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[–]Venom_ViperX89 72 points73 points74 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
keep it you, building rapport skills takes time to develop
[EDIT]: never thought I'd ever have 60 upvotes, feel so legitimized, but good luck OP, below I'll link a YT you should watch:
[–]UrFavPlayerIsBack 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And with only 1 simple statement u can build massive rapport.. which ofc requires what u mentioned.
[–]Venom_ViperX89 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here a nice video to guide you and anyone else to build rapport and build the foundation of a conversation: https://youtu.be/vU-ibdHkz4Y
[–]thelambofdeth 61 points62 points63 points 4 years ago* (60 children) | Copy Link
I can't approach a drunk woman at a bar, I literally can't imagine walking up to a woman during the daytime at a park and complimenting her lol. Good on you.
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 33 points34 points35 points 4 years ago (35 children) | Copy Link
Brother it is a skill. You are where you are, now is time to move forward. Take baby steps go ask 100 people the time. Go hit on old ladies, all women are little girls at heart, old ladies will love the attention.
Action cures fear.
[+]thelambofdeth -12 points-11 points-10 points 4 years ago (34 children) | Copy Link
People have cell-phones and I wear a watch...it's weird to ask people the time now. Approaching old ladies won't help...bc they're old ladies. Talking to them and talking to women I find attractive are totally different. The former applies no pressure, the latter add all the pressure in the world.
[–]rkr87 4 years ago [recovered] (29 children) | Copy Link
That pressure is in your head. Talking to an old lady is no different to talking to a model in reality. Practice making conversation with people you don't feel that pressure and it'll make it easier to do it with the ones you find attractive.
[+]thelambofdeth -8 points-7 points-6 points 4 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link
Go tell a woman talking to their grandpa and talking to Andrew Garfield are the same thing. I'm sure they'll agree...Old ladies are just grateful anyone is talking to them and will be accommodating and overly nice regardless because they're usually deprived of any attention.
Meanwhile, a woman who is at least moderately attractive gets tons of attention and validation from all kinds of men and will be much, much more selective, particular and shallow with who she chooses to even entertain via dialogue as she's totally jaded and desensitized from advances. It's very different.
[–]rkr87 4 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
No, it isn't.
You're far too in your head, man.
Sure, some will be rude, will have other things to do or just be weirded out by talking to strangers, but that applies to women of all ages.
Just having a conversation with someone without any intention other than talking to that person is how you build the skills to have a conversation with someone you find attractive. In your current state of mind, if you approached a woman you're attracted to she's gunna smell your thirst a mile off. Just talk to her, she's human, so what if she rejects you, just go talk to someone else.
Seems like you're just making excuses to avoid putting yourself out there to me.
[–]thelambofdeth -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
It's not about excuses, it's being logistical. It's not the 50's anymore...women don't want to be approached by strangers. Women have OLD and social media, and guy approaching them from their social circle or work or school or whatever. The last thing they want is a rando approaching unless he looks like James Franco. Talking to a random guy or an old lady about nothing isn't the same as talking to an attractive woman. There's expectations, you're treated differently and every woman is just going to assume you want something from them. IDK what world you guys live in, but it must be nice.
[–]rkr87 4 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
There's no helping someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Have you actually ever tried to maintain a conversation with a stranger you're not interested in starting with nothing but your surroundings? Even without the "pressure" that shit ain't easy when you're starting out. When you're talking to a woman you're attracted to the goal is to not be outcome driven, how do you develop that? You practice on people with whom you don't care about the outcome.
It's a skill, you can learn it, you just need to be willing to practice.
[–]HatchetXL 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey, aside from the negative Nancy o'er there... I wanted to pop in and say: you are absolutely right. I recently got a real nice factory job. I like it cuz I spend most of my time completely alone. There is an older lady who makes her rounds though and I began making attempts to just... Spark up conversation about random things when she passes. She's real nice. Now when she has time she stops for a chat. Fast forward to last night when a beautiful woman came in hours early for OT. When I saw her I shrank into myself but kept seeing her. Worked up some courage to say hi and... didnt see her again. Was grabbing my things to leave and walked through the lunchroom where she sat alone and, it was on. I said hi, introduced myself. She smiled. But suddenly I was at a loss for conversation.
