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yolifeisrough
[–]biggermac33 346 points347 points348 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Definitely a top ten post on this sub. Seize the fucking day
[–]Surfernick1 5 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
CARPE DIEM MOTHERFUCKER, CARPE DIEM
[–]longtermthrowa 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"you only live once, carpe dm"
[–]Masol_The_Producer 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tbh if my life ends tomorrow i won’t care cause I’ll be dead. So I won’t be disappointed if I missed opportunities
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]shaker7 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
STAY HARD
[–]moskrar 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Merry Christmas mother fucker
[–]grack_slacker 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This subs message boiled down should pretty much be:
-exude confidence
-work on yourself before you work on her
-seize the day
[–]whyismypenisinverted 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
preach
[–]donkeykong69xxx 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mario ! Peach !
[–]putcoolusernamehere 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It really is the type of mindset you need to get over approach anxiety.
[–]jodiethagoat 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely agree.
[–]St31nway 98 points99 points100 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think about this often. I always think of what I will be thinking on my deathbed. I’d rather be laughing at all the stupid shit and mistakes I made than have a boring life with no risks in my past.
I always try to remember that rejection > regret.
[–]KD_42 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This same mindset is what got me to finally cold approach
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
You’re really not going to approach someone or take a risk because you think someone might judge you? The worst that could happen is they say no.
They literally believe that. They think they're wagering their reputation and a public rejection equals gossipy character assassination, and that said history will haunt their next attempts like a big L in their forehead.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
While I understand because I have some fucking empathy, let's analyze that: normal people get rejected all the time, so why does that never happen to them?
It's literally a feminist boogeyman perpetuated by comedies, meant to discourage us because femtards and femcels are fucked up hateful and resentful people.
[–]Aeon199 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Explained above. This is about a difference in social-skills, with "normal people" having normal social skills, even if they get rejected, it will not cause harm.
It can cause disproportionate harm if the guy is awkward, though.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Normal. People. Fail. All. The. Time. Normal people lose state and become awkward creepers too. There's no fucking Registry of Awkward Rejects anywhere in the world. It's all forgotten. There's no fucking #poundmetoo bias against awkward guys in practice either. The only problem is letting ourselves be defined by the thinness of our skins.
I swear these "old school PUA" shit books have done more harm than good with their "there are only 2 kinds of people in the world, turbo chads and turbo virgins, whose side are you on?" black-and-white rhetoric masquerading as "tuff luv"
[–]Aeon199 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Shad doesn't fail constantly with women, and that's for real. Ever been to a college campus? If so, you know the type I'm talking about.
But I'll grant you this, it's true that Most Normal Men still fail all the time, but when you compare that to "Non-normal men" we're usually talking about a sharp divide there, bruh. A place where failure is the only thing that can be expected, you see. Hard to want to seek out more of that reality, do you understand? Or even to begin exploring the game, when you know what's likely in store for you.
Autistic guys are treated with such indifference and you know this. Not as if you can expect a man with such a fragile condition to tolerate ongoing lack of respect/interest from women.. think about the effect on their tenuous self-esteem. Just the cold shoulder from the world itself, it's often enough for these guys. Why pile it on?
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I'm long past that. I came out of the pessimistic hole long ago. I don't give a shit about Chad, I'll never be Chad nor I want to be nor I care. I grew a backbone, I had to. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to call myself a survivor.
My biggest fear is not rejection or loneliness. It's to regress into a blackpiller.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I saw this one guy's comments in a thread where you called him out as a Blackpiller... he wrote all this stuff about "what women require from men" and I had a LOT of the bad traits he listed there.
He said a guy can't have thin wrists, he can't be below 5'9" (I'm on the cusp), can't be autistic, can't be losing his hair (unless he has the head shape of Jason Statham; I'm losing my hair but have the wrong head for a shave...) all these things.
It can't be the case that those things don't matter, you see. There have even been times when I would show my picture to women online and had the balls to ask what they didn't like about it, I got "too thin" as the most common reply; having learned a few things, the facts are I'm actually not "extremely thin" but what I have is a natural "thin-boned" structure and I really can't change that. So my forearms and wrists appear as fragile/weak, and besides I don't want to add much bulk to my frame (I legitimately feel best in my "natural shape.")
It really does look like I'm screwed, once you add everything together, that is...
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Online dating is bullshit and it's all about being shallow.
Even so, it's a front. No one really means what they mean, because shit never goes how people want it to go. They might put up defenses to drive away people that do not meet some arbitrary criteria, especially in a platform that facilitates it, but that ain't absolute. Nothing is black and white.
I guarantee most snotty girls who mouth off about their picky standards aren't as mouthy IRL and their normal self esteem shines through, and end up with normal people. The internet is a shield and people use it to be what they aren't.
I know autism means you're always taking everything literally, and I still have problems with both understanding nothing is truly literal AND with accepting it when every single braincell is telling me like a reflex that "it is what it is". But I object, stupid brain of myself! I feel like I'm trying to be Galileo telling "And yet it moves!" to the braincell inquisition.
