I almost lost my virginity but performance anxiety is a bitch.

Lagaluvin · 2017-12-09T16:11:56+00:00

Surprised no one has mentioned alcohol. Were you drunk? That usually fucks things up.

I'm also kinda confused how you're at the point of being able to make out with multiple attractive women within minutes but you've never taken a girl home before?

I guess you could text and be upfront about your anxiety and you might be able to hook up. I wouldn't bother though.

NewbieCasanova · 2017-12-09T16:15:16+00:00

Stop jerking off to porn. Its frying your brain!! The type of pussy you see in porn is different from real life. Cut off the meat beating and im sure you'll be thirsty to fuck.

z0syn · 2017-12-09T16:03:06+00:00

It took multiple opportunities with the same girl for me to get over my performance anxiety. If you like this girl, text her and try again. Make sure you explain what happened though and be honest. If she’s understanding then great, if she’s not then move on to the next one.

Awkwardlyaccused · 2017-12-09T14:44:19+00:00

What do you mean you made out with the redhead after some resistance?

rookieMale · 2017-12-09T19:42:49+00:00

Just came from fucking a tinder date. Had the same issue. So listen carefully.

I couldn't get hard and almost ruined the date, as I did once before. But fortunately I remembered a imp thing. The more you think about it (getting hard, performing too well or no well), the more difficult it becomes. So I laid back, told her to relax, kissed her with more passion, started talking dirty to her(this was a huge success, it's basically like free porn in your mind where you are the star) and i basically accepted that it's going to happen just a little later there is no rush. Guess what, fucked her twice ;)

A few lifestyle changes that I did incorporate. Gave up porn, even too much jerking off, when I do I just use my touch to get used to the feeling. And sometimes even do it with condom, help you practice for the real thing. And added T increasing vitamins in the diet.

Hope this helps. Just remember, don't think about it.

kcorda · 2017-12-09T15:22:04+00:00

how often do you masturbate?

fairylee · 2017-12-09T14:38:48+00:00

Honestly, I got a few cialis (or you could use viagra or any equivalent) for the first few times I had sex, bc I could easily get a boner and maintain it. Led to some good fuck seshes that built my confidence and fixed my performance anxiety

productionx · 2017-12-09T14:50:16+00:00

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carterworld · 2017-12-09T16:26:57+00:00

Going down on a one night stand? That's how you get a cold sore.

Beast___Mode · 2017-12-09T22:34:01+00:00

Stop watching porn man. That's the reason

YoungDyllionaire · 2017-12-09T22:17:34+00:00

Haha, I think we've all been there.

Not ideal, but usually saying "Ah fucking whisky dick. Makes things less akward." I.e. puts pressure off the girl. If you still have fun, and are cool she may be down for trying again. If you act weird about it you're done.

Trust me though when I say experience helps tremendously.

Unfortunately there is no short term fix, but what made a huge difference in my life is after a few years of going out, and multiple relationships (ie. comfortable sex with regular partners) you get MUCH better at learning what turns you on, and much more calm in the moment.

Hopefully this experience also shows you the importance of healthy habits. 1)Proper sleep scheduling 2)eating well 3)exercising regularly 4)not drinking 5)limit excess masturbation. While these 5 steps aren't critical they will allow you to absolutely BLOW GIRL'S MINDS during a ONS. Think about it, the average bro who doesn't plan on picking up a girl will probably be at best drunk, have eaten shitty food that day, and is probably average cardiovascular capacity. Plus they probably didn't pro actively adjust their sleep to make sure they were rested before going out.

While having bad performance can hurt your chances of seeing the girl again. Being able to give a girl the best sex of her life makes it suuuuuper easy to build a rotation. It almost becomes it's own problem since they will actively hit you up for more sex lol

woolyreasoning · 2017-12-10T10:50:15+00:00

Chill the fuck out... this is a partying too hard problem use the midnight rule if your not at someone’s house by midnight get the girls number then just go the fuck to bed.. everyone loses their card eventually and I promise you in ten years time you’ll barely rember her name or the dozen others.. your not going to find the love of your life in a club so don’t sweat it

theAarma · 2017-12-09T14:50:35+00:00

first time my friend had same problem, he used vigara

MapleA · 2017-12-09T19:42:06+00:00

First off, mention your dick size anywhere at anytime and it’s assumed you have a tiny penis. Secondly you have to put yourself in the moment. Forget about being nervous and just focus all your attention on the woman in front of you. Don’t let your mind think too much. Just do what feels natural. Switch positions. Start slowly. Maybe start off massaging her or just kissing and gently biting her neck. All I can say to you is that it is a mental thing and you just have to do everything possible to calm down and relax. Don’t be shy. Most girls have seen a flaccid dick and have no issue going down on you until it’s hard. So the trick is to relax and let it flow. Also you don’t have to pick up trashy women at clubs or bars to have sex. You could meet someone you have a genuine connection with and start up a fling. The bar/club thing is risky.

ImAVulnerableGirl · 2017-12-10T00:55:55+00:00

I’ve experienced this as well, but for me it was a mental block. i stressed too much over the idea of getting hard, that i legitimately could not. It took some time, and mental manipulation, i kept thinking in my head “Fuck it, if i get hard i get hard, if i don’t then i don’t. Who cares. At least i know i picked her up, and was good enough to make her want to fuck me”. After a while i was not anxious anymore, and felt more confident in myself. It’s all a mental block.

LeftGarrow · 2017-12-09T16:33:13+00:00

If you do hit her up again, just blame it on whiskey dick.

mikeeangelo91 · 2017-12-09T15:27:56+00:00

Send her a dick pic with the caption “wood you be so kind to Netflix and chill this weekend” what do you have to lose hahaha

HappyBull · 2017-12-09T16:51:25+00:00

I think it's just a mental thing. You know your body the most and it was scared. I was too my first time. It gets to your head and then you fail again and again and it's a downward spiral.