So I brought up some of the topics I was speaking to my other coworker about earlier in the night, kind of as a placeholder until I could get my brain to stop its flatline nonsence and, turns out, no placeholder needed. Topics chosen seemed right. She engaged in the conversation and we had a short pleasant chat and when i left, I felt ENERGIZED. Now seeing your post today:
Absolutely, just talk to anyone. Everyone. It helps you figure out ways to respond. Helps you to figure out what topics hit or miss typically. Helps you just calm down. And it definitely helps because then when your approaching someone waaaaay out of your league (in your own head) you are used to having conversations that aren't trying to dive down pants and it comes off as more casual and not thirsty.
[–]thelambofdeth -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No, a conversation with a stranger with no real common topic is difficult, sure but when the person on the other end doesn't expect you want something from them, isn't assuming you're hitting on them, etc it's much different. It's far easier to talk to guys because they will just talk to you and not assume there's some ulterior motive. I talk to guys all the time....those exchanges aren't outcome driven...that has made it no easier to talk to women but the dynamics are still so opposite.
[–]surfershane25 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You’ve got a lot to learn and a long way to get out of your head. Attractive women like attention and trust me they are big bad scary monsters like you make them out to be. I know a number of women in the 10k+ followers club some in the 100k+ they’re surprisingly normal people for the most part who have insecurities and problems too. Also how do you know all the conversations with guys were outcome drive, you may have been the target because gay and bi guys exist. Talking with strangers where you have no common ground(yet) is an important baby step to learning how to build rapport with strangers. Women you’re not interested in(older) is a great way to get used to how they think and react… you can’t just be scared of them your whole life when there’s nothing to even be so scared of.
[–]focus_flow69 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yea its different because you built up these reasons for why they are different. We are telling you to change this mindset and talk to them as if they are not different. You are treating hot women on a pedestal before even taking to them. Quit making excuses and go talk to people. There are hot women who are actually nice and accommodating as well and there are old women who are nasty and mean to talk to. You wouldn't know because you don't talk to them, but instead you just generalize people to these notions you've built up in your head
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
There are hot women who are actually nice and accommodating as well and there are old women who are nasty and mean to talk to.
Of course there are...but those are exceptions, not the norm. If they weren't every guy would be dating a model or w/e. They are different, IDK how anyone couldn't treat them differently, when they're going to treat you differently. No, not all but most attractive will have and are used to so much attention, options, and validation, they're not going to be nice, and will be pretty shallow unless you're really good-looking, and I'm not.
Are they all like that? of course not, but if you have approach anxiety and low self-esteem you can't continually just deal with all the dismissal, rudeness, failure and impoliteness you'll receive via trying to talk to those women. I avoid hot women bc at best, I'll be politely declined. I can for the most part, talk to regular people.
[–]focus_flow69 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Quit your fucking complaining and do something about it instead of wallowing in your self pity. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that's all I hear from your posts, just excuses because you are chicken shit of rejection. So what if you get rejected and your self esteem takes a hit? Do you think successful people in life got to where they are in life by receiving a yes from everyone every time? No, they get rejected over and over again, yet they persevere and try again and again until they succeed. Why can't you? If other people can do it, why can't you? So choose who you want to be, a loser who submits to their fear of rejection, or a person who wants to take control of their life and overcome the challenges in life.
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If have approach anxiety and low self-esteem...a rejection isn't something I can just shrug of. It's reaffirmation that I was right, and it's pointless to approach and I don't get the woman. It's a lose-lose and since I gain nothing from that, there's no way I could try it again. That's why I've tried to maximize my physical components and look for IOIs and signs from women...but I don't get any which only demonstrates approaching would be a waste of time for me. If women wanted me to it would be obvious.