But nothing is literal. And only social experience out there, messing up, stumbling, getting the wrong idea, saying the wrong thing, seeing shit in person, getting responses from people, can really teach someone how to navigate the world.
Otherwise, I wouldn't even have looked differently at someone I didn't care about when I met her. Because as they say, no one has the obligation to be whoever he was 5 minutes ago. Not you, not me, not anyone.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Some good points, but I was also hoping you would address what's going on with other blackpillers and how many "points" do they actually have.
Is Blackpill just another bunch of angry literalists (mostly autistic) similar to the whole "incel" thing? Could they also have "socially normal" guys with less-fortunate traits in other ways, among their ranks? I've seen some extremely vocal guys around who claim to have crappy looks, claim they can't improve looks or "they're in good shape but their face can't be fixed" and so on, and these guys imply it's not social skills problem for them, it's just all "visual" and they can't do anything about it.
Although in real life, I've seen plenty of 6'3" Shads with women a foot shorter than them, sometimes "average looking", and wonder what to think about that...
It echoes what I've said before: most women are princesses these days, and it seems to be more important for them to find a guy that can "protect them" as well to show off to their social circle, than to find the right match. And you don't know how depressed and bitter that makes one, bruh.
It's actually far worse than you're saying it is, in my opinion. I have very limited social experience, that much is true, but I tend to doubt real-world dynamics are that much different from online dating.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
The black pill is just fatalism all around. To think that there's no solution and letting that define your mindset. A doomer, you'd say.
Maybe I should start telling them "ok doomer"
(an example: I'm sometimes a strictly political blackpiller because I overestimate the BS media narratives, and feel like I'm outnumbered and society is doomed and nothing I do can stop the coming doom, it doesn't help I recently stepped away from my social circle due to politics...)
Guess what, I bet these guys were all talk that they'd never be with anything less than a 9 and they end up with a 4, and they end up staying there. And I see so many opposite cases, guys that rate a 3... with goddamn 9s who I GUARANTEE they were also all talk. NOBODY DOES WHAT THEY SAY THEY DO, AND THEY HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO DO SO. The instincts led them there, and the instincts are king.
Theatricality and deception are powerful agents for the uninitiated.
And that's why you need to start getting your hands dirty. You will not believe me until you see with your own eyes how fickle the world is. I mean, jeez, it feels like I'm talking with past me from 2006. I didn't believe it either.
We know nothing.
[–]Aeon199 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Um, it could also be true. Suppose you're an awkward guy who has to be awkward (if any given guy is on the spectrum, I'm afraid this is just going to be "who you are" without much likelihood of fixing it.)
Guys on the spectrum have to pull the bull by the horns. These guys are not naturally inviting; women will not approach or show interest. But when they take initiative, they are also the ones most likely to be branded as creepy and whatnot.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
Guys here with actual experience have told me how they have messed up, looked autistic, being called creepy, etc... all in the process of honing their social or seduction skills. Nobody is fuckin flawless and everyone has messed up and guess what, "tomorrow will be another day", they eventually became "alpha dogs" or just "normal" or whatever they were aiming to, and everything negative has been reduced to anecdotes for barbecues.
I am fucking autistic for real with a terrible history of psychological castration, bullying, feminist indoctrination and all the pedantic square nerd traits that still haunt my self-image, then I spent some years blackpilled by shit PUA books before recovering, and yet nobody cares about, remembers or even NOTICED my fuckups. My wins are literally more remembered than my losses and nobody judged me for the latter, at MOST someone once asked me once "forgive me for asking, but wtf happened that time?" and talked it out like civilized people "Well, shit happens, such is life" or "eh, who cares, it's long past now." This is an objective proven truth despite myself having the same irrational fears.
Don't reply if you're trying to blackpill me. Took me years to overcome that shit.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Explain to me how you were blackpilled. In theory "PUA books" would point away from the whole "looks and status will matter the most" stuff. I understand the blackpill advocates for highly objective measures and cynicism ruling game ("all women are like that") with virtually no real exceptions. PUA is more about pushing limits and approaching and analysis-based improvement. Unless I understand this wrong, in which case please correct me.
If you are autistic for real (I'm taking your word for it, btw) tell me how you can advocate for this journey. "Real autistics" are hypersensitive to criticism and rejection, usually. I've asked about this stuff in the Aspergers reddit which I'm a part of, the most common answer I get from the guys there is, "It wasn't worth the aggravation. Not only is the rejection constant, there was also humiliation. I also learned I'm fundamentally not attractive to women, and you can't force it. Besides I have the autistic brain that has to analyze everything and it was painful to have that cognitive style and try to figure out, constantly, what I did wrong. Too much stress. No way I can keep doing this."
I mean if you advocate for autistic guys going through this based on your own success, I do wonder if you have some "legit advantages" in the game, that helped lead to your success. I'm not trying to blackpill you either. It wouldn't be wrong to say that some "things" are nice to have in general, but even moreso if you're autistic. And I don't have those "things" which help.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
PUA books instilled in me the conclusion that no matter what, there would be always someone more alpha that will threaten my world, and I would have to live at perpetual war with the world because women would happily and maliciously fuck me over once someone with more game came along. A bad experience months later sent me over the edge and I had to emotionally close myself to cope. Otherwise I would have become the Hispanic version of the Rodge many years before he went postal.
