mock you? F’em all! Do you like certain type of art or hobby but are still afraid about what others will think about it? F’em all! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking you to be a selfish bully. I want you to reconnect you. Check your intentions, your feelings. Be picky, not pricky.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-03-11T06:25:14+00:00

You gain confidence by doing. Keep going outside your comfort zone and keep working towards your goals. The confidence will come.

Aristox · 2022-03-11T09:25:26+00:00

Start training brazilian jiu jitsu

Beansnmilk · 2022-03-11T10:23:15+00:00

To me I'd say planning something and actually accomplishing it and seeing the difference it makes, for example you planned to go to the gym tomorrow and you actually did go despite it being hard and stuff, you'd automatically feel more confident since you did prove yourself right and accomplished it and this likewise with everything else I believe.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-03-11T15:08:28+00:00

Seek out inner game sources. Sounds like you need inner game work. Just be sure you find sources that are credible, not just say this, then do this, and feel good about it. But, sources that will dig deep into your beliefs, where they come from, and how to do the work to improve your communication skills. That's the work you should be doing to improve. I learned from rsd, but there are probably others out there.

Clearly_Ryan · 2022-03-11T16:23:54+00:00

Saved. These replies are great.

Skylerismyname · 2022-03-11T18:05:09+00:00

I think it comes first from self fulfillment, and once I realized everyone was just as insecure in their skin as I was, I became very confident because I knew who I was and what I’ve accomplished. So fast forward to the present I can have a conversation with anyone, and at my job I do. I talk to everyone, even if it’s not a conversation I’ll just say hello or make a snazzy remark. I don’t care about what people think of me, I like me, and I know who I am. Plus I’m 20 years old and the fact that I figured this out at a somewhat early age gives me a lot of confidence as well.

EstablishmentIll67 · 2022-03-11T22:32:41+00:00

First step is hop off Reddit… lmao I’m joking just remember it can always be worse and can always be better but ur doing good

Dc_comicsfan · 2022-03-11T22:53:45+00:00

Fake it till you make it

According_Praline_16 · 2022-03-12T01:08:10+00:00

Talk to everyone not just girls thats the problem build social skills

According_Praline_16 · 2022-03-12T01:12:17+00:00

Then try different things

No_Inspection_7176 · 2022-03-12T04:23:08+00:00

Realize that everyone around you is in the same boat. Even the most put together and confident people often struggle with insecurity and the more bravado, the more they’re struggling on the inside. Once I realized that everyone around me is at least a smidge self conscious and are secretly afraid of something I started to feel a bit better in my skin and realized that I’m completely normal and it’s not just me which helped me get over myself and stop the constant negative self talk, “why am I so awkward? I feel like I’m the only person that can’t easily make friends. I feel like I’m always the odd one out, etc.”

One of my friends is a vivacious human being who can jump onto a stage and dazzle a crowd with karaoke, she can make friends with anyone, and is just generally a very extroverted and upbeat person, she drunkenly admitted to me one night that she’s terrified she comes off way too strong and that people find her obnoxious and that she’ll never meet a man who can handle her big personality. At that point I just realized that a person I adored and idolized in a lot of ways is also just a ball of anxiety and when I started to get real with people about my anxiety and insecurities I was shocked by pretty much everyone saying they struggled with it too. I saw in another comment that you’re 20 and that’s a tough age, you’re kind of just coming into your own and are just starting to figure out what kind of person you want to be and what you realistically want your life to look like. It’s a huge transition point in your life where you’re kind of thrown into the deep end without the life experience to back you up that tells you that no matter what happens you’ll be okay because you’ve survived worse before. I recommend setting goals for yourself, even if they’re small like hitting the gym a couple times a week for a physical and mental boost, asking that cutie out for coffee and telling yourself even if they say no that you’re proud of yourself for getting out of your comfort zone and trying, and surrounding yourself with good supports like friends who are actively trying to move up in life and are encouraging, committing to a hobby that is social and/or will allow you to level up something in your life like your fitness or intelligence. Good luck!

UnusualLight0 · 2022-03-13T07:08:57+00:00

A simple one that helped is: honesty. Be 100% honest when you are asked something and be honest with yourself. It will surprise you how happy you are knowing you are telling everyone the truth.

BKF89 · 2022-03-12T15:03:52+00:00

you have two options

pay for a girlfriend (not recommended). you can pay for a sugar baby and gain confidence through gaining experience and comfort with women sexually and conversationally. there's something about getting consistent sex that just kinda rewires your entire brain; its like magic
Style & fitness (outergame). So you don't have to be jacked, you just need to not be fat. Let your BMI sit around 22% and your body fat be around 10-15% (asses your fatness through your jawline; if you can see your jawline you're at a good weight; when a double chin forms go back to the gym). Thats the only thing that requires time, patience, and effort. Apart from that you can just buy your way into confidence with cash etc. So get a designer to redecorate your apartment, get your teeth whitened, buy the nicest colognes, buy nice outfits and take them to the tailor, get a good haircut, take professional photos for your dating profile/buy tinder platinum and boost yourself constantly, buy a nice car, get a hairtransplant etc. Literally, its so easy but only if you're not fat. All of those things will help you get that girlfriend (yes even the right one) and once you actually kinda like gain that comfort hanging out with 1 woman who you're sexual with (and after you have gone through a period of consistent sex) you will feel what confidence feels like.

Anybody who criticizes #2 is stupid don't listen to them. I swear to God it is more fool-proof than any PUA method, any Whatever pickup method any anything. It is literally the formula for any man who struggles with women

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	66
Comments	59
Date	March 11, 2022 1:56 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tbf2jk/how_to_improve_general_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1264854 https://theredarchive.com/post/1264854

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