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
orry man, hate to break it to you, real life doesn't work like that. No one ever became successful by sitting around and waiting for success to knock on their door. Even if you got IOIs, what makes you think you know what to do after that? How are you gonna approach her? How are you going to flirt and escalate? How are you going to attract her and keep her interested? You've never approached so you have no experience and will likely just fuck it up even if she is initially attracted to you. Think about it rationally and logically. If your goal is to find the love of your life, your approach is very irrationally. Approach consistent, gain the experience, learn from your mistakes and eventually, statistically speaking you will meet someone who is your ideal partner and know how to attract and keep them around. Sitting around and HOPE for someone to be attracted to you and it all magically works out, the odds of your fairy tale ending happening is basically 0%.
[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Even if you got IOIs, what makes you think you know what to do after that? How are you gonna approach her? How are you going to flirt and escalate?
You're right...the few times I've been approached I've blown it or not realized it until later that she was interested. But the few women that have approached are more attractive than I expected to be interested so I have no idea who I'm supposed to approach...
How are you going to attract her and keep her interested? You've never approached so you have no experience and will likely just fuck it up even if she is initially attracted to you. Think about it rationally and logically.
And I have....yeah...
If your goal is to find the love of your life, your approach is very irrationally. Approach consistent, gain the experience, learn from your mistakes and eventually, statistically speaking you will meet someone who is your ideal partner and know how to attract and keep them around. Sitting around and HOPE for someone to be attracted to you and it all magically works out, the odds of your fairy tale ending happening is basically 0%.
You're right...100%...being passive isn't pragmatic and doesn't give me the best chance for success in any regard...but its all I can do. I wish I go out and just allow myself to get rejected, not care and learn and progress from it. But I literally can't...I just need something to get back my confidence back but it hasn't happened.
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
You're putting pussy on a pedestal. Hot chicks are people, just people, they get treated special by EVERYONE. Treat her like she's not special, she'll notice. She might like it, she might not. You tried, you weren't going smash if you didn't try, your not going smash if you get rejected. Nothing has changed, but maybe you learned something.
Conversation skills, work with everyone.
It's your life man, so do what you want, don't matter to me, but thank you for giving examples of things to not do in my life.
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Sure they're people...but it's foolish to pretend it's not more difficult to get a woman the better she look, hugely due in part to the overwhelming about of attention and special treatment they're accustomed to. I totally agree in not validating them and not treating them any different. Thing is, that only works when you're really attractive...if not, they just ignore you. And something has changed, I've been rejected, so I get nothing and my self-esteem takes a shot. a lose-lose situation.
lol whatever you say. Some of us have to be logistical and realistic.
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
It sounds to me like you're way more attractive Than you give yourself credit for being.
Do you even lift, bro? It's 100% cliche, but weight training causes your body to produce testosterone in ways running just can't. Testosterone is really important to everything a male does. I've been low all my life, getting closer to right has payed huge dividends. It will also make your more confident.
Brains are lazy. Your brain has produced a mental model that you can't "initiate with women". Easy peasy your brain doesn't have to think on it anymore. You're mentally stuck there. Your ego is invested in that mental model.
Me challenging that mental model causes your ego defense mechanism to kick in itself. You feel like you're being attacked for "being logistical and realistic"
But, stay with with me here, you're never going to get what you want by "logistical and Realistic". What is the worst thing that could happen if you did something"unrealistic"? If it's talking to girls you'll get rejected. The only one who cares about that is you. What if you stopped caring about getting rejected?
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Lol if I was women would approach or notice me more often.
Do you even lift, bro? It's 100% cliche, but weight training causes your body to produce testosterone in ways running just can't. Testosterone is really important to everything a male does. I've been low all my life, getting closer to right has payed huge dividends. It will also make your more confident
A lack of T would explain a lot. But no, I only run. My wardrobe is fitted and tapered af. I couldn't afford to gain mass if I wanted to lol.
That....makes a lot of sense.
Me challenging that mental model causes your ego defense mechanism to kick in itself. You feel like you're being attacked for "being logistical and realistic" But, stay with with me here, you're never going to get what you want by "logistical and Realistic". What is the worst thing that could happen if you did something"unrealistic"? If it's talking to girls you'll get rejected. The only one who cares about that is you. What if you stopped caring about getting rejected?