Eventually I grew a backbone and stopped thinking about my angst as much as I could because I distracted myself with selfish paid sex, healthy hobbies (sports with my mates who witnessed that initial bad experience - they didn't remember by then), some alcohol, letting myself be "carried by the crowd" while forgetting about the stuff that I obsessed about, and making an effort to not sperg out about all my sperg hobbies, no, these are only for me. At some point, every now and then, a different me came out, where I wasn't being such a straitlaced robot governed by unspoken "programmed brain rules" and delusions of morality that don't exist or anyone cares about, and just let out all the shit I felt in the moment. Literally stopped thinking. And then I learned to think less about myself and more about the rest. Seeing people have fun with me is now more important to me than seeing myself having fun with them. Also, I spent time with people more reclusive than myself, it was frustrating because I wanted more and they were content with their reclusiveness, but at least there was the ugly legbeard from bio labs who beta orbited me for 2 years until I gave in because I was tired of being starved for attention, and gave her a chance. Bad relationship, but it was a learning experience.
I've had opposite experiences where I've been the real alpha dog, pure instinct, taking control of an entire college beach party before a girl threw herself into my arms, and where I've made one hell of a fool of myself like a total nerd unable to dance or smile to anyone while puking drunk and high and collapsing on the street and hugging toilets because somehow I couldn't hold my liquor that night and with the same girl present and the same social circle present. Guess what day everyone remembers more, and prefers to remember more: THE FORMER. Nobody cares about the latter. And this example happened TWICE, once in 2008-2009 with my former elementary school classmates - the same ones who used to bully me back then and now are nothing if I'm not present; and once in 2015 with my college classmates then.
Today, the only people who recognize me as autistic are the ones who already have autistic relatives and recognize the quirks, and the ones who spend enough time with me to know me better. The only problem is that with women, I'm useless sober, I'm still the straitlaced nervous creepy wreck if I don't have alcohol in my blood, but I'm humble enough to admit that it's all in my mind, otherwise this Jekyll/Hyde dichotomy wouldn't even exist. My goal is to be Hyde when I want to and with whoever I choose, not just when the circumstances awaken it and I also happen to drink.
People say I'm "attractive" but I'm not fuckin perfect. I have a big nose that looks weird when living in Latin America (some make fun of me and call me an Arab or a Jew), a forehead with more wrinkles than Gordon fuckin Ramsay, a big unibrow that I always forget to shave in the middle, my lower jaw a bit protruding, 5'6" tall, low muscular mass, barely any muscular tone, one nipple bulging a tiny little bit due to teenage hormonal imbalances (a flat-chest woman made fun of me because I had more tits than her, TOP KEK), hunched posture due to a lingering "defensive" mindset, very unstable and thinskinned, the eternal temptation to sperg out about shit nobody cares about, slowly balding but still looking like an innocent kid and worse if I'm clean shaven, lazy, with hands pristine soft (I fuckin' own that shit, fight me!) and square, exaggerated and erratic "mathematically calculated" mannerisms. But push the right switch at the right time? That shit either becomes irrelevant, disappears or I fuckin' own it because hell, it's ME. It's MY brand. And I can only become better.
I'm being honest that I set a limited time to reply on Reddit on this account per night, and I'm past that now. So I can only offer this bit, which may not be optimistic, but there it is.
It seems like you have many of the qualities that would not be considered desirable to women, going by what you wrote there yourself. It would be hard to believe that you've had success if you're honest about that.
Forgive a bit more of the skepticism, but how many times have you been with someone you were also interested in yourself, as opposed to a case of "well I can't get anyone better, so..." I'm aware it looks kinda cynical but there's no other acceptable way to ask that question.
I suppose even once is better than none, and in theory, it would be inspiring given you're autistic with other "undesirable" traits, so that's your silver-lining there.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
It would be hard to believe that you've had success if you're honest about that
Because the world is not black and white. That's a bullshit perspective instilled by both PUA shit and feminist propaganda, but each for different reasons.
It's never been a clear cut case of "I can't get anyone better" because even the legbeard sperg from bio labs won my heart. I started having feelings for her months before anything happened because I'm a softie at heart. It's obvious she liked me because since I didn't give a shit about impressing her and had no romantic thoughts about her when we hung out, I wasn't a straitlaced sperg around her. I just did my own thing as a man and took me 2 years to notice her. (Hell, when I told her I was autistic, she didn't believe it at first because there had been no moments at all that made me act like an awkward kid around her) So when I finally decided to give her a chance, I didn't regret it, it felt obvious. It wasn't "I'm not resisting anymore" but "why resist any longer? I feel good with her around... it's tiring to reject that kindness because of pride", I mean, she started using kino on me 6 months before we got together and that might have been the tipping point that made me start seeing her with different eyes.