My solution would be if you feel comfortable with her text her and propose another date. If you want you can tell her youve never had sex before and maybe even get her to "teach" you. That could be fun for the both of you.

If she declines or makes fun, the next person will be a lot more understanding. It's not a big deal. It's like being thrown into a pool without knowing how to swim.

double_whiskeyjack · 2017-12-09T18:04:16+00:00

Happens to the best of us dude don’t even sweat it. Sometimes if a girl doesn’t know what she’s doing on top I can literally lose my boner while inside her LOL.

Anyway as others have said, don’t jerk off within a day or two of going out and you won’t have an issue.

msgs · 2017-12-09T21:49:38+00:00

Certainly this is not uncommon or rare. It's happened to me on occasion which sex was rushed upon me by a girl when I wasn't really sure I was into her.

I wouldn't sweat it. Try building some sexual tension, rapport and intimacy with a girl next time. This should go a long way helping you be more relaxed before you both decide to have sex together. Don't drink much, "whiskey dick" is real.

Also remember: it's just sex. Once you do it, you are going to realize how silly it is the first time. You'll very much be the same person before and after.

ceswk · 2017-12-09T22:05:42+00:00

I had this problem years ago but I finally got rif off it by just telling to the girls I was fucking that I dont feel very well and may not be rock hard .

I would usually tell them its a psychological thing and Im kinda anxious when I have sex with a hot girl . They usually take it very easy and will probably say it doesnt matter . And right after this all the pressure was gone. I would get some killer erections .

Also porn was a big factor and can still be . I reccomend staying 3 days off porn and masturbation. I usually become very dirty minded at this point and only a little kiss would get me hard .

raimondi1337 · 2017-12-09T22:45:06+00:00

tl;dr get some sildenafil citrate (generic viagra) and pop half of one on your way back to her place next time

VinDenim · 2017-12-09T22:47:22+00:00

Its not necessarily cuz you jack off too much like everyone is saying. But it could be, and it doesn't hurt to stop (unless there's some correlation with prostate cancer that I'm not sure of)

If you have problems with performance anxiety you could probably find a doc to give you a small prescription for some Ativan and Viagra. No amount of anxiety is gonna prevail against that combo lol

Viagra is also easily found online. It's not a controlled substance. Just search for Viagra research chemical or something. They say it's for lab use only but it's most likely fine to consume.

Use some chemical help to get you over that initial anxiety speed bump.

Thirdlight · 2017-12-09T22:54:08+00:00

It really depends on how you left in the morning and if you want it again or not. You can still save some of it by mentioning about drinking a little to much before you met her.

Hell I've not drank and still had the problem several times and yet they stayed around and came back. It's all about how you approach it.

Sometimes no matter what you do it just won't happen so you just gotta chill for awhile maybe just lay on her for awhile talking. Also try Nitric Oxide instead of Viagra and what not. It works for most now a days. You want the powder stuff.

johannthegoatman · 2017-12-09T23:03:52+00:00

I have always had problems with performance anxiety, often my first time with a girl I used to struggle to get it up. Now I take supplements and don't have to worry about it at all, it's awesome. The best stuff is pine pollen, tongkat ali is also really good. There are a lot of good supplements out there though, tribulus terrestris, epimedium aka horny goat weed. You can usually get something at like gas stations or a maybe a health food store or something if you're in a hurry, that stuff is low quality but it can definitely work.

Anyways bro don't worry too much, if she wasn't even moaning from oral it probably would have been bad sex anyways (not because of you - some girls just lay there and don't do anything or even seem like they're enjoying it). Plus it happens all the time to tons of dudes so it's not that unusual.

In the mean time why don't you tell us all how you make out with girls in a club so easily?? I do pretty well with girls in other settings but I've never made out with a rando at a club and have always wanted to.

oyoungpadawan · 2017-12-10T05:21:14+00:00

The first girl I tried it with was a dead fish in bed, really doesn't help the situation as it puts 10x more stress on you. The next one was all over me, playing with herself between, saying what she likes. Sex was way better.

As people above said, get a viagra or similar. Just knowing you have it in your drawer just in case can already be enough.

Also her playing with my dick felt weird at first too, just go down on her while getting your dick hard, and she won't even notice the problem meanwhile.

keleer1 · 2017-12-10T09:21:11+00:00

The good old Whiskey dick

jewfro667 · 2017-12-10T22:34:27+00:00

Man, I had the performance anxiety happen to me a month ago. Shit is embarrassing. In my situation, the girl didn’t really want to see me again I don’t think. It was a mix of anxiety and alcohol. It happens.

If you want, just be direct with her and see what happens. I’m still talking to the girl on and off but haven’t seen her since our sex date.

icancantcan · 2017-12-12T17:57:59+00:00

Use one of those gas station pills for the first time. Then you will not have to worry about it at all.

Goatmo · 2017-12-13T20:08:35+00:00

I'm 25, it took my countless attempts to lose my virginity for the same reason. Honestly, it goes away when you find someone that makes you comfortable.

nofapstreakcounter · 2017-12-14T14:29:27+00:00

stop jerkin it kid

2017-12-09T15:14:39+00:00

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JoeHallenweck · 2017-12-09T15:00:51+00:00

Don't text her..not worthed. Like u said, there will be more girls

Title	I almost lost my virginity but performance anxiety is a bitch.
Author	throwawaylilbastard
Upvotes	85
Comments	98
Date	December 9, 2017 2:04 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7imvo8/i_almost_lost_my_virginity_but_performance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-almost-lost-my-virginity-but-performance-anxiety.1438185 https://theredarchive.com/post/1438185

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