It would be amazing if I stopped caring about being rejected. I wish I could just go out, get rejected, and not let it bother me. But the premise does. I already have approach anxiety and low self-esteem. Affirmstion of what I already believe to be true, isn't worth. I not only don't get the girl, I take a ego hit. It's a total net loss...
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
The one women that approached me was a psycho. Not a great sample.
Again I'm going day you shouldn't worry about your level of attraction. If all of your clothes are clothes are tailored that's awesome. I don't think you need to worry about out growing your wardrobe with a little lifting. If that becomes an issue because you're lifting that's a great problem to have, but cross that bridge when you get there.
You're a runner, you know about training. How fast could you run when you started out? Starting conversations, asking the time, old ladies is training. You ask 100 people the time, you're slow jogger. You start conversations, you get a little faster, have great conversation with an old lady. Then you feel good about girls you might be interested you work at your own pace with you as your coach to keep you motivated.
Approach anxiety is fear. Fear can be dealt with by desensitizing yourself. Find a place you're comfortable to startand work towards your goal. You'll build skills and confidence in the process by DOING it not thinking about it.
I occasionally get hit a woman that approaches me...and they're pretty much always more attractive than woman I would actually consider approaching. But it's too rare and I don't realize they're approaching me until after the fact.
I've spent thousands of dollars on my wardrobe...consisting of many rare pieces, most very fitted. I literally can't afford to get buff or whatever it is absolutely not a great problem to have lol. That said I'm tall and I have broad shoulders...I'm more lanky than skinny.
Hmmm...but running is binary. It's all down to you. If you do it more, you increase you endurance. How much longer or faster I can run isn't predicated on if the ground like me or thinks I'm attractive. The ground I'm running on isn't going to reject or dismiss me...there's no ego or confidence hit, there's only progress with something like running. No so with people. I can talk to an old lady, I can talk to guys...I'm not a total social invalid. There's just a blind spot with women and nothing has mitigated that.
Lol I don't know where. I don't really fit in anywhere...I'm not comfortable enough anymore to engage women. That's the major issue. I don't see how to Incrementally progress in that regard...I mean if so, it would've happened by now.
[–]DonnyBomeneddy1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You getting approached is pretty good sign you're attractive.
I think women would find your love of fashion fascinating. What are your favorite pieces?
It seems like you have to get out of your own.
[–]thelambofdeth0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
But it happens very rarely to the point it's not something I can count on.
No, I don't think women reply gaf. I've gotten plenty of compliments on my attire from dudes. Just telling me how cool I look or that I look like a movie star or whatever. Women barely notice. I have so many pieces...a burberry and a BBS leather, multiple trenchcoats one of them leather, a red and velvet SLP blazer, a red leather blazer, tons of SLP boots, I could go on and on and on. Clothing is my vice. Literally every time I go out I get random compliments from guys...like multiple times, yet I'm totally invisible to women.
Get out on my own?
[–]DonnyBomeneddy2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Get out of your own way*
I think it's less of that and more that women just aren't interested. I've looked for signs of interest or whatever and I went ourbdressed as besr as possible and rarely has it ever bared any fruit.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Calamity__Bane 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've personally found that the bitchiest girls are just below average and the hottest girls are easiest to get along with.
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fucking right!!
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You have to ask yourself, do you want to right and miserable or do you want to do something slightly out of the ordinary, learn to talk to people and get laid?
You want to learn to have fun with this. I'm a total noob, but I talk to a shit ton of people.
[–]thelambofdeth -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There's loads of guys who can talk to people who still don't get laid. Like being able to converse doesn't suddenly make you attractive.
Have fun? I literally can't think of something less fun than attempting to converse with strangers. People are so closed off, segregated, and don't want to be bothered. In this age it's just deemed rude or creepy...
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Have you tried being more attractive and less unattractive? Lead with the chip on your shoulder, that'll definitely get you what you want.
Learn to have fun talking to people. Examine your mental models, and your ego investments. I'm sure your life will get a lot better.
You need to learn to care less about what other people care about. Also learn to care about what you care about.