So I regret nothing. Even if the relationship itself wasn't good.
I've never been with someone I explicitly didn't like. They all had some merit and shone in some way to me in the moment. Most have been a thing of the moment, someone I just meet and then stuff just clicks. And in three notable cases, I was the one who rejected the girl or did nothing due to insecurity, due to "not feeling good enough". These are the only experiences I regret, and the only ones I'd sell my soul to go back and fix them.
The thing is, I've never actively pursued someone and got good results. That's where everything unravels and I revert. That is what I wanna fix.
In this case, then, is it possible that you may have "lower" standards than me? If you allow me to start at 17 years old, I can recall about 4 or 5 instances through the years where a woman I was acquainted with (typically someone I had multiple interactions with) showed clear signs of interest. In only about 1 of these cases, I had equal interest in them. This also happened well before I knew I had Asperger's and before I was aware enough to realize I'm basically in a "low value" club already.
I'd rather you not leap to any conclusions in my admission there. It's a very small sample size, to boot. And that's because I'm obviously an extremely introverted autistic guy (the typical type) as opposed to your more extroverted/active subtype.
The angle of this post may seem shallow, but I assure you it's just because I'm far more honest about this (perhaps an Asperger's trait?) than most folks would be. I think there's a common phenomenon where if you have a guy who has a disadvantage (of any kind) say they have preferences, it's believed said guys are "terrible" or "selfish" or something, and then the other person in the conversation is supposed to correct the behavior. Rather I just want to be honest. If I happened to be sapiosexual and not visually inclined (sadly, that isn't me), I would be honest about that too. Online communication is just easier with honesty.
I've never been with someone I explicitly didn't like. They all had some merit and shone in some way to me in the moment. Most have been a thing of the moment, someone I just meet and then stuff just clicks.
The thing is, were you attracted? Although the question could be neither here nor there if you're purely personality focused, over looks. I can only be honest and say I haven't been able to defeat visual preferences--sorry, some qualities are just not appealing to me, despite the hypocrisy of it. That said, I have sometimes been attracted to women who were simply "not my type", because of their good personality traits. So I contend I'm not completely unrealistic.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Standards" are mostly a conscious, arbitrary thing. People like us are always on our heads micromanaging everything that passes through our braincells and we cling to these rules and respect the arbitrary statements of the rest. The key is to let the instincts grab the steering wheel and tell the brain to shut the fuck up and enjoy the ride because as much as the brain is telling us that our instincts are wrong, they aren't - they are what makes the world go around.
Fuck the sanctimonious "selfish" noise. It's just propaganda. We need more selfishness in our lives. It's just that these judgmental people need someone to put down to convince themselves they have some kind of moral high ground, see us as easy prey to reprimand because they sense we're too nice or weak to tell them to STFU, and wouldn't dare preach to someone with more self-respect. I have become that lately - I've recently learned to tell judgmental people to fuck off, no one has the right to forbid you from thinking anything.
That girl I dated? she was WELL below my standards, but guess what, of course I was attracted. The personality is the gateway and then I started liking her physically. Even what it isn't "attractive", because she was a person, and the person I accepted in that moment, BY INSTINCT. If I was dead set on "keeping it by the book" I wouldn't have reciprocated.
This is how the world really works. Not under some rigid set of mathematical, logical "either-or", black-or-white rules. Human beings are variable and nonsensical. We say one thing but react the other way. We say we like something, but we change our minds. We let stuff in that otherwise we wouldn't because in this case it comes as part of a greater, better whole. And that's FINE. Our instincts work like that, even if our sperg brains are trying to act like calculators. By letting our square brains dominate, by always being in our heads, by always trying to be "logical" and "smart", we are denying out instincts, our gut reactions.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not precisely sure what you're trying to say there, man. I understand much of it, but maybe not the whole.
What I've said was, a number of chicks showed interest and I was only interested in one of them. In fact, now that I think about it, I would put that number at about 7 women who showed interest... so I guess it looks even worse.
Are you trying to suggest my lack of interest back then, was because I was still a "mental calculator" or relying on learned rules? If so, I'm going to say that, even in hindsight, nothing has changed on my response back then; I was not interested then, and I would not be now. I'm also sure there was an instinctual response going on there, that led to my disinterest. It wasn't so much about applying learned rules rigidly and choosing a "fail" state. I just was not interested. I suppose the criticism anyone can successfully raise with me is, most of those women lacked conventional "pretty looks", so if you want to call me a shallow hypocrite you can. I'm not sure if that's what you think or not, as I'm confused still. But just as much as that, their personality and/or "aura" was not appealing.
Maybe you just have to make things slightly more literal for me. Just so you know I'm a bit more "comprehension-challenged" than your Average autistic. For me just being more plain and literal helps, and I don't even think you have to dumb it down, I just need things "more on the surface."
I guess if I was to distill things down: So I'm someone who does have visual preferences or perhaps "standards" of some kind (which folks online have judged me for saying, claiming "hypocrisy" because I'm an autistic low-value guy who lacks the right to choose anyone.) However, at the same time, those things matter less in the presence of an interesting/good personality. So I can bend the "rules" somewhat, but not in every case. And you can tell me what you think about that.
[–]putcoolusernamehere 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol it's so dumb people think this. I've definitely encountered some awkward moments doing cold approach (approaching the same girl twice, getting accused of following a girl in a store, etc...), but it's never been consequential in life. I would approach almost daily in college (large school), and I never felt it hurt my reputation one bit. If they're really concerned about that, just drive to a different town and give it a go
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]RealCarbonBased 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
There are two instances in my past that I clearly can remember when I had IOI's like CRAZY and I did absolutely nothing. One smiled, and glanced a ton and I never noticed. The other, she was at the gym at college, and I saw her frequently. She was obviously giving IOI's with body language, smiles, eye contact, etc. I hate that I didn't notice.
Childhood sexual trauma is in my past, and from 7-18 I wet the bed nightly, from 18-20 say 3-4 times per week. Now my frequency is much less, 2-3 times per month. For years I always thought women would be able to almost sense my personal struggles, so I never approached, because I thought I wasn't good enough. Right now, I'm 21, and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about my past, I just try to always shoot my shot, if I get rejected, it is what it is. I spent way too much time worried about my actions, and my thoughts inside of a Calvinist hell hole. Not anymore
[–]earlofhoundstooth 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm sorry about your trauma and struggle. My father was similarly afflicted with wetting. He was able to overcome it in adulthood, though I do not know the details. Just hoping that his story adds to your hope and peace. Hugs.
[–]RealCarbonBased 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Earl, thanks man. Hugs to you too. I've been dry all week. :) All the best
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Skrash, I'm so glad that my vulnerability helped you relate. All the best man
[–]vardarac 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
my thoughts inside of a Calvinist hell hole
I wasn't raised Calvinist, but as a former Baptist I think I understand.
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think when we reach these conclusions, we have to take a step back. Yes, we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, but odds are that there will be a tomorrow. Success in many aspects of life, including dating, doesn't come from a "yolo" mentality, it comes from preparation, investment, and playing the long game. Taking risks isn't always the way to go either. Taking action is, but not all action has to be risky, and the rationale behind that action can't be "because there might not be a tomorrow" since that can be a slippery slope.
Yes, you can point to the people who lost their lives early, but that doesn't change the fact that putting in time, making safe investments, and planning for the future will still lead to more success. The mentality of "we might not have tomorrow" just leads to a scarcity not of women, but of time. That scarcity is just as constructed as the scarcity of women, because many people DO have tomorrow.
[–]throwit7896454 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Best reply in this thread IMHO. The older I get, the more I realize that life is a big calibration game: Most often we're trying to find a healthy, sustainable middleway in a lot of things we do, be it dating, work, or hobbies.
Nonetheless, I understand where OP's coming from and he/she might be grieving and this is part of the process; these encounters most often affect you quite a bit.
[–]GoldSmith64 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
How in gods name anybody is scared of rejection is beyond me. Rejection is the LEAST of your problems. You should be worried about what to do if she says yes. Like “aight, you think you’re hot shit? Take me out, make me a nice dinner, show me a good time, tell me about yourself and what you do.”
If you are not prepared to tackle any of those requirements, you’re in trouble. It’s important to remember that just because she didn’t reject you doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly got a partner for life. That’s how I see it at least.
[–]throwit7896454 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
General Anxiety Disorder has entered the chat
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should be worried about what to do if she says yes. Like “aight, you think you’re hot shit? Take me out, make me a nice dinner, show me a good time, tell me about yourself and what you do.”
I'd say a rejection because they're testing you is considered scarier, since it would mean you're disappointing someone and most guys here don't even have any idea how they're disappointing. So they start acting fake and turning into clowns or locking up and not escalating at all.
By personal experience, I call that "social performance anxiety"
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Take me out, make me a nice dinner, show me a good time, tell me about yourself and what you do.
These are all the things an autistic guy cannot do. So what's your advice for guys like that?
"What do you do" the actual answer is I'm lesser-abled and cannot do much because of the anxiety tied to this worthless condition I have, so I can't even do that part of it. That answer would not be acceptable to them.
[–]vardarac 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Girls just wanna have fun.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If your comment wasn't just a biscuit, well I can theoretically provide "some type of good time" but absent will be any implication that I'm a "worthy guy, above the others vying for your attention."
That's the thing autistic guys can't really give, for there's always going to be a lack of competition when it comes to social mores. Just what happens with this "cognitive set-up" and it's hard to fake it. They don't get to conform, so to speak, it's not even a choice.
What can be done? My time is running out
[–]vardarac 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you can make her laugh, smile, and turn her on while just not fucking up the rest of your life - having stability and some kind of life trajectory you're moving in - you will eventually find success. You don't even need that second part if you're just looking for a lay.
Without knowing more about how you specifically behave it's hard to make any suggestions, plus I'm probably not the best person to ask presently.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
You don't even need that second part if you're just looking for a lay.