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Less see...I run 5x a week and I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm 6'3, I'm legitimately into high fashion so I have a great wardrobe, I have hair and skin regimes and I groom, I wear 300$ TF cologne, etc. There's nothing else I can do to look more attractive sans plastic surgery.
IDK wtf mental models and ego investments are. That said, I can have fun talking to some people. But I'm an introvert...I'll never be that guy that just talks to everyone.
This is probably right...
[–]AssistanceMedical951 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
But the woman in the park has a book or a dog (or both) , that gives you something to talk about, not just “what are you drinking” that you have at the bar.
The reason you’re nervous is because you have too much attention on yourself and how you’re being perceived. Put your attention on the person you’re engaged with, be more interested in them than you are in your nervousness.
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But it's in a venue where she isn't necessarily willing or seeking to talk. At least at a bar you can assume women are there to be social, not so much during the day.
That doesn't mean they'll be interested though. Like they still have to find you attractive and they still have to be interested and looking to talk. Just because you engaged with them doesn't men they'll comply. Like it's not a given...People here act like just bc you're approaching women will automatically be receptive. The more attractive they are the less they will be...
[–]AssistanceMedical951 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Listen the only thing you’re in control of is you. And what you have to offer is your interest, attention, and approval. All you can do is make attractive offers, offers to chat, offers to communicate, offers to have a new fun experience. If all you’re interested in is fucking her female body, that’s going to come through and it’s not the most attractive offer. No wants to feel used, that’s different from being used and feeling good about being used.
[–]Calamity__Bane 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
If anything, it's easier
[–]thelambofdeth -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
lolno. You're trolling.
[–]Calamity__Bane 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I am not. Try it and see.
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Dude, a drunk woman at a bar is at a social venue where if nothing else, she expect to get hit on. It's at night and she's lubricated and probably more social than she usually is.
A woman at a park is likely going to want to be left alone, not want to be bothered, and isn't any easier to talk to bc of lack of alcohol. It's more difficult in literally every way. Unless you're really good-looking it's pointless to expect anything to come from it.
[–]Calamity__Bane 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
a drunk woman at a bar is at a social venue where if nothing else, she expect to get hit on.
She does expect it, which is why she is often less receptive to approaches, not more. What women are more open to at night is one night stands, not approaches.
A woman at a park is likely going to want to be left alone
Possible.
not want to be bothered
isn't any easier to talk to bc of lack of alcohol.
Not true at all, especially if you have an obvious hook like a favored author.
It's more difficult in literally every way.
No dude, if anything it's easier. No cockblocking friends, no bitch shields, significantly less competition, and her guard is, in general, much lower. All you need to do to have a good conversation during the day is seem normal, friendly, and respectful.
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Less receptive to bad approaches. She's there to be social...you can't have a one night stand w/o an approach. At the very least it's a bar is a social venue where it's to be expected. That makes a huge different. Even if she's not receptive, it's appropriate to approach women there.
In the grand scheme that makes no different. It might lead to a nice, short conversation and not much more. Now you're just a stranger that reads the same book as her....
Why wouldn't her bitch shield be up EVEN more? How wouldn't her guard be up even MORE? IDK dude, I think you live in another world or something. Sure, I'll give you that there's less competition, but in most case you'll get shut down or totally dismissed because there isn't a chance to compete because this woman is just there minding her business and doesn't want to be bothered....You're attempting to say hitting a half court shot is easier than a lay-up.
[–]Calamity__Bane 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Less receptive to bad approaches
Much higher filter for what counts as a bad approach, given the abundance of approaches.
She's there to be social...you can't have a one night stand w/o an approach.
That's correct, and is why there are fewer logistical barriers at night. That is why one night stands are easier to pull off then, it is not because approaching at night is easier.
At the very least it's a bar is a social venue where it's to be expected
It doesn't matter if it's expected if the vast majority of interactions are underwhelming.
I'm curious to know if you've ever actually done this before.
Why wouldn't her bitch shield be up EVEN more? How wouldn't her guard be up even MORE?