To just not be bitter and envious to this high degree... maybe could allow a chance in this arena. I'm still stuck on how life made me the opposite of Shad and 95% of all women act like princesses these days (irrespective of any factor, I keep finding, too... that's the slap in the face)... it's like how in Rod's name could I ever have a chance.
Maybe if I stopped being so bitter, I'd have a faint glimmer of a chance. But only then.
I've made some in-roads with this through meditation, it's really helping, but I'm not even halfway there yet.
Why can't I just learn the fact that Shads are around, doesn't actually make my value as a guy, somehow inferior. But somehow I link all these things together. The fact that so many guys are more desirable than me, makes me think I'm crap and unwanted entirely. The fact that so many women believe they "just deserve" everything while not having a shred of humility, makes me think this game is carnivorous and cruel, and so I can't stomach even participating. You see I can't "undo" the knots on this.
Meditation helps but I'm not dropping the gauntlet yet. What else do I need here. I get the exercise and the meditation, seriously. But I'm still wicked angry some days. I don't get it...
[–]bruce_wayne4550 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
See I hate that attitude of women.. “take me out, make/buy me a nice dinner”. Seems entitled, but could be wrong.
[–]saltycoke 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yeah because it's not accurate. Plenty of insecure girls who are just as nervous as you.
[–]relentless_pma 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How in gods name anybody is scared of rejection is beyond me
empathy
[–]Accomplished-Mango-7 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah man just fucking do it. Life is too short to sit in fear.
[–]slaphappypap 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The quality of posts here seems to have gone up dramatically in the last few weeks. Thanks to op and the other op’s for putting real shit out there! Really, it’s made a big difference to me and my outlook.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Challenging and deconstructing the defeatist/cowardly mindset is really motivating.
[–]ImanShumpertplus 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
red pill ruined this sub
Worse, the blackpill.
[–]dbake9 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I respect the hell out of this perspective. Why not risk your pride (which is worth exactly nothing) when tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Make now matter
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
"Make now matter" is a good message, but "tomorrow isn't guaranteed" isn't. That perspective is coming from a place of emotion, fear, scarcity, etc. It's a mentality that doesn't factor in the reality that though tomorrow isn't guaranteed, the chances of tomorrow happening is still highly likely. It's a mentality that prevents foresight, planning, investment, preparation, etc. The good thing about that mentality is that it increases motivation and causes a person to take action. The choice to act is where they'll get their benefits from. The reasoning "tomorrow isn't guaranteed" is not a good compass to dictate what actions should be taken.
[–]dbake9 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
“Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed” is a good message though. It doesn’t mean “don’t plan for the future,” it means you might not have another chance like the one in front of you again. The Romans had a saying, “memento mori” it means remember that you will die. It seems dark to consider at first, but more than anything it should motivate people to make each day matter. It is highly likely that you will experience tomorrow, but “eventually you will run out of tomorrows” is the message i mean to express
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Tomorrow isn't guaranteed" isn't good. It IS true.
The advice "you might not have a chance in front of you again" is different from "tomorrow isn't guaranteed". The former is probably a more accurate representation of reality than the latter, and the decisions made from such a position would therefore be more beneficial.
"memento mori" is also different from "tomorrow isn't guaranteed". Living life and making decisions based off the knowledge that you'll eventually die will result in different (and probably healthier) outcomes than making decisions based off the idea that today could be your last day.
Yes, people should make each day matter, but not from a place of "oh shit i'm gonna die". It should come from a place of "tomorrow will be better because of what i'm doing today".
Yes, eventually you will run out of tomorrows is a better advice because it acknowledges that one should make decisions with respect to one's future self. It would be more similar to "memento mori" than it is to sentiments like "tomorrow isn't guaranteed" or "yolo" which implies that a person should take an action based on the idea that they might not have tomorrow (not a good idea).
[–]dbake9 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see where you’re coming from. To me the difference is a matter of semantics but if you want to define it more clearly then all the power to you. Your chances of winning the lottery are also smaller than your chances of dying on your way to get the ticket. Even though neither situation is likely, both are possibilities.
From OPs story, he experienced many young people dying before it seemed like their time was up and his message meant to me that it is possible (if unlikely) it could happen to any of us as well, therefore you should take a small risk (asking a girl out). Regardless of what it means to you, live well and seize the day brother
it means you might not have another chance like the one in front of you again.
Word of warning, this is why many mess up under a scarcity mindset. They think this chance is the only one ever and they're not allowed to mess up.
[–]akstheflash 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, on point mate!
[–]GuyLearningCPP 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would definitely not want to be at the same place OP is, seems death follows him.
In all seriousness, this is an excellent post.
[–]007Zhu 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can I Upvote twice?
[–]gowatchanimefgt 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t blow it.
Keep it simple.
Count your money.
[–]shootethmyshot 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My life changed a year ago when I had what felt like a near-death experience. Randomly had a really bad seizure in my kitchen, according to my friends I just locked up and fell to the floor. I don't remember the fall but I remember just being on the floor, no idea how I got there unable to move. Came to for a couple seconds before slipping back into a seizure and I opened my eyes to find my friends all standing around me looking panicked and a blurry figure standing over me, holding my head whilst looking for a pulse, which I apparently didn't have. That's the one moment in my life that I genuinely thought, this is it, I'm dying. It felt weirdly peaceful, my friends were all around me and I thought, if this is it, this aint a bad way to go but something compelled me not to slip away and I managed to come back.
Life changing, to say the least. Now whenever I worry about something or think about with holding what I want to say, I remind myself that I literally nearly died making a cup of coffee on a very average day, I was fine until I wasn't, it was like every other day until it wasnt. That could happen at any point in your life, you literally have no idea when it's going to come.
[–]0ggles3 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Ikigai - live a life with purpose. Chasing women all day is not going to make you happy in the long run if the other facets of your life are shit - Pleasure vs. Gratitude.
[–]flyredditguy 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wholesome positive real life shit post, appreciate the words OP.
[–]don-tp 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🙏🏿🙏🏿
[–]rudnat 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Live for today, plan for tomorrow.
[–]KickedInTheDonuts 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed this
[–]MohammadRezaPahlavi 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm currently wearing a wristband in honor of a friend who passed away about a year ago. It's printed with the words "Have No Fear." It reminds me of exactly what OP said.
[–]gucciwillis 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My best friend in the whole wide world almost died recently due to a drug incident and it really made me think how easily that could’ve been me. We’re having a party celebrating his girlfriends birthday tonight and sadly he can’t be there as he’s still in the hospital. For him, i’ll try and pull, wish me luck!
[–]HDani11 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like to live by this. I have for a while but sometimes you forget. Thank you for reminding me of what really matters!
[–]Poems_And_Money 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, the older I get, the more I understand it. I'm only 26, but I still attend funereals each year. And each time I have to visit one, it really dawns on me how quick life really passes by. So much so, that it really makes me wonder, why do small, menial things bother us so much, that they make us think like any of that matters in the end.
When it's time for you to die, you can only hope that you have loving people around you to send you off, kids and grandkids. If you have that, then you can say you've lived a good life. Because in the end, that's all that really matters.
[–]s_broc 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“Every time we flake on an opportunity because we are scared, we are disrespecting every single person who lost their life too soon and doesn’t have anymore opportunities. We are disrespecting ourselves.”
Incredibly powerful statement.
had to edit the word “their” to misspelling since I was an English major 🤭
[–]yolifeisrough2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Thank you!
Also, I’m shaking my head that I made that spelling error 🤦🏻♂️. I guess in the heat of the moment I just didn’t realize it!
[–]PrinceBean 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I’m only speaking for myself here, but the issue I see for guys nowadays is not the embarrassment or shame of when a girl rejects you. It’s the potential #metoo claim that she could invent if your approach was particularly bad. What one guy believes to be assertive/aggressive pickup tactics may be perceived as stalkerish behavior by some women. So the last thing a guy wants is that woman to go spreading rumors and bad press to other women about how creepy you are. Then at that point, you’re in trouble. The water trough dries up and you’ve basically screwed your self out of an entire dating pool rather than a single girl. Just my two cents.
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Although that's a concern, embarrassment and shame are still the top reasons guys don't want to get rejected. Expressing interest in someone takes a lot of vulnerability. Additionally, it changes a relationship if this is a person you'll be seeing often. To the extent that relationship is changed will depend.
[–]someonewithacat 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I know I might get off topic but it's the same for girls really... We don't want to be rejected either. It stops us out of the same embarrassment and shame.
Good luck with everything! :)
Yeah it sucks for everyone all around. I guess it depends though, some might have it easier than others. Good luck to you too!
[–]someonewithacat 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks :)
[–]harverdStud88[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel this all the time.
[–]mympg 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! Live life to the fullest! 100% on life. 100% on love. :)
[–]wiskeyjackk 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I owe u an apology I was thinking creepy wedding crashers vibe from this (funeral scene) But u didn't go there what's so ever Again I'm sorry ,😉
[–]jacksh2t 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I flaked on a high calibre girl once a looong time ago. The 1 on 1 date I expected changed to be a hangout with her and her friends that I did not know. I got cold feet and made up an excuse about being sick. I felt so bad after I flaked like, what was the worse that could have happened? Her friends hating on me? I don't even know them!
After that incident I swore to just fk it and face any rejection that may come, I havent found a girlfriend yet but I've went out with 20+ girls from dating apps since, with some resulted in me taking them home. Yeah its very important to learn not to be fearful.
[–]Zederath 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Chad advice, good shit bro
[–]send_it_for_the_boys 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Memento mori
[–]Great_Praetor_Kass 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know that. But still too scared.
I have theoretical knowledge, but practice is absolute 0.
[–]bizop792 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well put, sound advice for all of us. Thank you friend it’s a good way to start the day. Going for a morning run now!
[–]kaasstengels95 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Beautiful post bro. I am full of energy today and this just pumped me full of more energy. Go get 'em 🐅!