It's lower because she isn't dealing with dozens of thirsty, drunk men trying to sleep with her at the same time.
in most case you'll get shut down or totally dismissed because there isn't a chance to compete because this woman is just there minding her business and doesn't want to be bothered....
Again, I'm wondering if you've actually done daytime approaches before. OP's experience is far more typical than the scenario you're outlining here.
[–]thelambofdeth -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Much higher filter for what counts as a bad approach, given the abundance of approaches
But at a place where it's appropriate to approach. The degree of difficulty is much higher, again....unless you're just really good-looking or charming somewhere it's not considered appropriate, logistical, etc. Yeah, there's a lot of bad approaches at bars because that's where the approaches are supposed to happen. No chit they happen less often where there not supposed to.
Approaching at night is far easier. Like I literally see no argument regarding this. If it wasn't more guys would go to barnes & nobles and starbucks and approach. Everything is conditioned to be at it's most simple at night, at a bar.
Sure it does. Aside from social events and your social circle, it's pretty much the only real option. The fact that most dudes are bad at it doesn't somehow negate that most women go to bars to receive attention...unless nearly any place they go during the day.
But at a park or something she essentially isn't going to want any guy approaching her at all unless it's her strict preference. At least at a bar again, the woman is drunk, it's dark, she's more social, etc, she standards are lowered than what they normally are and her shallowness is impaired. During the day you have to be the optimal version of yourself and it still has to be at the right time, place, etc.
That is almost solely dependent upon how attractive he is in conjunction with how attractive she is, sure. Otherwise you're just bothering some lady at the park...
[–]Calamity__Bane 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Given the fact that you haven't answered my question, I'm going to assume that you haven't actually approached anyone during the day, which means you have no idea what you're talking about and are basically a virgin telling pornstars how to fuck.
You don't need to lick an anthill to know it's a stupid idea. Approaching during that day is more difficult and is reserved for more attractive dudes. That's why more people don't do it. It's basic logistics.
[–]Calamity__Bane3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Lol, dumbfuck.
[–]thelambofdeth-2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Thanks for the gaslighting. It was a big help!
[–]Calamity__Bane2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It's not gaslighting, you're just rationalizing your own fear of rejection.
[–]thelambofdeth-1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Perhaps.. but this sub has a delusion that attractive women don't have a much higher degree of difficulty. And hey maybe that's your experience for overall, in general that's far from the norm.
[–]focus_flow693 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Normal means average. Who the fuck wants to be the average? Be fucking extraordinary man, you get one life bro, take control and quit being scared.
Also I met my gf from cold approaching on the train and now shes the love of my life. I'm not super attractive, I'm an avg height Asian and I approached a tall pretty white girl blond hair blue eyes in a packed train. My approach wasnt great by any means and I was nervous as hell. And I couldn't even tell if she was into it or not. But I didn't let any of that bother me and I powered through and got her number. The rest is history and she later told me she thought I was hot and super confident for talking to her on a train.
Is my experience normal? No, because 99% of dudes are too chicken shit to cold approach during the day because they are too scared to talk to a random stranger. Day game is way easier than night for all the reasons the other guy said, but you wouldn't know because you haven't done it. You've only day approached theoretically in your mind, and thought of a million reasons why it wouldn't work, when you haven't even done it. You say we are living on another planet, when it's you that's living in your head
I'd be totally content with an average, decent looking woman. I'm not asking for some bombshell so I shouldn't have to be the most interesting man in the world...
You have to realize there's no negative stereotypes with Asian guys. Women aren't going to be afraid of you, assume you're a criminal or worry about you're parents hating you. I don't need a tall, hot blonde girl. I'd gladly take an average woman...I'm not asking for or seeking a lot and it hasn't helped at all. Just bc your were successful doesn't mean it's Indicative of what happens to others. One guys wins the lottery doesn't mean everyone does...
I mean.. if it was intuitive more people would do it. You hear field reports here all the time of guys trying day game and it doesn't work. It's not as binary as you think. Women aren't as attention deprived and accepting as many of you pretend. Just bc you have success doesn't mean everyone will...you can't project like that. It's not that guys are chicken shit, it's that society has deemed cold approaching unacceptable now. With dating sites and social media women are conditioned for online and making selections there. You have to be so much more attractive to be given a real shot.
[–]focus_flow692 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Everything you wrote is just a roundabout about way of an excuse to not take action and ownership of your life. Your negativity is draining and you wonder why you aren't attractive to women. Negativity and low self esteem is hugely unattractive, it oozes out of your social interactions even if you aren't aware of it. You are stuck in a loop and really need to change your mindset.
No one can help someone who doesn't want to help themselves, so this will be my last reply. If you do want to help yourself, my final suggestion is to forget about girls entirely and work on yourself. Go watch Tony Robbins on Netflix, and think deeply about who you are as a person and what he says about that and how you can change it. His ideas are super simple and common sense. It's life changing stuff if you really take it to heart. Cheers bud hope you can be better.
It's too bad people like you will just never understand what it's like for someone else who isn't you and that other people have vastly different experiences. And you never will.
[–]bokonator 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not with that attitude
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol its more about my face than my attitude.
[–]AndreKnows 28 points29 points30 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If she was really giggly, it means you lost a jackpot. When girl giggles, thats a strong indicator of her being interested in you.
[–]almighty_nsa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop thinking of it as a game of roulette. Girls want to see you do something that men who just want to fuck her wouldnt do. And I dont mean like buying her things, I mean staying persistent eventhough she acts desinterested. Most women wont do what im describing … but then again most women do not have to be faithful, they got options.
[–]SamAreAye 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Hey, I have to run, but it was nice talking to you. Can I [talk to you again/buy you a drink/etc.] some time?"
Keep this line in your back pocket at all times.
Other than that, nice, man. Found something personal to her - and you - to talk about, but you still called her pretty so she knows that's on your mind. Feels good.
[–]stunkypissy 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
just some quick advice -- don't open with a compliment about her looks or really talk ab her looks at all when you first meet a girl . they get that all the time. you need to build conversation, I would have probably asked her about the book she was reading and maybe gone from there ?
[–]Chicagoj1563 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you prove to yourself that you can say just about anything and there is no real consequence, you will never run out of things to say. Here is something you can try:
[–]CThig_ 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yessir! This is really all a lot of people gotta do in this sub (myself included sometimes)!
Make 2022 yo bitch 😎
[–]ComputerScienceGod 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Now if you see her again you gotta get her number!
[–]IamRocksteady 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just keep moving. Keep meeting women wherever you go. You want to make it part of your identity and not just something you occasionally do.
[–]JellyfishAdventurous 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
GOOD SHIT BRO!!
[–]focus_flow69 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Number one rule for any approach is to always ask for a number. Whether they give it or not doesn't matter, but you must make it a habit. When you don't ask for a number, you are mentally telling yourself the interaction went poorly and she will reject you. This is based on your perception. From her perspective she could be swooning on the inside but just trying to contain herself and is super nervous. Or maybe she thinks you are awkward and just thing to be polite. Who knows. You have no way of knowing, so just assume the best case scenario, which is that shes into it and is open to giving you her number for a future date. I always end with saying I loved the chat but I have to get going. I'd love to take you out some time and do something fun, can I have your number/what's your number? Straight forward, honest, confident and to the point. If she gives it to you great, if not then oh well you get finality on the outcome of your approach. You won't think back on it and ponder whether she really liked you or not and should have could have would have.
[–]creativeoutlaw44 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
BUT WHAT WAS THE BOOK?!
[–]hairykitty123 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
awkward, but you did it is 1000x better than not doing it at all. each time it will get a bit less awkward. It also depends on the girl you approach too. some women are just awkward to talk to in general, where some you just click and feel comfortable with. so dont put that awkwardness all on you
[–]DonnyBomeneddy 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rejection is better than regret.
[–]fockerjunior3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
am i really the only person in this thread that wants to know what the book is?
good job breaking the ice though.
[–]iambrian81 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good for you. Now, I only felt good if my indirect approach with some funny one liner also produce some funny liners from her as well.