[–]Giraffetamer12 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I realized reading this that by not living the life I want to would be spitting in the face of everyone who've helped me become the man I am today.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Memento Mori, good little saying to remind yourself that you will die.
[–]idontmeananyofthis 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Best post of 2020
[–]Rylyn45 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Beautifully said!
[–]vamos20 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post needs to be pinned!
[–]Umbran_scale 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I highly doubt the people who died give a shit whether or nor their classmates or even their friends are approaching girls so I don't see how this is disrespecting them...
[–]STARPYRE_RAVEN 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sigh....
I bookmarked this 🥺💔😞
[–]surf9990 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The power of NOW! Don’t procrastinate, take every opportunity... Before it’s too late
[–]jonesrn21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
boys listen up!!
[–]RichWannabe 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is what this sub needed, not like "how to ask my crush out" shit. Good job.
[–]Mq200[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think about this often. Gratitude as a way of positive mental health. But anytime I came to the conclusion that tomorrow isn't garantueed and being alive every moment is a miracle in itself, another argument pops up in my head as to why the first argument doesn't seem to have that much of an effect.
Because tomorrow isn't garantueed but how likely are those tragic incidents to occur in a first world country ? I think really not likely. So in terms of probability "tomorrow" seems likely. So one becomes preoccupied with fear of one's future and so on.
Anyone know hot to reconcile this ?
[–]AgreeableHelicopter2 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you can't beat the fear, DO IT SCARED
[–]SpEak0fth3Devil 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Best post on Reddit
[–]ivomitonou 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Your life could end tomorrow. You’re really not going to approach someone or take a risk because you think someone might judge you?
It's not guaranteed but it doesn't mean you have to waste your life on garbage.
[–]zzz_yeiji 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
truueee
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Bro doesnt matter how often i read (good) posts like this, i just cant approach a girl. Its not possible. Any ideas? Im getting old already lol
[–]colerobertx 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Kill that mindset that “it’s not possible”. Dude just talk to everyone! All day long, just work on being outgoing. Build a good foundation of self love and confidence. Talk yourself up all day. Forget about these women for a little while and build yourself up. You’re a king and you need to see yourself as a king, nothing you say or do can be wrong. The king doesn’t give a shit
[–]NotMyBestEffort 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My first thought was that if he THINKS "not possible", he is usually 100% Accurate. If he thinks "So you're saying there's a chance!"... well then, there is definately a chance.
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Haha thanks man. Its fascinating how random people are trying to help a random dude on the internet. But you cant really be confident without success behind it. I dont understand myself man, i rather cry that no one wants me blabla instead of trying it. What the fkk is wrong with me
[–]colerobertx 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bro that’s not true at all! Confidence is really just not giving a shit what people think of you, I have plenty of reasons to feel insecure but I say fuck it, i don’t care that my front tooth is crooked or that I’m Balding, I stand up straight smile and look whoever square in the eyes. But first thing first, you have to love yourself before anyone else will. Start giving yourself reasons to love yourself. Workout, meditate, read. Better yourself and if the bitches don’t come to you, fuck it, you’re a badass that works out and meditates and reads you don’t need these hoes
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Haha true but i want them you know, life is not complete without a SO :/ yea i Think i should trust in myself
[–]colerobertx 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Alright good luck
[–]Accomplished-Mango-7 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How old are you
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
25 soon
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well first you'd have to know why you can't approach a girl. So why do you feel you can't? Or that it's not possible?
I dont really know. I think because i never succeeded so my brain thinks its not possible(even tho i never really tried)
approach a girl, fail, learn, rinse and repeat. im not asking you to succeed, im asking to put yourself out there and fail (and learn), which is possible since you cant succeed.
[–]FinalPush 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude yeah this puts things into perspective but it was ultimately this perspective in life that made me give up thinking about seduction girls dating and everything such things. Why? I subscribe to the belief that the day I die, whether in one hour or one century, I want to die fully knowing I pushed my limits to self mastery to become my best self possible. I want to know what I’m capable of and I want to die pushing these limits. Damn noble way to go. Because of this belief, I know for a fact that there’s no way I will die trying to chase pussy validation affection or even love (especially if they may not love you back). I’m done wasting my time on the uncertain and I have gone to maximize my time doing what I know best: pushing your damn limits hard and seeing how great you can truly undeniably be. Period.
[–]ZiyiNolanJiang1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Couldn't have said it better
[–]njugiste -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And also why shouldn't girls do the same?
They shouldn't blow the opportunities too.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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[–]Rylyn45 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vamos20 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Umbran_scale 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]STARPYRE_RAVEN 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]surf9990 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jonesrn21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RichWannabe 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mq200[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AgreeableHelicopter2 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpEak0fth3Devil 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ivomitonou 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zzz_yeiji 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]colerobertx 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]NotMyBestEffort 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]colerobertx 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]colerobertx 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Accomplished-Mango-7 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyrion69Lannister 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ZlatanAgrees 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jacksh2t 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FinalPush 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZiyiNolanJiang1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]njugiste -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link