[–]bvtmfdr 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
awesome!
[–]tanahgao 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
ABC bro - always be closing. Why the heck didn't you ask for her number bro?
[–]cormacru999 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad that it went well for you, & more glad that she seemed ok with it. But the majority of women do not want men approaching them just because you are attracted to them. Seduction experts that suggest this behavior are misleading you, mostly because they seem to believe that women secretly love pushy, arrogant & demanding men, but trust me, they do not.
There are arenas for dating, stick to those spaces, let women live their lives. They already know & have to deal with men desiring them from very young ages, because they are female.
Now, on how to have conversations, flirty or not? Talk to people, practice talking.
[–]focus_flow69 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's a free country, I can talk to anyone I want, anywhere any time. It's also your right to ignore me, tell me to fuck off, tell me you aren't interested or show disinterest.
If we vibe, we vibe. If we don't then we part ways. How am I suppose to know if we have chemistry if I don't approach and talk to you? How do you think people become friends? At some point, someone talked to someone else. Mind blowing stuff, I know right? People don't just become friends randomly, someone has to approach. It's crazy how many people are afraid of simple social interactions these days and want to demonize men for approaching. Are there bad apples such as overly pushy men? Sure, but do they represent all men? Just like how there are plenty of toxic manipulative women, that doesn't mean all women are like that. So stop demonizing men for approaching.
[–]vranes17 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
very well said brother, very well said
[–]TooMuchJibberish 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But the majority of women do not want men approaching them just because you are attracted to them.
This is what I keep thinking but everyone else calls it nonsense.
There are arenas for dating, stick to those spaces, let women live their lives.
You mean bars or clubs? You can use your same argument and say women don't want to be approached in those "arenas" either, "let them live their lives". So what "arenas" according to you are appropriate to approach a woman?
Bear in mind couples have met after chatting in the grocery store, gym, or even a park. These are all "arenas" that I see people tell guys not to approach women in.
So where are people supposed to meet then?
[–]Ninenine222 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More experiences like this will make you better. Keep it up!
[–]A1_BIO 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
congrats
[–]thetitan66 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
how old r u
Awesome work buddy! Next time, transition from the book to her personal circumstances. Why is she reading the book? How was she introduced to the author? Does she also like other works by the author, or similar genres? If you want to retain the flirty vibe, comment on her responses and things she's actually doing - tease a bit if you need to. Other than that, I think you handled yourself phenomenally, and you're setting a good example for people who feel like cold approaching is this big, scary thing (it's not).
[–]AedonMM 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The first step is as important as the last when on this staircase! Good job! Keep going!
[–]wondorous 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It definitely helps when you see something like that book you know - in her hands. Always easier to approach anyone when you don’t have to think of what to say. So keep that in mind and look for little things like that. Also - think you did the good thing of not hesitating too!
[–]nbh1995 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
good shit
[–]Prestigious_Frame995 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fully understand.
[–]wonderingwillow7 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hell yes my brother. Approaching women in the wild will net you 1000% better results over dating apps, unless you a complete chad, in that case, I'd sit my ass on the couch and swipe all day.
[–]NinjaZoom4 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read Mode One.👌🏾
[–]fly-guy-99 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Use mystery’s method!
[–]Grinch9295 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good for you man. Keep going
[–]ValteriButtAss 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
PS: would appreciate any tips on how to keep the flirty vibe or topics to talk about etc, thanks!
Bring joy and laughs to random people. Talk to the baker/bus driver and be genuinely interested in their presence, not only because it ups ur game but because as social animals we're supposed to treat each other like we treat our best friends.
No overthinking no awkwardness. Go at it and enjoy it. Remember that women piss and shit too just like the rest of us even the 10/10 broads. I'm glad you did your thing, you realized how freaking easy it is to approach women right?
Daygame gang lmao
[–]Altec5499 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay, but how do you approach during the day in a big city when everyone is wearing a mask. I find this to be a complicated issue especially with everyones fear of the virus.
[–]rigbydidit1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It must be niceeee😔 I'm happy for you tho man 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
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